I Wrote This Just In Time

On the eve of this New Year’s beginning
I think about the times that have come and gone
This year still feels so new
But, tomorrow it will be over
Then I get to start all over
Now I don’t want to see it as new

These times make me sad
From resolutions to revolutions
My hopes are all I have
To see where I will be
What will this new time hold for me?

This time next year, where will I be?
Finding eves of New Year’s eves again and again
Hating every minute of this night’s countdown
Losing all those thousands of moments with a brief kiss
When that clock strikes and that silly ball drops
This will be the beginning of my end

It’s now new, and I will make it through
Leaving conformity and uniformity
I still will trust in what scares me
My only way to continue on and see
Maybe I will make this new year different for me

New Year's Project
By Further Seems Forever
from the album The Moon Is Down

Your hands didnt move
well neither did mine.
New Years will bring
so much to say
but nothing comes out right
both of us left without words
both of us lost in this world
it's softer than ever before.

And you were the outline
of everything you would become.
The keeper of these hands.
To hold you now
it is a far cry more than anything that I deserve.

I'm waiting to give you whatever the world may bring
I'd give you my life
cause I don't own anything.
It seemed like the bottom was all that I had until now
I'd give you my life
if you'd give me yours somehow.

Your hands didn't move
well neither did mine
New Years will bring me to you.
I'm waiting to give you whatever the world may bring
I'd give you my life
cause I don't own anything.
It seemed like the bottle was all that I had until now
I'd give you my life
if you'd give me yours somehow.

For Teresa

Today, one year ago, Teresa Tucker's Mother died of complications from surgery. Please remember her in your thoughts and prayers. I think this song speaks a lot about the loss of someone you care for, especially a mother...

For Justin by Dashboard Confessional from Drowning EP

It's been a year now since you were here now
And I've been trying to heal inside
Dedications have all been placed
And I see your resemblance in my face
And on [y]our birthday I said an extra wish for you (for you)

And I have learned so much since you been gone
And I have done so little for so long
So now I'll settle up my grievances
And focus on the savory
And wave all these discrepancies away
And I'll peter out these misconceptions
Give out faith at my discretion
Live a life that you would think was sane (sane)

Displaying changes
That they have made
And I wonder if you ever really wanted it this way
And in your memory they even hung a plaque for you (for you)

And I have learned so much since you been gone
And I have done so little for so long
So now I'll settle up these grievances
And focus on the savory And wave all these discrepancies away
And I'll peter out these misconceptions
Give out faith at my discretion
Live a life that you would think was sane (sane)

Congratulations To Matt and Tara Portiss

I come back to the blogging world as a very tired lad. Sorry for the lack of everything as of late. Christmas and thereafter wore me out. Today my good friend (probably my best girl friend back home) Tara Howard got married to Matt Portiss. It was a really down to earth and sweet wedding. I can tell they are in love, if that makes sense. My friend, Bethany Dunlap came to my house on Friday and stayed until after the wedding today. She was my date to the wedding and I appreciate her for that. Of course I appreciate her for the wonderful person that she is and the fact that she's my friend. I mean after all, if she hadn't come to the wedding, I'd probably would have sat alone (inside joke). Anyway, if anyone who has ever paid attention to my stories in the past, you will remember that during my 12th grade year in high school, Tara and I dated. Bethany asked me several questions about how I was feeling today, you know, seeing her getting married. I can honestly say I am truly happy for Matt and Tara and I will pray for them in this covenant they've begun. I'm so not so much wedding-feverish as I was when Jeremy and Dallis Gibson got married, but it's a nice feeling. As of late, it feels like everyone I know is getting divorced. So, it's nice to see real, genuine love. My friend Carrie Harden and I had a conversation about marriage tonight. Thus, was the result:

mightycheesegod: why does everyone think they have to get married right now?
mightycheesegod: do you know how many conversations I have had in the past two days
JeffyJeffW: well, maybe some people are in love
mightycheesegod: that involved marriage?
JeffyJeffW: but i'm sure others just want to have sex
mightycheesegod: EVERY SINGLE ONE
mightycheesegod: (not an exaggeration)
JeffyJeffW: well
JeffyJeffW: sex is the biblical aspiration of "two becoming one flesh"
JeffyJeffW: so yes
JeffyJeffW: but, i'm sure some people cannot wait
JeffyJeffW: so they, (no pun intended), jump on the first eligible person that comes along
JeffyJeffW: any thoughts?
mightycheesegod: I think its weird that every single person I talk to lately brings up this subject and I think its foolish that people I went to high school with that are my age think they have any business getting and being married and I think its sad that the whole world is so obsessed with sex that they can't even see straight to what sex actually is and I think that its all seeping into my mind and making me crazy
JeffyJeffW: i understand
mightycheesegod: do you?
JeffyJeffW: yeah
JeffyJeffW: do you think i dont?
mightycheesegod: probably not
JeffyJeffW: explain your position
mightycheesegod: waht do you mean?
mightycheesegod: exacly
mightycheesegod: exactly*
JeffyJeffW: well...
JeffyJeffW: you said, everybody is so focused on sex
JeffyJeffW: i mean, I agree, some people shouldn't get married who do
JeffyJeffW: they are way too young
JeffyJeffW: too immature
JeffyJeffW: and they probably don't know the person well enough
JeffyJeffW: how much do you know about someone for 1 year
JeffyJeffW: i've known my dad 22 years, and I sure as hell don't have him figured out
mightycheesegod: I think most the people that get married have no business doing so
JeffyJeffW: do you have any in mind?
mightycheesegod: sure, lots
JeffyJeffW: any i know
mightycheesegod: I don't think so
JeffyJeffW: gotcha
mightycheesegod: marriage is supposed to be a perfect union. divorce shouldn't even exist. and the fact that it does proves that most people getting married shouldn't be
JeffyJeffW: yeah
JeffyJeffW: it's really depressing
JeffyJeffW: i mean, so many people who've been married like, 10, 20, or eve 30 years
JeffyJeffW: getting divorced
JeffyJeffW: I've lost all hope (almost)
mightycheesegod: I haven't
mightycheesegod: because I'm going to do it right
mightycheesegod: that's all there is to it
mightycheesegod: it worries me, but i don't let it scare me
JeffyJeffW: thats good
JeffyJeffW: and by no offence i mean this, but don't get too cocky
JeffyJeffW: that you're gonna do it right
JeffyJeffW: you may and that'll be rad, but, I'm sure most people don't set out to be divorced and they themselves thought they were doing it, "the right way"
mightycheesegod: the thing is, God cares even more about my husband than I do. If I let him do the working, and if this man, whoever he may be, lets Him do the working, it can't go wrong
JeffyJeffW: oh i agree
mightycheesegod: I don't mean to sound cocky, and if this were any other subject I probably wouldn't make a claim like that
mightycheesegod: but it isn't
mightycheesegod: so I am
JeffyJeffW: its cool
mightycheesegod: its probably the single element of my life here on earth that I can't afford to mess up
JeffyJeffW: well, none are righteous... but grace does abound
mightycheesegod: so I won't
mightycheesegod: mess it up
JeffyJeffW: the way i look at finding a spouse is this:
JeffyJeffW: no matter what i do, if it is Gods will, i mean, if i fart in front of her or treat her like a princess, it'll work out
JeffyJeffW: if we are walking in God's will
mightycheesegod: oooh, I'd have to disagree with that one
mightycheesegod: I think you can easily mess it up
mightycheesegod: that's why you have to be super careful
mightycheesegod: and really in tune to his voice
JeffyJeffW: well, definitely in tune
mightycheesegod: and very patient
JeffyJeffW: i mean, i don't know if there is one person for everyone or if there are several people you could be suited for
mightycheesegod: I think that there's one person God has especially set aside for you. Like his personal gift. But if you ignore that or somehow blow that chance by getting married
mightycheesegod: PREMATURELY
mightycheesegod: to the wrong person
mightycheesegod: God is still able to bless that marriage if you ask him to and make it successful. I believe all things work together for good for those who (actively) love God
mightycheesegod: he can make lemonade out of lemons!
JeffyJeffW: yeah
JeffyJeffW: i dont know'
JeffyJeffW: i havent figured it out and i probably wont ever
JeffyJeffW: i'd like to be able to say the one
JeffyJeffW: but i think if it is God's will, no matter how screwed up I end up or what I do to miss the mark or whatever, he will use it to bring the glory and honor to himself and accomplish his will...

Merry Christmas

We here @ To Whom It May Concern would like to wish all of you and your families a happy and healthy Christmas season and New Year as well. Santa (yes my parents still act like we believe) did come to our house and contrary to popular belief, there was no coal in our stockings this year. I got some money, DVDs, CDs, books, commentaries, socks, droors, surge protector/backup, 110 CD-Rs, and dress shirts. Overall, I'm pleased. Who can complain, right? I mean, this is the first time in a long time that I didn’t get what I really wanted, but a laptop is a bit excessive. Plus, I'm waiting because graduation seems like a more realistic approach for getting one (waiting = hoping). So, I will make this short. Hope everyone is enjoying there time off and their time home. I know time with the folks can wear thin. Has anyone noticed that Christmas, as an adult, has lost its glitz and glitter and excitement since we were kids?

