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to whom it may concern

 

About Me

Jeff Watkins
Age: Still alive
Email
Occupation: Too many things
AIM:JeffyJeffW
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My library
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Previous Posts

My first trip to Austin, Texas!Went to the biggest...
A Piece of Me Has Died
The fucking USPS
Today's Haul


DCFC - The Barsuk Years
Ornette Coleman - "Tomorrow Is The Question!"
Hanging out, pushing buttons
My jazz collection

Blogs I Dig

His beautiful eyes...
Melissa's Journal
Mosaic Life
Morse Coded Signals
Of Folly and of Vice
Resurgence
Theophilus
Unspace
Words Are Not Enough

Soundtrack of my Life

The Appleseed Cast
David Bazan
The Beatles
Brandtson
Johnny Cash
Converge
Alice Cooper
Copeland
Miles Davis
Death Cab For Cutie
Bob Dylan
Ben Kweller
MxPx
Professor Longhair
Pink Floyd
Ramones
Stretch Arm Strong
The Who
Brian Wilson


Pop Culture interests

All Music Guide
Bandoppler
CMJ
Dr. Mohler's Radio Program
Epitonic
Hollywood Jesus
HM
Monsters in the Morning
Paste
relevant
View Askew
XXX Church

Reading the Classics

Christian Classics Ethereal Library
Literature.org
Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy

archives

January 2002
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© To Whom It May Concern 2002-2010, except for cited or source material.

 

Friday, October 31, 2003

My Reformation Day

Days pass me by
So many, so fast
It’s hard to see them
For what they really are
I would like to live
Each day, by day
So much so
I’d never take any for granted
I look at the passing traffic
Sitting at my desk
I look at my life
Passing me by
I’d like to change
The things that happen
It seems all the more I try
To get out of the rut
The stress never seems to loosen up
Why does life do that?
To me and everyone else
Who pulls the strings beneath?
Perhaps all will tell
Maybe it will all fade
Who knows, who cares
Deceasing the unwanted
Feelings aside when needed
I’ve grown to like this
Being alone is never missed

posted by Jeff Watkins at 12:22 AM

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Thursday, October 30, 2003

Tomorrow Won't Be Here Soon Enough

At 8:00 AM tomorrow, I will begin my last day at CARE. I'm excited. It should be a simple day or should I say, less confusing than the rest. I've sorta gotten the hang of this office. I'm just glad to be leaving 'cause this ain't my calling. But, this experience has be good. Besides money for paying bills, this job has put me into contact with more possible places for employment than I previously had. CARE is one. Some schools for mentally handicapped and mentally disturbed, boys homes, youth centers, and stuff like that. The resources look more plentiful now. If you need someone with a BA to work for you, call me. Chase, Donna, and I watched the season finale to the Joe Schmoe show. If you didn't watch it, you missed out! Anyway, I'm out. Tomorrow is Halloween. Chaz is having a party and it's going to be rad. It's not really that big of deal, but I'm really looking forward to it. I guess I'm just starved for company. But hey, hanging out with friends on Halloween is always time well spent.

posted by Jeff Watkins at 8:57 PM

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Tuesday, October 28, 2003

A Silent Advocate

This writing is primarily written to Christians, non-Christians please read but it may come across a little strange.

Some time back, a friend and I were having a conversation about theology. He was talking about sharing the doctrines of grace with a friend of his. My friend was talking about how most of the discussions on the doctrines of grace revolve around predestination, and such questions as, “Is forced love real love?” It seems that people are preoccupied with what part they play in the work of redemption. Something troubles me about this. I don’t care if you believe in the doctrines of grace or not, that’s between you and God. What I have trouble understating is why predestination is such a big issue. We know that God is good. We know that people are responsible for there actions. We know that we are a chosen people, a royal priesthood. We know that believers are to preach to Gospel. We know that Christ will not cast out any that come to Him. We know that God is sovereign. I think that the most of the focus on predestination comes from not our careful exegesis, but from our concept of God. I firmly believe that most of what is wrong with the modern church, meaning the people and the organization, (and my own life) is that our concept of God is too small.

