This Really Is The New Year

So, I guess you are probably not reading this because you have plans tonight. But, if you are reading this and do not have plans, I hope you have a great New Year's Eve and a wonderful start to the New Year. Be safe and remember: intoxication only leads to vomitization.

The New Year, By Death Cab For Cutie From, Transatlanticism

So this is the new year
And I don't feel any different

The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance
In the distance...

So this is the new year
And I have no resolution

It's self-assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions

So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogues bleed into one
I wish the world was flat like the old days
So I could travel just by folding the map
No more airplanes or speed-trains or freeways
There'd be no distance that could hold us back

There'd be no distance that could hold us back
There'd be no distance that could hold us back

So this is the new year...

Mmm... Daddy Like!

I hate the way the world is turning these days...

Justin McLeod, former writer and film aficionado, drove to Titusville and we hung out today. I drove over there and we ate at Waffle House. I drove us back to Melbourne and showed him around. Then we went back to Waffle House for coffee and water. Then we went to his apartment in Orlando to hang for a little bit. Quite fun. It was great to see an old friend. We talked about music, film, girls, love, and of course, God. A fun time was had by all.

My Christmas was good, how was yours? I have bunches to do before I move. I guess sleep is on the list for now. See ya.

Wait. Ever so often, I like to look through my Dads LPs and see what I will be inheriting. Except for Magical Mystery Tour and The Beatles (White Album), my Dad has every Beatles American release unopened. Plus, they're all early releases, probably not first, but early stereo editions. I knew this though. But, looking even closer, my Dad has about 20 Rolling Stones records, but these are open. Yet, Exile on Main Street is 2 disc album that is still sealed. Yay!

Now, for real. Bye.

"That's A Pretty Sweet Bike"

Death is often just as complicated as life. Even though dying is really the simple polar quality of the expression, getting to that point is really the most challenging part. And that is really the only important underlining factor. To get to death, you have to live through life. Breathing has never been harder.

On Holiday

Those of us here at To Whom would like to wish you a very Merry Christmas.

In Case You Missed The Email

To Those I Love - Merry Christmas

Happy Holidays! How are you guys? I am doing great. I hope this email finds you well, and hopefully warm (or at the least, cozy). It’s crazy to think that Christmas is tomorrow for us here in America. Maybe I’m just a big procrastinator, but the holiday season always finds it’s way upon me in an increasingly rapid fashion. Each year that goes by, the time goes by so much faster. I guess that’s just getting older. I think I say that in every email I send out on Christmas Eve. Oh well, that line is a tradition. And this is too.

This is the 6th year I’ve done this email. I don’t know why it feels important, but it does. I suppose I do not get to expound upon the many reasons I love each of you as much I as would like to throughout the year. So that is why this is such a big deal for me. The sentiments behind this note are that of care and concern. I hope that this past few weeks and the rest of the year are a time for you to reflect on the beauty of life, the brilliance of creation and our gracious Creator.

For some of you, I’m sure you are wondering why you are getting an email from me. For others (Carrie), I know you are looking forward to this email with expectatious wonder. It gives me great joy to type these words because you are getting to see a piece of my heart that I do not share often. Not for spite or resolve, but for the simplistic reason that it makes people happy to know their loved ones are of cheer. And maybe that can be my New Year’s resolution because I do not express my happiness everyday. But know that I am happy and I hope you guys and gals are too.

For the past year, I have been working at Laurel Oaks Behavioral Health Center in Dothan, Alabama. It’s a psychiatric and behavioral hospital for children and teenagers. I was a mental health technician working, mentoring, teaching, and helping treat nine children, ages 7-12, on the child residential unit. It was great experience and an abundance of stress as well. Besides the experience I have gained from working there, the benefit of this job was to pay off some debt and save for graduate school, which is what I will be starting in January. I will be moving to New Orleans, Louisiana to start a MA in Christian Education at the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. I’m really excited about this new journey and being back in school.

I imagine from the start of this I wanted to say more, but now I’m sort of out of words. Please just know I love and cherish all of you. I hope that this holiday season is wonderful for you and yours.

Merry Christmas,

Jeff Watkins

I'll Miss You (This Christmas)

Justin and I were talking about some of our favorite Christmas songs a few weeks back. Over the past four years, I have made six Christmas CD for myself to enjoy. If I had to make an ultimate Christmas CD, these songs would be included (give or take a few) and most likely, in this order:

1. Jose Feliciano- Feliz Navidad
2. Southside Johnny- Please Come Home For Christmas
3. Fall Out Boy- Yule Shoot Your Eye Out
4. Dean Martin- Let It Snow
5. Chasing Furies- O Come Emanuel
6. Jackson Five- Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
7. Copeland- Do You Hear What I hear?
8. Elvis Presley- Blue Christmas
9. Stevie Wonder- One Little Christmas Tree
10. Five Iron Frenzy- You Gotta Get Up
11. Johnny Cash- The Gifts They Gave
12. Huntingtons- It's Always Christmas At My House
13. Beach Boys- Little St. Nick
14. The Normals- Peace Child (O Come Emmanuel)
15. The Coasters- White Christmas
16. Death Cab For Cutie- Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
17. Louis Armstrong- Christmas In New Orleans
18. MxPx- Christmas Only Comes Once A Year
19. Seven Day Jesus- O Holy Night
20. Burl Ives- Have A Holly Jolly Christmas
21. Boyz II Men- Silent Night
22. Ramones- Merry Christmas (I Don't Want TO Fight Tonight)
23. Bobby Helms- Jingle Bell Rock
24. Dashboard Confessional- The Only Gift That I Need
25. Nat King Cole- The Christmas Song
26. Blink 182- I Won't Be Home For Christmas
27. Pedro The Lion- I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day
28. The Kinks- Father Christmas
29. Bing Crosby- The First Noel

I Can Smell The New Year

I cannot believe I always forget to advertise the things I have for sale on Ebay. If you have time tonight and are in need of totally unrelated items, please look at what I have for sale. Thanks!

11 Christian Theology, Philosophy, Anthropology Books

8 Starting Lineup Basketball Figures - Bibby & Walton

10 Back Issues of TIME Magazine-JFK Jr, FDR, Star Wars

Tonight's The Night

Maybe I'm amazed. I went to my Sunday School class' Christmas party tonight. It was so much fun. I don't remember church functions being this much fun actually. We did a scavenger hunt, secret Santa, a name that tune game, and other things. Really fun, like I said. I made plans with like 3 people to hang out. I even met some cute girls. One, in particular. That's always fun. Hopeful expectations turn into destroyed fantasies. On the next To Whom...

