Okay, you know how you go to read somebody's blog and there's a post about being tagged or somebody asked them to fill out a quiz? Well, this post is along the same lines. If you are like me and frequent eBay quite a bit, here's a challenge to you. Post, if you can, the last five items you purchased. I'm talking, title of auction and a link if it's still active (90 days or something). This is everything you bought, not just the cool things. Luckily for me, I haven't bought anything too embarrassing for a while. Here goes:
Okay, I'm pretty sure this is going to be a touchy subject, but has anyone ever made the "if we're not married by [insert age], we should get married" pact? I have, a lot. I started in college (it's probably the first time I heard of such a thing). I think the first girl I said it to, we agreed on the age of seventy or something. Well, since that first time, I have uttered those words quite a bit and lowered the age a lot. So much so, I think I'm about at the "if we're not married by 30" stage. Which is scary. I really want to get married. But, my choices and my pursuit of the ideal, have warranted discussion within my own head that it may not ever happen. This is wacky, I know. Has anyone ever done it. I'm sure there are some ladies who read this site that can attest that she and I have made the promise. If so, don't hate me please? I'm just trying to figure it out.
Okay, in case anyone was interested in supporting Hurricane Katrina relief, you can help me by buying an auction I have on eBay. The auction is for a lot of beads I got at Mardi Gras last year. You can find it HERE.
"Wouldn't it be so wonderful if everything were meaningless?" - Pedro The Lion
There is a fine line between diary and thought. There is also a fine line between a post that talks about my personal life and a post that is personally a thought about my life. The latter is what I'm striving for here.
Since my grandiose entry about 1,000 posts, I have been really hesitant to write. I can write, but I don't mean like as a writer writes. I write well for, well me. I can convey feelings in an understandable and sometimes entertaining way. That's not to say that I don't have grammatical errors. I do. Nor is it to say that I misuse or overuse prepositional phrases (which ever applies, I'm not really sure). For me, to say I can write is not a lie or a boast. It's a fact. I can write well for Jeff Watkins. But maybe that's the problem.
Besides my whole self-imposed relativism there, I am trying to make a point. The point isn't about writing. Writing is symbolic for joy there. "What the hell?" Might you be inquiring? Joy. That's it. Joy.
How did I go from talking about my abilities as a writer to talking about joy? Easy. I just did it. That's the point. In writing, you can do it. I can be symbolic, metaphoric, or even literal. I can do all these things in writing and talk about whatever I want. So why isn't life this way.
Why can't I say and believe that I'm a Christian, and still yet, not find joy. Why can't I lie, cheat, lust, screw, cuss, drink, smoke, swear, hit, punch, kick, dismantle, retort, et cetera and not be joyful?
Isn't there an easier way?
To end a thought with an escapist-esque question like the previous one would be complete crap. I know there is an easier way. I just don't know how to get there.
I can be a Christian and do all those things. And the truth of it is, some of those things are not sins. The obvious ones are. But the others are not. More like, they are means to a possible end that is drenched in sin. But the in between, no it's not a sin. Again, I'm running off my point.
I have no joy now. I have temporal happiness, but that usually comes when I purchase something that I've wanted for a while or makeout with a girl. We all know joy and happiness are not the same. Joy is not an emotion, it's a state; an understood place. Emotive actions that only lead to a "feeling" inside is happiness. Happiness is an expression of a feeling just like being sad is. I don't want happiness. I want joy.
I want to love life and love love. I want these things. Why do I keep running into problems? Probably sin. Matter of fact. That's it.
Trust me, I could go out tonight, get "laid" or whatever socially acceptable euphuism is currently the trend, and feel pretty damn fine. But, what will I feel later on? When lust escapes and my manhood happiness goes away, where is the satisfaction? Where is the knowledge of understanding that my purpose for being here amounts to more than forty chapters in one book or a pop culture show that tells us who is cool and who is not?
This is not a rant about media. It's a rant about me. Take it for what it's worth. Probably nothing but rubbish, as is most of my life.
Lord, help me to not lead a life that is filled with happiness, but with joy.
"But everything is so meaningful. And most everything turns to shit. Rejoice" - Pedro The Lion
I cannot believe it is Saturday already. Where has the week gone? Thanks to the four or five people who made me special about the 1K post. In truth, there's probably only a hundred posts worthy to actually be deemed readable. I know I must have contributed to atleast one or two of them. This is not one of those.
So Jared/ asked me to do this. I realize I posted one a little while ago, but I wanted to do it for him because he asked. And well, I don't really have much else to do. Ergo...
