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to whom it may concern

 

About Me

Jeff Watkins
Age: Still alive
Email
Occupation: Too many things
AIM:JeffyJeffW
For sale on Amazon.com
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Previous Posts

My first trip to Austin, Texas!Went to the biggest...
A Piece of Me Has Died
The fucking USPS
Today's Haul


DCFC - The Barsuk Years
Ornette Coleman - "Tomorrow Is The Question!"
Hanging out, pushing buttons
My jazz collection

Blogs I Dig

His beautiful eyes...
Melissa's Journal
Mosaic Life
Morse Coded Signals
Of Folly and of Vice
Resurgence
Theophilus
Unspace
Words Are Not Enough

Soundtrack of my Life

The Appleseed Cast
David Bazan
The Beatles
Brandtson
Johnny Cash
Converge
Alice Cooper
Copeland
Miles Davis
Death Cab For Cutie
Bob Dylan
Ben Kweller
MxPx
Professor Longhair
Pink Floyd
Ramones
Stretch Arm Strong
The Who
Brian Wilson


Pop Culture interests

All Music Guide
Bandoppler
CMJ
Dr. Mohler's Radio Program
Epitonic
Hollywood Jesus
HM
Monsters in the Morning
Paste
relevant
View Askew
XXX Church

Reading the Classics

Christian Classics Ethereal Library
Literature.org
Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy

archives

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© To Whom It May Concern 2002-2010, except for cited or source material.

 

Friday, January 31, 2003

Another Friday of Sorts

Once again, today passes on. Not knowing what it's missing. It just keeps traveling on to the point at which it will start new and fresh. It's good to be alive. Even though sometimes it seems a bit harder to live with the peace that I know, but I press forward. Today, we had a senior class meeting. It was pretty fun actually. Sometimes this whole graduating from college thing seems surreal. We voted on senior class officers during the meeting. I got nominated for vice president and chaplain. Of course, I didn't win any of them. But, that's all right because I didn't want to. It was nice to be recognized by my classmates though. Apparently, it was close on the vice president election and I was semi-disappointed I didn't win afterward. Not much else is going on, just trying to pass all twenty-one hours that I’m taking this semester. This not having a job thing is kind of nice. This not having any money thing sure is a pesky problem. Oh well, this is where it ends. Take care, have a good weekend everyone...


posted by Jeff Watkins at 10:33 PM

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Some Thoughts On Theology

Doctrine: Humanity of Jesus

Probably one of the most deep-rooted theological complexities in all of Christendom is the humanity of Jesus. Christ, being God’s very own manifestation of himself, came to earth, born as a human, lived, breathed, and died; yet still being completely divine. Utterly a paradox of sorts, there are several conclusions one can draw from this discussion. Jesus was born without sin. Yet, he was able to live without sinning. With all the possibilities for sin and temptation, he never gave in to those desires. We originally, were born without sin. Adam and Eve were “without sin” in the Garden of Eden. However, as soon as they sinned, they brought a new spectrum of life to God’s creation. Committing that act of transgression started a cycle of life for us all in a sin natured state. When Jesus became human, he took upon himself the limitations of humanity. Such as, he could not be omnipresent. The beautiful picture painted by the life of Christ was his ability to live in humanity while indwelling himself in humility. Stepping out of Heaven, to be the substitutionary atonement for our sins. The spotless lamb, whom we considered stricken and smitten. Yet, doing it all so that we may have freedom and live eternally with God beyond anything we can fathom. Christ’s ability to be fully human and fully God, live as man and live without sinning is the reason why we study theology. To understand why God is divinely perfect and to understand why we are so utterly without worth.


posted by Jeff Watkins at 2:22 AM

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Wednesday, January 29, 2003

The Truth Be Told

Look how consumed we are today
My room still smells like you haven’t gone away
Only escaping the dredge of sadness for a few
Over a bridge that reflects the sunset’s breathtaking view

Expression of feelings mixed with doubt
Sometimes I wonder how I will do without
New Year’s resolutions that only leave shame
I wouldn’t mind if you would let me take the blame

Can you believe how the time has past
Maybe you and I just moved too fast
From subtle smiles to simple gestures
Although it seems so long after all theses semesters

Writing relapses happen to me more quickly now
Why is it I can tell you’re mad by that wrinkle in your brow
I guess I’m getting old at my young age
The predictability with you and me is deep-layered rage

By the end, this will all be the same
Gosh, this definitely feels really lame
We are the only ones who know what this means
Allegorical and metaphorical lives set up these scenes


posted by Jeff Watkins at 11:07 PM

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Another Day

On our door, there is a message board and it reads:
Check Out Eating Disorders

Makes you think, doesn't it? The things you find humorous at 1:00 AM are not as funny at 7:45 AM.

It’s a video I have to watch for two psychology classes, don’t ask…


posted by Jeff Watkins at 10:48 AM

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Tuesday, January 28, 2003

We're In It For The Psychology

Most of the time... we don't know what to do. That's why we watch television. For the information!?! Another day is slowly passing us by and what do we do focus on the negatives. At least my life is submerged in that sort of, lowbrow nonsense. My roomie and I are fixing to watch a video on abnormal psychology. Isn't it interesting in college? You pay so much money for classes and then get assigned to go to the library and check out a video. Is anyone going to watch the Presidential Address tonight? 9:00 P.M. Eastern Standard Time. God bless us all...

