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to whom it may concern


About Me

Jeff Watkins
Age: Still alive
Occupation: Too many things
For sale on
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My space
My library
My reviews and lists

Previous Posts

My first trip to Austin, Texas!Went to the biggest...
A Piece of Me Has Died
The fucking USPS
Today's Haul

DCFC - The Barsuk Years
Ornette Coleman - "Tomorrow Is The Question!"
Hanging out, pushing buttons
My jazz collection

Blogs I Dig

His beautiful eyes...
Melissa's Journal
Mosaic Life
Morse Coded Signals
Of Folly and of Vice
Words Are Not Enough

Soundtrack of my Life

The Appleseed Cast
David Bazan
The Beatles
Johnny Cash
Alice Cooper
Miles Davis
Death Cab For Cutie
Bob Dylan
Ben Kweller
Professor Longhair
Pink Floyd
Stretch Arm Strong
The Who
Brian Wilson

Pop Culture interests

All Music Guide
Dr. Mohler's Radio Program
Hollywood Jesus
Monsters in the Morning
View Askew
XXX Church

Reading the Classics

Christian Classics Ethereal Library
Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy


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© To Whom It May Concern 2002-2010, except for cited or source material.


Tuesday, April 30, 2002


Complexity is Life
Life is Pain
Pain is Feeling
Feeling is Emotion
Emotion is Being
Being is Living
Living is Learning
Learning is Life
Life is Complexity

To Whom it May Concern

posted by Justin at 10:18 AM

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Sunday, April 28, 2002

Invitation To Understanding

My week has gone by with nothing to say or to write. For those that may concern themselves with any fraction of detail to my life would appreciate the fact that it hasn't been a month since the last time I posted something. I was forced by the MAN at Sound and Spirit to fulfill my membership agreement today and purchase one CD at regular club price. I know, I know, it's my fault for joining the deal, but still you get 'raped' on something’s, but I think I got a good deal. I did spend like 60 bucks, but that's with their outrageous shipping and handling. Here's what I got:

Alice Cooper The Life And Crimes Of Alice Cooper (4 CD Box Set)

The Clash The Singles (Remastered)

Bob Dylan Love And Theft (Bob's newest full-length)

The Doors Greatest Hits (Remastered)

So, really, I'm getting like 7 cds, which is good. Just not the wisest investment I guess. You know, when I have credit card debt and all. At least I don't owe my friends money. As far as emotions go, let's just say the word 'mush' is a pretty good way to describing them. I think the title of my blog and the mxpx song gives some insight:

Invitation To Understanding

Come on understanding visit me for once today
I'll be grateful, you don't even have to stay
It must be hard for you to get over to my side of town
I know there's many people like me to be found

If you come knockin' at my door
And I am not around
Foolishness came by and we're downtown
Please don't leave
Please come on in and make yourself at home
I know you're probably used to being alone

Everyone keeps telling me you're something that you're not
But I know if I met you I'd like you a lot
What exactly does it take to bring you to my door
By the time that you arrive I won't live here no more

What can I do? There's no one here but me
And nothin' on tv
Where could you be? I really wouldn't know
Where else you might go

Well, that's about it for creativity today. Notice, I'm not using my own, someone else’s.

Again, I go unnoticed

posted by Jeff Watkins at 2:29 PM

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Another Weekend has Passed

Sincere apologizes that I have not posted for a few days, yet again. I honestly have not had anything to write about that I felt would be worth me sitting at a computer and typing it. This week has found me doing alot of thinking about my future, and my life. I have really thought alot about why I am even at this school. I don't really enjoy being here, I feel as though I don't belong. I have seen a gradual decline in my social life this semester. I wish I knew why I felt that way. I thank God for the friends that I have, and I hope they know they are appreciated. Yet I feel like my time here is coming to an end. But, of course those are just feelings, not fact. I suppose I am just ready for things to change, and for my life to be more than it is right now. Maybe this is just something I am going through right now, and I covet your prayers for me.

Thank God this weekend was better than the last! On Saturday I hung out with a good friend of mine, Justin Snavely. We had not gotten to hang out all semester, we just were not able to get a hold of each other. You know how it is. He called me at around 11:30 yesterday morning and so I went to Dothan to meet him. We walked around the mall for about 2 hours, talking about summer plans, movie critics, stupid people, and the new Star Wars movie. After the mall, we went to see Lord of the Rings. This was my third time seeing the movie, and his fourth. Our reason for going: 4 minute preview of the next LOTR movie, The Two Towers! So we sit through the movie, then the film ends, the screen fades to black. Then we see the words "Coming This Christmas", and the preview starts. Now keep in mind this is not your typical movie trailer, most trailers run 2 1/2 minutes usually. Not this one, there was so much to this preview! Everything just looks amazing! And let me say this for all those who have not seen the trailer: The Battle of Helms Deep looks spectacular! Lots of rain, orcs, and swords. The things good battle scenes are made of! Needless to say, we were both visually amazed! These films are going to be considered one of the greatest films of all time! Next year, the Oscars, Two Towers wins best picture of the year, Peter Jackson: Best Director! Thats my hope anyways.
Overall it was a really good weekend, there is more I could tell you, but I know how everyone hates long blogs. No one even read my post on Calvinism a few weeks back, and I really put alot of thought into that! But I am not bitter, maybe I just silenced alot of people! ( Im kidding!) Well I thought it was good writing! Thats all that matters. I will post more this week I promise.
To Whom It May Concern

posted by Justin at 11:07 AM

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Saturday, April 27, 2002

For Once and For All

I don't know about you but I was getting sick and tired of seeing Beautiful Day at the top of the page. There are a lot of things in life I'd like to change . This is one of the few things I can do something about. Yes, I may get kicked and trampled on. I get pushed around all the time, this is true. Yes, I have to take it all like a man and wait til I'm in my room to cry about it. This, though it may be miniscule works wonders for my ego. I don't have to take this page or Eye Level not being updated. I suppose the rest of you do, but celebrate with me.

I've been listening to a lot of music lately as well.

