So before I get into the thoughts and musings of my life over the past two weeks I have one thing to say: Go see Gods and Generals! It is the most amazing film I have seen all year, and believe me, I have seen quite a few.
Ok, now that we have that out of the way, on to more important issues. I have been thinking about the christian "subculture" that we live in and accept into our lives, and it saddens me. Now for those of you who read the site who are not of the christian faith, please bear with me and I will try and explain this the best I can. Here goes nothing.
Christianity (in my opinion) has turned into a list of rules and regulations, and somehow the Church has lost it's "first love" yet again. Legalism has pervaded christianity, and we see factions of "legalists groups" spring up all over. We see false teachings written down in books such as " The Prayer of Jabez", which shows us a God who blesses us only if we meet certian requirements. Ideas such as abstaining from rock music, or R-rated movies in order to be more holy seem to hit us at every turn. Also the current christian "cheesiness" seems to echo in all the lastes fads in our bookstores. (shifting into satire mode)
We now have, Thank God, the wholesome alternative to Altoid breath mints! Yes thats right my friends...its here....the mint with a breath of fresh Gospel-tinged air! It's TESTIMINTS ladies and gentleman! Don't eat those wordly altoids anymore, otherwise your soul will burn for all eternity. No No No dear person, use TESTIMINTS instead, and feel the awesome power of God not only in your soul, but in your breath. Recent studies have shown that a person who's breath was freshened using the patened TESTIMINT system stays fresher longer AND wins more souls to our Lord, than those backsliders eating Altoids. If you have not been sold on these wonderful mints yet, theres more exciting news! Each TESTIMINT is individually wrapped with paper which contains a scripture verse, which can bring even MORE souls to the Lord. So please go to your local christian bookstore and pick up some TESTIMINTS today!
(end of satire mode)
I hope you guys got a laugh out of that. I mean what did the creators of TESTIMINTS really think was gonna happen? Maybe some non-christian would be offered one, and think " Crap, I'm going to hell AND my breath stinks, this really sucks!" Thats actually what I believe would happen. As much as I laugh and make fun of all of this, it really saddens me that this is the kind of products that christians contribute to society. Well we also have Left Behind: The Movie, which once again proves how poorly the christian film industry is functioning. Instead we look to hollywood personas like Mel Gibson and Ron Maxwell to bring us our christianity-soaked films, which I am very thankful for. I think their films are much more effective anyways, and more professionally done as well. I hope I have given you guys something to think about, and I plan to write more on the subjct in my next post, but for now I think I will go have an Altoid mint.
So, all day long I’ve been running around with this childish notation in my head to remember to post about how lonesomeness passes and how companionship is still an unavoidable, redeeming companion. Last night, after about thirty minutes of sulking, I drove around to ‘the hood’ to which I noticed my friend’s light on. You are correct, yes I found Sean Tanner. He was home and I convinced him to take a trip with me to Krystal’s. We got to talk a lot, which was cool, and it was a good time to be alive. I learned a lot about myself last night—not really, but it sounded good. In other non-related news, I got an email from another friend today. It read:
“I have something to admit to you. I have a new best friend. He's taken your
place. It happened quite by accident. I was actually calling for you,
but he kept picking up the phone and we just started talking and it went from there. Yup it's true, you've been replaced. By none other than your ANSWERING MACHINE. I mean, I talk to it more then I talk to you...you should have seen it coming...you could have read the signs. Yup we're really good friends now, because I talk to that STUPID THING EVERY TIME I CALL YOU...”
Haha, Bethany Dunlap replyed with that to an email that I had written her this morning. I laughed really hard, but at first I was like what!?!? We're both really busy people, but who isn't? Ok, I’m going to go. Just wanted to share my life with you…
I hear the pitter-patter of sorrow calling and I cannot prevent it. It's late and I want to go get some Krystal’s because I'm hungry, but nobody is up or wants to go. Have you ever noticed that the most insignificant things, which are meaningless, seem as important as the travesties that hinder us and come at the most inoperable times. How silly is that? Of course they do not equal in severity, but they cause you equal amounts of tension and questioning. It makes you wonder if you'll ever be able to find that one person for you. That no matter how late, what's going on, if you just needed to talk, get Krystal’s, or just take a ride, they would be there fore you. >>Sigh<< I wait in angst for mine...
Technically, this post was supposed to happen last night, but due to the hatred my computer has for me, it was postponed until this evening. This time last year, I had some different feelings than I do today. Isn't the craziness of life surreal at times? In seventy-something days, I will be graduating from college. It's all starting to come together. Tonight, I did something that I haven't done in a long time. It was probably a Friday night much like this, ten years ago or so the last time I did this. I went to a place called The Playground. But, that's not the significant piece of information. There, I went and did it—yes, I went roller-skating. Don't blame me I was forced into it. Tonight, Scott, Richard, Amber Marie, Wes, Kristen, Lindsey, Tyler, Jenna, and myself went there to seek out some adventure and excitement. Kristen lent me her skates, so I didn't have to pay for em’. We know a nice guy named Ashley Miller who works there and he hooked us up with some discounts on skates, laser tag, and free tokens. All in all it was fun. I had to prove to myself that I could still rock and roll it out there on the rink. And while I only fell once, my pride was restored once more in my abilities. Trust me, I used to be so good at skating. I did it all the time and tonight I was rusty, but it went well. Afterwards, we went to Krispy Kreme, had some doughnuts and sang loud songs. Fun and tiring all together, imagine that? As my closure for this post, I'm going to post an entry from my journal. This entry was from his time last year. It was what my heart was feeling at the time when I was reading and trying to apply the Word of God to my life. I got to get up early for a conference, take care, good night, and God bless:
February 21, 2002 @ 1:29 A.M.