Countdown To Freedom, They Say

As I write, I am sitting on the floor in my living room, trying to get my life in order. Typing via laptop with the show Friends playing in the back. Today was my last day at Laurel Oaks. It was still stressing. But, I guess with the fate of my life hanging in the balance by shift end, it turned out okay. Though they didn't have a going away party for me, like five people told me to stop by before I move to Louisiana. That was nice and I plan on doing that. So, now, my vacation begins. Not that it's been all that challenging or whatever (I'm not the first person to do it), but this past year of working full time in the mental health field has been extremely hard. But now, it's time for a break. Later on today, I'll be driving back to Melbourne, Florida to be with my folks for Christmas. I need to get to bed, but I got to finish packing. I will get up in a few hours and drive eight hours. That'll be fun. Anyway, I hope all is well with you. Maybe I can get into the Christmas spirit and have some sentimental stuff to say later. Until the next time...

Maraschino

I've been looking out windows for sometime
But I wouldn't ever call myself a window shopper
I find new revelations
In old hesitations
And I still can't believe in you
You're not real, as far as I can see
But, the epitome of everything I strive to be
Loving and breathtaking
Gracious and forgiving
You give me countless reasons to want to keep on living
I think of you at breakfast time
Or when I sing a Get Up Kids line
Maybe I'm silly or just a bit starry-eyed
It's all so indwelling
And this is so unbelievably telling of me
To say these things
And though I mean it all
It's still hard for me not to fall
For somebody like you
On a day like this
Good night or morning
Wherever you are
I'll still think about you
Wherever you go
No matter how far
We'll probably be apart
For the rest of time
And that's okay
I don't mind
Because I truly know
How much we mean to one another
If I had a choice between you or someone else
The option would be to love no other

I Heard The Bells

After a semi-stressing night at work, I stopped by a fast food place to get dinner. I ran into a lady that I used to work with. After sitting and talking with her for an hour, she asked me if I wanted to hang out next weekend. She gave me her number too. Oh yeah, she's 30. Why can't this ever happen to me with ladies I actually like. By the way, she's actually attractive. She just doesn't like The Beatles. :)

All The Evergreens

Ahoy. How are the kids? I'm good. Thanks for asking. If you are reading this caring about me or my life, I appreciate you. I'm sorry for not sharing myself with you until now. It seems like all I do is apologize. Here and there. Now and then. Day after motherless day. Won't it ever end? I've been busy with the normality of life. As always, I strive to make the best of my time, though I'm often overcome by laziness. But I process this restrain of guilt and proceed through the illicit tires of stress and relief.

Anyway, a lot has been on my mind as of late. Even if I can't write and express myself, my brain has been burdened with a bunch of stuff. Christmas is almost here. Scary. Not that presents are important, but I like giving, and on this end of it, I haven't done anything. What should I get my parents this year?

An exciting, yet stressing week is almost over. As much as I haven't written about it, this week is my last week of work. Next Thursday is my last day at Laurel Oaks. What a great day it will be. I'm so eagerly awaiting the last clock out. It hasn't been all horror stories and profanities. I will truly miss my coworkers. I have gained some friends I honestly love. And the kids, yeah, I'll miss certain things about them too. They're still little bastards. That's the way to send love, by insulting them, yeah...

Alright. I'm getting tired. After I quit work, I will be unemployed until I move to New Orleans. I still don't know if I'm accepted into grad school yet. But, everybody who I used as references is getting things to fill out, so hopefully I'll get the notice soon. That's gonna be hell; quitting work before you even know you got an opportunity to do something else. I think that's it.

See ya around the nanograms...

Shine, Jesus, Shine
By Graham Kendrick

Lord, the light of your love is shining
In the midst of the darkness, shining
Jesus, Light of the world, shine upon us
Set us free by the truth you now bring us
Shine on me, shine on me

Shine, Jesus, shine
Fill this land with the Father's glory
Blaze, Spirit, blaze
Set our hearts on fire
Flow, river, flow
Flood the nations with grace and mercy
Send forth your word
Lord, and let there be light

Lord, I come to your awesome presence
From the shadows into your radiance
By the blood I may enter your brightness
Search me, try me, consume all my darkness

Shine on me, shine on me
Shine, Jesus, shine
Fill this land with the Father's glory
Blaze, Spirit, blaze
Set our hearts on fire
Flow, river, flow
Flood the nations with grace and mercy
Send forth your word
Lord, and let there be light

As we gaze on your kingly brightness
So our faces display your likeness
Ever changing from glory to glory
Mirrored here may our lives tell your story
Shine on me, shine on me

Shine, Jesus, shine
Fill this land with the Father's glory
Blaze, Spirit, blaze
Set our hearts on fire
Flow, river, flow
Flood the nations with grace and mercy
Send forth your word
Lord, and let there be light

Ti Amo

Tonight, Donna, Chase and I went to a semi-expensive restaurant called the Macaroni Grille. I got some kind of crappy chicken dinner, but I became a classy guy with my beverage of choice. Although I did drink a diet coke, I also dabbled in the wine selection as well. I chose a glass of Merlot Ecco Domani (from Northeast Italy). It was $5.00, which sucks, but what can you do? It wasn't that great tasting. Drinking the wine while eating dinner was better than straight up. It had a hard taste. I think I'll like a sweeter red. I've had white wine and I didn't really like it. Oh well. My chances of becoming a raging alcoholic are slim to none. I only like vodka. Ha...

Yeah

The yard sale went good. Not as great as I had hoped, but I'm appreciative. Donna and I made over $100 total and I personally made near $60. That's always nice.

Moving Sale

If you are in G'ville, there will be a yard sale at 1106 First Ave. It will be on Saturday, December 4, 2004, from 8 AM until whenever. Please buy lots. It's my crap.

Thanks.

The Movie Has To End Sometime

Night falls on me
All I can think about is honesty
Days come and go
There is nothing for me to show

I've rethought things
The subtle conversations
Banter breaking silence

Sighs and yawns
Are our only songs
I sing because I'm sad

Only living to die
Just dying to live

I cry when I see
My life going on
Without you belonging to me

It is a selfish thought
But it is all that I want

In the movies
I could just read this out loud
But that's just fantasy

In this reality
It's not so easy
To explore your feelings
When people abhor
Understanding the meaning

Now I sit
With pen in hand
Marking these things down
If it were ever okay
To let you know
These words I am not allowed to say

Just know that I'd say them often
In frequency and with heart
Forget the odds that we'll loose
And let's just try to start

I'm Sorry For Not Writing

Hello. Goodbye.