"A fire once burned so bright inside of you..." Your Hero Is Dead by Agnostia


posted by Jeff Watkins at 7:39 PM

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Famous Punks...err, it's Punx!

Did anyone watch the Super Bowl the other night? I know, dumb question. Well, did anyone happen to see the Diet Pepsi commercial where the kid and his dad were united in music, mud, and a mosh pit? Well, if you were paying close enough attention, you would have recognized the band playing on stage was none other than the punk darlings from Bremerton, Washington, MxPx. I didn't see the commercial, but I hoped over to AOL and watched it. You can too and you should. As well, you can watch like twenty other ads. Very good stuff. Now, it's now time to say goodnight, goodnight...


posted by Jeff Watkins at 1:52 AM

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Sunday, January 26, 2003

Whats Your Fantasy?


I find it quite interesting that when I am trying to find a topic to post about that the solution to my problem suddenly presents itself. This is not me trying to defend my tastes or try and persuade anyone to see things my way, because I really don't care if people agree with me or not. This is basically my viewpoint on fantasy as a genre of entertainment, and why it is important and should not be overlooked.

Fantasy in it's most basic form is imagination. Imagination is something that we use to take us away from reality. When most people hear the term "fantasy" they often conjur up images of dragons, wizards, magic,and strange creatures. Which is actually true to a certian extent. Most people also seem to think that fantasy films and literature are under par when compared to other forms of media. The Oscars almost always ignore fantasy films when it comes to anything other than visual effects or sound, so than the few times that a fantasy movie would even be nominated for a Best Picture, it it almost destined to lose. Back in 1977 when Star Wars was released it was nominated for Best Picture but lost to Annie Hall, which no one really seems to remember anymore whereas Star Wars launched a phenomenon of moviemaking that has forever changed the way we look at cinema. The Lord of the Rings books are considered the best works of fantasy (and perhaps literature) ever written. It very well could be the greatest book ever written. So as Jerry Seinfeld would say........"Whats the deal with fantasy?"

Fantasy by nature are usually stories of underaverage people doing above average things. These characters, though in a fictional made up world, are easily related to us as humans. Their struggles become our struggles, and we begin to empathize with the characters. Every person in the world dreams of amounting to something and being successful, and yet we all know the odds that are thrown in our way. We get slowed and weighed down by our lives and we lose sight of what we really want to become. We sometimes feel like Frodo Baggins succumbing to the evil in the One Ring, and we may even give up on our dreams, and let the odds take us. Frodo can give us hope. He was a virtual nobody, just your average person (or Hobbit for the purists) who was minding his own business. His task to destroy the Ring was something beyond his ablity, and all the forces of evil was out to stop him. However he pressed on and overcame the odds. There is something special about a story like that, even though it sounds very simplistic. It's a story about all of us.
Right now with the amazing success of Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, we can see that fantasy is again on the rise. People are wanting to hear and see stories like that, and I am not just talking about skinny white kids who sit in front of computers and play Dungeons and Dragons all day. I am talking about all kinds of people from every walk of life. When the first Lord of the Rings film came out in 2001, college professors from Oxford stepped out of their library and bought a ticket. Some of these guys had not watched a movie in the theater in 20 years! They went because they had a deep love for Tolkien's story.
It's very sad to me that people have disreguarded fantasy and written it off as something intellectually void, and without substance or depth. I actually think fantasy delves deeper than any other genre of media, because it takes us to places we have never been, but would like to go. There is so much truth in fantasy.In Lord of the Rings we see Gandalf the Wizard comforting Frodo when he is wrought with dispair and wishes he had never found the Ring. Gandalf says " So do all who live to see such times, but all you have to do is learn to use the time that is given to you". Or when Yoda the Jedi Master is chastisizing Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back, he says "do or do not, there is no try", trying to get Luke to understand the simple concept of pressing forward to accomplish goals. These ideas are simple, but sometimes it's the simple things that we forget and need to be reminded of.
I don't really expect my little rant to change to world, or anyones ideas, but this was just my thoughts on fantasy and how I look at fantasy-related films and books. So go home pop in Star Wars and go preorder the next Harry Potter book, and take your mind to a different place.

posted by Justin at 5:51 PM

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Saturday, January 25, 2003

Not A Fantasy Guy

Today is just one of those days. Not a lot of action going on. Rob, over at Unspace wrote a piece about the beloved Harry Potter. It is quite humorous to say the least. Now, any of my good friends will always freely admit to anyone that I'm not that big on the fantasy or Sci-fi movies. Star Wars is not the greatest thing and Lord of The Rings doesn't do that much for me either. However, Rob's brilliant writing, Does Harry Potter Die? is destined to be great! Again, I wish you would go unnoticed...


posted by Jeff Watkins at 5:54 PM

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Friday, January 24, 2003

The Friday Five (5)