Matthew 7:7-12--Ask, Seek Knock...
It seems so simple, yet I totally set my own boundaries in my life. I don’t think about who I'm living for or what I'm going to school for. This disheartens me to no end. I try to do what's right and I don't I even have the right motivation in that. Most of the time, I have no motive at all. So, what shall I do or say? Ask, seek, and knock. It seems so simple, yet it feels like trigonometry. God help me to understand your sovereign grace and your atonement. Help me to understand all the things that cause my life stress and heartaches. Thank you for working your will in my life and waiting on me to make the right choice. I love you and praise you and give you the glory in that. Amen.
My home computer has a serious software problem, so I cannot get it to boot up. So basically I am not able to get online, which is why you havent seen a post from me in a few days. So I hope everything will be online and working very soon, and I will have a new post up in a few days. God bless.
A man halting in his journey, in no certain place with no certain characteristics, sees a unicorn cross his path in despair. This is as alarming as the event will ever become. A second witness spreads the line of reality thinner. "Hark I thought I saw a unicorn," says the second man. A third witness, thinner still. A forth, thinner still. Until the line is spread so thin that the crowd recites, "Alas a horse with an arrow in it's forehead, it must have been mistaken for a deer."
This isn’t the hardcore mom’s like. Before you pick up any stones, feel free to read this post:
Last semester, I too, was doing research at the FSU campus library. It was for my Psychology of Religion class. My paper was on the media and what effects is has on society. Another student, Toby Rohiem was doing the same topic as I. In doing research, he found this site that was described as, "The # 1 Christian Pornography Site." With an obviously audacious statement such as that, controversy was destined to be an intricate ingredient.
As it turns out, the site is run by some pastors, whom, not like many other ministries, are seeking out to specifically and explicitly inform people about the dangers of pornography. They’re finally shedding some light to the deception behind it and how it can be detrimental to your job, family-life, and even life itself.
Recently, I was visiting the site to see what the guys were up to. Mike Foster and Craig Gross (site owners) had just returned from a weekend conference of sorts. Not your typical retreat here. They had set up a booth and attended the annual Adult Expo in Las Vegas, Nevada. This seems a tad bit controversial to me at first glance, but after reading the article, I was intrigued at their sincerity and willingness to help people who struggle with something I myself was once a slave to.
“It was very weird to be having a church service in the midst of darkness...but God showed up and blessed us all,” says the article.
"...many attended looking for porn and left with a Bible and were added to our prayer list. It seemed so out of place-the ‘Bible’ that is mixed in with porn videos and magazines, yet that simple book can offer so much more than all of those other things. Trust us, the cover of our Bibles did not match up to the other covers in that place, but that Bible is the seed that was planted in 1,000 peoples lives-we pray for the harvest! People wanted that book because deep down inside they know that everything else they put in their bag would just be a temporary fix and afterwards they would still be searching. May they search no longer and may they meet the One who will satisfy their every desire, this is our hope and our prayer."
To some, this site may be a great outreach for people who are submerged into the realms of pornography and who are losing a seemingly endless battle to pornographic material and the lust of the flesh. Rather, others see this site exemplifying questionability and being very litigious. I see these Christians doing more ministry-orientated work for this porn issue and the people who have fallen prey to this suffering, than any church or ministry than I’ve seen in a long while. God bless XXX Church and their ministry...
To Whom It May Concern Goes On Location, pt. 2 Three months ago Jeff paid a visit to the FSU library. Today I am here. Walking into the room I knew that they knew I wasn't just another Seminole. They knew I was one of those guys from the To Whom crew. They knew where I was coming from, and they knew they best beware. Believe me I could tell. Passing each table students dropped jaws, pens and books. My presence was a distraction, but I could not be blamed. I was being careful to observe the no talking rule, but the library guy came up and said that I was allowed to talk. He escorted me to a computer to work at, then asked if he could oblige me with any refreshment. I asked for a soda, a bagel and a cold towel to wipe my brow, I've had a fever lately.
Okay, so most of that was a lie. I am in the FSU library and I do have a fever, but to be quite honest I feel slightly out of place. My shirt reads, "My hair is this color because I ate paint chips as a child." Anyone who read it probably thinks of me as a high school punk. This is a centre of learning. Sure, it is also the home of the Criminoles, but many here are working toward their masters.
These people are motionless. My eyes wander around the room and no one repositions. The only moving people are walking to a computer or work table where they will become stagnate. I guess when so much is going on in the brain they'res just not strength for physical excertion.
I'm going to get back to work now, tell the kids I said "hi."
Last year I complied a list of movies that I was looking forward to seeing, so I thought I would dothe same this year.
Gods and Generals- Ron Maxwell's vison of Jeff Shaara's novel about the first two years of the Civil War. It's actually a prequel to Gettysburg (which is on my top ten films of all time list). It looks to be an amazing film, and it opens friday! I plan on being there. (on a side note this will be first movie I have been to see since Gangs of New York) Best Picture anyone?