1.Train- Drops of Jupiter

2. Smalltown Poets

3. Semisonic- Feeling Strangely Fine

4. Weezer-Pinkerton

5. Barenaked Ladies- Maybe You Should Drive

How many of these don't you know? That's what I thought.

posted by Chase at 7:59 PM

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Monday, April 22, 2002

Beautiful Day

I took yesterday off, considering I had to finish writing a paper. Well it is done now, and I am extremly relieved. Now I can focus a little more on the website. I would like to actually get a better looking template, and I am told I would have to make my own. Well hopefully I can come up with something. I am expecting this week to be better than the last one. I plan to check on my prospective job sometime this week, hang with an old friend, and maybe make some new ones. I recieved a very encouraging comment from Debbie reguarding my last post. Thank you Debbie, for your encouragement. May God bless you. I hope everyone will go check out her site (her link is under her comment). She has some great poetry and quotes on there. I

I finshed reading a book, and I would recommend it to anyone who wants to read a good thriller. Its called The Ice Limit, by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. It was a really good read, and it holds you all the way to the very last sentence. Check it out.

I have been listening to alot of music lately, and it has really helped relax me. Heres a list:
1. Seven Nations (a celtic rock band, really good stuff)
2. Dave Matthews Band (those of you who know me should not be surprised)
3. Dashboard Confessional ( for any one who has ever been hurt by a girl)
4. Default ( a new band, they have a very good sound. And I enjoy their lyrics)
5. Audio Adrenaline (their lastest cd is really good. Uplifiting lyrics.)
6. U2 (need I say more?)

You may of noticed that I did not list but one Christian band up there (Audio A) . Well frankly, not too many christian bands impress me anymore. I did enjoy the new Jars of Clay cd, but it was really nothing special. As soon as Ceadmons Call puts out a new cd, I will be happy. Yeah I know they are calvinist, but I still love their music. Right now I am looking for some good poetic lyrics, so if you know any good bands, let me know.
To Whom it May Concern

posted by Justin at 10:21 AM

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Saturday, April 20, 2002

Return of the Highlander

I am back after a brief hiatus of not posting. I sincerly apologize for my lack of commitment to the site, but things got a little crazy the past few days. I would rather not go into the details, since most of you pretty much know the synopsis of the last two days. I have been really stressed, and have not felt like myself. I am still in a state of shock it seems like. My brain is totally fried from sitting in front of a computer screen for almost two days straight. I cannot get my thoughts together, everything is just insane right now. God is still good though, and I am glad that He is looking out for me. However, I am tired, and weak. I am just so sick of it all. Things are not changing, just seems to get worse. Maybe I will meet a girl soon, that would make me happy. I also may be getting a full time job at a coffee shop, so things are looking up. Just pray for me, and keep me encouraged. I need it. And email me some phone numbers of some hot girls! heh heh. I will be back to my old self soon, I promise.
To Whom it may concern

posted by Justin at 10:35 AM

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Friday, April 19, 2002

Just About Ready To Say Thank God It's Saturday

Well, the adventures of another Friday night are almost over. In retrospective, I think this has been one week that I will not worry about getting over with... Many-a-thing hath occurred which causes me much grief, strife, and sorrow. Most of which I cannot reflect my feelings into words. So there's really no point in even trying to convey some letters to shape the outward appearance of a word in which might some how become a plausible sentence and make any comprehension apparent to you. This Friday night has only 32 minutes left in it. Don't you hate that feeling; when all you want to do is say something or talk about something, yet everything that comes out makes no sense or has zero relevance to the conversations that occupy your day. I feel like changing something and not my hair color. I feel like picking up the phone and calling and making amends with past friends, but I know that won't solve anything. I've fell into a hole and I can only see the dirt that's falling on my head as 'they' try to close the hole 'they' once dug. Have you ever felt like looking straight into a person's eyes and letting them use your eyes as telescope to see your heart, but then when you're both in the same room all you can do is close your eyes and walk right by. Sometimes I would rather sit in my room, lay on my bed, let the only light be from a lit candle, and listen as the song that plays explains that "even if you don't want to, you have to face the truth". Some say that you are so real, but really I am nothing but a fake. My life is as much of a sham as a phone card is compared to a credit card. Nothing but an endless depth of broken dreams and battered tears of pain. The light-scent of reality has no quench for my unmistakable urge to keep quiet and never speak. I guess at this point, I'd give anything to be anywhere other than here, sitting by myself. But, since that's all I've got, I guess I am a success. There's now 16 minutes left in my day.

Perhaps, I Suppose

posted by Jeff Watkins at 11:52 PM

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Wednesday, April 17, 2002


My site has now had 666 hits. Ironically and freaky enough, the sitemeter messed up immediately afterwards. I'm frightened. I may have to shut things down a couple days. We don't want to catch the mark of the beast, now do we? Pray for me as I go through this dark hour.

posted by Chase at 8:18 PM

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I'm getting sick and think I might vomit

So, I just came from my advisor's office. I was filling out my schedule for next semester. I'm going to be graduating in May and the preparation is finally boiling down for the last year of school (Lord willing). $#(&*%%#$*&^%#&*@2. Those are my feelings right now as I decide what classes to take. I have to take in consideration the amount of work that each class will embrace. I also have to figure out which classes I can take in the spring and not worry about it then. AHHHHHHH!!!!! Yeah and now I feel all sick cause I'm anxious. This is some wacky stuff because I normally don't get all worried and junk. Well, at this point, it breaks down like this for next semester:

20 Hours

Psychology 301 Psychology of Religion
Psychology 310 The Psychology of Learning and Teaching
Psychology 330 Marriage and Family Life Education
Psychology 404 Clinical Pastoral Training
Psychology 420 Mental Disorders and their Treatments
Evangelism 201 Personal Evangelism
Theology 301 Christian Doctrine, God, and Soteriology

Can you guess my major? Yeah, that sounds fun. I'm sure I will change it again because I'm at the point now where I want to get done, but not at the risk of 'killing' myself. Then after this, on my way to graduate school, yew-haw!!! I know this is a typical answer, but I gotta pray about this....

see ya later kiddos

posted by Jeff Watkins at 3:24 PM

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Tuesday, April 16, 2002


I had an idea! If anyone has any suggestions as to what we should use as far as let us know!!!!! Leave your ideas or comments on this post or under the post titled Moving???. We are just looking for something that would be easy to remember and what not. Examples would be:

Whatever, just more suggestions.. We or I (not Justin) would appreciate the feedback.. thanx...

w/ love and hatred

posted by Jeff Watkins at 2:46 PM

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Our buddy (and writer) Chase has offered to let us move to his site. Which is a very good move for us since we could have more space. However, we need your help! Jeff and I have been trying to decide what the address will be. So give us you input on these suggestions:

So let me know which one you like better. God bless.

posted by Justin at 10:02 AM

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Nothing To Write, So Much To Say

Whispers of melodies play in my mind,
I listen as the radio reveals clueless words in time.