"Christmas only comes once a year...at least that's what I hear..." MxPx

I Wanted To Write Something Nice On This Christmas Eve, But I'm All Dry, So Here Is An Email That I Sent To Everyone I Know

An open letter to everyone who might call themselves a friend:

It’s beginning to look a lot like, uh... hum... well... If you’re in the great state of Florida, it is beginning to look a lot like every other day of the week. Minus the occasional breezy nip in the air, it’s pretty much the same. But, that’s what I love about Christmas in Florida. It’s not too cold, there’s no shoveling snow, no blizzards, and especially no snow! It is great, unless you are used to having a traditional white Christmas and junk. In case you haven’t guessed it, it’s time once again for the annual Christmas Bulk Email. Ahh... I’m sure you guys and gals can’t hardly contain yourselves. Well, maybe you can, but in all efforts of goodwill and cheer, try to play along like you can, ok?

Let’s see, another year has come and gone. So many of these “adulthood years” are going so fast. Somehow, even under my own disillusions, I think that’s how life works, but I’m really not sure. If I could have a real adult verify that for me, that would be good. Another year of our life’s has just passed. It’s kind of scary because we are all growing up and going on to new horizons. Today, after reading several peoples views on Christmas, I began to ponder my own rationale for what I have and what this Christmas season will bring to me. Besides books, DVDs, and CDs. What will I have to show for my life? What do I have to show for this existence that I am partaking in? Well, my folks were happy with my 3 A’s, 3 B’s, and 1 C. But, besides all these earthly possessions, things, and accomplishments, what am I truly happy for? Definitely all of the cliche’ answers are valid here: family, friends, love, good tidings, peace on earth, joy, abundance of life, and health. Yet, all of these very Christmassy answers lack substance. Not that those answers are bad; they do have much validity. However, wondering about the statement above, what is the purpose and meaning behind all of this celebration? I can only share with you what I know. Faith in and a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. There are so many religions, faiths, denominations, and people in general to claim to be Christians. Now there are many of my friends who belong to totally different religions like: Hindu, Muslim, Jewish, and Wicca. All of which set there sights out for their own day of celebration and rejoicing. Well, I write these words today, not to persuade or make claims, but to humbly say that I only know one thing for sure and that is that I know nothing. The older I get, the dumber I get. The more I learn, the more I realize that I have so much more to learn, understand, and reason. Yet, “for one thing I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, not powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39, New American Standard). I pray that you will all see the difference in this season; the reason we celebrate Christmas. For when we were sinners, without worth, God sent Jesus to be born, live, then die for us. Not because of our merit, but because God loved us so much. Wow, I take a lot of things for granted and that is one thing. Never the less, this is the reason we rejoice and celebrate.

Aren’t you glad for life? I know I am. However, after I graduate (May 2003!!!) and get my Masters, I really don’t know how much life I will have left. It’s all too much work sometimes. But, it’s ok and I will endure. I pray that all of you will have a very happy Christmas. You know, some of you guys have gotten this email 4 years in a row. Some of you guys, this will be the first time. I hope I am able to send out this thing for the rest of my life. I appreciate you guys so much. Thank you for being my friends. Thank you for being there when I needed someone to talk to, to laugh with, and being a shoulder to cry on. You mean the world to me. I know I could get through life with just me and God. But, I’m so glad I don’t have to. I pray for you all. Be safe, enjoy yourselves, and think about the reason your alive and reading this. It’s not a coincidental chance, it’s because God has a purpose. Be blessed and I love you all...

Happy Holidays

Trifecta
We all three blogged here in the same day. Neat. When's the last time that happened? Summer maybe?

Two Days Until Christmas

The anticipation is building. I start getting giddy when Christmas comes around. During this time of year, I get sentimental and childlike. Of course I act like a sixty year old man the rest of time and that is especially true today. I took my brother to work at 3:30 PM and got home after Christmas shopping for like four hours. It was 7:30 PM by the time I got home. The traffic was so bad and I could not get around fast enough. Plus, I was having to try to think about what the heck I was going to buy for everyone. I still should get a couple more things for everyone. Sometimes, we all get caught up in the glitz and glitter of the material-side of the season. As cliche' as it sounds, we need to remember the purpose of this season. Whether Jesus was really born in December or earlier, it doesn't matter. Whether we teach our children to believe in Santa Clause or not, it’s not even relevant. We have designed this time of year to remember why we live. Not because of our merit or worth, but because God set a better way, and sent his son Jesus Christ into the world so that we might have salvation. That's the hope we have and where the true joy in our hearts comes from. Be safe in all your journeys. As for me, I need to go put on a Santa cap and start wrapping some presents...

"All I want for Christmas is you"

Since We're All Cussing
Every year this real nice lady/friend of the family comes to our house bearing gifts. She came by today. She gave me a card with $25 bucks. That was maybe too nice, but I'm not complaining. Ms. Debbie just left the gifts with us to open later. My mom decided that since the gift she and my dad get is usually some sort of Christmas decoration that they should open it. My Dad wouldn't touch the package because Ms. Debbie had the flu and well, he's careful. My mom commenced to open it. Throughout this there were repeated warnings from dad, "You better wash your hands." She opened the box and pulled from it something that resembled to me, the Holy Grail. This was not a Christmas decoration. Without a pause Dad said, "What the hell am I gonna do with that?" Then he laughed and I couldn't help but follow. I love my dad!

Wow, great times with the fam...

On The 9th Day of Christmas, My True Love Gave To Me

"So, this is Christmas..." (John Lennon). I don't really know how to count the twelve days of Christmas, so like O.J. Simpson, I took a stab at it. Today has been a good day. I got to see some friends at church and some church family that I had not seen since August. I went shopping in Vero Beach and some of Melbourne with Nick Long, Bryan Fazio, and Thomas Pedecini (aka The Boys). These guys were some of my closest friends in high school and it was cool to sit down and chat, have a beer, and eat some food with them. We watched some football too, it was a good time at T.G.I. Fridays. I basically started Christmas shopping today. I still have a bunch of stuff to buy for friends and family and only a few days in which to get it in. I think I'm going to dip now. I'm talking to some friends on the phone and on AIM so, if you're still up JeffyJeffW is my screen name. Blow up my spot if your still up...

A part of, I Won't Be Home For Christmas by Blink 182

Outside the carolers start to sing
I can't describe the joy they bring
Cause joy is something they don't bring me

My girlfriend is by my side
From the roof are hanging ‘cicles of ice
Their whiny voices get irritating
It's Christmas time again

So I stand with a dead smile on my face
Wondering how much of my time they'll waste
Oh god I hate these Satan's helpers

And then I guess I must've snapped
Because I grabbed a baseball bat
And made them all run for shelter

It's Christmas time again
It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year
I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer
You people scare me
Please stay away from home
If you don't wanna get me down
Just leave the presents and let me be alone...

Home For The Holidays

I’ve now been at home for a whole 2 days. It has been semi-okay. I mean, I’m twenty two and it’s like staying with people who lived during the 1800s. You all think that I’m exaggerating but, I’m not. I really cannot complain and I try not to, but it is hard sometimes. So far, so good. Yesterday, I did some manual labor for my Dad. I ran a cable from outside of the front of the house, to back inside of the basement right back outside, straight through to the back side of the house, to about ten feet until the outlet. Fun times, haha, lie! It was tuff because I had to go back and forth. I went to the dentist yesterday. Another fun activity of the day. I went in right at 1:00 PM and left after 3:00 PM. Golly, it was way too long. It was my initial visit, so they had to look at my teeth, share their opinions with what I should have done, and other things. Then they cleaned my teeth and had to fix the sealant on my number # 31 molar. For the record, I’ve been a part of the No Cavity Club since 1989. Moving on, today we drove the two and one half hour (one way) drive to Bartow, Florida to see my Aunt Linda and Uncle Charles. It was cool because they are nice people and I love them. My family and I also went to see my Granny Watkins. We call her Nanny. She’s in a nursing home. She’s like 85 and doesn’t remember anything from minute to minute. She didn’t know who we were, but that’s not too depressing because she’s been like that for a few years now. She wasn’t too responsive, but she was more verbal to us than other times before, so that was good. I’m probably going to hang out with some friends from high school tomorrow and do some Christmas shopping in Vero Beach. Well, I think I’m going to go now. I hope everyone is celebrating the holidays early and making plans to be with loved ones. A Christmas song you should download is Father Christmas by The Kinks. It’s a rad song that makes me think they were revolutionaries to have that kind of sound and it only be 1966 or 1967. Anyway, have a good evening and stay warm. I’ll try to post everyday up until Christmas; oh how the excitement is building...

“Rockin’ around the Christmas tree at the Christmas party hop...”

My Day In A Car

I haven't done much today. Well, I drove home. That's always fun. Let me recap my day:

3:00 AM - Went to bed (after cleaning and packing)
6:00 AM - Got up (packed the car)
8:00 AM - Tried burning a CD (I had to waste at least 5 CDs before I could get it to work)
8:30 AM - Got breakfast
9:00 AM - Returned a tape to Blockbuster and deposited a check in the bank
10:30 AM - Left for Tallahassee
12:30 PM - Finally found my Aunt's new place
1:00 PM - Went to lunch at Sonny's
2:00 PM - Got back to Aunt Marty's apartment
3:00 PM - Left Tallahassee
4:30 PM - Potty break
6:00 PM - Gas (fuel) break
9:00 PM - Finally got home
9:10 PM - Got lectured by my Dad

Words of affirmation is not my Dad's spiritual gift. Matter of fact, I think he sucks at it...