Christian people use to understand the importance a developed Christian mind. Christian layman used to read and enjoy the works of Augustine, Aquinas, Wesley, and Calvin. Christians use to understand the purpose of a devotional was not an obligation, to God, to read a devotional for 5-10 min, but to grow closer to God and that meant spending time with God. Christian influenced books and music use not to be separated form the “so called” secular, they were right together so that all could access them. Christians then infused the world around them, and they were respected if not agreed with. Again I feel that this is because the church’s concept of God has grown so small. We have reduced God to a loving gene or servant, always there when we want Him, but if we don’t He’s no where to be found. We have come to a place in time when most Christians do not understand what the Life in the Spirit is, and even if they say they understand it, if you ask them to tell you they can not. The Highest thought a man can ever entertain is the thought of God. If you look at the languages of the world, the most revered word of them is their word for God. A.W. Tozer pointed out, it is very significant that the first word was the Word (John 1:1). We speak because God spoke. Through God word and thought are possible, and without Him they are not. Now stop and think; all we say, think, and write are only because God is. [selah]

God is the creator of all things, even more He is the sustainer. The Bible does not teach of a god who created the world and let it go its course, but of a God who is active in the affairs of the world. It is significant that when Moses asked God what His name was He said, “I AM.” This is timeless. It could also be said, He was, He is, and He always will be. “I AM” also denotes self-existence, God needs no one to sustain Him. In fact God does not need anything. God is all-powerful, there is nothing God cannot do. God is all-present, there is no where or when God is not. God is all knowing, nothing will ever surprise God. It should also be pointed out that we are finite creatures, we can not completely understand God. God is above anything else we know. We can not accurately compare Him with anything. We do so as a means to try to make thing clearer. But even though we can not fully know God, we can know attributes of God, some of which I mentioned briefly above. Why then strive to know that which one can not know. I think that is simple, because the thought of God is the highest and worthiest thought a man can ever have. To God we owe the largest obligation. First, it includes loving God with all we are, as long as we live. Second, is to obey Him perfectly without error. Last, it is to worship God acceptably. If we think about it no one, save Jesus Christ, has ever met any of the obligations, but form birth has disobeyed and rebelled against God. The penalties of not meeting our obligations to God is death. The Gospel of the Cross can left such a strain. Still the message of the cross is foolish to those who are lost, but to God’s people it is the power of God. The whole reason for accepting Christ’s salvation is because we can not save our selves. It is God who saves, not man. If every breath we take comes from God, what does it matter if God chose us for salvation by predestination or foreknowledge. The important thing is God. We as believers are to spread the Word to the entire world. Let us do that, let God worry about how He saves, after all we can not save anyone. Still we should study, read, and pray. God may share with us some of His workings, but we shouldn’t separate are selves from other Christians on something so small. Well, I should quit ranting now. I encourage everyone and myself to think of God. If you are interested in what I said and want to read more I recommend the following:

* The Holy Bible
1. The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer
2. 2.The Attributes of God by A.W. Pink
3. Knowing God by Packer
4. Desiring God by Piper

posted by taranhill at 1:45 AM

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Monday, October 27, 2003

I've Suffered A Loss

Today, I noticed something. It happened yesterday. But, I was too busy to realize it. My $15 black Casio watch has died. It takes with it a lot of memories. Until I can get a new one, I have to wear my silver Fossil watch. I always feel like I'm one of those people who are trying to "bling bling" (as the kids say) when I wear it. Oh well. You'll be missed little buddy... *Sigh*

posted by Jeff Watkins at 11:23 AM

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Friday, October 24, 2003

Literally Figurative

I wait for a new fire
To burn bright inside of me
Rekindling this old flame
That was burned out by brush winds sometime ago
Where will I find this fuel?
That familiar space
A desire that vanished
With the ovation of your newfound hatred
I cannot put this off
I will not hesitate
Without anything else
You never wanted to wait
Fakeness fades out memories
Bitterness burns long and continuous
Hurtfulness helps inviting feelings
But, hate keeps our hearts from healing
I respond to nothing
I ignore the resounding gloom
Assuming it’s done
One million times rerun
Flipping to the index
Reading the end is cheating
Too many times bothered
Fifty-four, I miscounted
After today is gone
The sun will not shine anymore
So as this fire, has left me cold
I blame nobody but myself because I was told