So, Rich Clark and DYL used to do this thing called The Friday Five. I don't know where it started or why, but I'm going to do my own just for kicks:

1. Why are you doing this? I’m bored and couldn’t think of anything tangible to write.
2. What was the last movie you watched all the way through? A Bronx Tale.
3. What is your newest favorite Bible verse? James 3:6
4. What is your favorite class after the first week of school? Old Testament 201
5. Number one song written before 1980 that everyone should listen to? "The Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel


posted by Jeff Watkins at 8:30 PM

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Looking Out Stained Glass Windows

17 degrees and dropping
The coldest night of the year
With everything between us
It feels like the coldest night of my life
Being obliged to recline
Never helped me to decide what this means
How will I ever feel the things I’ve felt for you again
I write in this bathroom
To clear my conscience
Who knew then and now would be rewritten
Words of foul-mouthed boys dishearten my soul
But, it’s mostly affecting my pride
I want to slander through rumors that are sung
Slang on, but that’s my own endless flame
Untold bills are misconceived
They help me to settle the debt owned by my transgressions
And you say, “I can’t trust you”
I think I see why


posted by Jeff Watkins at 1:43 AM

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Thursday, January 23, 2003

Plizzle Nizzle, It's Cizzle Out Sizzle

Word... Yeah, it's pretty freakin' cold out tonight. At 9:00 PM exactly it was 23 degrees. They say it's supposed to get into the upper teens and maybe even single digits tonight. Yeah, I'm not too worried though because I will be in my nicely insulated and heated room. So, the weight has been lifted, but the pressure has mounted. I got an email today from the secretary of the administer who would approve or deny my application for a direct study. Here's what was said:

"Your request for a direct study for HI 211 with Professor Ivey has been approved."

That's all I had to read. Yay, I can graduate in May. I've got to make it through 21 hours though. However, I am relieved. Yay and everything. I should go read because I'm motivated. God bless you all...

"Work your will, my life is yours, rejoice in you Lord. My faith in you will never die. Live fast, die slow. Stand back, Let go. Choose life. You’ll see, how awesome it is, when God sets you free, live eternally. Forever, I trust in you." Never Die, by Dogwood, from the album More Than Conquerors.


posted by Jeff Watkins at 10:52 PM

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Fo Shizzle My Nizzle

Right now I am very tired. It's been a long day. On Mondays and Wednesdays I have 5 classes, starting at 8:00 AM and ending at 5:30 PM. That makes me a very worn out kid. Interesting musical denotation here: I don't really like System of a Down. They have a unique sound; I'll give them that. But, I think they're as corporate as the day is long. Well, according to my latest copy of SPIN (Feb. 2003), apparently the lead singer for the band, Serj Tankian, doesn't get down to a lot of radio friendly tunes. "When his family moved to Los Angeles in the 1970s, he discovered pop music via the Bee Gees: 'I started with "Saturday Night Fever" and worked backward,' he says." Matter of fact, some of his favorite records are quite great:

The Beatles- Revolver (Capitol, 1966)
Sonic Youth- Evol (SST, 1986)
Bob Marley and The Wailers- Legend (Tuff Gong/Island, 1984)

That's about it. Go steal this post...


posted by Jeff Watkins at 1:43 AM

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Wednesday, January 22, 2003


Mel Gibson's Passion

For those of you who don't know, Mel Gibson is one of my all time favorite actors. I've been a fan ever since I saw him in Lethal Weapon, and have followed his career from then on. Gibson has also proved himself to be a very accomplished director, and when he got behind the camera for the first time, he made my favorite movie, Braveheart. Well this year is going to bring even more limelight to Mel Gibson since he has undertaken the job of filming a movie about the crucifixion of Jesus. Entitled The Passion this move will dipict the final 12 hours of Christ's life in it's most brutal form. So basically this film is going to show Christ's death more realistic than any film before it. I think it's about time. I was able to see some pictures taken from the set where filming was taking place, and it's pretty amazing looking. I have always enjoyed the movies about the life of Jesus, although I found them all to be lacking in many areas. I think however, that this film is going to be powerful, and it's going to shock alot of people. I'm looking forward to it. There are a few good articles about all of this recently, one on Fox News, and another in Time magazine. Check them out.


posted by Justin at 9:32 AM

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003

Pervasiveness

You act like nothing is ever wrong
Everyday the same ol’ things just go on and on
That smile on your face says so much more
Basically it’s the things you’re willing to hide fore

Favoritism only knows the limits your growing
Over all your own ideals and ambitions
Starving and craving for that little lost feeling
Your inhibitions let you be the only one to receive a healing

Occurrences in the confrontations of life
Commonness of your faultiness; the ideals of love
Incidents that only cause me to want to learn
Frequency—the rate at which you make me want to leave

I died and you said you would die too
How mocking that you’re only living on to loom
Divided by time zones and self-built walls
I sing by myself with my hands in my pockets against this hall

I’m getting letters from friends relaying the news
So much pain, just lying about in multiple degrees of angst
The words on a page that leave no clues to see
How you’re moving on and it’s without me