Can't Write Anything That I Haven't Said Already

I like to think things, such of this nature are rather important. Getting my mail, burning me CDs, burning my friends Christmas CDs, cleaning up my place before I leave for the holidays, these are all events of substance. Yet, compared to the activities on my itinerary today, they are nothing. I've got so much stuff to do and only a few hours in which to do them in. I'm taking off tomorrow and driving home for Christmas (Melbourne, FL). A few weeks home with the folks. This will be a test of faith for my Christendom. I guess it's not so bad. I just get treated like a twelve year old instead of a twenty two year old. No worries though. We shall endure... What's this "we" crap, I have to go, not you! I will endure! Anyway, I've got a full plate of activities to keep me busy today. So, I better shimmy on and get them done. I wanted to be up by 9:00 AM today, but that failed. I guess staying up until almost 5:00 AM watching Scooby Doo cartoons on DVD (A Nutcracker Scooby is really good) is not the best use of my time. But, oh well, I'll be old soon. For now, I'm going to listen to something on vinyl and probably watch How The Grinch Stole Christmas. See you later...

"When she said, 'Don’t waste your words, they're just lies,' I cried she was deaf. And she worked on my face until breaking my eyes, then said, 'What else you got left?' It was then that I got up to leave, but she said, 'Don't forget, everybody must give something back for something they get.'" Fourth Time Around, Bob Dylan

About The Holiday Season

From, The Book of Saints by Lesley Whiteside, we get a little insight on the reasoning behind this Santa character:

"All we know for certain about Nicholas is that he was a fourth-century bishop of Myra in Turkey, yet he became one of the most popular of the medieval saints. Much better known is the figure derived from him, 'Santa Claus!' A vast body of legend surrounded Nicholas, in the best known of which he restored to life three children who had been pickled in brine. For this reason he became the patron saint of children, but he also had a particular association with sailors and merchants. His cult was so strong that countless churches were dedicated to him and he became the patron of many countries, including Russia..."

A New Song For Old Feelings

I’m throwing away letters like they never mattered
Motivation for someone who seemed to be a killer
You’ve never been the one to be proud
Sadly escaping your only chance to say it loud
We wonder how this worked so well
Given the change, I’d like to leave my cell

I never want to see your face disgraced again
Even if it’s all self-inflicted
Even if it’s how you live your life now
I don’t ever want to know about that type of crowd

I recall writing words to you that made it ok
Expressing these emotions that could never dissipate
That’s all over with and I’m already moving on
Maybe with someone else or just all on my own
Someday it will all be over and done with
To the least of my ambitions I thought it was a myth

I never want to see your face disgraced again
Even if it’s all self-inflicted
Even if it’s how you live your life now
I don’t ever want to know about that crowd

All I ever wanted was to say the right things
Why is it my fault if you don’t like change?
Can I be blamed for not knowing when to leave?
Will you hold it against me if I don’t succeed?
How can this be the way it will end?
Left on my own with no one in this prison

I never want to see your face disgraced again
Even if it’s all self-inflicted
Even if it’s how you live your life now
I don’t ever want to know about that crowd

(Bridge)

Slowly finding my own way
I’ll only take with me what I can hide
Be sure to write all the ones I love
Those solemn promises are all lies that are here to stay

I never want to see your face disgraced again
Even if it’s all self-inflicted
Even if it’s how you live your life now
I don’t ever want to know about that crowd

I Drove 115 MPH The Other Day

Thank goodness for faithful friends. Justin and Chase have been really loyal at keeping the site updated. I however, have not. School is finally over. I think I passed all twenty hours this semester. That’s really a good thing. Maybe I even got above a 3.0. It would be nice to graduate with a 3.25 (sum cum lade or whatever) but graduating all together is a feat in itself. I will be taking at least one of the CLEP tests this next week for a history class that I need to graduate. I might have to wait until after I get back from Christmas break though. I have to study hard because if I don't pass both tests, I don't graduate!

In other non-relate news, Hardcore Lyrics Archive has honored the late great Strongarm with this month's Featured Lyrics. So, no matter what you're doing on this lone Saturday, or how much you hate hardcore, go and pay homage to some of the best lyrics from one of the original Spirit-Filled HXC bands. Anyway, I'm off to see the wizard. Listen to Pink Floyd...

"There can be no justice where there is no truth. A life of self-sacrifice, a new creation, devotion to purity in the midst of the light of conviction. Set fire to the hearts desire, taken by storm. No longer in the dark, dwelling in the shadows nevermore. I surrender all, all I am I give, Give thereof till end; much more, more than this is death." (the band) Strongarm (the song) Supplication (the album) The Advent of A Miracle

Brothers...
Through the Dane, I found a link to this very funny site...Black People Love Us. Go now, cracker!

All The Things Greeting Cards Never Say

“Hey you”

The words she speaks so easily
Makes me feel so… unspeakable
I wander through my speechless phrasing
Trying to grasp a few moments of endless amazement

The red leaves are now falling
And I can feel my heart calling
I write with a pen, I’ve used so many times before
This time it seems to mean something so much more

My sins have left us dry
We can’t stop asking each other why
Small streets help the time to pass
Six more months until freedom at last

Finding the words I’ve always wanted to say
Are not always the easiest to convey
I never knew what a smile was or could be until I found you


“Day two”

These smells of winter’s fragrance
Refine the hope I have to bloom
Living, loving, and learning
I don’t want to leave here without you

You like photographs and I prefer music; we like art
Somehow together it all looks so smart
Right now, I’m feeling blue
It’s because I never get to see you

Confusing feelings have never been so free
To sit up and think about all the shows that portray me
Three times we think about replacing these sobering lines
I don’t know about you,
But I’d like to move on with the times

It’s ok to go
It’s fine to just say no
Why would I try to hold you back
I’d never try to convince you to wear black

Just like my own ambition
I know you have your own mission
I pray that one day our dreams might meet
And spill over into this cup
At least so the stars in our eyes would get to catch up

Joking about the piece of my heart
That you already show few
I’d gladly give the rest of my life just to know you

It's Not Brown Sugar
In an article called Sexual Fiction Tim Eaton asks, "Are the sexual metaphors explored by Pedro the Lion's Control, Bill Mallonee's[Vigilantes of Love] Love Cocoon, and - dare we say - the Bible too much for contemporary Christianity?"

I'm afraid so.

Yes

by Stavesacre, from the album (Self-Titled)

couples gather on the street
no way they notice me
but i watch them walk together
and it reminds me
of nights when everyone was gone
and i ended up alone
nights that were unsafe to hope for anything

lately i have noticed that so much
is not what i imagined it’d be.
when the harder times come calling on us
we’ll know if we’re gonna need

(chorus)
promises
don’t promise me
say yes
say no or yes
but don’t promise

for all the reasons not to try
i can’t forget the times
i swore that if i finally knew
the answers to my prayers those nights
when it came time to decide i’d just know
and i would be ready

lately i have noticed that so much
is not what i’d imagined it’d be
when the harder times come calling on us
we’ll know if we’re gonna need

Theology Talk

While I'm writing my credo for Theology 301 (which was due Friday), I've decided to indulge you exceptional readers into some of the daily matters and topics that arise in my theology class. These are issues and subjects in which we discuss and focus on in the class:

-A daily conversation in Theology 301 about the nature of sin-

Professor, Dr. Rathel: "...sin is a state..."
Student, Jeff Watkins: "I wonder where that is?"
Student, Chad Underwood: "I think it's below Rhode Island."

Note: Chad then proceeded to draw a map of the United States, exactly showing where 'sin' is located. It ended up being underneath New York...

Exodus Comes Before Deuteronomy

How I’m feeling today
Isn’t always easy to convey
Mad at you, this situation, and the world
Most of all, mad at myself

I can’t recall the feeling of goodness
Because all I see is your hurtfulness
You lash out irrationally without any reasoning
It’s funny to hear the dissonance

You say something like, “Climb that hill”
You mean something else by your own will
I can’t fathom your mindset
Especially now when you’re being ridiculous

Tactless words that have no rule
You’d like us to think ourselves a fool
Needless remarks beyond any comparison
You damaged a friend with no remorse

I implore myself to you
Now I abhor anything you do
Maybe we could think back to a time when it was real
Unless your unmistakable expressions have been forgotten

I’ve written so much about this
Right or wrong, hit or miss
I do it to feel better about life
Not self-serving, like your own ambitions

From USAToday.com, Big Bands With Christian Roots

11/01/2002 - Updated 10:53 AM ET

Other bands with Christian leanings that have made a dent — in some cases a crater — in the general market:

Blindside-- P.O.D. protégés from Sweden released first albums to Christian market in USA; new Silence, on Elektra/Three Points, recently peaked at No 83 on Billboard chart.

Chevelle-- Chicago-area band released first album on Christian label; now on Epic for Wonder What's Next, out Tuesday.

Creed-- Singer Scott Stapp's lyrics reflect his Christian upbringing, though group has avoided "Christian band" label.

Dashboard Confessional-- Lead hunk Chris Carrabba spent time fronting Christian-market emo band Further Seems Forever.

Jars of Clay-- Christian-market mainstays had crossover success with first hit, Flood; recently toured with Sheryl Crow.

MxPx-- Warped Tour punk mainstays from Washington state cut their teeth in the Christian industry, now on A&M.

Nickel Creek-- Bluegrass revivalist trio are all Christians. 2000 debut album went gold; current This Side No. 73 on Billboard chart.

P.O.D.-- Rap-rockers' songs are openly Christian; albums distributed to Christian market, but band shuns "Christian" tag.

Project 86-- Truthless Heroes on Atlantic/Tooth and Nail entered at No. 146 on Billboard chart last week; on tour this month with Taproot.

