"I'm not happy, but I have joy." That's what I have been telling people lately. Just waiting for the day to come that I can be happy and have joy altogether. That's a slow coming day. Today in everybody's mailbox, they got a letter from the Registrar’s office. For me, it contained a letter entitle Application For Graduation Information. A big smile was brought to my face by this simple sentence. Deep down, I'm anxiously awaiting adulthood and what God would have me to do in this short lifetime. In the meanwhile, I'm gonna go listen to some punk rock and drink milk straight from the carton.
I haven't talked a lot about what's been going on in my life on here lately. My trip on Thursday got canceled due to whatever tropical disturbance there was this past week (Isadore I think). I got to visit a lady that I work with in the hospital on Friday morning. Her name is Christa and she has an ovarian cyst. She had outpatient surgery at 6:00 AM Friday morning and was in recovery until lunchtime or so. They drained the cyst and so hopefully that would relieve some of her pain. Please continue to remember her in your prayers.
I went to all my classes on Friday (my Mom would be proud). Worked Friday night. I went to a show at Frank's Coffee House here in town. The Chailsie Mode, Portside Drive, and our friends Wings A Shadow Cast played. They hauled the gear from Pensacola just to play for us. They had a show the next night somewhere in Georgia. I was impressed with all them especially The Charles C Mode. Just good tunes. Wings A Shadow Cast has played a tighter set, but still remarkable for their short three year stint. I came back and fell asleep to The Beatles DVD that I bought earlier that day (no it's not A Hard Day's Night).
Saturday was semi-uneventful. I washed some dishes that were plaguing my sink for a few weeks and I cleaned our sink area, which was not the prettiest thing. I took out the trash and other mild arranging. Sean Tanner, Chase Langston (hehe), and myself took our weekly journey for dinner at the Waffle House and Wal-Mart. Once again, good times.
Today, Tanner and I went to First Assembly of God in Dothan, Alabama. We got there at 10:30 AM not knowing what time it started. Later on we found it actually started at 10:00 AM. We only missed thirty minutes of the service or so. It got over about Noon. The minister said some good things. And no, nobody got slain in the Spirit or did cartwheels down the aisles. I don't know I'm not really into the charismatic movement. I'm more of a Wesleyan guy. Yay for Methodists.
I guess the update into my life's events is over now. Milks (my roommie) and I are going to watch The Beatles' movie HELP! There silly English musings make me giggle; I sound like a twelve-year-old girl. Bye Bye Bye...
"...I look forward to the next time when we can be friends..."
Dance Music for Old People The movie High Fidelity reminds me a lot of my own life. In the movie Rob, Dick and Barry work in a record store called 'Championship Vinyl' that Rob owns. During the work day the three talk together and with the quirky customers about all things music and some things film. They swap mix tapes,stories of great finds,opinions and all the tidbits of information that VH1 missed. Their is one scene where Dick and Barry argue over if the title of an album begins with 'the' or 'a'. In this way, the discussion sometimes gets trivial but a great deal of it is more than that. It's three guys who share a common bond in their passion for music. The relationship of these three reminds me of my friendship with Justin and Jeff, not in what we know but in how we are.
In times past,usually while watching the movie,we three try to figure out which of the characters we are most like. There are the obvious comparisons,but getting past that I think we all see ourselves as Rob because his character has greater depth. We see more of the whole person, and we like to think of ourselves as whole people. In the movie the three are always making up top 5 lists. In that tradition we want to start featuring our personal top fives here. Give us any ideas you've got on what lists we should make.
As for now, let's start with something simple: Top 5 Favorite Albums. Jeff and Justin are you ready for the challenge? Readers prepare your own list and watch out. I'll post my answer to this later. G'night.