Unleashed by waves of frequency.
Through being processed by electricity.

Indirectly, I wonder how I will play out my life.

Living fake and thinking meek,
Never let anyone so freely speak.

Flowing springs of shouts and joys
Only to be out numbered by even louder cries.

Rewinding my thoughts only for a few,
I wonder what it’s like to see from her view.

Never underestimating, but never fully comprehending.
Distracted and fleeting I forward on to catch the ending.

The picture runs white,
Blurbs of color strike out the light.

My first love song has just been sung,
But it wasn’t me moving my lips along.

Is it an imposter or a traitor?
Who will it be that is greater?

There is no sound coming from within me.

I resume on and try to be,
Just moving on so I can wait and see.

Film and music capture great moments at the drop of a dime.
Now I wonder if mine are out of time.

This so vague and yet so bleak,
I don’t think I will be able to speak.

Just trying to the find the ending,
I question even the beginning.

Tears fill up these lonely eyes.
But, I wipe them away before I can cry.

Waiting, worrying, and wondering never gave me joy
So I loose those freedoms to seek self-control.

I’ll keep going on, all on my own way.
Thinking, questioning, and singing just to save the day.

posted by Jeff Watkins at 1:19 AM

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fingerprints skinned from the top

taken from the hand of a cop

It's New Year's

We wait for the ball to drop

I've made my wishes

I've made my demands

There's no negotiation

It's out of our hands

I will be your scapegoat

I will board your sinking boat

The room is waiting for you to stop

You drowned her in the raindrop

It's New Year's

The ball has dropped


blindness strikes

as she likes

highway rides

on motorbikes

wind in her face

sun in her eyes

gnat in her teeth

brain full of lies

by running from trouble

she collides into pain

get out on the double

Or get caught in the rain

posted by Chase at 12:08 AM

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Monday, April 15, 2002

Let the Countdown Begin!

Well its here, check it out! I added a countdown meter for Star Wars Episode 2! Now every day you can see how much closer I am getting to being able to watch the movie. Well I am excited, and maybe some of you guys will be to. If you don;t like the counter, or you think its dumb or pointless.....well good for you. But's my site! And I like it!

posted by Justin at 10:44 AM

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Sunday, April 14, 2002

a few poems

Justin inspired me today to do something that he does a little. I decided I would put some of my 'original' writing on the site (I use that term 'original' loosely). Justin and I both had some stuff published online at Here is some of my writings from my unpublished book, Summer Nights That Are Still Screaming:

Waiting In the Wings
(The Lady I Loved)

As I feel the grasp of this heavenly creature, I know not where it leads me. Not knowing is ignorance, so I seek to find the answers to my soul’s desired questions. In this attempt of mediocrity, I can’t find what I am looking for. Just like a blind man that tries to see and cannot, I know not what its real and what unreal. So, I go along just blinded by the beauty she makes. Lovely scents from her fragrance guide my way. The beauty of the gleam from her pupil blinds you back to an unaware state. Her rose like structure and décor of beauty makes you wonder why, God is so good. Then a shock comes over me, like being frightened without a warning. She conforms to a different being and makes wonder who she is. So many things seem out of place, not knowing all of the things about my lady. My heart still seeks to find the good, but I’m disappointed by the results. I find the emptiness again, that I’ve known so well, for so long. I can’t fathom tomorrow because I doubt that I will make it through the day. I feel as if I’m dying and I won’t have anything else to say. This day was created for you and for me, yet oddly you killed it and now I have nothing more than a memory of today.

My Dark Night

When I sit up on this dark night of nights, I look at the heavens admire the sight. I see the stars in the sky and I wonder why she
hasn't found her love. I contemplate night and day, what to say, if today she would come my way. As she enters a room, there's
nothing to gloom. I watch shooting stars flow through the skies, then see those stars gleam right through her eyes. Every gesture she makes her hair falls in place. I see her image facing my way, and I shouldn't give any delay. The way her smile lingers on for a year lets me know there is nothing to fear. So, why do I have to feel this way? I guess I won't understand it today. When the sun shines through, breaking away the darkness of night, I wake up without a fight. I look at all the things God has created and I know I shouldn't have hesitated. For today maybe too late, for me to find my mate, but at least I know I can wait?


As I lay the pedals down, I once was lost but then found. See I ran off like the rain without a care, lost in a sea of seas, corrupted by the waves in which I detest. Hence commith unto me saves. My journey that I must perceive is Him with me. I stumble though I am forgiven. Again and again, I stumble though I am forgiven. It is then that I realize that the greatest gift of all is love. Even though I stumble, He who is in me helps me off my knees and back on my journey. As the nails were driven and the sword pierced His skin, I wonder if he was thinking of me, as now on my journey, I am thinking of him.