posted by Jeff Watkins at 2:53 PM

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Thursday, October 23, 2003

Chevron is German for Beer and Cigarettes

For those of you who don’t know I work at a Chevron of I-10. One thing I noticed from my short tenure at Southern Express #4 is that Chevron is German for beer and cigarettes. Some of you may be laughing, but I’m serious. At my station the beer flows out of our cooler like water, and we don’t even have that much. A couple weekends back, the town I’m in had an event called Rodeo Weekend. Every urban cowboy and red neck in 500 miles came, and over half bought beer and cigarettes at my store. We were sold out of an incredible amount of beer. After I got off work that night, I took a different way home because I knew where those people were driving, and what they bought. If your curious here is the top ten best sellers from my store.

10 - Condoms
9 – Candy Bars
8 – Boiled Peanuts
7 - Icee
6 - Soda
5 - Water
4 - Lotto
3 - Cigarettes
2 - Gas
1 - Beer


posted by taranhill at 2:42 AM

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Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Dont Miss Tomorrow When I Attack the Legalists

Due to current events in my life I have been doing alot of thinking about arrogance. First of all let me say that I have done my share of pointing fingers, and have called quite a few people arrogant during my life as a student of theology. I have also been an arrogant prick myself quite a few times. Lately since my conversion to the "dark side of the force" I have really had to be careful with what I would say concerning theology, lest I be attacked like Nsync at a cheerleader conference. However, is being bold and opinionated about my theological views any worse than my thoughts on movies, music or the Southern Baptist Convention? If I sit there and say that Braveheart is the greatest film ever made, and you think that Rob Roy is better, does that make me arrogant? Or perhaps it just makes me have an opinion. Granted, our faith is far more important that what movies we like, however I think the idea is the same.


The study of theology tends to create all these dividing lines among christians, and that is why we use words such as " arrogant", "ignorant" or "misinformed" when it comes to those who see things differently from us. Sometimes I envy those who are young in the faith, and have not yet heard of all these different theological ideas. Their minds are not yet tainted with the ideas of Lewis, Luther. Calvin or Wesley. They havent had arguements over tulips or bible translations. Nor have they been able to walk into a christian bookstore and wince as they look at the display of the "Left Behind" novels. Growing up, and learning more tends to make one cynical. Or perhaps even arrogant in some ways. When the Bible says thats knowledge puffs up.....I cant argue. However, knowledge is something I have been craving. The knowledge of God, of myself, of my faith and why I believe the way I do. I cannot be the happy go-lucky christian. I cannot just say "Jesus died for me, and thats all I know". Hats off to those who are content living like that. I have to understand why things are the way they are, and sometimes that makes me look arrogant. I wish I wasnt that way sometimes, but going to a theological college awoke the theologian inside me. ( My, was that redundant!) So now I am on the constant search for absolute truth.



This search has lead me to a place I never thought I would be. My studies on my own sin nature made me believe in the concept of total depravity. Well that and the MTV movie awards! I could write an entire essay on human depravity just based on my life. Embracing this knowledge of depravity is not some that I really wanted to accept. I liked thinking I had some good in me. I liked thinking I could better myself in some way. However the truth of the matter was that I was way off. I had way too many questions that I had to have answered. Thats what the study of theology has done to me.....it has made me think. I have doubted everything from my own faith to the very exsistance of God. This has all made my faith stronger, as has my newfound reformed thought. I call myself this...not because I think I am a "calvinist"...that is further from the truth. I will never call myself that, not for any reason. The only reason I use the term reformed is because thats excatly what happened to my faith. I was tired of my mundane spiritual life. I was sick of all of my unanswered questions. I was running around in circles. Now I am excited about my faith. I actually want to study the Bible more and more. Yet I know how touchy everyone can be when it comes to talking about flowers and 5 pointed things, and thats ok. So I will avoid talking about roses and the star of David in any future posts. Thats my promise to you. However, I will not shy away in talking about things that I believe to be true both on this site and in my daily life. I cannot promise that I will always have an answer or a well prepared rebuttal to anything that anyone may say to me, since I am not perfect and dont know everything. If something I say offends you, you will eventually get over it. We seem to forget how often Jesus said things that were considered offensive to some.....of course He called it the truth! I dont have a grasp on what is absolute truth and what isnt, but I am trying to understand all that God will allow my finite mind to process. I will always be bold in what I have to say, and those of you who know me or have read the site before should know this? I mean cmon.....whos the guy who has said "shit" on this website more than once? So if my current line of thought has made me arrogant....than I have always been arrogant. Plain and simple. Now with that being said.....my apologies to those I have offended.