The Matrix Reloaded, and Matrix: Revolutions- Trailers look really good, and both Matrix sequels are to be released this year (May and November respectively), so it will be fun. Most likely will be Oscar nominated for Visual Effects.
Jersey Girl- Kevin Smith's return to directing since Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and the new film will show a brand new side to Smith as a film maker. From what I have heard, this film is going to be a tear jerker, and very emotional. Kevin himself is totally in love with this film and say "it's the best film we have ever done". I have always loved Kevin Smith's writing, and his movies, so I anxiously await this one. I think it's supposed to be out in the summer.
Finding Nemo- PIXAR has always been consistant in my eyes. I have been a fan ever since the first Toy Story came out. They always make me laugh. They are fun movies, and the latest offering by the studio looks to be quite exciting. I think it opens in the summer as well.
The Alamo- this film seemed to be developmental hell for a while. First off you had Director Ron "Opie Taylor" Howard leave the project due to the studio conflicting with his "vision" of the film. Then a huge script rewrite, and a league of other problems. I followed all of this with great interest, and praying that they would not can the film, since I have been a long time lover of the Alamo story. Well I am also very impressed with the casting of the film, Dennis Quaid as Sam Houston, Jason Patric as Jim Bowie and Billy Bob Thorton as Davy Crockett. Sounds like a good cast to me. The film is already being shot, and it is opening on Dec. 12.
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King- This is by far the most anticipated movie of the year for me. Peter Jackson has totally blown me away with his take on Tolkien's beloved story. I cannot wait to see the final chapter, and see how Jackson does it. He has said countless times that this was his favorite book out of the three, and so naturally this would be the one he makes most personal. I think it will be like nothing we have ever seen on film before, and I pray that Jackson will get win Best Director for this one, since the Oscars snubbed him this year. I am guessing that the release date will be Dec. 17.
The plague of this couple-ridden weekend has finally drawn to a close. And yes, I too, much like Justin (Highlander) have endured. I sit in my room alone still. Won't this ever end? While I'm working on my homework for computer class, I contemplate my relationships of old. I don't usually do much soul-searching regarding my past love(s) because frankly, I think I’ve been the one who has messed them all up. Of course, there were equal crimes committed by both, her(s) and I, but I still wonder about them. Yes, I have been the one to break up with a girlfriend before or decided a girl and I shouldn't seek a relationship anymore, but besides that, I know they weren't my entire fault. Right? Of course not! It is impossible for one person to simply be the reasoning for any failures that his or her love life has ever seen. Yet, these are the same thoughts that have kept me up many nights before. But, really, why do we go around and spend time dwelling on who was right or wrong? Most of the time, all we’re really doing is seeking to find only one answer to a certain question. What the heck happened? That's the key question to anyone who has ever had a failed relationship. I'll expound on mine later if need be, but the source to all my bent up hostilities and bitterness goes far back, beyond anything you could imagine.
You see, the story about my relationships goes all the way back to the nice mature age of three. I was in preschool at Harbor City Baptist Church in my hometown of Melbourne, Florida. It was there that I had my first physical experience with the opposite sex. Her name was uh...well...ugh...I don't remember her name. Can you blame me? It was almost twenty years ago. Anyway, I remember trying to convince this young lady (and I do mean young) to kiss me in the bathroom. If you remember the old church buildings that had the bathrooms that you could open from both sides, like there were two entrances. Well, it was my clever and sly scheme to have her go in one side of the bathroom and I would go into the other classroom and go in through that door. Then, we would meet in the middle and enjoy a few seconds of kissing pleasure (I swear this was going through my mind). Ok, maybe not all of the detail, but I really did try to make this happen. Yes, even children are depraved. As time and age would allow it, the girl didn't want to have any part of it. She just wanted to be friends. This was the foundation of my life and the beginning to my journey through this crazy thing called love and as it would be, numerous failed relationships.
Now, I cannot even begin to start and explain all of my relationships past and present. But, I can begin by telling you what I've learned about the opposite sex. While all of that was mere humor into the perspective of my love life, I simplify my thoughts back to the days of my post-terrible two's. I didn't get that girl then and I my date book isn't necessarily any fuller these days. What it comes down to is this: I didn’t understand that girl then and certainly don't understand women now. For example: some girls at my school wore black on Valentine’s Day. While I found some of it funny, other parts annoyed me [some girls] in particular. I know what you’re thinking and yes I was wearing black too. But, why should I have to change my color-coordinating preferences because some girls want to humorously protest the 'love-day'? If you are single, that doesn't signify anything. It just means you are not currently in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. It certainty doesn't constitute you being considered a dork, unsuccessful, nerdy, or some other witty junior high euphemism. You make a day like Valentine’s Day mean what you want it to. If you want to act like you are a failure because you don't have a significant other, then so be it. But, you are just as successful of a person with or without a relationship. Its just plain nonsense to see it any other way. I thought we found our confidence in Christ? Not in feeling all lovey-dovey one day a year. That's why I had a problem with those girls at my school. Anyway, as it would be, I still don't understand the ladies.