Before The Pilgrims

The people associated with To Whom It May Concern wish you and yours a Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy some pumpkin pie. I did.

Bite The Bullet

Well, it's nearing noon and I'm still sitting in my apartment. I need to get on the road, but it's freaking storming. I don't really mind driving while raining, I just hate trying to pack up my car in the torrential downpour. I also have a headlight out and I need to change it, but again, it's raining. Last night, I couldn't fall asleep at all. I guess I was excited about driving home and seeing my folks. I think I finally went to sleep around 5 AM. Well, it's picking up again, so I'm going to go get a shower and eat something. Maybe it'll die out a little by then.

Peace

Of All The Saints

This weekend has been filled with both misery and delight. Misery because I am still a little flu-ed. Delight because I haven't been at work.

Friday night, I saw my friend Crystal Kepler. She and I bumped into each other at Wal Mart. We stood and talked for 2 hours straight in the same spot. It was a nice reunion. Then, on Saturday morning, I was woken to a phone call from Sean Tanner. We also talked for a couple hours. That started the weekend off right.

I bought some movies used from Movie Gallery. I paid $30 and got Saved, A Mighty Wind, and Jersey Girl. I watched Saved again last night. It's mostly great.

Last night and today, I've been listing some of my possessions on the "suckas" mart. I listed my 12 Expositor's Commentary set and started it for $35 and put the buy now at $90. Sure enough, I woke up today and someone had already bought it. I was in shock. I am grateful.

Tonight, my goal is to write a letter and wash some dishes. We'll see, we'll see.

"The glove compartment is inaccurately named and everybody knows it. So I'm proposing a swift orderly change. 'Cause behind its door there's nothing to keep my fingers warm. And all I find are souvenirs from better times. Before the gleam of your taillights fading east to find yourself a better life." Death Cab For Cutie, Title And Registration, from Transatlanticism.

A Week Until Thankfulness

Oh, I am tired. My dishes are still piled up. My congestion is still lingering. But, one more day until two days off. Then, two more days, until four day off. It's nice to think about, but the days are long to get to the actual days off part.

It's quite annoying to be me sometimes. I aggravate myself. I want to just tell myself to shut up or something. How come the most bothersome things about myself are only noticed by me when other people are doing them?

These days are long and tiring; I cannot find peace.

I'm a lonely moon watcher.

All I'm looking for is some relief.

Sing on...

I Am Always The One Who Calls

I'm sick again. Bah! I have a cold, I think. I hate cold weather or at the least, when it changes from cool to freezing. I have to go to the doctor's today anyway for a physical, so maybe he will take sympathy on me and just write a prescription for antibiotics. My appointment is at 3:00 PM, so hopefully I'll have enough time to mail my grad school application off afterward. The physical is part of the application process. And I know what you're thinking, it's November, isn't that kind of late to be applying? Well, yes it is, but that's another great thing about seminary. I need to get a haircut today also. It's getting annoying. Also, I need to wash some dishes and laundry, and get some pictures developed. Sheesh. Why can't my days off just be filled with nothing? But, here's some good news. Because I was sick, I went to bed near 2:00 AM and got up at 10:30 AM. That hasn't happened in a few months.

Inmate # 34K526ESL3

Has anyone seen Shrek 2 yet? If (at the theater or the newly released DVD) you watched the credits all the way through, you will have heard "As Lovers Go" by Dashboard Confessional. That was a nice touch, I thought. The soundtrack has some other stuff that is pretty good too.

Against Levitical Law

My day started normal
Like any other September
Things resembling the past
Eluding to allusions of the future
It was going fine
I had made plans for up until a quarter till nine
Along this day
Something got in my way
I wasn't looking for beauty
But, then all I saw was you
Everywhere I looked
All the time I stared
The biggest smile I've ever received
In my wildest dreams I couldn't have conceived
That it would be for me
Your storyteller eyes all bright and clear
A heart that I always want to be near
This seemed like ecstasy
Until my rapture of reality
An ironic, self-defeating moment
I missed the whole scene
Someone told me about it
A friend I trust indeed
How dumb am I?
I didn't even look at you
Something as precious as your face
And I let pride get in the way
Was that smile meant just for me?
I guess one day we shall see

I Was Never An Alter Boy

Sorry I haven't written anything since Saturday.

Yesterday, I bought two $1.00 lottery tickets while I was in town. I didn't win anything on one of them. On the other, I won $4.00. I was happy. But, here comes the addiction of gambling. I took that $4.00 card and paid one more dollar and got a $5.00 card. On that card, I won $10. That was nice. I didn't get anymore and I think I'll go get my money today. But, I was thinking... Too bad debt doesn't work like that. The more you spend with your credit cards and the more you get loans, the further in debt you get. But, with the lottery, you actually have a chance of winning. Debt would be so much more appealing if you would get something else out of it besides annoying phone calls, bills and a negative credit report. Sigh.

Don't Worry, I'll Catch You

I'm impressed with University a whole lot!

Why do I do this to myself? Why oh why? Every night, I stay up so much past the time I should be down. But, I am off this weekend, so I will sleep plenty or just enjoy not working, whichever comes first. I actually wanted to stay up to go get a paper. I'd like to see if they published all the results from local and state elections. It would be nice to see if where I wrote myself in for the House of Representatives was published. Now, all the local people can see my name and thus the existence of my name will live on in infamy! But really, I just wanted to see my name in print.

I've been remaking some of my Christmas CD's tonight. I had a few before but they got jacked last September when my crib got broke into. I have four already and they contain some classic, newer, and weird covers of the Christmas holiday flavor. It's pretty much a tradition for me to make a new one each year. If I remember, I'll be sure to list my favorites tunes for the ultimate holiday CD compilation soon.

Most recently, I've been corresponding with my cousin who is incarcerated through postal mail. I enjoy it quite a bit. The dude was a big brother to me so when he got locked up, I was pretty upset. Well, now we just shoot the breeze. However, he's beginning to become more adamant about why he is not a believer. Which, for me, is fine because I can be just as vocal about why I am one. I just don't want to be like some of my relatives who write him. Though I am not a scholar, the upcoming weeks will be filled with apologetics and studying to refute some of his cliche philosophical arguments. This guy isn't going to be convinced that Jesus loves him until he sees the need to believe that Jesus actually is God himself.

You knew you weren't going to get a lot from me when you read seven posts within three days of each other, didn't you?