Not really, but three semesters ago I had an idea to start one. I felt like God had given me the knowledge (the little that I know) about the industry, the independent scene, and music in general to create an effective tool to serve God with. Even though nothing has happened with it, I still pray about it periodically. Inspired by the Delta Commercial in Ebonics (that you can download), I named it Lickety-Split Records. Quite clever I thought. But, because of the obvious implications, I would have to change the name. Anyway, I burned a CD the other day because I have to go to Pensacola, Florida on Thursday for my Clinical Psychology Internship Class (Psychology 404). It’s our orientation for our chaplaincy, but the drive alone is two hours one way. We’ll leave here around Noon and get back between 8:00 PM and 9:00 PM. I titled the CD Songs For The Long Drive On Thursday. It makes so much sense after you heard the story. Now, if you were going to buy it from a store it might seem interesting right? Maybe not. The CD will kill at least one hour or so. Maybe I'll be social on the trip, but that's usually hard for me because I like to drift off into a conscious yet nocturnal state with my music, writing, reading, or thoughts. Here's what I put on the best mix CD of the year:
Songs For The Long Drive On Thursday
1. Intro "I'm taking the day off" from Ferris Buller's Day Off
2. The Gomorrah Lapse "Silver Celeste"
3. The Beatles "I'm Only Sleeping"
4. Sarah McLachlan "Arms Of An Angel"
5. Forever Changed "Simply Human"
6. Elvis Costello and Burt Bacharach "I'll Never Fall In Love Again"
7. Bad Religion "Punk Rock Song"
8. Stryper "Soldiers Under Command"
9. Jimmy Eat World "Your House"
10. Dashboard Confessional "Rapid Hope Loss"
11. Moby ?-Something that was on my computer from "18"
12. Seventh Star "Wretched Man"
13. Dead Yet Living "The Bag Song"
14. A-Ha "Take On Me"
15. Taking Back Sunday "Ghost Man On Third"
16. Bob Dylan "Like A Rolling Stone"
17. Something Corporate "Punk Rock Princess"
18. Rufio "Face The Truth"
19. Damien Jurado "Sarah"
20. Elvis Costello "Radio Radio"
21. The Beatles "Here, There and Everywhere"
22. The Get Up Kids "Overdue"
"...But I know, as I hammered those nails into your beautiful hands. Your eyes still try to search for mine, but I look away. Now your eyes are the only thing that can save me. I'm still so afraid of them piercing. You're breaking into my prison, just pretended for a while my soul is dying. I won't look away..." Blindside "Pitiful" from SILENCE
9/22: Really sad sad night, just the same ol' songs
"So sick, so sick of being tired and oh so tired of being sick" (Taking Back Sunday). Another day greets me as I take solace in my latter night's rest. I have thoughts on my mind and only mine are the thoughts of concern. So selfish, yet not, for they are for other people. I downloaded a song called Overdue by The Get Up Kids last night. I made a play list on my computer that was titled the same as this post. I just played "Overdue" over and over again. If you want to call me an emo kid cause it made me cry, so be it. All I know is I am fixing to get a Tuberculosis shot (TB) so that will be fun!?!?
from the record, On A Wire
You’re a few years overdue,
I spent them waiting here for you.
Now your charity’s refused,
I can name a penance for abuse.
Twenty four years overdue,
What kind of role model are you?
Very least learn not to do,
I think I might be over you.
Do hope I won’t
Learn to make
The same mistakes,
That you would
Make me aware
That only fear,
My only hope,
Is letting go.
Went on a limb for you,
Capsized when I turned twenty two.
Did it burn as bad for you?
No bottle serves to soothe my wounds.
Do hope I won’t
Learn to make
The same mistakes,
That you would
Make me aware
That only fear,
My only hope,
Is letting go.
My only hope
Is letting go.
You’re a few years overdue,
I spent them waiting here for you
Much like my faithful friend Justin McLeod, I too have reasoned my current thoughts and feelings into an old poem I wrote back in 1996 or 1997. Ironically then, it was about a girl named Leslie and a totally different circumstance than my current life position. Who knew it would speak so true to what I'm facing as the night's sky grows older and the morning dew culminates fresher. Selah...
Silent Dreams Turn Into Realities
“Just between you and me, I got something to say.” I speak so I may say this little memory that I have so highly placed in my heart. It is the love that I so boldly place in myself that it might be discovered by somebody. Not by you because you have already found it. You’ve tried and sought to prove that you were the one to remember. For that I took it for granted and I juggled with your spirit, just like a juggler does at the circus. When you let my heart go, it fell through the bottomless pits of time and I felt pain and anguish. Together we blame and make excuses and dishonor the glow that both of our hearts produce together. Then, in some kind of dreamscape, I wrestled with my soul to the point of no return. When I came back from being nocturnal, I tried to put the pieces of our puzzle back together, yet not all of the pieces could be found. As it stands now, it looks like the puzzle will never be the same. I can only hope we fill those empty pieces in with some new memories. In realistic terms, what I’m trying to say is please forgive me for all the pain and anguish I caused in your life. You know that old song “No matter how you roll the dice, it’s meant to be. The only one for me is you and you for me, so happy together, forever.” See that might not be totally true because things happen and changes occur. I can only tell you that you were my first love and you alone will hold a special place in my heart. A place that no one else will ever be able to fill. I hope I hold a special place in your heart as well. Now, I give you a piece of my heart and hope you’ll never let it go. Always remember the times we shared. Let us go now, into our own place in this world. The time is here and now I must say farewell with love.