An Untitled Misery
(Unaware of my own ignorance)

As darkness clears on a lonely night, I lay my head down without a fight. Falling deep, into a dark sleep. Reflecting on why I am about to weep. The mistakes that helped my belief yet, they have all caused me nothing but grief. Even though I was sorry and hurt, they could care less and just throw my apology in the dirt. Like a child, who is caressing the sand, they ripped me and squeezed me with just one hand. What did I do to deserve all this, maybe only God would care, despite my own bliss? When I lead one heart on, the other one was waiting the back, ready to attack. The pain I will feel forever and a day will only go away, if they forgive me today. Hurt and waiting are two forms of pain, but what I have will leave me nothing to gain. Yet, I still say I’m sorry for what I have done, only God himself will let me go, just like the sun. In conclusion, as now I look back, I realize that what I have done was as serious as a heart attack. After all this, I try to make it right again, but I wonder when will they let that begin? Begin what you may say, only when I can smile again. For now and forever more, I know who will settle the score, it is then that they will open the door.

Torn Earthly Release Equates Self Advice

My heart’s contempt fuels me on. My tired, pale, and lonely eyes are nothing but obstacles. I see this hurt that you show, but there’s nothing I can do, you won’t let me through. Four people tell me no and it’s no surprise, I keep trying despite my own demise. So many words I can speak, yet when we meet, there is no sound coming from me. I try so hard to make you utter one word, there’s no use, because nothing is heard. How can I make you smile? How can I bring you joy? How can I make you better? I figure I should just give up and I won’t even bother. Our story seems like a parody, sadly, it’s our own original story. What is left to do and what else can I say? I would cut out my tongue and give it away. I won’t do anything else, but inherit the wind, because for me that will be my end. This seems like it, it feels like it’s over, I might as well just submit. A particle in me seems not quite sure, but I quench that spirit and just remember a blur… My heart speeds up and races thin, what will happen to us, again?

Somebody Somewhere

My soul seeks to find shelter from the storm. A manic depressant looks forever, not knowing what he is looking for and not understanding anything he finds. He knows his love is around somewhere and he is as I am also seeking shelter from the storm. He like me, as the same equal in many ways, tries to find the one for him as I try to find the one for me. Along the way we both find it. Love comes and goes like days. Hoping the next along the way will be the one. Distracted by the opposites, we seize the day. Confused as we are, we are walking in the dark. Situations that come upon us must be handled in this manner: I don’t know what love is. All I know is when I am able to look at someone even in the worst of times and see a spark flare up like on the Forth of July, that’s love. Life holds many days lonely for me. I cannot be bothered by trivial matters. I can only hope to find my love someday by me, and only me.

sorry this is so long, grace and peace

posted by Jeff Watkins at 4:48 PM

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Segments from Mere Christianity dealing with God's foreknowledge.

I had purposed to end the Calvinism debate on my site....I swear! With my post on faith a few days ago...that was it for me, I have said my 2 cents! Well I was reading Mere Christianity in order to get some insight for a paper I was doing, well I came across some great thoughts. I am going to post some selections from the chapter "Time and Beyond Time".

Almost certainly God is not in Time. His life does not consist of moments following one another. If a million people are praying to Him at 10:30 tonight, He need not listen to them all in that one little snippet whuch we call 10:30. 10:30, and every other moment from the beginning of the world, is always the Present for Him. If you like to put it that way, He has all eternity in which to listen to the split second of prayer put up by a pilot as his plane crashes in flames.
That is difficult, I know. Let me try to give something,not the same, but a bit like it. Suppose I am writing an novel. I write 'Mary laid down her work; next moment came a knock at the door!' For Mary who has to live in the imaginary time of my story there is no interval between putting down the work and hearing the knock. But I, who am Mary's maker,do not live in that imaginary time at all. Between writing the first half of that sentence and the second, I might sit down for three hours and think steadily about Mary. I could think about Mary as if she were the only character in the book and for as long as I pleased, and the hours I spent in doing so wold not appear in Mary's time (the time inside the story) at all.

Here is another bit:

If you picture Time as a straight line along which we have to travel, then you must picture God as the whole page on which the line is drawn. We come to the parts of the line one by one: we have to leave A behind before we get to B, and cannot reach C until we leave B behind. God, from above or outside or all round, contains the whole line,and sees it all.

This is the really long one, but I have to post it:

Another difficulty we get if we belive God to be in time is this. Everyone who believes in God at all believes that He knows what you and I are going to do tomorrow. But if He knows I am going to do so-and-so, how can I be free to do otherwise? Well, here once again, the difficulty comes from thinking that God is progressing along the Time-line like us: the only difference being that He can see ahead and we cannot. Well, it that were true, if God foresaw our acts, it would be very hard to understand how we could be free not to do them. But suppose that God is outside and above the Time-line. In that case, what we call "tomorrow" is visible to Him in just the same way as what we call " today". All the days are "Now" for Him. He does not remember you doing things yesterday, He simply sees you doing them,because, though you have lost yesterday, He has not. He does not "foresee" you doing things tomorrow, he simply sees you doing them:because though tomorrow is not there fo you, it is for Him. You never supposed that your actions at this moment were any lest free because God knows what you are doing. Well, He knows your tomorrow's actions in just the same way- because He is already in tomorrow and can simply watch you. In a sense, He does not know your action till you have done it, but then the moment at which you have done it is already "Now" for Him. - Mere Christianity

Hope this helps, or maybe persuades you to read Lewis. God bless.
To whom it may concern

posted by Justin at 1:09 PM

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Saturday, April 13, 2002

My First Published Poem

Steal My Heart

Please don't run away
I can't chase you
My heart hopes you will stay
My mind sleeps to dream you
I see myself in your eyes
The light inside astounds me
For your love I would die
And in your arms please drown me
Just stay and talk a little while
In your words a poet speaks
I watch you laugh and watch you smile
And my stolen heart is made complete

posted by Justin at 11:51 PM

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I was thinking alot about my life tonight. The past two years have really been trying times on me both spiritually and emotionally. I have gone through and experinced things that I never thought I would have, and have become a better person because of it. And I have thought alot about my future, and how I dont wanna screw up God's plans for my life. I want to make something of myself, I wanna have a good job, make money, have a family,all of that. I would really like to fullfill my dream of making movies, and somehow in the process meet a wonderful girl and fall in love, not in that order. In fact both seem very unatainable right now,and that scares me. I want to be what God wants me to be,and not just what I want. Right now, I feel like I am going nowhere, and I am running to get there.