Occurrences in the confrontations of life
Commonness of your faultiness; the ideals of love
Incidents that only cause me to want to learn
Frequency—the rate at which you make me want to leave


posted by Jeff Watkins at 11:10 PM

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Monday, January 20, 2003

I’m A Weenie

Due to our beloved school's schedule, today was the first day of the semester for all of us BCFers. While the rest of the university students all over America have been in school for a couple of weeks and have today off because of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, it was back to the grind for us. No worries though, we had a splendid time nonetheless. Today was a pretty fair day. The first day of school is always the best because all you have to do is get the syllabi. On a brighter note, the other day, I wrote a post about Unanswered Prayers. How ignorant! After I wrote that post, God taught me a thing or two. Why is me failing that one test and unanswered prayer? Because, it felt like God let me down or decided to hate me. I actually think that was meant to be a rhetorical question. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about being let down. I'm pretty sure I'm the one whose been letting God down. With my actions, words, thoughts, and my heart. Praise God for humbleness. None of which I have, but God is beginning to teach me humility. Romans 8:28 is such a hard verse to grasp. It's nice to say, yeah, God works things out for the good. But, when people are facing a tough time, it seems a little erroneous to proclaim that verse. Yet, in this time of discouragement for me, God taught me true, definite, and Godly goodness that only He could have taught. That He, in His sovereignty, is completely in control and there is a purpose for my, as it would be, failure. Ironically, I talked to my western civilization professor and he said I could direct study the class I was missing. So, if the administration sees fit, I can add that to me load, take twenty-one hours, and graduate in May. I'll probably never know why I have to go through all of this to graduate, but I'm not too worried about the trivial matters. I just want to get the heck out of here. Here’s my schedule:

Information Technology 301- Learning Office XP and Publisher
Theology 302- Doctrine: Christology, Ecclesiology, and Eschatology
Psychology 402- The Art of Counseling
Old Testament 201- OT Study: Solomon to Micah
History 212- Western Civilization: 1700-Present
Psychology 421- Mental Disorders and Their Treatment
History 211 Direct Study- Ancient Near-1700

That's about it. Not much in this life to talk about. Honestly, I'm constantly humbled by God and continuously realizing how much of a big dork I am and how magnificent God is. I'm listening to Willie Nelson's Partners album right now. One Weenie Extra Value Meal coming up...

"Sleep with all the lights on. Your not so happy, you're not secure. Your dyin to look cute in your blue jeans. But you're plastic just like everyone, just like everyone. And that face you paint is pressed. Impressing most of us are permanent and I'd like to see you undone..." Swiss Army Romance, from the album Swiss Army Romance by Dashboard Confessional.


posted by Jeff Watkins at 9:47 PM

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My Car Has Cancer

I really thought things were looking up for me, and then something bad has to happen. I received some bad news last night that my car's engine is slowly dying, and it's only a matter of time before it quits on me for good. There seems to nothing that can be done about it, except let it die. So I could be carless sooner than I expected. The flip side to this coin is that I knew that my car would be dying eventually soon (premonition anyone?), but not I have to make plans to get a new car. Oh well, such is life. I do have some good news though, I am still planning on going to Orlando reguardless, so my happiness is not destroyed at this point! Just please pray that God will provide me a car soon. Also, if some of you rich cats you read the site have an extra car you just may want to get rid of, well this poor soul would be interested. ha! I promise I will post more soon, but I just wanted to let you guys know what was going on.


posted by Justin at 6:36 PM

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Saturday, January 18, 2003

J To The E To The Double F

As the credits of The Beatles flop of a movie, Yellow Submarine start to roll, I think that maybe some things are better left unsaid, unwritten, or unrecorded. It's been a few days since I've written anything with substance. I've written a lot of poems, but not too much else. Writing is a great way to vent. I don't really want to write right now. So, I will go sleep. I'm listening to the last Joey Ramone release called, Don't Worry About Me. Funny, it's what I've been telling people all week. G'night...

"...When it's 25 degrees here in Graceville and everything is frozen, I know my heart will be warmer when you are even further away..."


posted by Jeff Watkins at 2:17 AM

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Friday, January 17, 2003

So Much to Say

I seem to be stagnant in my life right now. I know I should not look at things that way, but I can't help feeling like I have been going nowhere. The past 2 years have been unproductive in many ways, and I want it to stop. Life never seems to slow down, and things keep stacking up to somehow deter me from moving on with my life. Alot of this was my own fault, and I will be the first to tell you that I sat around and did nothing about the things I hated about my life. I wanted mr relationship with God to flourish, but I ignored His beckoning. I wanted to get my poetry published; yet they are still filed away. I wanted to stay out of debt, but instead I jumped in headfirst. I wanted to go to film school, but I let myself get stuck in a Bible college. Please do not get the impression that I am complaining or having self-pity on myself; in fact I know that God has used these circumstances to make me a better person, in spite of myself. I just wish I had learned the lessons sooner, as we all do.