Not much during the week has inspired me to write. Well, not much that I can convey to an understandable manner anyway. This week has been better than the last. However, I'm expecting next week to improve. Expecting = Hoping. School is going fairly well. My twenty hours is kicking my hind, but it's teaching me to prioritize, make up a schedule and stick to it. I've taken a lot of drives these past two weeks. Some of the drives I wish I could take back. Wednesday night let me experience the endeavor of hanging out with two married guys, Jason Mentor and Brian Mets. It actually was a rad time, but those guys are super-nice anyway. We drove the 170 mile round trip to Tallahassee, Florida to see Embodyment play a show. Also playing were Tallahassee locals Avery and The Polar Bears. It was a pretty good show. Not a big turnout and that's disappointing. Also, I actually think more people watched the local bands than Embodyment. I think that's crazy, but whatever, it's their loss. Embodyment worked the crowed (all 30 of us). The set started off kind of slow, but the entire band put some major energy in the room. We fed off of it and gave it back. I was standing right in from of Andrew (Guitar) and just to the left of Sean (Singer). And you can bet I was screaming and singing along with every song as much as possible. They played three or four new songs off their new record that will be coming out October 22 called Songs For The Living. Speaking of new records, the new Stavesacre record comes out later this month, so you guys should definitely pick that up. Sure to be one of the best albums this year! I'm not too sure of the set list but Embodyment played the following possible songs and probably not in this exact order:
1. Yours Truly
2. A Season's End
3. White Flag*
4. One Less Addiction
5. Segue Station*
6. Winter Kiss
7. Reaching Out*
8. Killing The Me In Me
9. Set The Stage
* Indicates new song
Well, that's about it. I got to get to work in a half hour or so. I won't have to work too long tonight, we just have to get thirty more surveys in Marianna and then we are going home. Don't know my plans for the evening as of yet, but sleep (longtime) will be one of them. Possibly hanging out at Frank's Coffee House here in town. Who knows, maybe even a trip over there to our weekly late night hangout The Waffle House. Until then...
"...This is a beautiful mistake and you are quite possibly, indescribable…”
Over the past few weeks I have actually had money! It's been nice to be able to "treat" myself to a few new movies. I have not been able to buy any dvds for a long time, but over the past two weeks I have made some good purchases. Here is a totally useless list of what I bought.
The Count of Monte Cristo
Robin Hood: Prince of Theives
The Last of the Mohicans
Movie party at my house anyone?? Speaking of movies, is there ANYTHING at the theaters that is any good??? I haven't been to a movie since I saw Signs. So I would welcome any recommendations from you guys. Call me crazy but I kinda miss paying $6.75 to sit in a cramped seat and watch a huge screen.
I will leave you guys with the McManus family prayer from the Boondock Saints, which we watched last night. Great movie.
And shepherds we shall be
For Thee my Lord for Thee
Power hath descended forth from Thy Hand
So our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command
And we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls shall it ever be
E Nomini Patri, E fili, E Spiritu Sancti
This is an old poem...but it conveys where I am at right now.
What is going on?
I cant understand anything
I’m losing my mind
I know your there
Even though I’m not feeling you
I can’t feel anything
I’m losing my head
For no reason at all
I am so confused
I know your there
I need your love
Because I can’t love anyone
Happy 4,000th! 4,000 hits,that's nice. Maybe it doesn't seem like much of a milestone, but I like to think its something sweet. The thing that excites me more is that we've been growing a wee bit in popularity and hits. Keep fighting your fight for truth and stuff and I'll remain a devoted reader (and occassional writer).
