The other day I was in Alabama and I went to eat at McDonalds. When the lady was about to give me my drink cup, she asked me if I wanted an Alabama or an Auburn cup, relating back to both institutions, and assumably their football teams. I told her that I was from Florida, so it really didn't matter because both teams suck. Ha!
Sorry for nothing recent. I've been busy. Though, you probably guessed that. Maybe I'm just too lazy. If anybody is a wrestling fan and recorded Smackdown last Thursday, please contact me. I really wanna watch it. Here is a poem:
Happy Birthday Asia
I prayed for a boy last night
The kid was leaving town
Nothing significant to take with him
All he knows is to be down
Why would he be so happy
Just to walk away
All the talking is over
Crying for a former day
Won't he miss the lullabys
Or has he already forgotten
Goodbye sweet dreamer
You were the brightest one
A month ago or so, I purchased a CD player for my car. I bought it off of Ebay. It's a Panasonic CQ-DFX983U MP3/WMA CD receiver with full dot matrix display. The powerful Mosfet internal amp helps the 50 Watts X 4 make the sound large. With three, 5 volt outputs, it's got amazing opportunities for upgrade. It plays well through my Polk Aduio 5 & 1/4 in the doors and 6 & 1/2 in the back. My 8 inch Rockford Fosgate Subwoofer, which is concealed in a Q Logic box makes the bottom bass hit. That is pushed by my 200 Watt Kenwood 2 way (bridgeable) amp. I thought I was cool and could put it in myself. But, after realizing that I needed a new wiring harness, I decided to let the local Radio Shack do it. Here are some pictures:
Hey, remember me? Sorry for the lack of anything worthwhile here. I haven't been too worried about publishing substantial thoughts on to the web. I've been recovering from Ivan. Let's just take it one at a time:
I drove home from work Wednesday night about midnight when Ivan was coming on shore 180 miles west of here. 231 South was pitch black (and if you know 231, you know it's not supposed to be) and with all the rain and wind, I was scared.
Early Thursday morning I was up, watching news and listening to the radio. I had power until 6 AM, which is funny because the worst was supposedly prior to that.
6 AM - 6 PM my power was off. Though I spend a lot of it trying to sleep, watching my windows, or in boredom, I was blessed that it was only off for that long. Kudos to Gulf Power.
Thursday was spent cleaning water from my kitchen that had come in from outside, making sure there were no tornados around, trying to cook in the dark on my gas stove, and other assorted, but not interesting activities.
I didn't show up for work because the weather was so bad. Though I did call 6 hours later and my boss was cool with it. I shouldn't be doing this so much.
Before I knew my power would be back on in the same day, I called my Aunt in Dothan and she let me crash at her house. That was nice and comforting.
I worked today and, well, it was work.
I hit something on the way home from work and had a blow out. I changed the tire in under 30 minutes, all by myself. I'm so handy, but pissed because I gotta get a new one or two before work tomorrow.
Ivan is not my friend. Though, my boss informed me that, "You are to report to work as previously scheduled." Bump that. If my road is flooded, I ain't going to work on Thursday.
However, this dear girl, Melissa Bearden, is my friend. This little blurb mentioning her and her generous kindness towards me is long overdue. She hails from North Carolina and oh how I wish we didn't live so far apart. She cares for others more than herself. She's probably the most selfless person I've ever known. She will go out of her way and her comfort level to make you feel better. As she has with me. She sends me emails to encourage me. She sends me birthday cards for no other reason, but to say hi. She will waste her money by calling me. I am lucky. She is always wonderful. Thanks Mel for being my friend. I count myself blessed...
I am just tired of this seemingly pointless profession I'm in, so I took Friday off. It was a nice break from the daily drudge. I ran some errands and I got some things accomplished. Mind you, some inferring not all. Today has been an emotional day. I don't know why. It's mostly due to the fact that I am not in love. Rather, I'm in love with the concept, but nowhere near finding the actuality of such a feeling. I'm desperately seeking to find something, and at this point, I don't care what it is.
First, you must have sad music at some point. Check. All day actually. Secondly, something to make you seem deeper than you are. Check. Case in point: I bought cigarettes today. Newport. I'm usually a Marlboro Lights kind of fellow, but I felt reminiscent of 12th grade, so I went with the menthols. In case you didn't know, but I've been an off and on smoker since sixteen. Next, something to make you feel good. Check. I really enjoy Diet Pepsi. It's cool and it's refreshing. Good thing I'm not addicted to alcoholism like I am caffeine or I'd be writing about something else.
Okay, I'm ready to expound and open up--so here it is, the main point--my love life has been hit or miss, all of my life. Sigh. There, I said it.
Chase and I used to joke with Justin whenever he wrote a post about love. I don't know why we did. He made good points. I guess I would have liked to believe that I had it all figured out. Now I know different. I know nothing. Fantasy doesn't dictate reality. I live in make believe and ignore the actual world around me. It's funny, but I've been doing it for a while.