The driving force that has fueled my ambitions for over 2 years now is fear of failure. I am so scared of not amounting to anything, and I know thats wrong to worry about something like that. I know I can succeed in whatever I do, but there is still that gnawing fear in the back of my mind. I think part of my reasoning behind this fear is the fact that I am just not content with the way things are right now. Lots of people tell me " Oh well you should be content with where you are right now, God has you doing this for a reason, so just be patient." I always wonder the same thing: Why be content? There really too much contentment going on in the world anyways. Everyone seem to be perfectly happy sitting around doing nothing, and going nowhere. I guess I am too idealistic to enjoy that lifestyle. I need to be out doing something with my hands, I have an urge to create, to make something lasting, even if it's just for me. Thats why film is so appealing. It will last forever, no matter how it is viewed. Some will love my films, and some will hate them, but what matter is: they are MY films. I need that in my life right now, something to call my own. Film is a way for me to express my thoughts on life, and how I view the world. It's a medium that is so full of possiblities and chances to create. If I could just be a part of something like that.....

Well I plan to. Basically I cannot just sit around and play video games, or watch movies all day long, and then go to school and work between all that. Where is that getting me? I am not THAT content with my life to just lay low and wait until something presents itself. I have things planned now, and I have to just go and do it. I see too many people lose sight of their dreams, and just settle for any old job, or any old degree. What happened to dreams and idealism? Check the trash can behind the local college, maybe you'll find some. I have noticed lots of college students graduate and still are doing the excact same thing they did before college. So what was the 4 years for? Seems like a waste of time to me. No sense in getting a degree that your not going to use. That is why I dropped out of college, there was no reason to stay. Now I am looking at Full Sail in Orlando, Florida, they have a very impressive 18 month film degree, so I am going to visit soon. Please pray that God provides the money and means to go there.

Off the subject. I miss getting emails, and I really need to write more. So anyone who feel the urge to email me, please do so. My email is warriorpoet2002@hotmail.com. It makes no difference what you wanna write to me about, I am pretty much up to anything, even if it's talking about Iraq vs. U.S. You can even tell me you hate the site and I am the worst writer since James Fenimore Cooper, but at least I will get an email. Sorry the post took so long, but I had alot to talk about. Hope you learned something, or at least killed some time.


posted by Justin at 5:22 PM

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Wednesday, January 15, 2003

Finding God's Will, or Not


Over the past few years of my life, Ive heard one statement over and over: Is this God's Will for my life? Interesting question to say the least, and no doubt a question that has plagued many christian over the years. I know there have been countless times I have pondered over this myself, and I can honestly say I have never gotten a clear answer. I was very distraught over this whole idea of finding the will of God. I could not find anything in the Bible to help me "discover" His will, and that was really bothoring me. I finally came to the conclusion that finding the will of God wasnt biblical, since I could not find anything in the Bible concerning it.
I realize that there are many things about God that I cannot comprehend, and that I am by no means an authority on the Bible,but I think maybe I have stumbled upon something interesting here. In what little knowlege God has granted me of Himself, I cannot see how God would "hide" His will from me. His will is not something He put off in a box at some old warehouse next to the ark of the convenant, it's something He wants us to know. So then why do we waste so much time and prayer trying to find it? I've know people who have not taken a job because "it was not God's will", or "they didnt feel it was God's will". My question would be: how do you know for sure? When I sought counsel in order to help me "find" God's will I got even more confused! I learned I should just sit and pray about it, and somehow the answer would be revealed, and maybe fasting would help me also. I've known people who would pray " Lord, please show me your will" and then just open the Bible and let the first passage they read be the answer from the Lord. I think thats pretty crazy myself! You may as well just close your eyes and open the Bible and put your finger on a verse, and let that be your answer. Sounds a little too mystical doesnt it? In an article a read earlier today by Bruce Waltke, the author called it "christian divination"!
I feel like the concept of "discovering" God's will for your life is as futile as using the prayer of Jabez, and maybe we should rethink our ideas of what the Bible really says, and means. I will leave you with a quote from the article I read called "Finding the will of God: a pagan notion?", and you can read the full article here.

When I hear Christians talking about the will of God, they often use phrases such as "If only I could find God's will" as though He is keeping it hidden from them, or "I'm praying that I'll discover His will for my life, " because they apparently believe the Lord doesn't want them to find it, or that He wants to make it as hard as possible for them to find so that they will prove their worth
Unfortunately, these concepts do not mesh with the balance of Scripture. Isaiah tells us that "there is no one worthy," and the story of the Old Testament is that man, no matter how hard he tries, can never attain to God. If we really believe in God as the perfectly loving Father, we can do away with our notion of Him as an almighty manipulator and con man.

God is not a magician. Our theology tells us that God loves us enough that He sent His Son to die on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins. So does it make sense that He would play some sort of game with His children, hiding His will? Is it logical that the God who says He has a plan for each life would conceal that plan so that His work cannot go forward through His people? It is time for Christians to observe, analyze, and systematically determine what the Bible says about God's will. Perhaps it is time for Christians to ask themselves if the words "finding God's will" are even the best way to phrase the plan the Lord has in mind for each of us.