Sixpence None the Richer-- Band that made Kiss Me ubiquitous was a Christian-industry mainstay before crossover success. Divine Discontent out Oct. 29.

U2-- Bono, Edge and Larry Mullin Jr. have all acknowledged their faith, though the band has avoided the Christian tag.

interesting...

I Really Don't Like School Today

School sucks sometimes... Today is the last day of regular classes and on normal terms, this would make me very happy. Yet, I am verily busy with all the things I still have left to do (if anyone is contemplating taking twenty hours, I have a piece of advice, DON'T!). I got back from Pensacola last night around 5:00 PM. It was an interesting week to say the least. I did learn a lot about ministry. I learned a lot about the clinical and emotional aptitude in how to make a hospital visit and talk to a total stranger about their condition. I learned a lot about myself. Something interesting, I learned I have a problem with silence. Not necessarily being alone and by myself in silence, because that is solitude and I enjoy it sometimes. However, being in a room with people and hearing everything nothingness has to offer drives me into my psychosocial demise. I think the reason for this is because I equate silence with being upset. Like, if someone hurts my feelings or I'm mad at them, I'll get quiet. Pretty much because I have nothing to say. So, looking at my own rationale, I tend to think others do the same thing. When people are quiet, I often ask if they are ok. I don't know what this spawned from, but it's a part of me being little ol' me. I have to finish the other nine pages of my credo in Theology 301, which I found out last night (thanks Teresa) that it was due today! And I have to type my Psychology 310 paper which is due Monday. Oh yeah, I have all my finals next week too! So much fun, I can hardly breath. Good day.

"I wish I was someone else. I'm confused I'm afraid I hate the loneliness. And there's nowhere to run to. Nothing makes any sense. But I still try my hardest. Take my hand. Please help me man..." Something To Believe In --The Ramones

The Problem with Christian Film
I received this in my e-mail and thought you might appreciate it.

HOLLYWOOD JESUS
NEWSLETTER #43
Pop Culture From A Spiritual Point of View
December 4, 2002
Greetings from David Bruce, Web Master

___________________________________

Main Topic:
THE PROBLEM WITH "CHRISTIAN" FILMS
Thoughts from Brian Godawa
and Dan Dunkelberger

SUB TOPIC:
TO END ALL WARS

Contents:
1. Introducing Brian Godawa
2. "Christian Movies" So-called
3. Listen to the History of Christian Films
4. TO END ALL WARS Comes to Los Angeles
5. A Book Worth Giving

*************************
1. INTRODUCING BRIAN GODAWA
*************************
Recently it was my good fortune to meet Brian Godawa.
He is a screenwriter living in Southern California.
He wrote the screenplay for the feature film To End All Wars.
And he is the author of the book,
Hollywood Worldviews: Watching Movies With Discernment (Intervarsity Press), which I highly recommend.


He has some interesting views that I think need to be shared!
Below I are some of his views of "Christian" movies.
I think this may lead to a lively discussion.

*************************
2. "CHRISTIAN MOVIES" --SO CALLED.
*************************

“Christian” Movies When it comes to a meaningful portrayal of Christianity, one has to ask why is it that so-called secular movies do a better job of it (when they so rarely do) than so-called “Christian movies?” Why are Christian movies at the theater mostly rejected as unbelievable and contrived propaganda? Part of the problem is that they tend to be narrowly focused, which reduces the message to clichés. And clichés do not ring true.

CLICHÉS
There always seems to be a priest or pastor or “religious” character who is the wise man or the voice of conscience. There tends to be a “salvation scene” where the main character falls to his knees in a church and prays to “accept Jesus into his heart.” And there is often some kind of religious ministry at stake, be it a homeless shelter or kid's ministry. Now, to be fair, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with such clichés. It's just that they have become precisely that—clichés.

SINNER PRAYER APPROACH -IRRELEVANT
There is another tendency in overtly Christian movies to neglect incarnating redemption in the story theme. Rather than accurately portraying the spiritual need of a character and how it is remedied through the story, “accepting Jesus into their heart” is often the prescribed panacea for all their problems. This early twentieth century “altar call” sinner's prayer approach has little relevance for the postmodern human, and is rather suspect itself as a biblical concept. Praying a prayer may be part of regeneration, but it is not the certainty of true and full salvation which comes from a changed life of repentance (Mt 7:21-27; 13:18-23; Lk 8:11-15). And prayer is certainly not the only outward _expression of a changed heart, though one would get that idea from watching more than one “Christian” film.

World Wide Pictures, the film arm of the Billy Graham Ministry, suffers from this weakness. Since they are required to have a Billy Graham (now Franklin Graham) crusade in every film, the stories suffer from heavy-handed proselytization which immediately alienates most sophisticated viewers. And this alienation is not necessarily from the audience's rebellious sinful natures.

A PREACHY MESSAGE IS A TURN OFF
Any movie with a “preachy” message, be it Christianity, environmentalism, political positions, or what have you, turns away people because rather than letting the audience figure out for themselves what the meaning is, they are told exactly what they ought to think and usually in terms of slogans and buzz words. This is the nature of propaganda, a one-sidedness that ignores the ambiguities and difficulties of reality. The Billy Graham Association is undoubtedly sincere in their desire to have meaningful drama, but what is sometimes missed is that the power of drama lies not in placing cure-all messages on top of their stories but in incarnating the redemption into the story and its theme.

BAD WRITING, BAD ACTING
Having said all this about the need to transcend preachiness, most of the time it's just simply bad writing, bad acting, and bad directing that ruins “Christian” films. Recycled television plots, distinctly unscary villains trying to sound scary, contrived “sinner's prayer” conversions (Mercy Streets, 2000), and even Christians trying a bit too hard to act like movie superstars themselves (Carmen: The Champion, 2000).

RETREAT FROM CULTURE
Why are the standards of excellence so neglected in “Christian” art? Perhaps this is the terminal legacy of those who consider “the message” as “more important” than the medium (of storytelling), rather than seeing the medium itself as part of the message and created by God as valuable in and of itself. Perhaps we are still bearing the fruit of the pietist and fundamentalist retreat from all things cultural as evil. We seem to feel that the rest of the “stuff “ is just not as important as putting in that “altar call” scene.

ENDTIME MADNESS
Another detrimental aspect of “Christian” films is the obsession that many of them have with the end of the world. One would think the book of Revelation is the only unique element of Christianity because we seem to make so many movies about it. It all started back in 1972 with A Thief in the Night and those scenes of the big bad One- World government chasing after Christians in One-World government vans, and soon grew to monstrous Blob-like proportions with A Distant Thunder (1978), Image of the Beast (1981), The Prodigal Planet (1983), and more recently Revelation (1996), Apocalypse: Caught in the Eye of the Storm (1998), Revelation (1999), Apocalypse IV: Judgment (2001), Tribulation (2000), The Omega Code (1999), Megiddo: The Omega Code 2 (2001), and the granddaddy End-Times marketing phenomenon of all time, Left Behind: The Movie (2001). This adaptation of the mega-million best-selling series that began as a trilogy and soon mutated into a 12-book series (not to mention the myriad of other rip-offs for children and others) has brought the book of Revelation to the forefront of popular interest—and with it a host of problems.



*************************
3. AUDIO HISTORY OF CHRISTIAN FILM
With Daniel Dunkelberger on RealPlayer
*************************

One of the most encouraging people that I know is Daniel Dunkelberger. He is an expert in the history of film by Christian filmmakers. Above is an amazing speech he gave in 1999 at a Men's Breakfast in California.





*************************
4. TO END ALL WARS IN LOS ANGELES
*************************

The film, TO END ALL WARS opens in Los Angeles for a one week exclusive engagement this coming Friday, December 6-12 at the Arclight Cinemas in Hollywood. It's future distribution depends on it's success here, so if you live in Southern California, would you please try to go? If you don't live there, but know someone who does, would you please contact them and try to persuade them to go? You could notify all your friends who live in Southern California through email. It is important that it does well during the week, not merely the weekend, so please consider going during the week and bringing some friends with.

You will not be disappointed with this strongly redemptive movie. You can see the web site at: www.toendallwars.com with a trailer and all! It is the story of Allied prisoners of war in a Japanese concentration camp during WW2. As they suffer under their captors’ cruelty, they find redemption in learning to love their neighbor and ultimately what it means to love their enemy. The Veterans of Foreign Wars gave the movie a medal of distinction and honor because of its accurate portrayal. It's like Shawshank Redemption meets Saving Private Ryan.


Here is the info:
Arclight Cinemas
6360 Sunset Boulevard, Hollywood
(between Vine and Ivar)
TEL: 1-323-464-1478 for show times



*************************
5. A BOOK WORTH GIVING
Hollywood Worldviews: Watching Movies With Discernment
*************************

Brian Godawa who wrote the screenplay for TO END ALL WARS has also written an incredible book Hollywood Worldviews: Watching Movies With Discernment published by InterVarsity Press. This book will open your eyes to the various philosophies behind some of the biggest hits to come out of Hollywood. I know of several groups that have used this book in their weekly discussion groups. Click this link and read what others are saying about this book. I strongly recommend it in your Christmas gift considerations. Click here for book info.

Post Your Thoughts Here

God bless you.
Warmly,
David Bruce
Web Master, HollywoodJesus.com

Bert Kampfert's Got The Mad Hits
The album, Tommy by The Who has been playing in my head.