Like I said previously, I've felt insecure in my past relationships. Like I've caused them to fail. Inevitable, it was just one of the unexplainable occurrences of life. Whether it wasn't God's will, I messed up, she messed up, it was by chance, our free agency, predestination, who knows? All I do know is that it ended and caused me to do one of four things: 1.Get sad. 2. Get mad. 3. Cry. 4. Write a poem. All in all, I'd say the average results weren't too bad. They still ended and I can't explain that. I'm sure it's like that for everyone, but at this point in my life, I'd like some explanations. Maybe all I'm looking for is closure? Maybe I'm just trying to find an excuse to rethink and rehash old flames that were extinguished long ago? I don’t know.
Nevertheless, I voyage on to find the 'one for me' or whatever ideal I have been brainwashed into believing. You know, I don't know if there is one special person for me or if there are several gals out there who would be a perfect match. I don't know anything. The older I get and the more educated I get, the more I realize that there is so much more to learn and I don't really know that much. Thus, I feel dumber. I think that is the key to becoming an adult. And for a Christian, realizing that you cannot do anything outside of yourself and you must rely and be totally dependent upon God for everything. Whether your job, your love, or you finances. That’s the focal point of Christianity and at the least, adulthood. The thing I now have to come to grips with in my life is realizing how inconsequential all those other things are. Passed relationships, failed or successful are still, in the past. We should remember history, but never let it sit as the center of attention for too long, that you might dwell on it. Learn and let go. Regrets don't do any good because you cannot change the things that have already been done. Learn, live, and let go.
I know, this is a really long post and you're waiting for the conclusion or the point; something significant to take with you. Sorry folks, there are no earth-shattering revelations in this one. It stands a mystery to me, as do some other aspects of life. All I know is, until I seek the Lord fully and until I am most ultimately fulfilled in him, I won't be able to understand life or grasp the mystery that is the opposite sex, known simply to us all as the woman.
(I know, it's long, but I put my heart into it)
"Whether truth is stronger than either wine, the king, or woman." From Commentary on the Ethics of Aristotle by Thomas Aquinas
When I was young, the smallest trick of light,
Could catch my eye,
Then life was new and every new day,
I thought that I could fly.
I believed in what I hoped for,
And I hoped for things unseen,
I had wings and dreams could soar,
I just don't feel like flying anymore.
When the stars threw down their spears,
Watered Heaven with their tears,
Before words were spoken,
Dear Father, I need you,
Your strength my heart to mend.
I want to fly higher,
Every new day again.
When I was small, the furthest I could reach,
reach, was not so high, then, I thought
the world was so much smaller, feeling I,
could fly. Through distant deeps and
skies, behind infinity, below the face of
Heaven, he stoops to create me.
Man versus himself. Man versus
machine. Man versus the world.
mankind versus me. The struggles go
on, the wisdom I lack, the burdens
keep piling up on my back. So hard to
breathe, to take the next step. The
mountains is high, I wait in the depths.
Yearning for grace, and hoping for
peace. Dear God... increase. Healing
hands of God have mercy on our
unclean souls once again. Jesus Christ,
light of the world burning bright
within our hearts forever. Freedom
means love without condition, a
beginning or an end. Here’s my heart,
let it be forever Your’s, only you can
make every new day seem so new.
I wrote this about a year ago to be compiled into my book of poetry. I hope this speaks to you guys. Oh yeah......and who wants to buy a copy of my poetry book??
Fill me with your love O God
I need an extra hug tonight
Lonliness is so consuming sometimes
Yet so is Your spirit
I am sorry that I have forgotten You
Its no wonder that my life seems empty
I've poured You out to try and refill myself
I am missing You even thought You never left
Fill me up with You and keep me safe
Thank You for saving me and for second chances
For the way Grace extends her hand
While Forgiveness drapes me in white
Thank You for home and the warmness of the fire of Your love
Grant me guidence and stronger faith
Hold me now
It's late and I'm setting here listing to Neil Young's 'Live Rust' on LP. It's a live recording. I've had in on tape for a long time. I got it from Slippery Pete today, God Bless his soul. I got a lot of other good records from him and a Bob Dylan promotional display. This was done with Rosie, Teresa, and Logan at the flea market. Today was the first time I've ever been to the Dothan Flea Market. I will probably be back. The day was good. I got to go to church and spend a lot of time with good friends. It was a worthy while day. On the bad note, I am still recovering from what ever is going around. I will heal though.
Hey Hey My My (Into the Black)
I look around and see the needle and the damage done. A little bit of it in every one, but every junkie is like the setting sun. Oh the damage done. those kind of words make me think. I've never done needles, not because I'm any better than anyone else. Mostly because I'm afraid of needles, but also because God never set those circumstances before me at a time when I would have said yes. There was such a time. Drugs aren't cool, their just not. No matter what the type, you still get shot, and you still look stupid. Drugs are vices and vices really are apart of our lives. Whether drugs, alcohol, sex, music, books, caffeine, or video games. A vice is a vice. None of the things I listed are vices when used properly. But all of those items abused become vices. I hate vices, and yet I am a man of many vices. We turn to vices when we can't or don't won't to handle or deal with the world around us. We think reality becomes too much, and then we seek escape. Vices aren't always sin, but it doesn't take to long for them to become so. Even if they were ok with God they don't give us a real picture of anything, they just help us to forget for a while. Then we awake and seek to forget again If so many people seek escape what does that say about us, what does that say of our country, or our world? I'll leave you with that, but keep in mind I'll post the positive conclusion to this later this week (D.V.) What does it say about us?