.......God bless........

posted by Justin at 9:07 PM

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Tuesday, January 14, 2003

Unanswered Prayers

Today, I took my CLEP test. I got a 48. I needed a 50. At this point, it looks like I'm not going to graduate in May. I hate the feeling I have inside of me right now...


posted by Jeff Watkins at 4:18 PM

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Saturday, January 11, 2003

Not the Pepsi Challange


I ran across this article yesterday while I was surfing online. I thought some of you may like it.


Jan. 8, 2003 -- It seems like a barfly's dream come true: Scientific evidence -- from Harvard Medical School, no less -- suggests that the more often men drink, the less likely they are to have heart attacks. After studying alcohol consumption patterns of more than 38,000 health professionals over 12 years, researchers say the risk of America's top killer, heart disease, appears to steadily decrease as imbibing quantity and frequency increases.


In the study, men who drank alcohol three to four times or more per week were about 30-40% less likely to have a heart attack during the 12-year period, compared with men who drank less than once a week.

The study also found that the type of alcohol beverage didn't matter -- beer, wine, or liquor -- they all provided some protection against heart disease, although the strongest association for the reduced risk was with beer and liquor. These findings are published in the Jan. 9 issue of The New England Journal of Medicine.


Does this mean that more booze is better?


While the researchers find that two drinks seem better than one, and drinking more frequently may enhance protection more than just an occasional indulgence, they stress moderation -- albeit, perhaps more regularly than what some previously believed.


"The amount of alcohol consumed by the men in our study was well within the recommended range of no more than two drinks a day. Drinking heavier amounts does not provide additional benefits in preventing heart attacks and it poses other health hazards," says lead researcher Kenneth Mukamal, MD, MPH.


"And while our study showed a greater benefit from drinking three or four times a week compared [with] once or twice a week or not at all, there really is no additional benefit in preventing heart attack from drinking every day. Once you go beyond those three or four nights a week, you don't get any additional bang for your buck."


Researchers have shown that different drinking patterns can modify "good" HDL cholesterol, and there is evidence it may also improve blood sugar sensitivity, possibly reducing the risk of diabetes. Yet heavier amounts -- beyond the recommended two glasses per sitting -- can raise blood pressure and boost the risk of diabetes, as well as damage the liver, significantly raise risk of traffic and other accidents, and add excess pounds.


"Alcohol does raise HDL cholesterol and may have other benefits, but it also does some bad things, such as have an anti-clotting effect on blood. Studies show that people who drink to excess, even if only one night a week, face a higher death rate," says Margo Denke, MD, of the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas, another researcher who has documented health benefits of alcohol. "My advice is not for people to take up alcohol or see this as a license to drink more in order to lower their risk of heart attack. It's to not eat as much and to exercise more"

The Harvard finding was based on surveys, distributed every two years from 1986 to 1998, about the drinking habits of the 38,000 study participants. During the 12 years, 1,418 had heart attacks -- more often occurring in those who drank little or not at all. The fact that they were all veterinarians, dentists, physicians, and other types of doctors may have had some role in the results, since the health professionals are statistically more likely to practice healthier lifestyles, such as smoking less, exercising more, and eating better.

"It's true that their socioeconomic status and even lifestyle is somewhat different than the average, but we don't have any evidence to suggest that biological effects of alcohol are different for them than for the general population," says Mukamal. "However, heavier drinkers also tend to be smokers but even in heaviest drinking group in our study -- those who consumed alcohol daily -- only about a quarter were smoking when the study began."


He and his colleagues also found the protective nature of drinking was greater in beer and hard liquor than with wine, which is more frequently touted for its antioxidant properties in reducing risk of heart disease. But again, it was a matter of frequency: "When these men drank, they typically had a martini or beer over a glass or two of red or white wine," he says. "It's not that beer or liquor are better for preventing heart attack."


Denke concurs: "Alcohol itself is the active agent, not the type of drink," she says. "The grape skins and their antioxidants found in wine are just blips on the radar screen."


Interestingly, the researchers noted a 25% reduced risk in fatal and non-fatal heart attacks among those who increased their daily alcohol consumption an average of about a half-ounce compared with those whose consumption didn't change.


But before following that pattern, Mukamal suggests you talk to your doctor before the barkeep.


"It would appear that frequent moderate drinking, as has been done throughout the world for thousands of years, might help prevent heart attack for many people. But we only looked at heart attack risk, and not the other effects of alcohol -- both positive and negative," he says. "So before making the decision to start drinking or drink more, you need to talk to your physician and consider everything that is going on in your life."
( end of article)

So I am planning on implementing this idea into my daily life as well. Since I already enjoy a drink or two every once and awhile, and I am also anti-heart attack....then this idea really cant hurt me. However, when it comes to drinking alcohol, remember to keep in in moderation, and no underage drinking. Heres to staying healthy!