posted by Justin at 10:05 PM

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An Exposition: Driving For Discontentment

The sentiments of dissatisfaction claim lives one by one...

Not for any reason other than one’s own laziness, people will give up on something (tasks, relationships, etc) with sheer effortlessness, rather than continue on with their undertaking to see a verdict revealed. Instead of hanging on to see if victory or defeat is imminent, people will relinquish all joys, rewards, understandings, and new insights that may come with either decision, just for the easy way out.

And for what? The agony of victory? The thrill of defeat? What’s the cost of giving in to defeat and giving up on people?

When one gives up the fight before the final bell rings, they have already rendered a loss before it would have been decided. People in this life give up much too easily. There is no longer a desire for perseverance. There is no longer a desire for determination. As long as you watch out for yourself, you will be fine. Do not worry about the people you let down. Do not worry about your inability to complete a task. Do not worry about seeing a resolution through in a relationship. Do not worry about anybody else. Look out for number one and everything will be okay. This is a poor way to live your life!

The succession of effort to outcome is a necessity in our lives.

All the while, you either decide to give up or continue on the road you are running. A win or a loss is a lesson learned. But to submit before a decision is delivered is pusillanimous. One must choose to better him or herself by finishing the race; no matter if they are first or fiftieth.

Many in the world today see finality as a grave esteem—it can be fixed with time. Take care of yourself now, watch out for others later. “It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.” Whatever you mess up now can be fixed later. Pleasure is viewed as the ultimate goal, no matter how high the price is. Get what you want, than worry about others. It’s the only way you can survive. This is a farce.

Travail to prevail.

You take the good with the bad in this lifetime. A decision, either way is still an outcome; no matter if it’s a win or a loss. If you hung in there, you are a better person for it. We need to be a people who focus on finishing rather than quitting. Let’s stop concerning ourselves with selfish intentions and live our lives with selfless desire.

posted by Jeff Watkins at 4:22 PM

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Monday, October 20, 2003

Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon

When I grow up, I'm going to be an adult. I worked today. Yahoo! Money! Well, some at least. Got a call from my temp service the other day. Today, tomorrow, and next Tuesday through Friday, I will be a secretary for CARE (Chemical Addiction Recovery Effort) in Marianna, FL. It's a so-far, easy and kind of stressful position. When you have somebody waiting in the lobby, but you're busy trying to take a message on the phone, you've got a billion papers in your arms, and all the other lines on the phone are ringing, you start to sweat. However, I'm hoping tomorrow will go by faster than today did. I'm not complaining though, it's good to be semi-employed. Now, if I can get one of these things full time, boy would that be great. I work from 8AM-5PM, which lunch from noon to 1PM. I'm tired, I've got a headache, my body aches, and I'm hungry. Momma, I'm coming home...

posted by Jeff Watkins at 7:54 PM

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Sunday, October 19, 2003

An Apology

It has come to my attention that there are some out there who seem to have grossly misinterpreted my "reformed" post. Since I have done the theological equivalent of "coming out of the closet", I have been deemed ignorant by some, and arrogant by others. Apparantly some people were offended by my post on being reformed, and it seemed to them that I was calling all non-reformed folk as being ignorant. Well that is very far from the truth, and those who know me should know that I would never post anything like that. I felt I had been quite clear with what I said in my "reformed" post. I made plain my three year struggle with theolgical views, and the reasons why I have changed my views on things now. Although I do apologize to those who were offended by what I said. I would assure everyone that the post was not meant to insult, but to inform everyone on what God has been doing in my life. So my apologies to all who saw things differently.