I'm really tired, but I feel the need to keep writing. I'm picking Chase up from work today and we're going to listen to some records. I've got a bunch I want to sell at a garage sale, so I'm going to try to figure out what I don't want. Regardless, Chase and I can pick apart anything together or pick an argument unintentionally with each other. Loads of fun is guaranteed for all.

I have this weird habit about needing to watch TV while I eat. It's so puzzling. I cannot [or will not] just eat my food without sitting on the internet, watching TV, or a movie. It's weird. I need help.

On with the last things. This is how unfocused my life has been spiritually for a while: Until the other day, I hadn't realized I had a certain anniversary last month. October 16, 2004, marks the 10th year I have been a verbally professing Christian (and with my heart too). Two weeks after that, ten years earlier, was when I was baptized. Okay, that's it. I suck, woo.

I'm sorry I'm so random.

"Our love for Thee is far too small
Who love another thing at all,
Unless from Thy pure hand we take
And love it for Thine own name's sake."
- St. Augustine

Finally

Kerry concedes and Bush accepts!

I Am Not Michael Miller

In 2000, my dear pal Mike stayed up all night to watch the confusion during the election. Well, I'm not as enthusiastic as he was. I'm going to bed because it is late. Staying up isn't going to change one thing or another. I will be getting up at noon, and hopefully George W. Bush will be reelected President of the United States of America by then. If not, well, that will be another post. Nevertheless, I still gotta freakin' work tomorrow.

See you soon kids...

I Don't Really Wanna Be Up All Night

Well, I switched over to ABC and they have not counted Ohio for Bush like NBC did, so it's still 249 to 221, Bush ahead of Kerry. I knew this would be close like the 2000 election, but I don't wanna be up all night. Also, ABC annoys me when they address George Bush as mister and not president. I understand you have to use a variety of different terms with regard to titles to avoid repetition, but it seems demeaning to me to never call the actual president by his current title. Just a thought.

Sigh. We wait on.

Who Cares If I Wake The People Next Door!

I'm watching the political coverage on my local NBC affiliate.

Bush just won Ohio!!! I'm getting giddy. He has 269 electoral votes. He just needs one more state! Any state! Bah you liberals!

But, if Kerry wins everything, it would be 269 tied. Scary! If it is a tie, they go to a Jello wrestling match, otherwise known as the House of Representatives.

Let's keep watching...

Normally An Independent, But Tonight, I Am A Republican

Bush just won Florida. I yelled out happily "Yes!!!" in my apartment a few minutes ago. I hope I don't make my neighbors mad. Maybe we'll keep the election coverage up here on To Whom, but it's not like people are reading this to see what actually happens.

I had a conversation with a girl last night. It's not that I didn't want to vote for Bush, but her attitude of, if you are a Christian you must for Bush, just bothers me. I know posting conversations has gotten me in trouble in the past, but I just wanted to share this. It is in context, but not all of it. Here is the conversation:

Girl: what are ud oing on here so late?
JeffyJeffW: looking up canidates and figureing out whom i am voting for
Girl: duh
Girl: BUSH
Girl: You're a christian right?
Girl: Bush is like me and you...vote for him.
JeffyJeffW: haha
JeffyJeffW: well, for the sake of arguing
JeffyJeffW: i'll say, i am a christian and if i thought kerry would be a better leader, i would vote for him
JeffyJeffW: but, i dont trust kerry, nor do i trust bush
JeffyJeffW: but i do think bush will do better than kerry
JeffyJeffW: kerry is a fool, his policies are asanine
Girl: Yeah but isn;t in common sense to want someone who shares the same values as you do? Doesn't it make sense to vote someone who is being led and guided by God?
Girl: Does that not make sense?
JeffyJeffW: again, it's politics
JeffyJeffW: i believe God is involved in politics as much as satan is involved
JeffyJeffW: bush is playing the conservative card
JeffyJeffW: i'm not saying he's not faithful
JeffyJeffW: but i doubt a lot
Girl: yeah, but he's a born again Christian. He isn't just playing the "religious card" like people are accusing him of. I heard a guy at church who met with President Bush and he said that Bush layed his hand over his shoulder and started praying for his mom who was dying in the hospital. He was basically saying that Bush is the real deal...not just a phony christian.
JeffyJeffW: yeah, but again
JeffyJeffW: did you see it
JeffyJeffW: i'm not saying he's lying
JeffyJeffW: but i just like to see what people do
JeffyJeffW: not just hear what they say
Girl: lol yeah but you're contradicting your own beliefs...you don't see God but you believe he's real. I have no reason not to believe this man. And I hear stories about Bush and his faith all the time. I mean I'm not saying the mans perfect...but I have peace about him being the President for another 4 years. I think God wants him to be. It'll take a mirical...but it worked 4 years ago.
JeffyJeffW: it isn't a contradiction
JeffyJeffW: comparing basis of bush and God aren't even in the same league
JeffyJeffW: God has evidence for his existance, which has been proven to me thorughout creation, the Bible, and man's testimony
Girl: I just think if you're a Christian then thats what you should look for in a President. He makes tough decisions. Without God's help...we're on our own
JeffyJeffW: see, i dont totally disagree
JeffyJeffW: however, i just think, we should vote for whoever is "the christian"
JeffyJeffW: and that's what a lot of christians tend to push
JeffyJeffW: i'm not saying you are, it just sounds similar to that argument
Girl: true. But..Kerry goes against everything God stands for in the bible and Bush stands up for everything God says in the bible. I just don't see why thats so hard to see
JeffyJeffW: that's not true
JeffyJeffW: he's not even wholly against abortion
JeffyJeffW: kerry could be, as christian as bush
JeffyJeffW: he's catholic
JeffyJeffW: that's up to God
Girl: it's not? Kerry is for abortion and all that. He is as far to the left as you can go....and Bush takes a stand and says NO to aborotion and No to gay marriaged. Even kerry doesn't want gay marriage but won't do anything to stop it.
JeffyJeffW: i dont know if it's our place to legislate morality
JeffyJeffW: states have always recognized marriage
JeffyJeffW: and really, marriage is between God and christians
JeffyJeffW: i dont know if God reconizes marriages of nonchristians
JeffyJeffW: since, it is a practice for God's people
Girl: lol God says to judge by their fruit...I'm judging Kerry by what he stands for. I just think it's weird how you wouldn't be totally for Bush being a Christian. You know there is a spiritual battle going on in the world....you understand how important prayer is...you're outside of the "box" I just thought you would see how Bush is the best one
JeffyJeffW: well, i understand all of those things
JeffyJeffW: however, our vision is limited by falalibiity
JeffyJeffW: falliablity
JeffyJeffW: we're flawed
JeffyJeffW: God knows my heart
JeffyJeffW: even if I vote wrong
Girl: Yes but just pray about it OK? Vote for the one who gives you peace in your heart. And God will bless that
JeffyJeffW: haha, why wouldnt you have assumed i already have done that
Girl: well cuz u just told me you're looking up the canidates trying to figure out who to vote for
Girl: so i just gave you my advice sorry
JeffyJeffW: i never said "look to the canidate"
Girl: JeffyJeffW: looking up canidates and figureing out whom i am voting for
JeffyJeffW: haha "looking up" is a figure of speech
JeffyJeffW: like, researching
Girl: Yeah, I know
Girl: you're researching them
Girl: I know that
Girl: so I said pray about it...and it'll come to you
JeffyJeffW: haha
JeffyJeffW: acutally, before you went into your rant Girl: duh
Girl: BUSH
Girl: You're a christian right?
JeffyJeffW: i was going to say i was looking up for senate, house, and ammendments
Girl: It's just important that he wins. And it's important that all christians band together and make sure Kerry doesn't get in. 4 million christians didn't vote last election. It's time to change that. It's time to change peoples mind who think "oh my one vote dosn't count"
JeffyJeffW: ive already made up my mind