....staving off a coronary....

posted by Justin at 1:51 AM

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Friday, January 10, 2003

Somebody Somewhere

I can't really write about what is troubling me, so I will post a poem that I wrote in 1996. I don’t know if I’ve posted it before, but it’s exactly how I feel. It's hard to believe that I would be feeling the same thing today, as I was feeling 7 years ago:

Somebody Somewhere

My soul seeks to find shelter from the storm.
A manic depressant looks forever,
not knowing what he is looking for
and not understanding anything he finds.
He knows his love is around somewhere
and he is as I am also seeking shelter from the storm.
He like me, as the same equal in many ways,
tries to find the one for him as I try to find the one for me.
Along the way we both find it.
Love comes and goes like days.
Hoping the next along the way will be the one.
Distracted by the opposites, we seize the day.
Confused as we are, we are walking in the dark.
Situations that come upon us must be handled in this manner:
I don’t know what love is.
All I know is when I am able to look at someone
even in the worst of times
and see a spark flare up like on the Forth of July, that’s love.
Life holds many days lonely for me.
I cannot be bothered by trivial matters.
I can only hope to find my love someday by me, and only me.


posted by Jeff Watkins at 12:20 PM

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Thursday, January 09, 2003

Forever Is Not A Wish

Today has been a rather long day. My hopes for love and sensibility have ran far from my general direction. I think everyone reading this should listen to that song I posted earlier by the Stones because it is such a good song that describes how I feel and frankly because I've been listening to it all day. I'm studying to CLEP U.S. History 1 by Monday, so I've been reading a lot about the mistakes and the great things that make our country who we are. In case you haven't heard, I quit my job at Turner Research. Just a lot of things were happening and a phone call from my supervisor helped lead me to come to my decision to quit. I feel that’s what God wanted me to do, so now I'm trying to find me a new job. Pray for me as I venture on to find another one. I went to Goodwill today and picked up some new old vinyl (records). So, here are some that I've gotten as gifts and bought today and in the past month:

Neil Young -- Trans (one of the three experimental albums that got him sued by Geffen Records)
Billy Joel -- 52nd Street
Tina Turner -- Private Dancer (You know it, What's Love Got To Do With It)
Cheap Trick -- at Budokan
U2 -- The Unforgettable Fire
The Who -- Tommy
The Beach Boys -- M.I.U. Album
Willy Nelson -- Partners (which features a cover of The Beatles Something In The Way She Moves)
The Romantics -- In Heat
X -- Ain't Love Grand
Kansas -- Point of Know Return
Wang Chung -- Mosaic (which features the hit Everybody Have Fun Tonight)
Rush -- Permanent Waves
Santa Claus & The Fun Street Gang
Pete Townshend -- All The Best Cowboys Have Chinese Eyes
Village People -- Cruisin' (includes Y.M.C.A.)
Frank Sinatra -- Sinatra Sings...of Love And Things
Peter Gabriel -- So (which features Sledgehammer)

Not too much else is happening. I'm going to get back to watching An Evening With Kevin Smith on DVD. Tomorrow a bunch of us are going to a show in Tallahassee, Florida to see Denison Marrs and AnBerlin. It'll be a good time. Take care...

"I play in my band and write a lot of songs about relationships and how mine went wrong. Maybe I'll meet that special girl along the way, then she'll break my heart and leave me crying." Giving Up On Love by The Ataris from End Is Forever


posted by Jeff Watkins at 10:16 PM

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As Tears Go By
by The Rolling Stones

It is the evening of the day
I sit and watch the children play
Smiling faces I can see
But not for me
I sit and watch
As tears go by

My riches can't buy everything
I want to hear the children sing
All I hear is the sound
Of rain falling on the ground
I sit and watch
As tears go by

It is the evening of the day
I sit and watch the children play
Doin' things I used to do
They think are new
I sit and watch
As tears go by


posted by Jeff Watkins at 2:51 PM

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Tuesday, January 07, 2003

The Space Between

Somwhere in between me telling Jeff that I am "all for the hardcore scene" and me doing some research on a supposed "christian cult", I have somehow found myself thinking about the things God has shown me in 2002. The 365 days that was 2002 really had some good moments of growth with the Lord. Things have not been easy because it seems like there were millions of struggles that haunted my every turn. I came to terms with alot of things with my life last year, and I even made the long needed decision to quit school in Graceville. I have been wanting to move on to film school for a long time, and now I finally see some possibilities opening up. I have honestly been really scared about taking the leap and going into film, mainly because it's intense, and it's beyond anything I have ever tried before. But I am tired of having my head filled with nothing but knowledge. I am not saying that learning is a bad thing but I want to actually do something with my hands, not just take a quiz, and get a grade. I guess that type of learning is not for me, and honestly, it never has been how I have truly learned. So over the next year, there will be lots of new and exciting changes in my life.

......dreaming of bullets in a firefight.....

posted by Justin at 9:19 PM

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Send Chicken Noodle Soup
One year ago this day I officially became part of the To Whom Team and now I have a horrible cold. Of course, these are two completely unrelated events. I wanted to write something special for the occassion, but instead I'm going to crawl into my bed and die. If God gives me another day, I'll get around to writing some sort of year-end review. Until then read my first post...