posted by Justin at 11:36 PM

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Friday, April 12, 2002

Biblical Answers

I was surfing the web last night and came across a really neat website. I was looking for some answers to questions that I have about God. I am really tired of the whole Calvinism debate, neither side is going to change their view on issues. Both sides think they are right, and both sides accuse the other of misinterpreting the Bible, or just not believing it at all. I am very secure in what I believe because God has renewed my faith in Him. This debate has caused me to study alot more and I have asked God to continue to guide me in truth. Lest night, He brought me to this website. I spent several hours reading articles , and I was amazed at the amount of scripture that was used in these articles. There was alot to take in after reading some of this stuff, this guy amazed me theologically! I am praying about these things I have read, that God will show me truth above all else. Visit the site and maybe you will find some good answers.

posted by Justin at 9:14 AM

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Catch Phrases

Do you ever wonder why? This seems like a silly question, but there is a very deep lesson to be learned. I always contemplate the outcomes of life and wonder how I could have changed something, done something different, or even not done anything to receive a different final realization. Of course, sometimes you just have to ask yourself why? I do this a lot when talking to God. I have a journal I keep. Sometimes, you might even catch me writing in it (I know, surprising). Just some thoughts I've written down about girls, life, and the general et cetera:

' I'm 22, but I wanna be 14 '

' Washington to Florida '
-I felt closer to you, over that summer, being 800 miles away. Than right now, sitting on your couch, 8 feet away-

' The second time is always better '

' No Title Could Tell '
-I don't ever wanna see your face disgraced, again-

' Knowing G.W. '

' Wasting So Many Stamps '

' I'm sorry, I'm 12 '

"God, these are what I'm feeling. let me decide how to handle them. let me actually seek your will, if that's not what i was doing before. questions and answers. seems like just not knowing is becoming the answer."

Funny how things seems so bleak. Yet, the breaking sight of a new sun coming over the horizon, that's not yet showing any color of light in the dark early morning sky; can be hope. hope for the future, Hope in the unseen...

Nighty-Night Nite

posted by Jeff Watkins at 1:27 AM

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Wednesday, April 10, 2002

the spectator becomes the audience and the audience is left to talk

A lot of information and questions are being raised recently about the situations dealing the Biblical view of man's responsibility versus God's sovereignty. Much like Justin, I have been attending our cozy lil' Bible college for a while. I've seen people who had no idea, have an idea. I've seen people jump on a bandwagon and then jump off. I've seen people seek the truth and then I've seen them fall away. There really is never going to be a solution, resolution, or revolution to all of these events. The truth shall set you free. I pray that anyone who claims he or she has found the 'truth', in whatever view, will honestly seek and continue to seek what God would reveal to them through the Holy Scriptures. I encourage all to study and learn the opposing view. But more importantly, never be lacking in zeal; keep on, keeping on. Never become stagnant and let your faith dissolve within you. This truly is the test of Christian living. A quote that hit me quite hard the summer of 2001, I think is relevant here (a close friend sent it to me and I smile when I think about her). Thanx be to God that He delivered us, when yet we were undeserving of deliverance for our transgressions.

"Calvinism emphasizes divine sovereignty and free grace; Arminianism emphasizes human responsibility. The one restricts the saving grace to the elect; the other extends it to all men on the condition of faith. Both are right in what they assert; both are wrong in what they deny. If one important truth is pressed to the exclusion of another truth of equal importance, it becomes an error, and loses its hold upon the conscience. The Bible gives us a theology which is more human than Calvinism and more divine than Arminianism, and more Christian than either of them."
- Philip Schaff -

"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death. Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."