Punks, Act Your Age

I'm so tired of hearing, "...And I approved this message."

Well, here we are. There is no time left. It's officially November 2nd. I'm really excited about this election. I have been able to vote for six years now, but I haven't cared about until this year. Shoot, I didn't even register until last summer. I don't know why I started to care then, I guess it's just a part of growing up and getting old. I'm glad I did it though. I will be participating in my civic duty tomorrow afternoon. Of course, in Jeff-fashion, I won't make my way there until afternoon, haha. I ain't getting up early just to vote. Sheesh.

Okay, so here is my attempt to reach the hearts of people who might still be undecided. I am voting for George Bush. I'm willing to take my chances with four more years of him, than the ever-changing John Kerry. Bush will lead us in a way that Kerry is incapable of. You've heard all of the evidence. I won't be able to sway you. Just do what you feel is right. For me, I feel like I'm being lied to with everything I hear. I wish I didn't care, but I do. I just want to say, people should vote for the person they feel best represents their values. Don't just vote for voting sake. Vote because you believe in the person you are voting for. Don't vote republican or democrat just because that's what you're registered. Vote because you trust that candied, as much as possible.

Alright, maybe I'll have some more later today from my findings at the local voting precinct. Right now, I have to figure out some more things to decide about in my voting-mood (amendments, issues, etc). Otherwise, if I don't tell you anything else today, take this for what it's worth.

Also, for District 2, Representative in Congress, you should write me in because the canidates suck and I would be a better state Congressmen. Thanks. I'm Jeff Watkins and I approved this message...

Smokey Mountain Rain Keeps On Calling

So my paycheck didn't get directly deposited this week. It was supposed to be there on Friday, but due to a "computer glitch," I still do not have it. Hopefully, I'll get it on Monday or Tuesday.

This weekend wall all work for me and it was too bad. When we go outside for recreation, we always make the kids run four laps around the basketball court. One of them asked us if they still had to run because of the holiday. I chuckled and said yes. I thought about explaining to them what Reformation day was. I didn't though. They have a hard enough time with why they're not supposed to cuss and hit other people.

Yeah, November is here. Nice to see that. At this time, last year, I was still unemployed. Haha. *Pfft* unemployment. Speaking of jobs, I'm looking for something to do part time on my days off. I still need bunches of money for debt and school next semester.

Okay, I had more I wanted to say, but now it's gone. Until then.

"Cold October fall. The outside of a VFW Hall. I said I minded distance, but distance would define us - define us all. A tree in Nichol's Park. I carved a broken heart. I said I minded distance, but distance owned us from the very start. It's every song. There's dividing lines between east and standard time. So promise me you'll still be mine." The Get Up Kids, Central Standard Time, from Eudora.

Keep My Name Out Of Your Mouth

I hate it when my friends fight...

The Divided Estate

What's worse?
Democracy or anarchy
War is an evil necessity
Fought with great strengths
Maybe you like to be entangled in slavery
But I prefer to live in civility
I'm sorry people have to die
At least they're not being killed by the tobacco companies
Freedom isn't free
It costs quite a bit
A few hundred years and a mess of gun shots
Sure, people have died
But now their names are immortalized
Not just in print or in stone
But in our hearts forever
Selflessly giving of themselves
A token richly shared
They had nothing to gain
Their death wasn't in vain
Those that risk their lives for mine
Should be rewarded with more than a medal
We should thank them
With new approaches to gratitude
Everyday, reminding ourselves
How lucky we are to not have to be away
Seeing the sights they see
Hearing the horrors they hear
All those days, months and years
Help isn't hard
It's always available
But you have to be willing to look
To places that don't seem sensible
Yes, war is bad
And I hate that it has to be this way
But at the risk of loosing it all
I'm willing to fight for freedom today

I Just Wanna Love

Last night, I went into the computer lab of my Alma Mater. Free high-speed internet access is a perk of being an alumni. Anyway, a week ago, I did the same thing. Both of those times, two different guys said, "You lost a little weight" and "You've got skinnier," respectively. Maybe I ought to install those kind of lights in my apartment. It made me feel real good. Even if I know the truth, haha.

This isn't a guilt trip, no comments please. It's just a story.

The First Time I Saw You

When I woke up today, I sat down in my recliner and turned on the television. I just wanted to wake up without having to think about too much. As I breezed through my six channel subscription (rabbit ears antenna), I saw that figure skating was on. This very metrosexual-looking man wearing spandex was ready to start his performance. The music started off slow and it vaguely resembled something I knew. As it played and the man ice-skated, I realized the song he was moving to was an instrumental version of Metallica's Unforgiven. And this really didn't seem that strange to me.

What Up Momma?

After a horrible night at work, what could make me feel better?

Well, I'm glad you asked.

I've been watching Walking Tall starring The Rock. Not a bad flick. I also just spent nearly 45 minutes putting a bunch of styling gel in my hair and tried out some new dews. I still haven't decided with I liked better; the faux hawk or parted, just like I had it when I was eight. I just drank a Bacardi Silver O3. Decent. I am going to take a hot bath and catch up on last's month issue of Relevant.