Friday night came and went, and I survived! I spent the evening with my friend Jacob and we watched a Jerry Seinfeld stand up comedy dvd, which was quite funny. Sadly, neither one of us has dates, or any candy for that matter. However in retrospect, this weekend went fairly well. I have still been doing alot of thinking about love, and it's been quite interesting. I have been single for over two years now, and it seems like whenever I get close to a girl that everything goes wrong. Alot of people tell me that I should just quit looking, and not worry about it. I dont think I ever could stop looking, its just not the way my mind works. Love is something that I greatly desire; so I always feel I am doing love wrong if I stop looking.
Sometimes I sit and wonder why I am single. I am not a bad looking guy, and I think I am a great person. I am easy to get along with, and I have wit and a charming personality (according to me)! Althought I do think people consider me to be a loner, and in alot of ways its true. I dont really try and approach girls much anymore. because I got tired of the lies. I tend to shy away from the girls I like anyways, I guess I get scared. It seems so easy for everyone else. Most all of my other friends have no problems sitting down at a table of girls and talk, and hang out with them. Well I do. Maybe its something that I have to get over. In my eyes, girls just are not interested in me at all. I think some may be intrigued by me, but thats as far as it goes. The thing that I am not sure of is the fact that I dont know if it's me or them who has the problem. I guess one day I will figure it out.
Typical (about no one in particular)
Trying to get close to you
But always ending up in stabbing range
God knows I wish you would notice me
Instead I sit at my table sipping coffee
While you walk on by
Wasn't today beautiful? As I’m sitting here listening to some Frank Sinatra, I’m thinking today was a good day. It felt like a nice late spring/early summer afternoon. I had planned to get up early and work on some stuff for my computer class, but that went awry when I kept resetting my alarm. I eventually got up and moseyed over to the computer lab. I worked on what I could, but I didn't get finished and I still have some more junk to do for my class. My buddy, Sean Tanner was in there working on some stuff too, so after the lab closed we decided to go grab a bite to eat in Dothan. We visited our local dirt mall, Sadie's Flea Market. What a great place! I picked up a couple of comics for one dollar and they turned out both equaling about seven dollars in value together. Then, we headed over to the record table to see To Whom's... good friend, Slippery Pete. Now, this is not the guy's real name. He actually said his real name today, but for the life of me I cannot remember it. Anyway, he is a real interesting fellow who owns a lot of vinyl and talks a lot of crap. He didn't have much of what I was looking for today (no Reba McEntire, sheesh). But, it was a pleasure to talk to him as always. He only managed to offend me once today. Apparently, he misunderstood my question. I asked him if he knew a guy from Bonifay, Florida who ran a website that sold vinyl. Pete then proceeded to go into a frantic and abrasive ten-minute explanation of why he didn't deal or sell over the internet. Never the less, I figured he just didn't know the guy. Then we headed over to the Goodwill and I got an En Vogue single (on vinyl) which features a cover of the Beatle’s song, Yesterday and a copy of Christian History magazine which features an article on the medieval theologian, Thomas Aquinas. Then, Sean and I got some grub at the local IHOP. On the ride back, we reflected on the beauty of a day at the flea market and a tasty meal at your local IHOP. Life is good...
"We destroyed the government. We're destroying time. No more problems on the way. I'm through doctor. We don't need your kind. The other ones, ugly ones, stupid boys, wrong ones. I'm all alone, so are we all. We're all clones; all are one and one are all." Clones (We're All) by Alice Cooper, from the album, Flush The Fashion.
Who is She who rises as the Morning
As beautiful as the moon
As pure as the sun
And more awesome the army with banners (Song of Songs 6:10)
Yes, it is St Valentine's and as I prepare for rest, in the first hours of the day of love, I consider love. I comptemplate of my affection for my Rosie, of how our yet short time has come to mean so very much to me. I think of my friends and their reactions to the day. I think about the historical massacre and the lives lost in it. I think of Christ's love for me, and I morn. How very unloving am I. I try but still I do not succeed. Reminds me of Caedmon's Call's Song Daring Daylight Escape. The song says, "You can read all about it, of how boy meets girl, and then screws the whole thing up... just like always." It also reminds me of how thankful I am that I am incapable of doing any good on my own. Through God's grace love is different than you think, it's never in a song or on a tv screen. It's so much more than any of that. I suppose I'm still in awe, just like a little kid who got to play around in a space shuttle. Anyway you folks don't want to hear me ramble on any more. Happy St Valentines Day Massacre.
People have been asking me what I'm doing for Valentine's Day and I say, "Nothing out of the normal; wearing black like every other day of the week." Last night when I was in Wal-Mart, the alarm went off as I was walking out of the automated doors. I got kind of embarrassed, just because the entire store looked at me. Mind you, I had not stolen anything. Most of the time, the sales associate, mistakenly forgets to scan something to prevent that. That was exactly what happened to me. You know, that happens a lot and I'm thinking, maybe they should be teaching the sales associates how to do it a little better.
It's officially the day before the consecrated and righteous day of love and I'm reflecting on my life. It's kind of a short reflection, much like my temper has been today. I've been really sarcastic and cynical the past few hours. The stress of twenty-one hours and a bad encounter with a friend have ruined my smile today, but no worries, I will endure. I enjoyed a pleasant evening with a nice friend by the name of Melissa Mann. She'll be a mommy soon, so I would appreciate you guys remembering her and little Nathaniel Edward in your prayers.