posted by Justin at 9:13 PM

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Saturday, October 18, 2003

Profiteer

Exploitation of life
You make it what we hear
All the things I’ve grown to hate
Everything you’ve been saying this year

Ideals and exhibitions
Grading the system for what it sees
Making paper planes to fly
A reason to spread your disease

These heresies flee
Unabridged by the uninformed
Many more will come to know
These reasons for why I’m not reformed

posted by Jeff Watkins at 12:21 PM

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Thursday, October 16, 2003

Tonight, I Will Sleep Alone.
But, Sleeping Alone Is Better--
Than Sleeping With Someone Who Hates You...

Yesterday and today, the hood and ghetto (my neighborhood) was subject to inspection and reexamination. My apartment had one thing wrong with it, but I now have another year’s lease. Although, I think I’m still planning on moving into Justin’s place, it's just nice to have an apartment to stay in if our plans change.

Last night I watched the movie A Mighty Wind. It’s a film by Christopher Guest, the creator of Best In Show and Waiting For Gufman. It’s a satirical look at folk music in America and of course, it was done in mocumentary fashion, like his other two films. If you like dry humor at all, you need to watch this movie (and the others for that matter). A Mighty Wind is not as funny as Best In Show, but equal to Waiting For Gufman. It’s worth watching if you need something to see while you eat your dinner. I can’t eat food and not watch TV, it’s weird. Do you guys have that problem?

I’ve been hanging out on campus today. It’s been fun. I talked to some new folk and that’s always interesting. It’s funny explaining constantly that even though I have graduated, I still live in this small town and I don’t have a job. I get weird looks, which is expected I suppose. Who knows what God’s got for me? Well, not me for one. And not you either. It's also funny to see people you used to be so close to and watch them start to fade from your memory. Sure, it's an ambigous thought, but it's true. I saw a few of those fade-awayers today. God help me to fade...

"Why you even care. Do you ever wonder why we met here? The time is 2:22 and I hope my wish comes true. And I think I'll know just when you do. And I hope I do. Maybe this is just what I need and maybe I'm wrong." The Juliana Theory, This Is Not A Love Song, from Understand The Is A Dream.

posted by Jeff Watkins at 7:44 PM

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In typical Justin McLeod fashion, I am back to writing yet another post about love. Last night I had a conversation with a friend about how my mind keeps going back and forth about my love life. One day I am perfectly fine about being single, and then the next day I am feeling like the lonliest guy ever. Recently I thought maybe things was going to work out with this one girl I was interested in. Now she doesnt even return my phone calls. This shot my confidence level all to hell. I wish I knew what went wrong, or if I did something wrong. However, I realize that it must not have been meant to be. Of course now I wish I knew if something is ever supposed to be. I have been single for a very long time, and now I am beginning to wonder if that will ever change. It seems like everytime I try and get to know someone, everything blows up in my face. So now it seems like the best thing to do is just keep to myself, although I dont think thats such a good idea. I just want something to change, and I know that I cannot make anything happen. Hopefully God will let me meet someone soon, since the love stories are getting old.

posted by Justin at 3:04 PM

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Wednesday, October 15, 2003

What's For Breakfast?

Nothing. Not yet. I'm stuck here in class. I'm not hungry for learnin' not this mernin'. I want some grub. I'm 'bout to have to kill some folk...
Sorry, I don't know what got into me. Oh, wait. Yeah, it must be Menace II Society. Thuggage-In, Thuggage Out! It's Jeff's fault I've been corrupted. Boy knows I only watch movies rated "G". I can see the misunderstanding...

Last night we (me, Jeff and Donna) watched that hood flick. We kept eye on the clock cause at 10 central the new episode of "Joe Schmo" would air. The movie ended just in time. "Joe Schmo" was no disappointment. That was over just in time too. We flipped down to Letterman who's first guest was John Cusack. Candid as I hoped.