I consider myself to have the spiritual gift of exhortation. I believe God has blessed me with the ability to listen to people and not help them solve their problem, but feel better about themselves when dealing with said problem. What happens when an encourager needs encouragement? This week has indeed posed this question in my general direction. My friend from North Carolina, Melissa Bearden has answered this question for me. We are pretty close, but we have never met. One of those, internet friendships you might say. Even though we've never been in the same room with each other, she continues to amaze me with how much she cares about what's going on in my life. This email is a portion of what made me feel really good tonight. Lord knows she is a better friend to me, than I am to her. And I'm so grateful for our friendship, even if it mostly happens online:
You inspire me! I admire you more and more, the more I get to know you. You really make yourself vulnerable to everyone and everything by telling the core of what you honestly and truly feel and think. I really don't think I could do that with so many people reading... and commenting. I applaud you. I have an online diary.. and I hardly ever write in it, and when I do.. it's stuff I'm racking my brain to put on there... be/c I know people will be reading it.. so I don't always tell the whole story.. I don't tell the core of what I am truly and honestly feeling. I do however do that when I write in my personal journal, which I have stacked over here in a corner with my Bibles and my prayer journal.
Thank you for letting me, and for letting everyone else see the true Jeffery Watkins. You are a better person for doing that. I am thankful that I get to see who you are... especially since I don't get to see you on a day to day basis... I enjoy reading everything you write. I always read everything posted, and all the comments. I don't always comment myself, most of the time be/c I am blown away at the intellectual aspect of what all of you say.. I don't even know how to respond. But do know that I go everyday at least twice to see what new posts are there.
Please know that I am thinking about you and praying for you. I don't know what you are going through, I am sad and sorry to say. I'm your friend.. I should have some what of an idea. But we don't get to talk often.. so that's one reason. There are many others.. and we both know what they are. Just know that you are always in my prayers... and God is looking out for you, when I can't--- and even when I can! :)
Due to Tropical Storm Hannah, I am forced to stay at home, write, and catch up on my emails. I should study some too. On the eve of the Sabbath, I contemplate an assignment I had last week. In Psychology 404 (Clinical Psy. Practicum) we had to come up with our three biggest fears. I was just wondering what are you guys and girl’s biggest fears?
"A Means To An End" by Joy Division from Closer, 1980
A legacy so far removed
One day will be improved
Eternal rights we left behind
We were the better kind
Two the same
Set free too
I always looked to you
Fought for good, stood side by side
Our friendship never died
On stranger waves, the lows and highs
Our vision touched the skies
Immoralists, points to prove
I put my trust in you
A house somewhere on foreign soil
Where ageing lover call
Is this your goal
Your final need
Where dogs and vultures eat
I turn to go
I put my trust in you
As it now seems, September 12th, 2002 is just an ordinary day. Even at 3:38 AM, today is new, but in progress. Even though most of everyone isn't enjoying these early hours, I stay awake with thoughts on my mind. That is how yesterday, this time last year, started out for everyone else. The memorial of the greatest tragedy in American history is over. Some emphasize with the pain and suffering and take the whole day into contemplation and reflect on the blessings and joys of being alive. Some people expel pessimism in their thoughts and rebel against remembrance. Simply citing the desire to move and get on with life. As many times in my life, I sit still in the middle of the road. I recognize that this cowardly attack of assault is the most horrific imagine of inhumane acts upon my generation. Not so many lives have been lost since the Battle of Gettysburg during the War Between the States (Civil War). I also realize that God has a purpose and a plan for my life, or else he would have taken it by now. For he is the only source of life. With that being said, I feel I have a need to comment on the comment(s) that were made at or to my prior post.