Friday, my roommate will be driving to Jacksonville to see his finance' and that will be fun. I’m not going and that’s why it will be fun; because I’ll be completely and utterly alone. It's been a long time coming and I will enjoy some much needed rest, peace, and solace. Being alone is fun, especially on the one day a year you're not supposed to want to be alone. Which is really some idiotic principle or value we've been brainwashed into believing. As for my heart and I, we will throw caution into the wind and not make any definite plans. I'm just going to go with what I think is the best activity for the day. Last year, I was all alone, reading and studying for classes the next day. This year, the next day is a Saturday, so I will not be able to make that excuse. Hey, it's ok if I'm all alone eating a heart-shaped box of assorted chocolates. That's doesn't mean my life doesn't have meaning! Ok, kids, I'm losing consciousness. Take care...
"At times I'm timid like a mouse. But I think it's rad that she digs the Waffle House..."
You'd think I would learn by now
When it rains it pours
Dark clouds engulf me
When it rains it covers
I never seem to stay dry
When it rains it soaks
Will this ever end
When it rains it starts
My heart is drowning
When it rains it kills
She Walks in Beauty
or Some Byron, a Pipe, and Ale
She walks in beauty like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellowed to the tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One ray the more, one shade the less
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress
Or softly lightens o'er her face,
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.
And on that cheek and o'er that brow
So soft, so calm yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow
But tell of days in goodness spent
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent.
It's words you forget to anniversary songs
Bottles bite back your tolerance wrong
Your good intentions count for little anymore
If you're sorry why wage war?
Not fully convinced
Something wrong with this
Could another point of view
Biased and untrue
Tear me away from you
Will you be my valentine?
If i'm a world away
Apologies are breaking me
The constants aren't so constant anymore
Two days i wait for calls to come through
Tonight for me translates yesterday to you
You bend and you wave
You're barely away
I wish i could say tonight
That when you bend and wave goodbye
You'd take me with you
Will you be my valentine?
If i'm a world away
Apologies are breaking me
The constants aren't so constant anymore
Will you be my?
Will you be my?
If i'm a world away
(from a world away)
If i'm a world away
(from a world away)
The constants aren't so constant anymore.
Actually, to best some up today, that should have read, Monday, Tuesday, skip all but one class day. Yes, that's right, I am a slacker. I have a good excuse, I stayed up until 4 AM posting items on Ebay. So, if you're not too busy, please stop by my auctions and maybe bid on some basketball figures, blank cd-r's, or comics. I mean, after all, I have to pay the rent:
I had my first test for History 212 today, Western Civilization. It was kind of tough, but with a high enough curve, I hope to do well on it. So, how does everyone like the new template? I will admit it took some getting used to. I guess that's why I haven't posted in a few days. But, I haven't seen this template anywhere recently, so that will hopefully set To Whom It May Concern apart a little farther than we already are (or get back people like Scott who hate our site). I'm not saying we are great, but this is pretty unique (of course I would think so). This is the week of love (as Justin would say) and while I have no one to love but God, I will try to stay chipper. Perhaps, I might wear black on this coming sacred Friday. Some may say, "See, Jeff, you're giving in. That's what they would expect you to do. Give into the singleness. Exploit yourself in the shame of a holiday that you cannot celebrate." And I would say in reply, "Hey! What's the big deal? I wear black everyday."
This could be considered the week of love. Valentines Day is upon us my friends. In a few short days we will be subjected to bubbly happy couples celebrate with wine and roses, or if your baptist.. grape juice and roses! It's funny to me how on this day (of Feb. 14th) that all couples tend to morph into "Price is Right" contestants in some way or another. They are all giggly, and "I love you" and all over each other. Do we really have to be subjected to all of this? I guess I just look at them in disgust,not because they are in a happy relationship, but due to the fact that they insist on letting EVERYONE know that they are in a relationship. ( I'm not saying thats the absolute here, but just speaking from my own experiences) I am just not happy for them at all. Don't get wrong or call me heartless, I am glad that they are happy. But do I have to be happy FOR them? Can't they be happy without my seal of approval? Their happiness does not put me on some higher plain of exsistence or anything like that, so I see no point in sharing in their happiness. Yes I am bitter to a certian extent, I can (and will) admit that to you. I have not once had a girl on valentines day, and have barely had anything that most people would consider a thriving relationship. So I guess you could say love has eluded me so far.
Well, for those of you who are still with me, I could talk a little bit about love. My little rant could make me seem heartless and bitter towards a stupid holiday, which I assure you is not the case. My beef is with love. Or lack of love you might say. Those of you that know me, or read the site faithfully know that I speak about love alot. Most of the poems I have written on the site deal with love, or losing the love you once had. Theres a post that I am thinking of that is hidden away in our archives somewhere called "What I Miss" and it's basically me pouring my heart out explaining what I miss about having someone. So I get a little bummed around this time of year, since it seems like love is in the air, and I can't seem to ever breathe it in. My air must be filtered somehow.