Goodnight.

posted by Chase at 12:00 AM

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Monday, January 06, 2003

This One Time… One Year Ago Today

This time last year was the first time I ever had anything to with this blogging thing. Well, not really, but if you don't count my one-post stint with Dead Yet Living, than it was. It's been a fun and interesting ride hasn't it? If I knew then, what I know now, I would have probably never started writing. However, I can say that I am truly glad that I'm a part of this site. This low budget, semi-amazing site (haha) has really been a 2nd refuge for me (God being my ultimate refuge). I have told stories about my life, written a lot of poetry, and basically poured my heart, life, soul, and spirit into what has been typed. I just hope somebody has gotten something out of what I've said. This next year holds a lot in store for my life and the lives of Justin and Chase. We hope to bring some new and exciting things to this site. I won't make any promises and I won't make any New Year's resolutions, but I will tell you that I hold to my commitment to make this site the best possible blog it could be. This one is for anyone who has ever typed in our address, clicked our link, read our site, or commented in the box, Thank You. We appreciate you guys. Thanks for reading, To Whom It May Concern...

“I’m all for the hardcore scene…” -- Justin McLeod, in a recent conversation about musical preferences he and I have.


posted by Jeff Watkins at 12:09 AM

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Saturday, January 04, 2003

Happy Anniversary!


So I tried to write this way earlier in the day, but I somehow lost everything I wrote, so Im a bit late in getting this posted.

Today is the one year anniversary of the site, and I cannot believe its already been a year! This whole thing started as an extension of an old website I had to be a place that I posted my daily thoughts on life. I thought it would be fun to have more than one writer, so I got my friends Jeff, and Chase to write for it also. So that was our humble beginnings, and now we have over 7000 hits, which is pretty amazing for our little site. Its quite interesting to go and look in our archives and see how we have all matured, both in our lives and in our writings. I would like to publicy thank Jeff and Chase for adding their thoughts to the site, and also to all our loyal readers, who actually think we are worth reading! I have a few interesting ideas for the site that will be unveiled in the next week or so, so stay tuned for that. I would also ask readers to please comment on this post and give us some feedback on the site. Maybe read some of the older posts, find some favorites, and lets us know what you think of us. Keep reading, and we will try and keep writing (or at least Jeff will)! Hopefully we will keep on going strong, and God will continue to bless the site, and everyone who reads. Thanks to you all and God bless. Hope I made it before midnight!

....raising his glass to toast the new year......

posted by Justin at 11:54 PM

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Thursday, January 02, 2003

My Life Is Still A De-railed Train Wreck

Doing nothing for seemingly minutes turns into doing something for unnoticed hours. My daily events counter claim my ambitions. Today was good. I hope for a better tomorrow. I helped my Dad out today for an hour organizing some software for him and then I took down the ol’ family Christmas tree. It funny to me how we call it the “family” tree, yet I end up putting it up and taking it down as a solo act. Who is Huey Lewis without the News? Anyway, I saw Gangs of New York tonight with my friend Jenny Stepp. It was an amazing film. I give it 4 and 1/2 stars. It would give it 5, but there was way too much nudity in there for me. Martin Scorsese is a cinema genius in my opinion. However, I contest the view that you can make an appearance of the times with clever workings, not blatant antics. Just a thought. I must go for now because I have to rise up at 6:30 AM.

"...adding insult to irony..." --The Get Up Kids


posted by Jeff Watkins at 11:04 PM

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Wednesday, January 01, 2003

Happy New Year

So, at the strike of 2003, I was sitting in my living room all alone. I went to bed at 12:05 AM. My life was (is) sad...

Band Fun Facts:

From the Indie Vision Music's E-mail Newsletter

Did you know the band Acceptance was signed by a major label? Bet you didnt.

Other bands to recently get signed and proof that 2003 is going to be the year of punk spirit:

Stairwell--Hopeless Records

Thrice--Island Records

Watashi Wa--Tooth and Nail

MAE (formerly Sky's the Limit)--Tooth and Nail

Open Hand--Trustkill

Thursday---Island

Cave In--RCA

Ataris--Columbia

Yellowcard--Capitol

AFI--Dreamworks

Poison the Well--Island

Slick Shoes--Side One Dummy

The Mars Volta--Universal

Boy Sets Fire--Wind Up


posted by Jeff Watkins at 11:31 PM

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I Made The Headlines

Jed sent this to me as a joke....interesting.

Wednesday, January 01, 2003
Music News
Dave Matthews Band Let Down By Fan
Late friday night in a guarded building just outside the Staples Center in Los Angeles, Dave Matthews Band threw an after-show party. The guest of honor, however, didn't show up. One of their biggest fans, Justin McLeod had been invited to stay with Dave Matthews Band after the show. "We had mailed an invitation and plane tickets to Justin after learning from a friend of theirs how much of a fan they were." Said a spokesman for Dave Matthews Band. "But after Justin failed to show up at the airport, numerous attempts were made at contacting Justin by phone, but we never got through." Dave Matthews Band feels that such a missed opportunity is a sad one, especially since Justin was such a big fan. Maybe Justin's luck will change in the future, though. But it is highly doubtful, seeing as how this in many respects, was a once in a lifetime experience.


....new years blog coming soon.....








posted by Justin at 5:58 PM

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