I want to sit in silence and just ignore this, but my conscience won’t let me. No matter what I say, someone will get hurt by it. No matter what I say, someone will feel that they didn't get the full apology or even a portion of the apology that they so rightfully deserve. No matter what I say, someone will disagree. No matter what I say, someone will agree. No matter what I talk about or try to explain, it won't come out right because it never does. I am totally inadequate to speak on the matters of my life because I don't even have a clue what's going on sometimes. All I know is, I'm tired of having this same old conversation. It's an endless, depthless, vicious circle of apathy. I'm sick and tired of it. How about taking everyday to be grateful for being alive? How about not being bummed out about the opposite sex everyday? Is it ever possible to totally live in harmony with everyone? Doesn't the Bible tell us that if it is at all possible, live in peace with everyone? I don't see how I could be doing this with 11 comments on a stupid song that made me feel better Monday night. Most or none of you have a clue as to what is going on in my head or heart right now. All you do is use your presuppositions to base your biases or judgments on. You didn't ask me what was up or even how my day was going. And if you asked, did you actually care how it was going? And for the few that know, I'm sorry if you don't understand where I'm coming from. I'm right there with you. I'm not singling anybody out or saying this to anybody specifically, it's to anybody I know. I don't ask that you look at me and say, "There's a guy who has got it all figured out." Because there is no way that I could honestly imply that. All I say is that you look at your own heart and ask God to reveal the things that are hindering your walk with Him. Worry about yourself before you start diagnosing me. If you read this site because you generally care what Justin, Chase, and myself think, thank you. If you read this site because you like to laugh at the things we say, thank you. If you read this site because you think it’s some of the most irrelevant dribble, thank you. If you read this site because it's informative, I'd call you a liar. Not really. But, if you read this site for any other reason, you are wasting your time. I have turned this into my life story. But, isn’t that what web blogs are for? It’s for your own usage. To Whom It May Concern has turned into an outlet for what three guys are going through and what we think. My accounts are as I feel. They are my opinions and solely that. They don't express sentiments of what I know, think I know, or like to know; just the way that I feel. I use this as an outlet to vent my frustrations because writing takes away the pain of life easier. Do you read your old journal entries aloud or tell everyone all the things you've ever felt in private? Maybe you should. Maybe it will make you feel better about the person you are or how God has brought you through the trails and tribulations of your life. So, maybe I have something figured out. Maybe I'm willing to be honest enough with people so they know who I am. I do it so those few who claim to be my friends will know me for me. I try not to wear a disguise and camouflage what’s going on. But, I even know that I mess that up. I don't say this to boast. I say it so maybe you can look at yourself and figure out how to get the most out of your walk with God. Like Paul said, I am chief among sinners. Take this to heart or take it the toilet, I'm just trying to be honest with you. Just know, I could get through life with it being just God and I, fine. For he sustains me, not anyone else. If I have to leave here alone, so be it. My salvation and joy comes in Jesus Christ and nothing else. I'm sorry to anyone I've hurt. I'm sorry to God mostly because I lie to Him, in spite of myself. Yet he is faithful and just to forgive me my sins and cleanse me from my unrighteousness. That’s joy, that’s a reason to be alive. So I say, goodnight...
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24
While my fellow bloggers will be, in essence, remembering or not trying to relive the tragic events that date one year ago tomorrow, I will be having a pity party. And what better way to do that then with the one guy who knows all about it, Dashboard Confessional:
This Ruined Puzzle
This ruined puzzle is beige with the pieces all face down,
so the placing goes slowly.
The pictures of anything other than it's meant to be.
But the hours they creep,
the patterns repeat.
Don't be concerned, you know I'll be fine on my own.
I never said "don't go" (don't go).
I've written a note,
it's pressed between pages
that you've marked to find your way back.
It says "Does he ever get the girl?"
But what if the pages stay pressed,
the chapters unfinished,
the stories too dull to unfold?
Does he ever get the girl?
This basement's a coffin
I'm buried alive.
I'll die in here just to be safe.
I'll die in here just to be safe.
'Cause you're gone
I get nothing
and you're off with barely a sigh.
I never said "Good-bye" (good-bye).
While many people in the blogging community, and other writers prepare their contribution to the "rememberence" of 9/11, I am sitting at work taking a break from scanning medical records. A year has passed since that terrible day in American history, and now we are all urged to "remember" it. I am sure tomorrow will bring us a plethera of news broadcasts of americans recounting "where they were" on that fateful day. I am also sure that we will see the haunting images of planes slamming into the sides of Twin Towers at least 100 times in the course of the day. I have also been told that we are supposed to drive all day tomorrow with our headlights on, in order to "remember". I for one, am not interested in all of that. Before you call me insensitive, feel free to remember that I was one of the millons of people who saw the planes crash on national television. I saw people actually experince fear and helplessness, while they awaited news of various loved ones and friends. I just dont like to dwell on the past, and I certianly dont enjoy reliving moments that were so heartwrenching that you were forever impacted by it happening. I see no point in trying to "remember" something that I have never forgotten, and I am sure those who experinced loss on that day dont need any reminders of it either. I think if First Lady Bush tells parents to keep their children away from the televison tomorrow, then maybe we all should take her advice, child and adult alike. Turn off your tv and spend time with someone you love instead, or you can be like me and work all day. Dont spend tomorrow brooding over a terrible event, or getting some emotional high from seeing american flags and " God Bless America" signs. We cant change the past and I dont think "remembering" it over and over will get us anywhere. In closing let me say that I will never forget where i was that day, and the things I saw, and how I felt. There are images that are burned into my mind that will always be there. I will always show my respect and tip my hat to all those brave souls who gave their all to save others. They went above and beyond the call of duty, and I salute them. My prayers and my heart still goes out to those who lost their loved ones, and anyone who has an empty seat at their table tomorrow evening. If your going to light a candle, do it for them. Dont sleep tonight in fear , for the God who created us is always watching over us. Rest in Him and dont worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. May the Lord bless you and keep you.