It's funny. When I woke up today, I thought all I had to do was make it through eight hours of work. Now, I'm kind of just enjoying the moment. Freedom is found is the strangest places sometimes.

Live to love. Love to live.

Goodnight...

Me A More A

Again, and really, I'm not trying to rehash my last post, but I am just so tired. Tonight at work, I was one-on-one with a child. This child, if any older, would be diagnosed with schizophrenia. But, since they don't diagnose that disorder in children, this kid isn't properly diagnosed (I can't recall his current diagnoses). Anyway, let's just say that I am tired physically from him.

I recently purchased a copy of Hulk Hogan's Rock n' Wrestling from the web. I think it was a fantastic find. I used to love the show as a kid. I only paid $2.00 plus shipping, so that's cool.

Okay, this is just another random post. But at least, there's nothing vague. My entire life is just a big, bland hole of vacuity.

SNIKTAW

Does anyone have a digital camera I can borrow for a couple days?

Much like this evening, these past few weeks have been very insomnia-like for me. It's not that I have the disorder, but I just haven't felt like laying down until the early hours of the morn. This week, I haven't gone to bed before 5 AM. But, there were a few times in past weeks, where I have been up until 7 AM. Crazy, eh? It doesn't really matter because I don't ever get up until 1:00 PM anyway. I love second shift.

It's disappointing to not be mentioned by you.

Sorry for being vague...

silhouette stars and The Death

Yo, how it be? I is fine. One more day until a day off. Yay! I found this poem one of my patients had written. I find it uniquely puzzling; it makes this person's intelligent level skyrocket, in my opinion. I "borrowed" it from work, so I have to put it back. And I'm sure I'm breaching some kind of confidentiality law, but you don't know who it is. It was in the staff office, so it was probably taken from this person. I just thought it was so interesting. If it was my child, I would probably be worried. Anyway, just realize that [sic] should be included after every error, but I wanted the irony of a poor education included into this child's intense abstract thinking:

Don't you ever laugh as corpse go's by

Don't you ever laugh as a corpse go's by, for you may be the next to die. They put you in a big black box and covers you up with dirt and rocks. The worms crawl in the worms crawl out the worms craw in and out your snout. The big green worm with rolling eyes crawls in your stomace and out your eyes. The pus pours out like whipping cream, you put it on a slice of bread and thats what you eat when you are dead.

Your Well Fashioned Tools

Trying to write down
The things I've thought and said
A glimpse into my view
Me wearing my heart out for you

Opposition to the cliché
Invitation the naïve
Trying to find the source of motives
Someone else to deceive

Not wanting to interrupt
Walking without waiting
I'm not ignoring you
I've just got better things to do

Being bold doesn't indicate much
Except that you're trying too hard
Plausibility is certainly one thing
But, I guess I'm trying to play the righteous card

When Superheroes Start Dying, There's Something Wrong

I am extremely grieved to hear of the death of the man who played/portrayed Superman, Christopher Reeve. When I was a kid, Superman wasn't the character in DC Comics, it was Christopher Reeve. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family.

Also, after having viewed Super Size Me, I was content to stay away from McDonalds for a long time. But, those clever marketing people knew I would watch it and so they brought out the heavy artillery. Once again, introduced at this time each year, McDonalds has brought back the Monopoly game. Man, it's addictive. I feel like a gambler. I bought food from there today. Maybe I'll just buy the fries to get the Best Buy bucks.

I enjoy seeing old friends.

Time to rest in peace - for tonight anyway...

Another Day, Same Story

Chase and I got a bite to eat at Waffle House early this morning. Of course, it was still evening to us. While we were there, I noticed a semi-attractive girl and a not-at-all-attractive girl. The semi-attractive girl's eyes met mine a few times, but I didn't think too much of it. But, when we were about to pay the check and leave, the glancing at each other was becoming more frequent. When I walked out the door, I looked, and she was looking at me. When I got outside, I mentioned the phenomenon to Chase and we both had a laugh at the notion that they were checking us out. When we got in the car, either the not-at-all-attractive girl or our waitress, I can't remember who, came outside to say something to us or maybe just me. (My ego would allude it to being addressed to me.) Anyway, I poked my head out of the car to see what she wanted and then the girl walked back inside, so I didn't pursue it any further. I wondered if she thought I was something special or maybe her semi-attractive friend thought so (obviously the outcome I wanted). Then, as we were driving home, I thought it was kinda junior highish that the semi-attractive girl, if it was in fact her who thought I was cute, had her friend say something to me. I don't know. It was nice to be noticed, I guess.

Maybe I just wish you would remember me?

till there was You

A little while ago, a girl told me if we lived closer to each other, she thought we'd be together. Wow. That's always nice to hear...


.mixing depression.
.and sleeping pills.

.all the things that the pain kills.

.these are moments you often miss.
.but, these are in fact, your pictures of bliss.

xxx

I'm Usually A Realist, But Now I'm An Idealist

Regardless of the calendar date and time, it's still Wednesday.

I got groceries tonight at Wal-Mart. That's always fun, you know spending money on food and all. I should be like Jed and starve myself while at the poverty level. Then I could have the benefit of losing weight, and saving my cash.

Due to the craze of buying all your Halloween candy in a rush, even before October actually got here, the stores are still standing strong with commitment to the capitalistic tool, supply and demand. I bought into the conglomerates ideologies tonight. I am a big fan of the wonderfully confected Jaw Breaker. So much a fan, in fact, I purchased a 200 piece, almost three pound bag of randomly assorted goodies, just for the Jaw Breakers. It was only four bucks, which is better than the next size up, which was like ten pounds. I have already sorted it out, separated the blessed Jaw Breakers, and begun enjoying my addiction. Anyone that likes lollypops, Now and Laters, Smarties, and bubble gum should ask for some.

I've been taking in a lot of films lately. I have a few more I want to watch too. I plan to write on them more, especially Fahrenheit 9/11, Saved!, Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, and Supersize me. Maybe that'll happen. You'll probably just get another damn poem though.

Don't sound so disappointed, your life isn't too much better...

Waiting For Winter

Yay, today is my day off. My agenda is set. First of all, I always try not to think about the past 6 days of work, but that's a failure. My plans for today are as follows: I'm going to venture over to Tallahassee to see my Aunt. While there, I'm sure I'll eat at a restaurant that they don't have around here. I also would like to rent Fahrenheit 9/11. I'm excited about watching it, if only for the controversy value. I refused to support it while it was in the movie theaters. Oh yeah, I finished The Passion and it was great. I need to get a haircut also and hopefully Neil will oblige me with that. Alright, I have all these tasks to complete and so little time left. Love and hate...