Afterward we caught a summer repeat of Conan. Ironically, the topic was Schwarzenegger. Relating to a story, Conan impersonated Arnold and said, "This always happens to me. I grab girls and they get mad!!!"
This story had nothing to do with the sex charges. Those didn't become public until recently, months after this episode taped.

See, this was a night when television worked out nicely and to my enjoyment. It was as though t.v. programming was, in fact, pre-programmed and in line with some greater cosmic scheme. I was mystified to say the least.

I got to be up out here now. Breakfast calls.
"Fool, Fix me some grits!"

posted by Chase at 8:26 AM

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Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Happy Thanksgiving Canada

Trying to find work in Graceville is like trying to find happy black people at a KKK rally...

The wedding this weekend was really cool. It was nice to see a couple of friends, who are truly in love, tie the knot. I met some really nice people as well. Chuck, Jon's old youth pastor, married them and he was a really Godly guy. Josh, a friend of Jon's from the church was also a fun edition to the wedding party. Allison's maid of honor, Joanna, was also a really cool girl. She and I have started writing emails and she is probably one of the most honest girls I've ever met. All and all, minus all the rain, it was a really nice wedding.

In other news, I think Justin and I decided it would be better for the both of us if I moved into his apartment instead of him moving into mine. I'm finishing the paperwork for the Graceland Manor and soon, I will be in like sin. I'm excited that I can leave my house now and feel safe once again.

I think that's it for an update...

posted by Jeff Watkins at 4:30 PM

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Sunday, October 12, 2003

The Shot Heard Around the World

As promised, I am trying to blog more frequently. I mentioned last week that I have pursuing my theological studies more as of late. I had gotten to this point in my life where I needed certian questions answered that my current theological postion just would not answer. I was tired of running in circles. Over the past month or so, I have gotten alot deeper in the scriptures, and really tried to understand my beliefs, and to really ground myself in the truth. Call it a crisis of faith if you will. I have always struggled with doubts when it comes to my life and beliefs. In my opinion these doubts have made me a stonger person, considering I question everything. Alot of people don't question anything, least of all their faith. I guess somehow we got it into our heads that it was wrong to doubt. So in light of all of these doubts, it led me to really study what I believed. I needed to know excatly to what extent I believed in God's sovererignty and our own human depravity. So with that being said, I now consider myself reformed, not just in the non-catholic sense, but in the theological position as well. This has been a long three year process for me, considering I hated the very idea of being a "Calvinist" when I first stared studying. I have called it heresy before, but I was ignorant at the time. Then eventually I actually saw reformed theology as a valid postion, although I still didn't agree with it's tenants. A few weeks ago I started reading A.W Pink's " The Sovereignty of God" and I kept my bible open to reread the scriptures he would quote in the book. I found that I couldnt argue with his points, and with scripture. So after much seeking and prayer I feel like I can say I am reformed. Of course the more I read, the more I realize what I dont know. All I know is that I feel so much more free now than I have felt in years. God's grace is amazing, and His love endures forever.

posted by Justin at 1:43 PM

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Thursday, October 09, 2003

Once I had a dream and now it may come true.

posted by Chase at 9:22 PM

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Songs of Love Are Better Than Songs About Sorrow

Tonight will be the last post from me until sometime next week. I have a good friend getting married this weekend. I am lucky enough (and honored in that) to be a groomsmen in his wedding. Jon Egan is a former roommate from my sophomore year in college. His bride-to-be, Allison, is also a pretty good friend of mine. She only attended school here for one year, but in that short time I got to know her pretty well. And needless to say, but I will anyway, Jon and I are really close. So, I'm riding over with a couple (Walt & Diane) tomorrow and I'll be back on Saturday. We'll see if I can get some pictures of me in a tux up here. I'm actually taking my camera this time, so maybe it’ll happen. It doesn't happen that often, but you know, I'm vain when I have to pay $75 dollars to wear something for a few hours. So, expect me to flaunt my junk. Actually, I'll probably just end up just feeling fat and ugly about myself. So, check back to see how I let my self-consciousness overtake the little confidence I have. Until then, I'll leave you with some words that I'm thinking about. It doesn’t relate to the wedding. Just some other people I know. No, not you:

"He plead the fifth too long. Deserving to walk the plank and fall. No longer blind, the light hurts his eyes. In hopes that time will help anesthetize. Annul the hurt; the shame. That's eating him alive. He's praying more their friendship will survive. Ok, so far I'm not impressed. When does it get good? And how much time is left? No way, she can't end up with him. Did the hero die? Don't the good guys win? Don't they win? Don't they win in the end?" Craig's Brother, Masonic, From Lost At Sea.

posted by Jeff Watkins at 8:45 PM

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Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Workin' Man's Blues

I went back to that temp place today. I got up at 4:15 AM, drove to the temp place by 5:30 AM, left the temp place by 5:45 AM, made it to Enterprise, Alabama by 6:30 Am, started working around 7:00 AM, and got off work around 2:00 PM. I got paid $45.00 bucks for my daily wage (including $9 for gas money). I got paid for 8 hours too, which was really cool considering I worked for 7 hours. Of course, I had to move 3000, 50 pound bags of grass seed with 9 other guys. We moved it out of a boxcar and onto palates. On top of that, I had to listen to a lot of the ignorant crap they were saying. I stated my opinion a few times, but I mostly kept my mouth shut and tried to get the job done. We had some slackers, so that was frustrating too. Moral of the story: I need a new job. But, hey, money is money. I need a shower!

posted by Jeff Watkins at 4:34 PM

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Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Ain't Nothin' But A 'G' Thing Baby

And 'G' stands for groveling. That's where I'm at in life. I'm begging for work wherever I go. I know God has got something for me. I just have no clue what it is or where it's at. In my most recent move toward employment, I got several things accomplished yesterday. I went by Kelly Services and filled out a butt load of paperwork. They find you temporary worker jobs and sometimes they can get you directly hired to a company. I also went another temp place and it's not as nice as Kelly. This other place (I don't want to talk crap about them because I need money) I went to is a little bit above the slave trade. Basically, you go work for them and get paid for that day. People call this service, say they need work done, and the service sends people out to the job sites. This seems like a good idea. Of course they only pay $5.15 an hour. They also take out taxes (which sucks if you live in Florida because it's in Alabama and they have a lot). And you can not take a job with a customer of theirs until you put in at least 6 weeks or 300 hours (something ridiculous like that) for their company first. And on top of that, you have to be there at 5:30 AM, which I was this morning. I got up at 4:15 AM and drove the 45 minute ride. However, if there isn't enough work to go around, there is a chance that you don't get to work that day, like me this morning. I sat there from 5:30 AM to about 8:00 AM and I didn’t get paid a dime. However, I have been at my aunt’s house for many hours, yesterday and today. I got fed well. So, what’s the moral of the story? I don't know. It's an experience I needed to do and I'm going to do it tomorrow because the lady said there will be work. Plus, thirty bucks is thirty bucks. I was mooching off of Donna's internet for the past while. She finally canceled it, so I'm back to resorting to borrowing the computer lab's internet. These conventional methods are maddening...

"When I grow up to be a man, will I dig the same things that turned me on as a kid? Will I look back and say that I wish I hadn't done what I did? Will I joke around and still be able to take both sides? When I grow up to be a man will I look for the same things in a woman that I dig in a girl? Will I settle down fast or will I first wanna travel the world? Now I'm young and free... But how will it be when I grow up to be a man?" The Beach Boys, When I Grow Up (To Be a Man), from The Beach Boys Today!