Earlier tonight I visited Liverpool Records. That was an exciting time. This was me doing my Christmas shopping. After an hour I held 12 LPs totalling 21 dollars. At the register I found out that the store doesn't accept Visa on vinyl because its so cheap anyway. I had no cash. Neither did Donna. He asked to see what I had and took them. He said, "I'll give them to you for 10 bucks." I didn't know what exactly to say, this didn't change the fact that I had no cash. Donna said, "Can you hold them for a minute?" He agreed and we were off to the ATM. I got back. I handed him the 10 and he handed me the vinyl. He said, "I'll always fix you up with a good deal."

It's great when you don't even have to finiggle for the deal.

So looks like I'll be going back there. A lot.

When I got into the room I showed Jeremy the stack and he said, "but you don't have a record player." I had been thinking it but I definetly must get a record player soon now. I absolutely must.

Where's the best place to sell vinyl online?

Question
Do you plan to teach your children to believe in Santa Claus?

Happy Chanukah (Home For A Few Hours)

In just a few brief hours, I will be waking up to drive over to the hospital in Pensacola. Five hours of sleep seems insufficient. Maybe I should skip. If only I could. I'm sure I won't have a hard time waking up. I know what lies ahead. I will be over there for the next five days doing my practicum part of the class. It’s four-hour credit so it doesn’t seem like that big of deal. Just don’t really know everything that will happen. I had a decent drive back up to school today. I made pretty good time considering the traffic. The worst part is I have to repack for the week. I'm done with my normal clothes, now I have to pack my dress clothes. This responsibility stuff doesn't get any easier. My week home was good. I now know (if there were ever a doubt before) I don't want to live with my folks again, never, if possible. I love them, but there are so many rules. Sometimes I think it's impossible to please my Dad. My Mom is my biggest fan. She'll support me in whatever I do, even though I get her upset sometimes. My Dad is the exception. Sometimes, I feel like his genuine concern for me is not really concern but merely he trying to get me to live the life he thinks I should be living. And that kind of just sucks. I've learned a lot about life just by watching them, but now it's time to stretch my wings out and fly. Well, this is going to be the last post for a while. At least until the 6th of December and relax, it's only the 1st. Chase promises some insightful words for us and who knows, maybe Justin will grace us with his presence. After all it's his site! Maybe at some point, I can get on over at the hospital and go on location and let you guys know how I'm holding up. Once again, thanks for reading. I'd also appreciate any prayers while I'm there. It's going to be tuff emotional, physically, and spiritually. I love you guys and I'll see you when I return.

Until Kwanzaa...

Looking For The Turkey

You know, coming up with these different titles everyday gets harder and harder. Happy Thanksgiving one and all. I was awoken on this glorious day by the sound of a ringing telephone at 7:00 AM. It was my Aunt Linda, she was wishing us a Happy Thanksgiving. How Nice... The ironic part is that I heard my name a few times in their conversation. That always raises my level of concern. Never the less, with my low amount of sleep, I reasoned that it still wasn’t enough and I returned to that beautiful state of solace.

I drove over to Palm Bay which is about a thirty minute drive to pick up my Grandma. My Mom and Brother both had to work today (Tommy ended up getting off a few hours early), so we had a few hours to kill until lunch. We just drove around listening to The Get Up Kids. She was like, “Jeffery, I can barely hear it, turn it up.” Haha, my Grandma is really a closet indie-rock-girl.

(Break For Food)

I just got done eating lunch. Thanksgiving is one of the only holidays that my family sits down together to eat a meal. Christmas and New Years are the other exceptions. I’ve been saying this a lot lately, but I really want my family to sit down and eat dinner together, every night or as much as possible. Before we ate, my Dad asked me to pray. So, I prayed. Anyone that doesn’t attend a Bible college would be impressed by my semi-theological phrasing and a low degree of eloquent wording. Don’t get me wrong, I just prayed, nothing special, definitely not a big deal. I really get annoyed when the “holy-rollers” spend five minutes seemingly patronizing the audience with their big theological words which honor thy glorious unfathomable sovereign Father who so abundantly bestows his glorious riches upon our depraved souls. So, I just said a prayer and you know me, I’m a little long winded sometimes. My family raved about it. They acted like I finally learned how to pray and the Lord was working in my life (which he is and has been). It was quite funny to me. Lunch was good. I love the way my Dad cooks. We had turkey, dressing, collard greens, avocado, rolls--yeah, the works. So, I’m full and feeling extremely obese, but it’s such a happy feeling.

The purpose of remembrance is to recall and bring back to mind the thoughts and feelings that remind you of a time once well known. I don’t know what I could say that would reflect what I’m feeling today. I have so many things thankful for:

I’m blessed for knowing everything I know. Learning is so special. I’m thankful that I have a mind still to learn new and wondrous things.

I’m thankful that I was brought up by my family. I love them and don’t always like them, but they truly are the reason for me being alive and somewhat of the reason for why I am who I am. I don’t deserve them.

I’ve been blessed with great friends. They all mean more to me than they could possibly know. Each one, special in their very own way. All the beauty, intelligence, and special qualities that they all posses individually. They understand friendship and are the epitome of the word.

I am thankful for everything I have. I have so much, I am blessed. Material possessions don’t really matter in the whole scheme of things, but I enjoy all of it that I have.

And most importantly, I am thankful for my relationship with God. It might seem a bit cliché to say that, but I do enjoy it and am blessed that God has sought a purpose for my life. I so don’t deserve it, and I let Him down so much, but he is faithful to me, even when I’m not faithful to him. That’s joy!

These are all my reasons to continue on. Sometimes the road looks so cluttered and I cannot see the end result. It’s because of all these blessings that I stay keeping on keeping on. I hope everyone can read this and see their own reasons to be thankful. If you’ve contributed anyone to this list, thank you. I am thankful for you...

“Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude." ~E.P. Powell

It's Just Me Against The World

At this point in the evening, I'm really pissed off. I have been trying to post about my day and as fate would have it, my browser crashed and we had a power bump. On two different times, I've lost everything I had written. So, as a result of that, I've lost a lot of time that was spent writing. So, here goes a summery of the day:

-I did four loads of laundry (that makes a grand total of half-a-dozen)
-I spent many hours outside working in the yard
-Manuel labor is not fun
-I dug up a 50 pound slab of cement that was holding a pole with a light on it
-I dug up a wire that was from said slab of cement about 10 feet to the house
-I picked up about 5 garden hoses from the yard, which was covered under a years worth of dirt and weeds
-I drove around Melbourne running errands for my folks
-I spent an hour in Wal-Mart, which should have only taken 15 minutes
-I picked up all of my dress clothes from the dry cleaner. Yeah, the total was about 20.00
-I helped chop carrots and celery

-- ok, so it seemed like a lot. Hopefully tomorrow I will be in the mood to reflect on why we celebrate this holiday. If not, just go watch the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special. It's so informative...

Have A Good Holiday...

How WHITE are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

Monday Monday

Really, really... I haven't done a whole lot today. I went to bed at 3:00 AM last night and got up at 6:00 AM. Crystal Kepler and I were caravanning to Jacksonville, Florida. Then I would get off and try to find Bethany's house. We pulled out of the Graceville Manor, where Crystal Kepler's apartment is at 7:00 AM. We only stopped one time for some breakfast because we were both falling asleep in our separate cars. We waved our goodbyes and I proceeded to find my way. Well, I don't feel like explaining my day's driving experience. Let's just say, I got home and it was 9:30 PM. I saw my friend Nate Beagle from high school. He's employed at the local Blockbuster Video. It sort of felt good to say that I was graduating in May and he was still working on his AA. But, not to imply that I'm harboring bitter feelings, it was good to talk to him and catch up. I spent about five hours in Jacksonville today. I got to meet most of Bethany's family, except for her Dad. I would have liked to meet Dr. Dunlap, but I'm not too disappointed. Meeting Fathers isn't a big objective on my life goals list. Meet The Parents is one of my favorite movies for a reason. I got to see former students, and friends Anna (Bethany's sister) and James Desuyo. When Bethany and I were visiting Anna's first grade class (I think), they told me about a little black girl who had a cool name. They told me her name, I kind of believed them, but I wanted to see proof for myself. So, I got a piece of paper and asked her if she would write out her full name for me. She did. Her name is: EBONY ANN IVORY. I think that's worth at least 25 comments. I'm off to catch up on a semester's worth of sleep.

"Well, it's cold and there are warmer places than here."

BET

Please bet on me
So maybe you will see
What this could be

Four hundred million miles away
Losing you is causing me to sway
I could never see another way

Gambling makes fools for life
Causing nothing but grief and strife
I’d wager anything for you to be my wife

Help me to get over this
To be able to live life without your kiss
For that would be true bliss

Up In Smoke

For once, there really is nothing to do. I still have two papers to write. I have at least 5 finals to study for. There is stuff I could be doing. But, I'm sure I'm just like everyone else who has a Saturday off and just wants to relax. So, I've been relaxing today. I'm going to my hometown (Melbourne, FL) on Monday for Thanksgiving. I'm stopping by Jacksonville to see my friend Bethany Dunlap and hang out with her for a few hours. I'm excited about going home. I have not been home since August, so it will be good to get away. Like I said, I'm relaxing. Recovering from probably the busiest week of the year, I'm just trying to get everything done before I jet home.