Romans 7:21-25 NIV

posted by Jeff Watkins at 2:39 PM

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Tuesday, April 09, 2002

Faith, Sovereignty, Choice, and the doctrine of Jesus

Man cannot fully understand God. Our minds could not fathom it. There are things about God and scripture that we cannot explain. The virgin conception of Mary, the Trinity, and Jesus' Resurrection, just to name a few. Those are all leaps of faith. If someone were to ask you how excatly how Jesus rose from the dead, how would you explain it to him? I dont think you could. In fact, the Bible does not say how it happend, it just said that it did happen. So therefore I believe it. I honestly think if the Bible told us everything there is to know about God, it would take a million Bibles to record it all! There is only a fragment of who God is that we know, which is why we have faith.
The idea of understanding faith is crucial to the understand of the gospel. Faith is believing in something you cannot explain or fully understanding. Billy Graham used the analogy of the wind: you cant see wind, but you feel it's effects. And science has proven it's exsistence. It's the same with God, we see the effects of God everywhere.We know what He has done for us, and He has proven His exsistence both through this world, and the Bible. But neither you or I can claim that we have ever physically seen God. Faith is also present in our salvation. We are saved by grace through faith, not of ourselves, it is the gift of God. ( Ephesians 2:8) So to discount faith would be to discount our own salvation and God.
So we can see how faith plays a part in how we perceive God. Which brings me to another issue: predestination and man's free choice. There are verses in the Bible supporting both. I dont believe we should discount either of them. Let me first off appease the Calvinists by saying that I do believe in the soverienty of God, so leave that arguement at the door please. God is always, and has always been in control and nothing takes Him by surprise. So I do believe that God knows all things. However, I also believe that man has a responsibility for sin, and can either choose God or reject Him? If man cannot have free choice, how can he be held responsible for his sin? And yet, if God knows all things and controls all things, how can man even have a choice in anything without ursurping God of His sovereignty? One seems to contridict the other, and yet the Bible teaches both. Thats where faith comes in. You have to understand that God is all knowing and all powerful, and can do whatever He wants and His ways are not ours. We looks at this issue and we say " Both cannot be right, one has to be wrong". And that may be true. But I pose another solution: faith. Any other way of looking at it makes you take either veiw to an extreme. Thats not the way God intended it. I believe with all my heart that God knows everything that is going to happen, and yet He has given man free choice. That is based on my faith in God and what I believe that He has shown me. You would ask me if I am 100% sure if I am right? Nope. I dont think I have all the answers, and I dont claim to know all there is to know about God. I do know that my faith is in Jesus Christ and Him alone, and thats all I need.
The other issue is the idea of having a sound theology. You hear it all the time around a christian campus and in the church. What is a sound theology. Calvinism? Arminiansm? I doubt it. Our christain faith is based on Jesus Christ, and nothing else. My sound theology goes something like this: I am a sinner. I was in need for a Saviour. God sent Jesus to die for me (and for you, and everyone else in the world {John 3:16} ) He rose from the dead and paid mine ( and your) sin debt. (Which would also mean He paid for something that we were responsible for...we should thank Him!) I realized through reading the Bible (at the age of 5) that I was destined for hell. But I knew that God loved me, and that Christ died for me. I know that I asked Him to forgive me of my sins, and save me. I know that at that moment, my life was changed and Jesus was now a part of my life. I know that my life is His now, and I will strive to serve Him and glorify Him in all that I do.
So my sound theology is the doctrine of Jesus, and what He has done for us. Calvin is dead, Arminius is dead, and as far as I am concerned, their theology can die with them! Both of them had some good points to make, and some good ideas, but it has gone too far. I will stick to being a christian and believe what Jesus said. I will take childlike faith above fullly understanding God any day of the week. Why do I say that? Because Jesus said I must have faith like a child, He never told me I had to fully understand God, I just had to love and serve Him.
I am not out to attack anyone or cause any kind of trouble, but I needed to write this for my own sake. I do not think that anyone can ever be totally sure that they have everything figured out. That is the biggest trap we could fall into! If we ever get too comfortable in our beliefs and we think we have all the answers, then there is no room for faith. Once you do that, then you are doing nothing but bowing down full face to the idol of knowledge! Yes it is good to have knowledge and to study scripture. But I think that it is very wrong to claim that you have the answers to the mystery of God and how He does things. I am gonna get alot of hate mail over this one, and I am sure there are going to be many people who disagree with me. Which is ok. Everyone has a right to be close minded. (I am only kidding) I just let everyone sit and think that they are right and everyone else is wrong. And thats Calvinists and and Arminianists alike. Both views have good points, but they both lack faith. One group hangs on soveriengty, while the other hangs on free choice. The missing link is faith. There is my view, and I pray that is is God's view, otherwise I am just wasting my time. I am not taking any sides because I dont think either side should exsist. I will call myself a Christian and thank God for what He has done for me. I pray you will do the same. God bless.

To whom it may concern

posted by Justin at 11:33 PM

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Best Friends Forever

First, I would like to say that I am not a former writer. I am still writing for this fine site. Don't count me out yet. I plan to be a part of this site as long as you both(Jeff and Justin) shall live.

Yesterday my dvd's came in.

1. Good Will Hunting

2.Forrest Gump

3.Almost Famous


5.Saving Private Ryan

Another thought: Seeing how Jeff and Justin are best friends forever and how they both have made statements that
I no longer write for the site I wonder if they want me to continue. Perhaps, they would prefer this be the best friend blog: The lives and loves of two broke and sad Graceville college students.
Forget Calvinian conversation, I think we should all take a moment of silence. Let us pray that Justin would understand God's calling on his life to write a screenplay with me. It's time to stop dreaming. We shall have that Oscar, even if we thieve if from Tom Hanks. I appreciated Jeff's blog for three reasons. One was that he linked me in the post. Second was that he rarely writes and so we thought he had quit. Third is that he spoke some of his thoughts on calvinism. I agree with him. Jeff is the kind of guy to be agreed with. I plan to write a similar post in the upcoming days but I don't have the time today.

Jeff, I'd like to dedicate this song to you. Nothing better explains all you mean to me. It's been a personal favorite these days.

THE CLOSEST THING -The Juliana Theory
you're the words that come out easy and i am speechless at best your star it seems to shine above the rest you're the face before the cameras the smile i'd like to earn the closest thing to perfect in a hollywood to burn your the beauty that is deeper than than eyes can merely see the closest thing to perfect but the farthest thing from me and i'd love to be the shoulder that you cry on and i'd love to be the friend you call when things are great you're the dream that hasn't ended and i'm still anxious for rest your words they seem to hang above my head you're the bud before the flower unfurls into full bloom captivating beauty but it may be all too soon you're the song that writes a story but leaves alot to read the closest thing to perfect but the farthest thing from me and like i really deserve a chance to sit across a table and tell you that i think you're wonderful and i think you're something special i guess this is my only chance to say i wish i knew you because i'm sure you're wonderful if i'd get to know you.

Justin you're cool too.

posted by Chase at 3:47 PM

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We Know It's Not Right

Greetings! Another week and not quite a month, I'm back with my addition of comments to whom it might or may concern (sorry Justin, I like my 'might' in there. Well, a lot has gone on since my last post. I'm gonna actually take this time now to let you all know that I am gonna take my writing privilege/responsibility a little more seriously and post something better, sooner than my previous attempts.

My last post was about a friend, a relationship, and a whole bundle of confused emotions. I can honestly take peace in the situation right now, possibly more, than ever before. Crazy, eh? I'm glad though. There still is no absolute result but maybe, just maybe, there will be one sometime before God calls me home... Haha, I can laugh about it now, but it's been a burden to my weak heart for a week. I've gotten caught up in commenting on other people's websites, so I'll post some things I wrote. This is in response to my personal situation, in relation to a couple of other friend's trials:

"Just to add to the madness... I much like Chase and Donna have my own situation/dilemma that I am in process of dealing with. IT'S HARD!!! Knowing, understanding, discerning, and seeking God's will. We know that His will isn't some hidden, foreign, unfindable object of truth. Granted, that often times it takes a strong, hard effort to find. I take joy in the fact that God has blessed me with a feeling of love and peace in my personal situation. Granted that the other element of my equation isn't convinced that it is God's will. I definitely think that this is a "GOD" thing and not just a "jeff" thing. I know that he will indeed reveal it to all the concerned parties when His time is here or break my heart of this fake pride that I believe to be true. All I can do is be a friend and pray that the next day will be the one where he bears her soul the truth or bends mine and I see the truth. Thank God that he is sovereign. Thank God that he is our best and only example of LOVE and that Jesus Christ was our living, breathing, human example!"