posted by Jeff Watkins at 4:56 PM

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Saturday, October 04, 2003

Only By The Grace of God Go I

I cannot express these feelings
Pushed aside by what my heart contends
Refraining from flaming down
Waving without you seeing me frown
Aspects of life that I have missed
Desired for a better standard of living
Chemically dependent on anything chance
This bitterness becoming my new romance
Awful tendencies to reveal my thoughts
Telling the truth to hurt my own case
Agencies looking to kill my freedom
Pleading insanity proves I am guilty
Stealing ideas from other people
Plagiarizing as a form of breathing
Ripping off their identity
Borrowing climatic moments to enjoy this
Recovered stolen pieces of bliss
Coping with pain for others
Every day growing a little more worried in this
Finished; my life is no more
It was once a shiny new star
On a blank board
I'm too tired to care

posted by Jeff Watkins at 12:18 AM

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Thursday, October 02, 2003

Computer Club, Computer Club

Remember that Pauly Shore movie Encino Man? It was great. So, I'm in the lab at my ol' alma mater, just trying to pass some time. My friend Julie is sitting next to me. I'm going to try to convince her to come to the site right now. We'll see if putting her name on the internet will make her want to remember to keep folded up pieces of paper with our site's address on it :)

"Lying idle in my room telling my thoughts to the moon: why do I always feel so unimportant? To other egos my mind clings and inside these voices ring that I'm just a carbon copy of everyone else. And now I'm searching out my own identity. Something down inside telling me that I'm like no one else but me. But as of yet I still don't know. Who is this guy that I am and for his life what does he have to show? Who am I? What am I for?" Craig's Brother, Who Am I, from the album, Homecoming.

posted by Jeff Watkins at 8:12 PM

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Wednesday, October 01, 2003

While You Were Out.....


I am a slacker. My absence of writings are truly without excuse, save for the fact that I am lazy. So for those of you who actually care about reading what I have to say......I am sorry. The past month or so has been interesting, and I have seen God make alot of changes in my life, and He has blessed me greatly. Two weeks ago I was able to go to Atlanta with my friend Jeremy to go see the Dave Matthews Band. It was truly incredible. I wish I was rich so I could see DMB few times each year! This past weekend I went to Jacksonville to see Bleach and Five Iron Frenzy. It was a really good show, although we had to leave early because my younger brother had gotten sick. That sucked considering we only got to hear about 3 FIF songs. Oh well. In between my trips to see great bands I have pretty much been working and reading theology. I know....I am a nerd. But none of you girls will date me, so what else should I do? I had just gotten to the point of being very disillusioned spiritually and theologically, and so I needed questions answered that have been eating at me for a long time now. So I have spent alot of time reading scripture and trying to get some answers. Now that I feel like I have gotten those questions answered, I can move on to greater things......like being more faithful to this website! heh heh.


posted by Justin at 2:40 PM

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Two Can Play That Game

Instead of going out like Napster, Kazaa fights back!

I found this article through Relevant's newsletter—Kazaa turns tables on record labels, from MSNBC.

Apparently, Kazaa (Sharman Networks Ltd.) is now suing a few entertainment groups for, get this, copyright infringement. Basically, mimicking the exact castigation the Record Industry Association of America has been laying on Kazaa's P-2-P users for months.

"Sharman said the companies used Kazaa Lite, an ad-less replica of its software, to get onto the network. The lawsuit also claims efforts to combat piracy on Kazaa violated terms for using the network."

The reasoning behind the RIAA? To play dirty? Hardly. It's to be in pursuit of those people (or thieves?) who’ve been file swapping media via their computers. Now that these music and movie companies are getting it back, it doesn't seem like such a fun game to start? Yet, the industry doesn't think too highly of Kazaa's attempt to re-screw the companies:

"The Recording Industry Association of America called Sharman’s 'newfound admiration for the importance of copyright law' ironic and 'self-serving.'"

Which is a really good point, isn't it? If Kazaa has been furnishing an outlet capable of enabling everyday folk to generate acts of piracy with such neophyte ease, why would they go and try to piss off the RIAA even more? Fans of the service think the lawsuit is great, but doesn't it seem like The Man will go after Kazaa even harder?

You know that Napster will eventually be around again (you'll just have to pay this time). Thus, Kazaa might only end up having to pay some fines and could still operate and maintain their software, if they would be sensible. But, now because of this lawsuit, I would suppose that receptivity is not a trait of theirs. It seems like Kazaa is just digging themselves into a deeper hole than they were already in. And the RIAA wants to bury them in that hole, permanently!

Read the whole story here @ MSNBC News.

posted by Jeff Watkins at 12:20 AM

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