But... I Look Away

The local Movie Gallery stores are having a deal where you buy 2 VHS or DVD movies and get 2 of equal or lesser value for free. I couldn't find 4 movies I wanted, but Jersey Girl and Matchstick Men were on the list. I was tempted to buy The Passion of The Christ, but I decided to rent it instead, just in case I don't like it. That's funny, I might not like a movie about my Savior. Oh well, Mel Gibson is not a protestant, so how great can it really be? Heretic? Perhaps!

Political Ingrates

When I was at work tonight, I mentioned to the three, African American women I was working with that I was really excited about the presidential debate tonight. They looked at me funny. I unapologetically claimed I know I'm a nerd, but it's really interesting to me. Again, they just stared. Later on they mentioned something about not liking Bush. I told them to vote for anyone but Kerry. I wish I could reach my peoples...

Random Sports Comment

The other day I was in Alabama and I went to eat at McDonalds. When the lady was about to give me my drink cup, she asked me if I wanted an Alabama or an Auburn cup, relating back to both institutions, and assumably their football teams. I told her that I was from Florida, so it really didn't matter because both teams suck. Ha!

...then i corrupt youth

Sorry for nothing recent. I've been busy. Though, you probably guessed that. Maybe I'm just too lazy. If anybody is a wrestling fan and recorded Smackdown last Thursday, please contact me. I really wanna watch it. Here is a poem:

Happy Birthday Asia

I prayed for a boy last night
The kid was leaving town
Nothing significant to take with him
All he knows is to be down

Why would he be so happy
Just to walk away
All the talking is over
Crying for a former day

Won't he miss the lullabys
Or has he already forgotten
Goodbye sweet dreamer
You were the brightest one

Materialism

A month ago or so, I purchased a CD player for my car. I bought it off of Ebay. It's a Panasonic CQ-DFX983U MP3/WMA CD receiver with full dot matrix display. The powerful Mosfet internal amp helps the 50 Watts X 4 make the sound large. With three, 5 volt outputs, it's got amazing opportunities for upgrade. It plays well through my Polk Aduio 5 & 1/4 in the doors and 6 & 1/2 in the back. My 8 inch Rockford Fosgate Subwoofer, which is concealed in a Q Logic box makes the bottom bass hit. That is pushed by my 200 Watt Kenwood 2 way (bridgeable) amp. I thought I was cool and could put it in myself. But, after realizing that I needed a new wiring harness, I decided to let the local Radio Shack do it. Here are some pictures:

This is me trying, but failing.



This is my subwoofer and amp in the trunk.



Installed. Finally.



Yeah!

I've Been Replaced

Hey, remember me? Sorry for the lack of anything worthwhile here. I haven't been too worried about publishing substantial thoughts on to the web. I've been recovering from Ivan. Let's just take it one at a time:

• I drove home from work Wednesday night about midnight when Ivan was coming on shore 180 miles west of here. 231 South was pitch black (and if you know 231, you know it's not supposed to be) and with all the rain and wind, I was scared.
• Early Thursday morning I was up, watching news and listening to the radio. I had power until 6 AM, which is funny because the worst was supposedly prior to that.
• 6 AM - 6 PM my power was off. Though I spend a lot of it trying to sleep, watching my windows, or in boredom, I was blessed that it was only off for that long. Kudos to Gulf Power.
• Thursday was spent cleaning water from my kitchen that had come in from outside, making sure there were no tornados around, trying to cook in the dark on my gas stove, and other assorted, but not interesting activities.
• I didn't show up for work because the weather was so bad. Though I did call 6 hours later and my boss was cool with it. I shouldn't be doing this so much.
• Before I knew my power would be back on in the same day, I called my Aunt in Dothan and she let me crash at her house. That was nice and comforting.
• I worked today and, well, it was work.
• I hit something on the way home from work and had a blow out. I changed the tire in under 30 minutes, all by myself. I'm so handy, but pissed because I gotta get a new one or two before work tomorrow.
• It's almost 5 am.

Friends Are Like Old Wine

Ivan is not my friend. Though, my boss informed me that, "You are to report to work as previously scheduled." Bump that. If my road is flooded, I ain't going to work on Thursday.

However, this dear girl, Melissa Bearden, is my friend. This little blurb mentioning her and her generous kindness towards me is long overdue. She hails from North Carolina and oh how I wish we didn't live so far apart. She cares for others more than herself. She's probably the most selfless person I've ever known. She will go out of her way and her comfort level to make you feel better. As she has with me. She sends me emails to encourage me. She sends me birthday cards for no other reason, but to say hi. She will waste her money by calling me. I am lucky. She is always wonderful. Thanks Mel for being my friend. I count myself blessed...

P.S. I Love You

Those Three Little Words

I am just tired of this seemingly pointless profession I'm in, so I took Friday off. It was a nice break from the daily drudge. I ran some errands and I got some things accomplished. Mind you, some inferring not all. Today has been an emotional day. I don't know why. It's mostly due to the fact that I am not in love. Rather, I'm in love with the concept, but nowhere near finding the actuality of such a feeling. I'm desperately seeking to find something, and at this point, I don't care what it is.

Cue introspection:

First, you must have sad music at some point. Check. All day actually. Secondly, something to make you seem deeper than you are. Check. Case in point: I bought cigarettes today. Newport. I'm usually a Marlboro Lights kind of fellow, but I felt reminiscent of 12th grade, so I went with the menthols. In case you didn't know, but I've been an off and on smoker since sixteen. Next, something to make you feel good. Check. I really enjoy Diet Pepsi. It's cool and it's refreshing. Good thing I'm not addicted to alcoholism like I am caffeine or I'd be writing about something else.

Okay, I'm ready to expound and open up--so here it is, the main point--my love life has been hit or miss, all of my life. Sigh. There, I said it.

Chase and I used to joke with Justin whenever he wrote a post about love. I don't know why we did. He made good points. I guess I would have liked to believe that I had it all figured out. Now I know different. I know nothing. Fantasy doesn't dictate reality. I live in make believe and ignore the actual world around me. It's funny, but I've been doing it for a while.

As I think about my friend's relationships, I make jest of their quirks, fights, and other intricacies. I promise myself I don't want my own to end up like theirs. But, then again, Jerry Springer is playing in the background and I really don't believe it, but I especially don't want to ever be involved in anything like that. So, maybe I should be thankful of my friends' examples. And I am. I once wrote that if it need be, I know I could make it with just God and me. But, I don't want to. I wanna have somebody to call my own. I guess I am still waiting.