That was from Chase's website (former writer) EYE LEVEL. You nice folk can access it through (shameless plug for his site) In another random commentness (is that a word), I posted my opinion on a dispute between some friends on truth becomes lies :

"So... just to throw my two cents of non-reformed mumbo jumbo in, here is what I think. Both points are valid. However, I tend to believe that we wouldn't call God's Word, Calvinism or Arminianism one thing or another if either were 100% accurate. In that, if the Bible was visibly transparent, than the truth would indeed be revealed. God's word is not as simple as an Archie comic and I think that we forget to leave a little space open in the back of our polluted minds for a 2nd thought on a subject. Once we get comfortable with a belief or view we tend to become dogmatic and site all other's opinions as such heresy. The out come there is that we become disheartened with a friend or foe and loose our Christian fervored love towards them and for them. We then forsake the 2nd greatest commandment to love one another. I guess, then, as so eloquently as Scott Schultz puts it, Truth becomes Lies."

Yeah, rock the Kasbah. ANYwho, nodda whole lot more coming to my brain now. When I wad doing my reading for my New Testament class today, I found a intriguing quote. Milks (my roommate Michael Miller) and I decided to use our message board for more than it's original purpose today. We decided we would have a quote 4 the day from now on and switch on and off. Today was the inaugural celebration of that. Of course he went with a timeless quote from the 70's by a band some of you might be familiar with, Pink Floyd:

"You were nearly a treat, but really a cry."

Oh yeah, that quote I found is:

“The renewed mind knows that life will end with judgment. We must therefore live each moment under the scrutiny of the Judge. We may rejoice to know God as Father, but there must also be reverent fear! Every moment matters, eternally. The thought that we are to be judged according to our work could lead to despair; but our eternal salvation is not judged by our moral feebleness.”

So, that's about it for this session. I appreciate you all putting up with my tardiness and slacker qualities, I will try to improve. Thanx Justin for calling me your best friend. You're mine too, buddy. Oh yeah, BEST IN SHOW IS THE GREATEST, DRY, INTELLEGENT, FEELGOOD, COMEDY OF WHATEVER YEAR IT CAME OUT.

Goodnight and God bless,

Pictures, Stars, and Dreams

posted by Jeff Watkins at 2:00 AM

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Monday, April 08, 2002

Film Critics and the Women who Love Them ( just kidding)

Last night I realized I could never be a movie critic. I think I would lose my love of movies if I did. I think most film critics, both professional and amateur, are not able to enjoy watching movies because they are too busy analyzing them. Now I have always said that film is the modern method of communicating ones' worldveiw to an audience. I do not retract my statement. However, I also think film is also a method of entertainment for everyone as well. So there are two reasons (in my opinion) for the purpose of film. I guess I just see alot of people missing out on the entertainment side. It is sad to think there are some people out there who cannot enjoy a movie such as The Princess Bride because it's not a deep movie. It's a fairy tale/love story. It's just a good entertaining movie. The problem with critics is the fact that everything is all opinion based (and so is this post). One critic may say one thing about a movie, while another would say something totally different. Which one do you listen to? Well I dont listen to either, most of the time. I get annoyed with critics, especally the wannabes. Maybe I am too sensitive, I dont know. I have certian movies that I really love, and in my mind they are the greatest films ever made, but not everyone sees it that way. And yet I get annoyed by it. Braveheart is an amazing movie! It still inspires me everytime I see it. And yet some people dont like it. and there are even some people who felt it should not have gotten best picture! Thats sad. But also thats my opinion. The other thing that gets to me is all the Star Wars haters out there. And most of them have never even seen the movies! That really bothors me, but then again I love Star Wars! You cant say you hate a movie you have never seen, but you can say it does not look like something you want to see. I dont get it. I dont understand how everyone all of a sudden are all film experts and their opinion is the right one. I dont think I am an expert, I just know what I like. And according to most of my friends I like every movie in the world! Thats not true, but I do like most movies. Although Zoolander still sucked, but you may like it. Well I should end this ramble of a post and let you get back to your real life. Until next time, snootchie bootchies!

posted by Justin at 9:29 AM

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Sunday, April 07, 2002

Retreading Old Ground

This is part of an old blog, but I wanted to make clear the " chasing amy" reference that I talked about in the post below.

Feelings are such a pain. You cant help the way you feel about something or someone. And sometimes you end up setting yourself up for a fall, but you have to fall sometimes I think. Like it or not, we have to feel. We have to love , and we have to lose. Sometime we love what we have lost. There is a scene in Chasing Amy where Silent Bob is telling the story of the one who got away. He talks about a girl he fell in love with named Amy, and how he found out some disturbing things about her past. He could not handle it and he yelled at her and basically ran her off in anger. And now years later he is looking back and realizes how stupid he was for doing that, and he realized how much he loved her. He said he lived in regret that he let Amy get away because he never made things right. So now hes "chasing Amy" ,in hopes that he will find that one special person again. I guess I feel a little bit like that. My situation is not like that one, but the metophor is the same. I dont wanna live in regret and be chasing Amy for the rest of my life. Hopefully things will work out.

posted by Justin at 8:09 PM

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I'll Back You Up
I was missing someone today. I wish I knew why. Love does strange things to people, and I am a victim of love. But I dont like to be consumed by it, and I dont wanna be "chasing amy" for the rest of my life. I cant help looking back on past relationships and reliving the happy times, and wishing it ended differently. Anyways, I have been listening to alot of Dave Matthews ( no surprise there!) and there is one song that really means alot to me called I'll Back You Up, and it is pretty much how I feel about this girl I miss. Maybe its thereputic to post this, who knows.