Today, Justin and I went to Wendy’s for lunch. We rented some DVDs and I got my oil changed. While we were at Wendy’s, we saw our friend Zack from school. We were talking to him for a few minutes. He told us he was on his break. I got a refill and Justin asked Zack where he lived. Zack said, "I live in Ponce De Leon." Justin and I were like, that's cool. And, without saying another word, Zack just walked to the back, and did not come back up front. He didn't say anything. Haha? Justin and I looked at each other and we're like, "Alright? That was interesting." Zack just left. So, as Justin and I were walking out, we figured if you live over there, instead of saying bye, you say Ponce De Leon. We kept saying it over and over again as we were walking out the door. Well, my friends, I need to go and do some cleaning. And figure out what my night holds...

Ponce De Leon

MxPx = Magnified Post

Well, the first real post from me in a while. The end of the semester pressure is still on, but thanks be to God, my paper is FINALLY done! So, with a title page, table of contents, 3 appendices, and 29 pages of my writing, it turned out to be 43 stinking pages. That's the most I've ever written in my entire existence. So, don't expect any cool ten-dollar-words this week. Well, you don't get that many anyway. Tomorrow is the last day of school until the following Monday (after Thanksgiving). I've been telling people, I'm lusting over this break. I'm sure that's not healthy, but you don't realize how badly I would like to be gone. I want to write everything I'm feeling. But, I don't want to be near anything that has a keyboard or monitor, so...

"Sin is incurable by the strength of man, nor does free will have any validity here, so that even the saints say: 'The evil which I do not wish, this I do.' 'You are not doing the things which you wish.' 'Since my loins are filled with illusions,' etc."

You are Martin Luther! Yeah, you have a way of letting everyone know how you feel, usually with Bible quotes attached, and will think your way through the issues, although sometimes you make no sense! You aren't always sure of yourself, and you can change your mind about things, something you actually consider a strength. You can take solitude, especially with some music.

What theologian are you?

A creation of Henderson

<<<---!---'--^---.MiD*WaY.---^--'---!--->>>

I think messing around with the title to this post took longer than the actual writing of the post itself. So, as you can clearly see, I'm about halfway through with my paper. I'd like to get it done tonight, but if I can’t convince my boss I'm too sick to work, then I just might not. I'm so tried of writing. I feel like I've used every clever phrasing and ten-dollar word I know. I have about 12 pages of content now, which is good. But, I'm still tired of writing. So, why write a post? Well, I'll tell you. It's not writing a paper! I worked on the paper for maybe an hour cumulatively on Thursday and Friday. Saturday, I spent about 5 hours on it. Sunday, I spent about 6 hours. I went to bed at like 3:00 AM. Got up at 7:20 AM. Went to my 8:00 AM and 9:00 AM classes. Came in about 10:00 AM and typed until 12:10 PM. Then I got some lunch and went to theology and now I'm done for the day. All that's left is this paper and a notebook for my mental disorders class, but that's easy. Well, I'm back to the grind. I'm going to post a song I like. It helps me think, clearly, on my own...

Madison Prep by Further Seems Forever, from the album, The Moon Is Down

Give up what you think you have to say.
Formalities weaken the meaning that you'd convey.
In truth hidden in the veiled insults,
have failed results for everyone that lived that way.

The training spent on all your words
was obvious in all we heard
was repetition.
Representing your best interests
while wishing us
"the very best"
when that's something
that you would never give.

And some things are better stressed
when unexpressed,
cause silence can be overwhelming

We'll find some way
Some way that we can prove you wrong

Godsology

I’ve never seen so much rain
This year has passed me by

Oh, so much rain in this distant life
Does nothing for me but cause strife

Declining down from the sky above
The hope in falling is so real

Drops of water flood out my sight
I stay steadfast and continue with might

I have so many things to do
But, I choose to write instead

Not much comes at me more than this
The temptation to live in ignorant bliss

Enmity is my only foe
The ambiguous ones who act like friends

I’ve been told days go by; everyone anew
Casualties in circumstance is what I have due

I take heed to the warnings of my prior notice
Rest in peace of what I know; until the end this age

Slacking On Writing My Paper

Should Christians Rock? An open letter to Christian Rock Critics from 1986 by Al Menconi

A section...

“Given the choice, I would rather speak to hippies and punkers than yuppies. The hippies wanted to change the world, and punkers want to change it too. The average yuppie wants to get rich and be comfortable. In case you’ve forgotten, Christians are called to be revolutionaries, to change the world for Jesus. We should be giving the answer of Christ to those who seek to change the world, instead of spending our energy trying to get rich and fit in.”

On Laundry Day: Closet Doors and Closet Feelings

Why do I always catch the shooting star as it burns out?
Moments like these insinuate so much more for me.

So you say I read into things.
It’s the only choice I have to make.



I’ll let my yay be Yay and no be No.
But, why can’t I ever make sense of the things you say?

You make the music that is within my heart.
You put the notes in my heard.
You are the song that lingers on my lips.

Sweet tastes of the springtime air have ended.
Swiftly met by the blistering summer heat.
Scorching and scourging the back of my neck.

It’s now complete…

The summer is over, but fall is far away.
We’ll keep writing and calling; it’s all so passé.

Eventually the phone will stop ringing.
This little thing called friendship has been severed.

Sooner or later, the ink in the pens will dry.
Yes, even the mailman will stop coming by.

Why do I always catch the girl as she is leaving?
Maybe it was me who didn’t show up on time?

I just keep asking myself the same questions as yesterday.
All I get are incomplete answers.
Perhaps I’ve been talking to the wrong people.

With all that stuff said.
It’s now all been done.

These feelings used to pile up and give me worry.
At least, I have enough hangers for all my shirts.

I’ll just pull a shirt down from the rack.
Replacing that space with my feelings instead.

Don't Worry About Me

My to do list is still pretty long, but a few things are done or in the process of being done. This week has gone fairly well. Work is going good, but its still work, you know? I've got a couple pages of my twenty-page paper written, but nothing is typed out yet. I can't sit down and write a paper. I have to let my brain unload by simply just typing it all out. Then I read, revise, and reformat. It's hard churning out ten pages in one night and thus far in my college career, I've done that a lot. My paper isn't actually due until next Wednesday, but I have to turn it in by this coming Monday for him to make copies to distribute to the class. Let's see, it's Thursday and it's not due until Monday. That makes me three days earlier than normal. I think that's a new record! Ok, I must go and look on the IRS website and start typing. Have a good night.

"I got love for my brother, but we can never go nowhere unless we share with each other. We gotta start makin' changes, learn to see me as a brother instead of 2 distant strangers and that's how it's supposed to be. How can the Devil take a brother if he's close to me? I'd love to go back to when we played as kids but things changed, and that's the way it is." 2 Pac, Changes

My To Do List

Psychology 330- Enrichment Event Notebook, due November 14th

Psychology 404- Verbatim on a visit from this past weekend, due November 14

Psychology 301- 20 page paper on the influences on the entertainment culture, due November 20

Psychology 420- I have to put together a notebook for the class, consisting of all our notes, handouts, etc, due November 19

Theology 301- A 10 page credo (a statement of what I believe), due???

Theology 301- Read the 300 page book, Desiring God by J. I. Packer and do the study guide that goes with it, due by the final

Psychology 310- A 10 page paper on the psychology of education and learning, due by the final

Busy, busy, busy...

It's Been A Long November and There's Reason To Believe

It's been five days since the last post. I'm sure we were missed (maybe not if everyone hates our template). Hopefully everyone is doing well. As it seems, this November is going by rather quickly, yet the feeling of awkwardness is more evident. During these last few days, it was my turn to embark on the internship weekend practicum at the hospital in Pensacola. As Dane Claycomb and I arrived, I became a bit nervous. We arrived at the hospital at 4:00 PM on Friday and left at 1:00 PM on Sunday. It was a good learning experience. I made about ten visits to patients by myself. We helped lead a worship service on Sunday morning for some of the elderly patients in PACU and some of the mentally handicapped patients in behavioral medicine. I would write a detailed description about it, but it was so tiring and stressful both physically and spiritually, that I would be exhausted just typing the silly thing. Plus, I've already told the story far too many times. While we were there this weekend, we had a total of ten pages, I'd say. Which resulted in four codes (that's when somebody's heart stops), four traumas, two referrals, and one death. The hardest to deal with was the death. I watched as the doctor's and nurses tried to keep that man alive. I watched more blood come out of him, than they were putting in, as the medical team tried everything possible to keep him alive. But to no avail, they had to stop. Nothing would work. Well, as the wife and (later on) the other family members arrived, I had to sit and watch them listen in unbelief, that their loved one was gone. After about thirty minutes of listening to a wife, undeniably proclaim, her husband wasn't gone. After listening to her shed tears of sorrow and remorse for things that she felt she had some sort of control over. After listening to the son demand to know why his father was gone, I broke down. I felt compassion for the family. I grieved their loss. I put myself on that table, dead. Wondering what my wife would be feeling. It's all too real to me now. As the family’s pastor prayed for them, I began to weep for them. I was mourning with the family, who no doubt, was holding back tears of their own. Why must it be like this? Why must life be so precious? If the greatest joy lies beyond these earthly, temporal walls, why must there be so much sorrow amongst a man who is truly and joyfully in a better place? For I cannot answer these questions because I do not hold the answers one seeks. For I only know that the day I go will be a much better time than these days I’m sure. I used to worry about genuine salvation; that I might end up in that fiery eternal separation from God, in Hell because of my own blindness. Now, I just know that the day I leave this wretched body will be a day of triumph and victory. I will not hold to these things anymore. I live for today, but hope for tomorrow, alas...