For me, love is something I read about in books, or see in a movie. I am an Agnostic when it comes to love. I believe it exsists, but I have never had any firsthand experience. Ok, so thats not entirely true. I was in love once (maybe even twice), but I do not think it was true love. It was romantic love, and it was a deep love (at least on my part) but it cannot be true love. I think true love is undying, and lasts forever. True love is the kind of love that was shown in the film The Princess Bride, as a love that would always be strong no matter what the opposition. True love is when Jesus laid His life down for mankind, taking our sins as His own, and making a way for us to have a relationship with Him. True love is not waking up one morning and leaving your wife because of failures in your own life, or due to guilt. True love is not cheating on the person you say your in love with. True love is not shallow, it's not conditional, it's something far more than we can comprehend. My question would be: do any of us really have true love? Thats the kind of love I desire in my life, then kind of love I want my girlfriend to have. I don't want something that is temporary, I want it to last until one of us leaves this earth. But I see no good in myself, I see nothing but a dirty sinner. . I said that to say this: I honestly cannot see a girl who would actually want to be with me. Now, I do not mean that I have self esteem issues or anything like that. I am merely talking about how I see myself right now. I am not the person that I want to be, and I am not even trying to become him. I see the person that I have been in the past, and I look at my past relationships, and I don't see why a girl would want me after all of that. But I am trying very hard not to live in the past, because I know it's wrong. I try to see myself the way God sees me, as a new person, like I had never done anything wrong in my life. This is one of the many reasons I am not God, because I have the inablity to see myself the same way He does. I am trying though. As U2 put it...I still havent found what I'm looking for . More tomorrow.
My name is Charles Emery Hill. I am called Chaz, and this, in case you were wondering, is my introductory post. I am an Irish derelict at the Baptist College of Florida. I enjoy some of just about every style of music you can think of. I am involved in the Society of Creative Anachronism (SCA). The SCA is an international non-profit educational group to recreate the Middle Ages and Renaissance in Europe and Asia. (He holds hand as far out as possible.) It's Giant fun. I am somewhat of a social critic but for the sake of reform not to degrade. I hope to write some entertaining articles every now and then and we will see how all of this works out. Until then, I wish all of the best of nights.
Just letting you guys know....I had a good post for you today, and then I went to publish it...AND BLOGGER SCREWED UP!!!! So my post is lost forever, like the Ark of The Covenant in Raiders of the Lost Ark. I will have something new tomorrow, so please come back.
Ah, newness at last! I spent alot of time today on this template, trying to get it just the way I like it, and I still haven't yet! However, I do like the overall design and color scheme of the template. I wish I actully had knowledge to actually create a new template myself. Instead I resorted to BlogSkins to get this one. I hope you guys like it, let me know what you think. The main thing I want to change is the spacing between the link topics. If anyone knows how to do that let me know. Any other remarks would be cool as well.
The title above is the result(s) of the current day. As I sit and contemplate life’s wonders, I’m reminded of nobility. The need for dignity in your own moral fiber and your ability to let your character present itself without, objection, word, or bias. That’s what truthful conscience is. I made a mix CD for my friend Teresa Tucker today. And thus was the outcome:
Some Songs Worth Driving For (This order is somewhat correct)
1. Intro- “Reckless” From: Transformers Sound Bite
2. Billy Joel- “Piano Man” From: The Essential Billy Joel
3. Squad Five 0- “I Don’t Want To Change The World,
I Just Want To Change The Mind” From: Self-Titled
4. Blindside- “Pitiful”- From: Silence
5. Simon and Garfunkel- “Sound of Silence” From: Bridge Over Troubled Water
6. Ace Troubleshooter- “Misconceptions” From: S/T
7. Stretch Arm Strong- “Express Yourself” (NWA Cover) From: To Legit For The Pit
8. Pedro The Lion- “Big Trucks” From: It’s Hard To Find A Friend
9. Ramones- “Sheena Is A Punk Rocker” From: Rocket To Russia
10. AnBerlin- “Driving” (Demo) From: Blueprints For The Black Market
11. Saves The Day- “Freakish” From: Stay What You Are
12. KJ 52- “Dear Slim” From: Collaborations
13. Unknown- “Amazing Grace” From: Bagpipes and Punk
14. Taking Back Sunday- “You’re So Last Summer” From: Tell All Your Friends
15. Dashboard Confessional- “Living In Your Letters” From: Summer’s Kiss EP
16. Stavesacre- “Island” From: S/T
17. Pink Floyd- “Wish You Were Here” From: Wish You Were Here
18. The Ataris- “Giving Up On Love” From: End Is Forever
19. Aloha- “Protest Song” From: Sugar
20. MxPx- “My Mistake” From: Ten Years and Running
21. The Get Up Kids- “Close To Home” From: Something To Write Home About
22. Death Cab For Cutie- “Sleep Spent” From: Something About Airplanes
23. The Beatles- “Here, There, and Everywhere” From: Revolver
...It’s still Thursday if you haven't gone to sleep yet. No matter what the clock or calendar says...
Power Lloyd I wanted to be Power Lloyd. I was going to change my AIM screen name to that this afternoon, but of course it was taken. I tried it with and without a space too, and I don't feel like adding a number to it. Unless there is a significance to the number adding one to the end of a desired screen name seems to say, "Hey, I'm unoriginal!" Of course, we all are. I realize we here at To Whom have talked about getting this place a face lift for a good while now. Uh, I hope we mean it this time. I will be rigging up some of my favorite music links, as well as links for a few film sites, just like our ringmaster told you. As far as me not blogging, I haven't been a very dedicated blogger anywhere in a month. But, I declare to you Febrero is going to be a different story. Besides, despite popular opinion I haven't been the worst "slacker" this site has ever seen. There are those of us out there, *cough, cough*, who have been signed up for months but haven't written the first stinking post. Besides, the word slacker doesn't fit past times and hobbies. That's like saying, "Oh, I haven't played monopoly all week. I'm such a slacker!"