I remember thinking, I'll go one forever knowing I 'll see you again
But I know the touch of you is hard to remember
A touch I know thats like no other
And for sure we've danced in the risk of each other
Would you like to dance around the world with me
I'll be falling all about my own thing
And I know your the heaviest weight,when your not here, thats hung around my head
And your lips burn wild, from the face of a child, and in your eyes the seeing of a greatest few
Do what you think, always
Walk where you like, your steps
Do as you please, I'll back you up
I remember thinking, sometimes we walk sometimes we run away
But no matter how fast we are running
Somehow we keep up with each other
I'll be falling all about my own thing
And I know your the heaviest weight, when your not here, thats hung around my head
And your lips burn wild, from the face of a child
And your eyes, the seeing of a greatest few
Do what you will, always
Walk where you like, your steps
Do as you please, I'll back you up
-Dave Matthews

posted by Justin at 6:57 PM

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Saturday, April 06, 2002

Have not been in the mood to write lately. And honestly I have not had much to say that would be blog-worthy.However I realized something today. I realized that I really don't care if I have 50 hits a day, or if everyone comments about my site. Dont get me wrong, I enjoy everyone's comments and the fact that some people may enjoy reading my posts. But I am not out to be a mega-site or anything like that,its enough for me to just be able to write down my thoughts and have something to look back on one day. God bless.

posted by Justin at 8:33 PM

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Thursday, April 04, 2002

I was up really late last night working on a paper for my sociology class. It was the hardest paper I had ever written in my life. I had a case of writers block like you would not believe! But hopfully it will suffice and I will make a good grade. I really did try and make it a good paper, and I hope my effort pays off.

In other news, I have been listening to alot of music lately. Alot of songs have spoken to me lately, and God can even use secular music to speak to me! I will post some lyrics to discribe what I am feeling, and God's response.

I am barely breathing, and I cant find the air. I dont know who I'm kidding, imagining you care. And I could stand here waiting, a fool for another day. And I dont suppose it's worth the price I would pay, but I'm thinking it over anyway.
-Duncan Sheik (Barely Breathing)

That is kinda how I feel right now. I feel overwhelmed with school and life. I sometimes feel like God is not listening (but I know that He is!). I feel like I am stuck and have nowhere to go. But yet God has really dealt with me, lifeted me up. Check this out.

Everything's gonna be alright
-Shawn Mullins (Lulluby)

So there is God's response to my struggles. A gentle encouragment from a Father to His son. It was like His hand reached down and gently picked me up. So now I feel refreshed and encouraged. Here is my new feeling conveyed in these lyrics.

Sharing with us what He knows. Shining eyes are big and blue. And all around him water flows, this world to him is new. To touch a face, to kiss a smile, and new eyes see no rays. The essence of a child.
He's born to shimmer, He's born to shine, He's born to radiate. He's born to live, He's born to love, He's born to never hate.

-Shawn Mullins (Shimmer)

So now I feel really awesome, and I can get through this day knowing that God loves me, and will use me. The essence of the christian life is faith hope and love, and love is the greatest of these. And I pray that God will continue to expand my love and grow me closer to Him. God bless.

posted by Justin at 10:26 AM

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Tuesday, April 02, 2002

Last night I was trying to update my humor site, and everything got lost. I hate when that happens! Hopefully I can reblog it all tonight. So stay tuned.

posted by Justin at 7:27 PM

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Blame The Old Guy
Dr. Purcell told Dr. Rathel that his class could take Dr. Rathel's class in volleyball anyday. A tournament has been arranged. Today we were discussing the upcoming battle. He said he wouldn't be our coach and I said,"You got us into this mess." Everyone laughed a lot. Then he said,"Since Chase is so hilarious, let's call it a day."

Actually, class commenced as usual. I just added that last part cause I'm a pathological liar and I realized the story wasn't as funny in print as it was in reality. You should feel sorry for me.

posted by Chase at 3:03 PM

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Monday, April 01, 2002

Weekend Update My Easter weekend proved to be quite enjoyable. Jeff Watkins (my other writer and best friend) was able to come home with me and spend some time with my family. It was good to see all of my family for longer than 2 hours. On Saturday night we all went to a Easter musical at our former church, Northwoods Baptist. I try and go to their Easter musical every year because every year I get blown away. This year proved to be no different. Everything was amazing, and very well put together. The drama side of the musical followed the fictional story of Anthony, a Roman centurion, and his struggle with who Jesus Christ is. After Christ heals Anthony's servant, he is torn between his duty to Rome, and following Jesus. He eventually is forced to crucify Christ, and finally at Christ's death, Anthony realizes who Jesus is, and bows his knee to his Lord. It was a very powerful drama, complemented by a full choir and orchestra, and masterfully directed. The audience reaction to the musical, both during it and after, was very encouraging. The applause when Anthony accepted Christ was very moving. And the massive standing ovation after the finale was amazing! I truly hope that God spoke to some people there after veiwing that musical.

After the musical, I was able to see alot of people I had not seen in a long time. One of the men in the church, Mr. Dan Doll, was a friend to me during my high school years, and has always been an ecouragement to me. I was able to see him and talk with him for a few minutes, and I walked away feeling very encouraged about my life. I talked to him about being ready to graduate and move on from Graceville, and go to film school. I was about ready to tell him how fearful I was about film school, and how I had no idea how I was going to make it in there,but then he looked at me and said "You will do it, and I know you will succeed, I have no doubt of that". That really encouraged me, and I think God used it to make me even more determined. I pray that I will succeed.

Later on that night, Jeff, my brother Caleb and I watched Best in Show. If you have not seen that movie yet, you need to see it! It is a very funny movie, and has some very memorable moments. Jeff was a skeptic of the movie, just as I was when I first saw it. But five minutes into the movie everyone was laughing and having a good time. I recommend this movie to anyone who needs a good laugh.

On to more serious topic...prayer. Pray for Caleb right now, he is having to deal with some hard struggles right now. He is doing the right thing, but he admits that it is really hard. I cant tell you how much I am proud of the man God has helped him to become. Just keep him in prayer. And also pray for one of his good friends, that they will receive Christ. I will update about that when God saves that person (and I know that He will). Also please pray for me that I will get everything done that I need to do. And that God will draw me closer to Him, and I will be a better christian. Until next time, May God bless you.

posted by Justin at 9:23 AM

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