"Dying was the easiest part, now I'm afraid of life." The Dingees

Everyone I Know Is Dying

I speak of love for poetry, never art.
Structured pre-empted sentences make me nostalgic.
I use the ones I wrote three weeks past.

Everyone I see has something to prove.
I’m just trying to prove I’m still alive.
Saying, “I’m alright, I’m getting by.”

Fake smiles help me regret not speaking up.
Melancholy needs a voice too.

“Die to yourself,” is what they proclaim.
Funny?
They can’t seem to touch the sticks at their own aim.

My life is written in with pencil.
So I can erase what I know.
Reevaluate and renew my thoughts.
Until they don’t show any form of mine.
Conformity to the mind of my father.

Another day, there was a beautiful mistake.
“You are quite possibly, indescribable.”
This hurts too awful for words.
Recalling words of, “Have a good night, beautiful.”

Tomorrow will be the first day of October.
Yesterday was the last day of forever.
Another day closer until I leave.
Blessed to die and scared to be alive.

I hope I see you again.
I know you never want to hear another letter.
I don’t care.
I want to know when we can get it back?
She says, “Never, because you always wear black.”

Wasting So Many Stamps

I’ve gotten two letters this week
It reminds me of junior high
Writing back and forth, just to pass the time
One letter says, “I’m sorry”
The other says, “I wish things could be different”
Both have moments that surface memories
It’s good to remember these times that caused me to loose sleep
Even if all they did was make me weep
I probably should want it to mean more than what it does
But, then I’d have to think about the risk of forsaking this
These letters mean so much more.
Lessons given to me in life, love, and heartache
The void in my soul is filled in salvation
Parts of the old death bring me back to the depths of defamation.

xTHANKS FOR CARINGx

Well, another beginning to another week of another month is here. Ain't it grand? Phenomenal is the word that I use to relinquish all the hurt that my tattered and broken psyche can fester up and oppositely turn the word into what I use to express my inconsequential sentiments on the eve of just another day (which will be tomorrow). But, tomorrow is merely more than just another stray ordinary day. It is a brand new day. A time of newly found significance in all alluring ripostes. Yet, the day isn't some out of the ordinary, earth-shattering extravaganza, is it? After all, the Bible says that we (us) ((you)) (((humans))) are the wonderfully and fearfully created chattels, not the days. What must one do with these splendid events of new fulfillment to the possible joyous times? Live (be indulging in the breath of life) each day to the fullest. Never regret what you cannot change. Only learn from your past mistakes. To err is human, right? To regret over the unchangeable, deniable past is just unconsidered idiocy. Let the bitterness die—much like you nudge off a chill underneath your spine. Rest in thine. Have the peace that passes all of our finite, pathological, and depraved understanding…

Another Point Of View

So many times they tell me I’m growing up. I look back and retrace the footprints. Is this me? I see young friends pursuing and excavating feelings. I smile when I see their joy. A little jealous and envious just to be so happy. I pray and hope they find what they’re looking for. Common themes of heartache are no stranger to me. My snide remarks toward optimism only make me cynical. Arm in arm, hand in hand, they complete an almost perfect painting. Walking together and a little hug, makes me wish for my own story. I need books to read now, instead of filling my shelf up for show. As I sit on this curb, I want to be seen. I smile, but I really want to shed a tear or two. Don’t be petty and don’t be vengeful. Let loose those untold comments. Forget the phone calls. Remember your story and keep on the journey.

To Whom It May Concern Goes On Location

Saturdays are fun. Especially when you sit in a library for an hour with a blank stare on your face. Jonny Peace, Toby Roheim, and myself are here in the huge Strozier Library on the beautiful and old FSU campus. It's like an On Location post. Traffic was pretty bad today because it's the FAMU Homecoming Game. We considered stopping by there, but we figured it would be a lot more interesting to goto a place where we wouldn't be the minority and where we could find a parking place. I paralleled park for the first time in a long time today. Yeah, I suck... So, we're here trying to do research for our Psychology of Religion paper. What are the influences on the entertainment culture (both public and private)? Fun, Fun, Fun! Jonny and Toby are busy on the computers and I'm slacking trying to write a post. See, I care about you guys getting to indulge yourselves in some interesting (or not) Saturday afternoon reading. Anyway, I'm off to look for books, I think I'm at a pretty good spot. Aight, my homiez, I'll holla atcha' later on (FSU lingo)...

Go UM

More Fun With Being Alone On Friday



What obscure band are you?

Oh, What Friday Nights Are For

	You are Kermit! Though you're technically the star, you're pretty mellow and don't mind letting others share the spotlight. You are also something of a dreamer.
Take the What Muppet Are You? Quiz!

For Bethany Dunlap

This isn't because she has a bad haircut. It’s because she just didn’t really like it at first. I actually like it, because I can deal with change :) The song isn't really fitting, but it's a title of an email she sent me and it’s all kind of an inside joke. So please, no comments about how I'm insensitive, rude, mean, etc...

Bad Hair Day

I'm sorry I can't relate.
I refuse to associate
So don't go blaming me for your bad hair day.
Bad hair day.
I saw you yesterday
You told me to go away.
I guess you were having a bad hair day.
Bad hair day.
Would you like an aspirin for your bad hair day
Bad hair day.

Happy Halloween, Uh... I mean, Reformation Day

Yay for pagan holidays. At least the candy is cheap. Yay for Reformation Day. If Martin Luther hadn't nailed the 95 theses to that church in Germany, we'd all be Catholic. Here some thoughts on me and my life:

Postponed Feelings

The sound of loneliness is a gloomy and haunting interruption. My rest was awoken by the clattering of images that were filed miscellaneous. I scale my hands along a pale and empty wall. Only to find that the object of my desire had been torn down. Engravings are all I have left. The noise of silence is becoming louder than any self-reliance that I know. I’m only letting the darkness in by trying to keep the light out. I await a lost friend’s knock at my door. Those footsteps keep getting dimmer and dimmer. Enclosing my head, I’ve gone to bed. Won’t something awaken my frozen thoughts? Oh God, change my heart…

Seeing Pictures Of You At His House

I’m at a loss of words today.
There’s nothing left for me to say.
Our saga continues on.
But without any reservations, I decide it’s done.
These feelings spawned with thoughts not so new.
It’s scary; they’ve been with me all along.
Knowing all of our history.
So many things have been said and done.
It makes me wonder how we lasted this long.
How I cried for it all…
When it seemed like a possibility that you could love.
Even though that’s all past, I never thought you two would last.
That guy was a jerk, even a total creep.
I guess he showed you more of what a friend could be.
Seeing pictures of you at his house.
Embodied all of what I never want to see in my future spouse.
I have the same photograph; the one you took of me.
Our arms crossed around the back.
Feeling the warmth of our gentle and innocent embrace.
It’s like you replaced him for me.
Cut me out and pasted him in.
With feelings aside, was there ever a reason for liking me?
You might be wondering why.
After all this, I’m willing to just throw it away.
You answered your own question.
When you took his hand and said,
“Have a good day.”

At The Show

Tired of blogging? I'm not. I know the site doesn't get a new post daily and I'm sorry for that. So here I am with your weekend update. Well, there is still one more day left, but we'll just count it loss. I've been under the weather the past few days. My trip to Pensacola was good. I got a lesson in how to be a chaplain. In all honesty, it's kind of scary. We got a tour of the five-floor hospital and our duties for our weekend and the week. My weekend will be here in less than two weeks. I better start working on my adult lingo.

Friday was a lonesome night. Thinking about calling friends, thinking about finding new people to call friends.

Tonight (Saturday) Mike Sutton, Chaz, Scottie Granger, and I drove to Panama City to see a show. It was an enchanted evening. In the car, I was complaining about how loud Mike was being (due to my illness). After reasoning my statement and seeing the expression on Mike's face, I realized that I was going to be hurting the whole night because we were going to a hardcore show. So, let's see. The show... Uno (that means one) Word--Amazing! The first band that played was Burns Out Bright and they were from South Carolina (where Stretch is from). Musically they were good, but I didn't care for the guy's singing. A lot of emo sounds meets metal breakdowns. Up next was Evergreen Terrace. This was my first time seeing the boys from Jacksonville, Florida. I didn't recognize them at first and even commented to Mike, "this can't be them" because the singer was a white guy, but dressed, walked, and talked like a black dude. It was really funny. They played stuff off of their record, Losing All Hope Is Freedom. I knew a few songs. They played some material off their new album Burned Alive By Time which comes out on Eulogy Records (a FL label I might add). It was some awesome dancin', singin', and just dandy music in general. Then, this next band got added to all of Stretch's shows recently. Miami's own Glasseater. I was excited to hear them live because they've played my hometown, Melbourne before. I knew one of their songs, 7 Years Bad Luck. They were ok. The singer said the 'F' word, every other word, which wore out it's welcome long before. They were punk and hardcore, not the best, but they played alright. Now it was time for Stretch Arm Strong . I've been a fan for a little while, not very long. I have burnt copies of their two Solid State releases because I didn't care for them at first. Oh, am I a fan now, yes! They kind of did this introduction thing, like a sports team. "And now the starting line-up for Stretch Arm Strong..." It was very humorous. I was about two rows of people from the stage, just anticipating my chance to sing into the mic. It never came because there was feedback from the right amp and the singer wouldn't come over to my side that much. They played a good mix of songs from, Rituals Of Life and A Revolution Transmission. The key song mid-way through the set was For The Record which "got the party started". It was crazy from there on out. There was a circle pit going on every song. Especially when the band would play a new song and the singer would say, "You don't know this, so dance and have fun" which happened on two or three different occasions. For the most part, it was great musical quality besides technical problems with the lead microphone and the background vocals. They were so tight tonight, which made it all the more enjoyable. Eight bucks, four bands, three good ones, three hours of music, and one long ride back to Graceville made it a memorable evening.