It's not the matter that I've been too busy to even check my mail. I've been to busy to even make several phone calls. It’s ok because Justin posted 2 things in 2 days. I wanted to leave his posts up there for the world to see and to give acclaim to the story I’ve been telling all the ladies. Yes, he is still alive.
I've had a lot to do this week. On Monday, Toby, Johnny, and myself have an 80-source bibliography due for Psychology 301, Psychology of Religion. We all met up in the Library at 11:00 AM to work on it. I brought Milks' laptop and we went to it. Johnny started out typing while Toby and I were looking for more books, periodicals, and whatever else we could use. Johnny left about 1 PM and Toby started typing. I was running back and forth from the library, the computer lab, and my crib trying to find stuff. We stayed there until the library closed at 4:00 PM and almost got done. Toby was convinced he had three more things at his house and we would be through. After that, I went back home and got a shower and dressed.
Justin, Chaz, Bo, Kristen, and I drove to Tallahassee for a show. Our homies, Consumed were playing again. It was a big youth thing. There were a lot of people present. A lot of scantly clad young ladies I might add. For the record, I really don't like crowd surfing anymore. I mean it is cool when a few people do it. But, whenever EVERYBODY has got to do it, it gets frustrating. Plus, I'm a firm believer in if anything is taking your attention off of the band playing, then you aren't respecting them or showing them you care why they're there. I don't care what it is. You should respect the band and at least "pretend" to pay attention. The band feeds off of the energy that the crowd produces. Some people are naturally energetic and able to be self-motivated, but I think for the most part, the band needs your smiling faces to act like you want you and them to be there. Just a thought...
Consumed blew the roof off. They played so much better tonight, than Thursday. They actually had more mistakes and mess-ups tonight. The thing was, they were playing to a crowd of kids who wanted to hear them. Versus the mundane crowd of Graceviller's who just sat there and didn't move or dance at all (well, I did). This other band, Forever Changed played as well. There were actually 4 bands, but I didn't hear the other two. I didn't really want to like these kids at first. They were sort of dressed up for it. The whole idea of wearing weird shirts and belt buckle but still looking nice. A bunch of girls ran up to the front of the stage and just watched them warm up. Despite my pre-conceived notions, they were pretty good. It was really just good technical drumming and bass playing. As well as good rhythm and lead guitars. It was punk meeting metal breakdowns and beats with a singer in the vain of Jimmy Eat World. Still, pretty good show and it was free. Which makes it really good.
So, I'll end this with a poem I wrote as the summer was coming to a close. I guess if you think about it hard enough, you can make it say what you want. It's just about friendships that go sour:
2nd Caution Light
Amidst my cold and dreary heart, I find peace.
Never fearing the unknown anymore, I find stillness in my refuge.
I should keep all the things I’ve written you, but alas, I let it sit in the trash.
How about the notes I wrote you?
Or am I asking too late because they’ve already been thrown away.
I guess I should try to make it work or even try more to talk.
Hopefully this will spark some enthusiasm in your heart.
Fridays are my favorite day of the week.
But, if I happen to run into you, it’s nearly close to being ruined.
I hate to say that.
I hate to feel this way.
In case you didn’t know, it’s you making my heart sway.
I need your friendship.
I need to know if you feel the same.
Otherwise, just tell me to forget your name.
Tonight I realized just how inconsiderate some people can be. My brother Caleb and his band Consumed played a show tonight at the local coffee house. The show went fairly well, although the vocals were not loud enough. ( due to speakers that were not powerful enough) I really enjoyed myself, and the band rocked, as did the two acoustic solo artists before them.
The first artist, Andrew Burgess hit the stage with his acoustic guitar and played an intimate solo set. While he played I noticed that most everyone there were not even paying attention! People were just sitting on couches, sipping coffee, and/or talking to each other. ( just to be fair, there were some people listening to the music) I would think if you pay a cover charge to go see a concert that you would at least check out the bands playing. Some people paid the cover, went inside, and only stayed 5 minutes! That just seems wrong to me. You should at least give the band a chance instead of just walking out. Well thats my opinion anyways.