Three Names You Go By: 1. Jeffery (pronounced Jeff-fur-ee) 2. Jeffy Jeff 3. Crazyface Johnson
Three Things That Scare You: 1. Never finding true love 2. Being forced to live some place that outlaws "freedom" as Americans understand it 3. Having all of my CDs stolen
Three of Your Everyday Essentials: 1. Music (either iPod, CD, or singing on my own) 2. Food 3. Spending time with God (sadly, that's probably the most accurate order)
Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now: 1. Reef flip flops 2. A shaggy haircut 3. Blue shirt and jeans
Three of Your Favorite Drinks: 1. Diet Pepsi/Diet Coke 2. Dr. Pepper mixed proportionately with Diet Coke 3. Mountain Dew with Absolute Vodka
Three of Your Favorite Songs (at the moment): 1. "What Do You Mean?" - Vic Chesnutt 2. "The Kind of Heart" - John Davis 3. "(I Love You) For Sentimental Reasons" - Nat King Cole
Three Things You Want in a Relationship (other than real love): 1. Friendship 2. Mutual beliefs 3. A constant desire to always be truthful
Two Truths and a Lie: 1. At one point in my life, my favorite music group was Boyz II Men 2. I stared in a local TV special about missing children 3. Texas is the furthest west I have ever been
Three of Your Favorite Hobbies: 1. Trying to lose weight without actually doing anything 2. Practicing musical elitism 3. Buying LPs and 7 inches on eBay
Three Things You want to do really badly right now: 1. A direct-drive record player 2. To take buying a car seriously 3. A girlfriend
Three Places You Want to go on Vacation: 1. Hawaii 2. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum 3. Here, if I could get a few days off from work
Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die: 1. Read all of the books in my library 2. Get something that I have written published in some form of media 3. To have one day where I'm not cynical or sarcastic
Three Ways that you are stereotypically a Chick/Guy: 1. I make no apologies for my gas 2. I always want to be right 3. I don't think I was always like this, but the older I get, the pickier I am getting about women (I'm much more superficial now)
Three people I would like to see take this quiz: 1. Hugh 2. Ariel 3. Donald Miller
It's taken me a week to write this. Not literally a week, but a good amount of time, thought and energy have been put into these words. If you have a few seconds to spare, take some time to read this.
To Whom It May Concern published its first blog on January 04, 2002. The brainchild of one Justin McLeod, To Whom started as a place for Justin to simply have an avenue to speak his mind. Justin's first post was a simple journal entry. (Who would have guessed that this humble little abode would become a place of serious and critical thought?) But what came from simple beginnings turned into a blog where a group of friends who shared not only their lives, but also their heart, soul, and conviction with anyone who would read it. Those fellows and one female are as follows:
Justin McLeod Chase Livingston Jeff Watkins Justin Snavely Charles "Chaz" Hill Jed Marczewski Mike Sutton Donna Livingston
I cannot really speak for everyone. I can, however, speak for myself. And I have, a lot. Mostly, I think the result has been good. Out of all the posts that have been written for this site, I have contributed to approximately 663 of them. I don't say that to boast. I only mention the number to help give evidence to the claim that I truly care for this site and its readers. Not to mention, the people who have written for it. My life has been exposed to the real, yet some what hidden world of the blogosphere. I have pretty much been an open book, sharing most of the events that occur in my life. I have tried, if anything, to be honest.
As this site begins its fifth year of existence, I want to say thanks. Thanks to the writers. Thanks to everyone who has read it. Thanks to everyone who commented. Thanks to everyone who linked us. Thanks to everyone who has had some sort of interaction with this site. Thanks especially to God for allowing me to be a part of something so small, but so important to a few. I count myself lucky. Here's to another thousand posts and five more years.
If you read the previous post's comments, you will see that God threw his two-cents into the conversation that was happening between some other people and myself. But that is not actually true. God didn't comment. It was me. I admit it. I lied. Don't think this means I will apologize though. No no. I don't mind pretending to be God. It just proves how much more awesome and powerful he is and verifies that I would be a horrible deity. Seriously, instead of controlling and holding together the cosmos, I would basically just write ridiculous comments on peoples websites. Not a big difference from then and now is there?
Something constructive I did do today was apply for a part time job with ARC of Brevard County. ARC, or Association of Retarded Citizens, is an organization that assists mentally handicapped people with finding jobs, placing them with in home companions, and a wide range of other activities. I applied to be a contract Care Provider, which is basically just hanging out, babysitting, or assisting this population with basic living and daily routine tasks. It is part time and the scheduling will work well with my full time job. (Technically, I don't usually work 40 hours at the school, but it is 32+ hours a week and that constitutes full time employment, so I'm going to keep calling it that.) I just figured I need more money to afford a better car and save money for wherever I'm going to finish my Masters.
Whenever I get around to posting again, it will be To Whom's 1,000th post. That's quite a landmark for me and this site. I definitely did not do all of them. Look for a special post about that.
Who else isn't going to watch the "Big Game" tomorrow? If not, why so? For me, it would just be better to pretend that it's not important. In truth, and in the whole scheme of life, it's not. I realize it's entertainment. I enjoy leisure time too. But, it doesn't affect or effect my life and it certainly isn't everything.
Perhaps, even if I were able to give a proper summation of all my thoughts, I would be able to mention how indecisive I've been lately. I truly love comments. Especially ones that are laced with exhortation. But, that doesn't mean that just because I post something about me being stupid, that I think I am worthless. Maybe hopeless, but certainly not without worth. Regardless, this is a different sort of rant. It seems, as of late, I have lied to others a lot. Essentially, like every time I open my trap, a falsehood beckons from beneath my breath. Not everything. Just sometimes when I speak or spoke or spake. It's annoying. I thought I was over things like this. I guess I'm not. It's crazy the things that Satan throws at believers. It's even crazier to believe that I still give into Satan's temptations. It's certainly the unbelievably craziest thing that no matter how much I screw up, God will still forgive me and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. Selah.