As I think about my friend's relationships, I make jest of their quirks, fights, and other intricacies. I promise myself I don't want my own to end up like theirs. But, then again, Jerry Springer is playing in the background and I really don't believe it, but I especially don't want to ever be involved in anything like that. So, maybe I should be thankful of my friends' examples. And I am. I once wrote that if it need be, I know I could make it with just God and me. But, I don't want to. I wanna have somebody to call my own. I guess I am still waiting.
Back to the point. This isn't some new, self-revelatory vision. It's more like I am finally able to admit my true sin. I lust. That is all I care about. Here is the factual scenario. I like a girl. We become friends. We pursue a relationship. For whatever reason, that doesn't work out. Then, I do one of two things: I either, A) act like I'm 12, pretend to not like her because she didn't like me like that, and ruin a potential great friendship, or B) still try to get to know her, and pretend that the feelings don't matter, but it's only for the sake of a possible make out.
Though it's hard to admit, possibly every unsuccessful relationship I've had with a girl ends with one of these two outcomes. I'd like to think I have more character or even tact than this, but that would just be another fabrication.
But I do know that I can change this. Through prayer and steadfast discipline, I can become the lover I want my wife to need, whomever she could be. I don't want to be a cliche. I'm stupid. I'm horny. I cannot help myself sometimes. But, I really hate to feel like this. I really hate giving up before I even start. I hate being a slave to my flesh. I hate being addicted to girls. Wow, I go from talking about love to talking about lust to talking about faith. Ironic. Even for a sinner like me...
"Terrified of telephones and shopping malls and knives. Drowning in the pools of other lives. Rely a bit too heavily on alcohol and irony. Get clobbered on my courtesy. In love with love and lousy poetry. And I'm leaning on this broken fence between past and present tense. And I'm losing all those stupid games that I swore I'd never play. But it almost feels okay."
Aside by The Weakerthans.
If A Tree Falls On My House, Does It Make A Sound?
Kiss your tattooed heart daily
Heal me with your sympathy
Every day the wind blows
Dealing out more tragedy
But my hazy eyes observe
More than I care to see
Hear words pronounced with accents
Ascending to the contemporary
Progression through obsession
Blind irony sits alone
Dial in for discernment
Introspection to atone
Life sits by waiting
All the while hesitating
Alarmed only by sirened calls
Though the tree fully falls
Sounds make me feel at home
Even if I can no longer roam
Well, for us in the western half of the north Florida panhandle, the remnant of Hurricane Frances was nothing more than drizzly rain distributed throughout 25 mph winds. I'm a little disappointed. But, I'm glad we didn't flood either. I'm still sick, err...rather, I'm still not feeling the best. My runny nose, cough, soar throat, and now dizziness continue to impale their neediness on me. Why oh why won't they leave me be. Work has been hellish the past 3 days. I don't even want to talk about it. Tomorrow is my day off. I got bunches to do. Hopefully, I will get to see my Dad, Mom, Brother, and Grandma. Until then, children can die!
It's almost 8:30 CST and I cannot recall a time in the past year that I have been up this late (or early). However, I'm feeling incredibly gross and despite my record of nearly nine months straight of not one call out, this morning, I called out sick from work. My boss was really cool when I called though. He told me I never call out on him, so he understands. I still have to work this weekend and Labor Day, but I will get time and a half for that day. I really am sick, not just a over-used ploy to get out of work. I did throw up and at one point, I was dizzy for several hours. I woke up around noon on Thursday and I haven't been able to go back to sleep since. I did legitimately need a day off. My parents evacuated Brevard County and made there way to Dothan, Alabama, where they will be staying for the duration of the storm. Yet, it looks like Hurricane Frances will be following them. There is a chance I can see them today, but I do need some sleep. I go now to find solace. Just thought you'd like to know that I only wish I could sleep.
About a month ago, I was randomly sitting at home on my day off. I hear this loud crash and one giant thud. I jumped up out of my seat, wondering what it could be. This startling noise caused some confusion for me because I didn't know where to look as to inquire what had happened. Though I soon found out; a tree branch had fallen in my front yard. Now, this "limb" was about 15 feet long with all it's glory and at first, I had a hard time seeing that it wasn't a tree itself. But, it was a branch from an even bigger tree near the road to the side of my apartment. It fell before that tropical storm hit here and before Hurricane Charley rampaged Central Florida. Just out of the blue. Look, I took some pictures for you:
This is what I saw from right outside my porch.
This is behind the tree from which the branch fell.
This is from the top of the branch that feel. Look how long it is.
If any other branch had fallen, it would have been disastrous. The other huge branches would have hit my apartment or my car. I'm lucky. Thanks God...