Caleb came up to me during the second artist's ( Afrostrap) set and told me that they were just going to do a semi-acoustic set instead of a rock show. He said, " We dont wanna be background music, you know we actually have a message in our music and we take our stuff seriously, and no one is even listening, so theres not point in rocking out when no one cares about hearing you." That really hit me hard. They had driven from Tallahassee straight from work in order to play the show, so I know how upset Caleb ( and the other band members) were when it seems no one appreciates the work you put into it. He also remarked during Afrostrap's set that " if a preacher was preaching, no one would be talking, they would be paying attention." It saddens me to think that pretty much everyone in that coffee house were christians, and yet so many of them could not be courteous to God's ministers up on the stage sharing their lives and songs with them. These bands present the Gospel of Christ through their music just as a pastor communicates it from the pulpit. Shouldnt we give them the same respect? Maybe I am making too big of an issue out of this, but I really lost alot of respect for some of my brothers and sisters in Christ tonight. I think Caleb spoke truth with what he said tonight, and I know it really caused me to think.
Thankfully the band played on, as they say in theater. Even with low vocals, Consumed played with passion and abandon. I love how they are really serious about their music and how much they love playing for the Lord. The crowd (which got bigger by the way) really enjoyed themselves, and I think we all got something out of it all. I just pray that God will continue to use them as they minister through music. I for one look forward to hearing them again ( with loud vocals this time around) and for their forthcoming cd.
Again I hope I have not raised a huge fuss over something that shouldnt be worried about. But I really do think this needed to be said. If anyone who was at the show has any input, I would welcome the comments. As for me, Im going to bed.
Yet again I have gone about 3 weeks without posting. I havent had much to say, considering life has been so mundane the past few weeks. My routine has pretty much been the same: wake up, go to classes. eat, go to work, come home, eat, chill with some friends for a few hours, then go to bed. I suppose it's like that for everyone. Doing the same thing each day. I guess I am just tired of it. Things could be worse, but I dont like to think about that.
I've been doing alot of thinking lately, since we're on the subject. I think about how I don't like being alone, but I never do anything about it. If I like a girl, I conceal my feelings. It's almost like I avoid her altogether. That seems opposite of what I should be doing. I feel like I am the only person who struggles with this. I don't wanna get hurt again, so I just never take the risk. I would rather not play the game, than to lose. I think I have missed out on many chances of finding a wonderful girl, because of my unwillingness to open up. I feel like alot of people see me as a loner now, at least when it comes to females. That kinda scares me, but I don't do anything about it. Hopefully I will come to some sort of conclusion soon.
I feel like I'm going to fall asleep just sitting here. It's 1:43 AM and I think I only got 4 hours sleep last night. I'm working on my presentation I have to make for Psychology 340 tomorrow. I also have a butt-load of reading to do. I have to lecture on marriage enrichment for 10 minutes or so. My partner, Bethany Dunlap and I have been working on it for two days. She has to talk for 10 minutes as well. I've been really encouraged by her lately, so it's been cool to hang out and talk, but we've slacked some as well.
Today I took the long trip up to Dothan, Alabama. I went to the local Troy State University campus to look up references and resources for my 20 page paper I have to do for Psychology 301. It was a pretty impressive library (compared to ours). I got like 5 books and some quotes I wouldn't have gotten any where around here. I learned a new word today and that will be the conclusion for tonight’s thoughts...
Psychoendocrinology-"The study of the relationship between the endocrine system and behavior..."
"Too tired to end this with a meaningful quote" Jeff Watkins
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5400 College Drive
Graceville, FL 32440
Every day I wake up.
Not knowing what to expect.
I wander through the first few seconds.
Seemingly it feels new.
Much like the day started before.
Some people live life from day to day.
Considering it monotony to be alive.
I feel their pain sometimes.
But, I have hope and I know there’s more to come.
As I roll out of my bed, I ponder the dreams that I’ve just dreamt.
Envisioning those times in my sleep
brings me some of the best and scariest moments.
I was in a dream theater, thinking about you.
It could be because you were the last person I talked to.
Or because you were the last thought I had before I drifted off to sleep.
Today might not finish.
Yesterday could be the last time I get to talk to you.
At least I told you when we were hanging up that I would see you later,
in my dreams.