One last thing:
As you may have recognized Power Lloyd is a Say Anything reference. Anyway, remember the scene where he stood at her window holding a boom box over his head? The song, "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel played. Can you imagine if by mistake instead of that song say another one played? Say, he turns the radio on, twists the volume up and with bass and all you hear the words, "I like big butts and I cannot lie." Then we would have a completely different movie, maybe it would have been called, Run That By Me Again.
There will finally be some new improvements to the site over the next few weeks. This weekend hopefully we will finish a new design for the site! (applause) This has been long overdue, and I am sure everyone is tired of looking at this old boring template we have. Maybe even some of our more anal readers have actually quit visting because of it. Too bad for them right?
I have already added some links for you guys to check out, hope you enjoy. Jeff and I both have our music links up, and Chase plans to put his up soon, maybe we can talk him into posting! Just kidding buddy! I also plan to add some new writers for the site as well, so stay tuned....more madness for everyone!
My day starts so early on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays and goes so long. I have classes at 8:00 AM, 9:00 AM, 11:30 AM, 12:30 PM and 4:00 PM. Plus, that's when my direct study meets too. However, my Tuesday's consist of one class from 2:30-5:30 PM and I don't have any classes on Thursday. Yeah, so I stay up late and well, it's all the more fun to stay up when everyone else has to get up at 7:00 AM and you don't have to. I finished reading a book the other day. It's by John Piper, What's The Difference: Manhood and Womanhood Defined According To The Bible. And, while I probably don't agree with all the guy's theology or even all of his ideas on marriage, I think he wrote a fair piece of words on the subject of what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman. Also, very biblically based methodologies and ideals for marriage. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed it because it taught me a thing or twelve. But, just in case you were wondering. Guys, I'm sorry, you won't be able to say, "I've figured out women" after reading the book. It's a short, 91-page essay with a lot of good principles. You should check it out. Well, it's late and I've got many more hours to kill (maybe I should try sleeping)...
All the cards have been dealt
Chips thrown down, bets have been placed
One pair seem to always equal a broken heart
Your royal flush cleaned me of my feelings
Now I sit with emptiness my only company
You are gone, and so are the others
All playing new games with new players
I played my cards the best I could
But the hand I was dealt was wrong
You prefer playing with Maverick
While I sit a deal a game of solitaire
Just a few short hours ago, the space shuttle Columbia blew up. I don't know all the details. From Yahoo:
"CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. - Space shuttle Columbia broke apart in flames 200,000 feet over Texas on Saturday, killing all seven astronauts just minutes before they were to glide to a landing in Florida..."
I worked 13 straight hours yesterday. Well minus the 45 minute break I took to go to books a million and the gas station, but I did that on the clock also. For those of you who don't know, I work at an eye clinic, and this weekend there is this seminar for doctors going on there. Basically that means I have to give them my soul for the weekend. In fact I am leaving in about 30 minutes to begin yet another fun filled day of garbage, moving tables and general cleaning up. So please say a little prayer for me.
Two interesting things happened to me last night. The first (and lesser important) thing was that I was able to have a margarita last night while at work. After the seminar was over all the doctors went down to the main lobby which had been converted (by us) into a little party area, complete with a little mini-bar. Well I coaxed one of my bosses into bringing me a margarita, and he promptly forgot about it. Then by the time he remembered,they were all gone. Or so he thought. While I was downstairs cleaning up, I saw a lone drink sitting full on a desk. Score! It was an ok margarita, it was improperly mixed, but you cant have everything I guess. Plus I do have to live with the fact that I most likely drank after some doctor, but all the doctors had left so I dont think he wanted it. Then there is the germ issue. Well after working for 13 hours, you tend to not think very well, but it was fun.
Now that I have bored you with my "I guess you had to be there" margarita story, here is the second thing that happened. I met a girl. This whole escapade started while I was browsing the shelves at books a million. I was trying to find this book about independant filmmaking, because I wanted to price it. Well this cute girl was right next to me, and she was blocking the section of books I needed to look at. So I politely asked her if she ran across the book if she could let me know. Well we eventually found it, and then we got to talking. We seemed to get along pretty good, we talked about music, life, school,ect. The I asked her if I could keep in contact with her, since I was about to leave. She gave me her email address and screen name, so I emailed her late last night. Now me being the realist that I am, thinks that I wont hear from her again. I just don't think I have good luck with girls, and I guess I consider myself lacking in the area of female relationships. Plus I dont really think I am the type of guy girls go for these days, but thats my opinion. I have many valid reasons to think these things. ( you think I just make up some of my poems?) However, there is the small chance that she may actually write me back, and may even wanna hang out sometime. But there is also a chance that I could meet an amazing girl, and fall in love,which is actually feasable. The problem would be getting her to fall in love also. Maybe I should change my title from realist to pessimist. Oh well.
Sorry I dont have any deep theological thoughts today, but I am sure I will soon. I have to go to work now, so I bid you all good day, and may God pour His blessings out upon you.