I still feel like poo, even though my throat isn't so sore (I wrote that and now it is). It hurts when I sneeze, all the way down to my arms. I think going to the HxC show made me feel better. It's a new remedy that my granny never thought of. I'll try it with my kids, but my luck, they'll wanna boogie to some Bee Gees. That's it for now, love and circle pits...

xxx

"...I work in telemarketing because I'm used to rejection..."

Long Drives On Jackson County Nights

Clear days make dark nights.
Broken hearts make the night seem even darker.
Pulling out of my driveway
Makes me feel like I’m giving up the fight.
But right now it seems like a good idea.
I need to leave and just get away.
I want to drive until the sun comes up
Or as far as this tank of gas will get me.
I just want to drive as fast as my car will go.
To think about all the reasons I’m leaving.
As my radio plays, I try to sing along.
I find a song that matches the mood.
Like a conductor starts his orchestra,
The notes flow legato from my speakers.
It starts the symphony of my heart.
I scream along the words, as if they were my own.
My attention draws from the road and
Onto my performance at hand.
My wreck less daydreaming only endangers the winding turns.
While the grass that grows on the side of the road
Withers by my panting stares.
There should be a law for people.
Against the wreck less endangerment of someone’s heart.
Because that’s all you’ve ever done.
My only regrets are the ones I never told you.
I sing so loud, I can’t even hear the music.
I somehow hope you hear these words.
I want you to feel the aching pains that lye within my heart.
It’s stupid to think you can hear me.
But by chance, I pray that my words don’t go unheard.
With the last bit of energy I have left within me,
I end my thoughts of you.
I want you to see how I feel.
Not for spite, anger, bitterness, or revenge,
But just so you will be aware.
I don’t want anyone to ever feel like this.
At this rate, I’m sure you’ll find others to break.
Broken hearts are common amongst young love.
Ironically, you seem to be making up for lost time.
As the last stanza is sung, I just want my life to move on.

I'm Graduating In May!!!

Sorry, I couldn't think of any wittier titles for a post than that. I'm really excited about the fact that this time next year, I (hopefully) won't be here. I will miss Graceville, but I won't miss sitting in these classrooms and lecture halls. I met with my advisor Mrs. Sue Gilbert today and we went over the classes I've taken and still need to graduate. I still have to pass my 20 hours this semester, I have to Clept 2 history classes during Christmas break, and I have to take at least 15 hours next semester. I might possibly have to take 17 or 18 hours depending on if I can find a class to finish up my minor in youth ministry. So, this day couldn't get a whole lot better, right? Well, my loan came in, so I can pay off some debt. Getting out of one form of debt and getting into some new debt. Tomorrow is my initial visit to the hospital in Pensacola for my chaplaincy class. Tomorrow is orientation for the class. In another two weeks, I will go over there with Dane Claycomb for a weekend when we will get the first hand experience in what chaplaincy ministry is all about. Then, for a week in December, I will be over there and during that time I will be on call for 24 hours as the on duty Chaplin. Exciting yet scary because I fear during tragedy, I might not have encouraging or coping words to speak. I'm sure God will work that out then, but for now I need to get over to the Registrar’s office to take care of some GRADUATING SENIOR business. Hehe. Take Care...

Maybe Tomorrow

Glued Together by Masonic symbolism
Lurking distance, crowning lights
So tired I could run to sleep falling

Escaping ecstasy I lapse myself forward, forewarned
The suction adheres to my marred eyes
Banners and streamers don’t compensate
For these are incoherent findings and successions

Stale hearts and plastic souls
When will we see?
I’m stuck to this
Urging to fill in that distance pushing us apart
We might as well be positive minds

I Wouldn't Say That...

Which Character In High Fidelity Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Mr. Saturday Night (Out and About)

Why is Saturday night the loneliest night of the week? I've never figured out why that quote is so true. Not for me, because I enjoyed a splendid time with my best friend, talented writer, and founder of our beloved site, yes ladies and gentlemen, I hung out with Justin McLeod (save your applause for the end). Our venture, initially almost a foursome, turned into just him and I. As we were leaving the metropolis of Graceville, we both reflected on how long it had been since we had gotten to hang out together. Too long since the days of old as we pined over musical geniuses, girl problems/solutions, the changing times, new found interests, and the common day-to-day jive. It was his idea to see a movie called The Ring. He raved about how reviewers compared the scariness of it to the likes of The Exorcist. This exercised some excitement in my tattered soul. However, when we drove to all three theaters in Dothan, none of them appeared to be showing this anticipated film. Justin made an inquiry to one of the nice gals at the ticket window and she informed McLeod that the release was delayed. He came back to the car and commented, "I'm must be slipping at my old age." For he had steered us wrong in our quest for entertainment pleasure (or did he). Then we headed over to the New Wal-Mart Super Center on the north side of the circle-city. I purchased a film on DVD called Higher Learning for $9.44. It's a movie about the racial issues at a diversely racially inept college. Well, when I went to pay for it, the check out girl (whom was "checking out" Justin the whole time) asked me I was seventeen years old. I remarked, very dumbfounded, yeah. She made me show her my license and I cooperated with her as the good consumer that I am. I laughed at the fact that I had never been carded for trying to buy an R-rated movie in my youth and she just told me thank you. I asked her if she thought I was twenty-two and she said no. I said, well I look twelve in my driver's license picture, so at least I look eighteen now. I guess that will turn in to being a blessing when I'm, oh I don't know, sixty. Justin and I continued on to Blockbuster Video and Movie Gallery where we picked up Waiting For Gufman, The Thing, The Outsiders, and The Distinguished Gentlemen. We had dinner at the elegant establishment Wendy's. All and all, it was a good night. We shared some food, some thoughts, some opinions, and some laughs. But what else would you expect from the two guys who get their kicks from saying, "Heresy’s Chocolate Pie" with a lisp?

"Sometimes God stills the storm to calm his frightened child. Sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms his child instead."
--Unknown

NOTICE: the within pain and then spit at it’s laughter

I yearn for the fruitful knowledge of you. I cannot stand on these bones of my own. Sitting down on my pride, waiting for the days to end. Wanting still for something more, yet never known, but now I see. I listen to the tongue of spite and loose my mentality. I need your grace to overcome me. I want to feel confused and feel utter disorder because then my road will be cleared. The clouds will go away like a rainy day. A rainbow of joy will take hold over me and never let me go. The smoke screen will be blinded by light and turn to vapor without a sight. For this vision is my own, but I can’t seem to touch it. Notice the within pain. Rebuke all of the iniquities that concur my flesh and devour my soul. Let the bondage of my spirit be set free and understand my chosen path. Meditate on the one and only Word, and then spit at the laughter of pain. Evil will die a death of hell-known pain and then I will sit at the right hand. I know now and forever more I find strength in God’s son.

-I wrote this my 1st semester of college in Dr. Cunningham's CE 102 class-

This Is Not A Love Song

My homie Chase gave me back my copy of The Juliana Theory's, Understand This Is A Dream. So I want to listen to one of my favorite songs off the record:

This Is Not A Love Song

"The time is 2:22 and i hope your wish comes true.
But you say i'll know before you do and i hope you're right.
Why can we talk this way; we always speak.
When you're so far away and i'm sitting right here.
It's 10:00 your time and it's 1 by mine.
And i often wonder why you even care.
Do you ever wonder why we met here.
The time is 2:22 and i hope my wish comes true.
And i think i'll know just when you do.
i hope i do.
Maybe this is just what i need.
Maybe i'm wrong."

Badda Bing!

Tonight, I'm studying. My to do list is very long and filled with many-a-things to keep me busy. I'm going to attempt getting up at 6 AM tomorrow to study for my Theology 301 midterm. It should prove to be an excellent test of my knowledge on the subject. However, it's the details in studying particular doctrines that worries me. I have my Evangelism 201 midterm on Thursday, which would classify as my second hardest midterm. As well as registration stuff, presenting my verbatim (which I still need to type out) in Psychology 404 Clinical Psychology, and amongst my two witnessing reports. Today has been pretty good. Reflecting on the goodness or unexpected crappiness of a day can wear you out. So, I'm trying a new approach to living. Exciting, eh? How about, taking each day, a day at a time. Yeah, I know, it’s not really new, but how many of us can honestly say we practice this Biblical principle. And, unless something has gone exceptionally wrong, the day is good. Rather, even if life throws me a few complications, how does that make the day any less significant? I'm trying to remember that this is the day and it’s because the Lord has made it. I will rejoice and be glad in Him. Of course this is something I know. I mean, haven’t we all known it for the longest time? Funny, we learned the simplest, most explicit forms of sound theology as a child (through song even), yet it takes us until we're an adult to realize how true it is and how much we don't really demonstrate that teaching. For me, I will be working on it. I will also be viewing an episode of The Sopranos. I've been following the story for two years or so now. It is because my lack of cable and HBO that I have to rent the season on DVD. I believe that I'm up to episode 8. I can't wait to find out who gets to 'sleep wit da fishes' next. But for now, I must read and type. Kapeesh!

"My face is covered in a puddle of water and I can't get your foot off my head."