Back to the point. This isn't some new, self-revelatory vision. It's more like I am finally able to admit my true sin. I lust. That is all I care about. Here is the factual scenario. I like a girl. We become friends. We pursue a relationship. For whatever reason, that doesn't work out. Then, I do one of two things: I either, A) act like I'm 12, pretend to not like her because she didn't like me like that, and ruin a potential great friendship, or B) still try to get to know her, and pretend that the feelings don't matter, but it's only for the sake of a possible make out.

It's true.

Though it's hard to admit, possibly every unsuccessful relationship I've had with a girl ends with one of these two outcomes. I'd like to think I have more character or even tact than this, but that would just be another fabrication.

But I do know that I can change this. Through prayer and steadfast discipline, I can become the lover I want my wife to need, whomever she could be. I don't want to be a cliche. I'm stupid. I'm horny. I cannot help myself sometimes. But, I really hate to feel like this. I really hate giving up before I even start. I hate being a slave to my flesh. I hate being addicted to girls. Wow, I go from talking about love to talking about lust to talking about faith. Ironic. Even for a sinner like me...

"Terrified of telephones and shopping malls and knives. Drowning in the pools of other lives. Rely a bit too heavily on alcohol and irony. Get clobbered on my courtesy. In love with love and lousy poetry. And I'm leaning on this broken fence between past and present tense. And I'm losing all those stupid games that I swore I'd never play. But it almost feels okay."
Aside by The Weakerthans.

If A Tree Falls On My House, Does It Make A Sound?

Kiss your tattooed heart daily
Heal me with your sympathy
Every day the wind blows
Dealing out more tragedy
But my hazy eyes observe
More than I care to see
Hear words pronounced with accents
Ascending to the contemporary
Progression through obsession
Blind irony sits alone
Dial in for discernment
Introspection to atone
Life sits by waiting
All the while hesitating
Alarmed only by sirened calls
Though the tree fully falls
Sounds make me feel at home
Even if I can no longer roam

Blessed By A Broken Heart

Well, for us in the western half of the north Florida panhandle, the remnant of Hurricane Frances was nothing more than drizzly rain distributed throughout 25 mph winds. I'm a little disappointed. But, I'm glad we didn't flood either. I'm still sick, err...rather, I'm still not feeling the best. My runny nose, cough, soar throat, and now dizziness continue to impale their neediness on me. Why oh why won't they leave me be. Work has been hellish the past 3 days. I don't even want to talk about it. Tomorrow is my day off. I got bunches to do. Hopefully, I will get to see my Dad, Mom, Brother, and Grandma. Until then, children can die!

And Without This, I Have Nothing

It's almost 8:30 CST and I cannot recall a time in the past year that I have been up this late (or early). However, I'm feeling incredibly gross and despite my record of nearly nine months straight of not one call out, this morning, I called out sick from work. My boss was really cool when I called though. He told me I never call out on him, so he understands. I still have to work this weekend and Labor Day, but I will get time and a half for that day. I really am sick, not just a over-used ploy to get out of work. I did throw up and at one point, I was dizzy for several hours. I woke up around noon on Thursday and I haven't been able to go back to sleep since. I did legitimately need a day off. My parents evacuated Brevard County and made there way to Dothan, Alabama, where they will be staying for the duration of the storm. Yet, it looks like Hurricane Frances will be following them. There is a chance I can see them today, but I do need some sleep. I go now to find solace. Just thought you'd like to know that I only wish I could sleep.

Not Even A Hurricane

About a month ago, I was randomly sitting at home on my day off. I hear this loud crash and one giant thud. I jumped up out of my seat, wondering what it could be. This startling noise caused some confusion for me because I didn't know where to look as to inquire what had happened. Though I soon found out; a tree branch had fallen in my front yard. Now, this "limb" was about 15 feet long with all it's glory and at first, I had a hard time seeing that it wasn't a tree itself. But, it was a branch from an even bigger tree near the road to the side of my apartment. It fell before that tropical storm hit here and before Hurricane Charley rampaged Central Florida. Just out of the blue. Look, I took some pictures for you:

This is what I saw from right outside my porch.



This is behind the tree from which the branch fell.



This is from the top of the branch that feel. Look how long it is.



If any other branch had fallen, it would have been disastrous. The other huge branches would have hit my apartment or my car. I'm lucky. Thanks God...

The Radio Is Your Friend

Talk, talk, talk
That’s all I hear
Blah, blah, blah
You have nothing to fear

The radio is coming
It’s bringing the new wave
Embracing a change
They’re here to save

Free the people
Is their song
World domination
It won’t take too long

With whimsical command
They play a tune
With the trends changing
You better buy into it soon

They say payola is dead
Didn’t you see the ending?
Do you listen to the radio?
I think its just beginning

To be a hit
Is the new craze
Don’t worry about self-respect
That’s just a phase

To be in is out
And to be out is in
Don’t bother reading the words
Having doubt is a sin

Don’t question the concepts
Don’t change your presets
They make music for the almighty dollar
Art is for people who won’t even bother

Can't Complain About Theft, If You've Never Been Robbed

Interesting article from The Arizona Republic here:

"Besides, when I read the list of people who are supporting Kerry, if I wasn't already a Bush supporter, I would have immediately switched. Linda reinstate? Don Henley? Geez, that's a good reason right there to vote for Bush."

Alice Cooper is a very cool guy.

So...

I bought oil the other day at Wal-Mart on my way home from work. When I was checking out, one of my items flashed on the register ".05 cents." I thought I had gotten some sort of deal. When I looked at the receipt, I noticed that in Alabama, there's a five cent tax/fee for buying oil; some sort of environment thing. I don't exactly recall the wording, but it got me thinking. Of all the taxes on everything, why do they have to show me this? Just hide it from. Add it to the standard price for oil. I don't want to see it. But, I guess if I had just found we got charged an extra five cents per quart of oil and they didn't tell us, I would be complaining that we as the public have a right to know. Sometimes I can such a hypocrite.

on everything i love

on everything i love

When I was a child, I used to dream of getting older, like it was some sort of fantasy a typical kid would have. I told my mom I wanted to pay my mortgage, raise kids, have to clean all the time, be responsible, etc; do all of the typical adult stuff. I probably said that I didn't want Jesus to come back until I'm done being a grown up. But, as I got older, I started wanting Jesus to come back, fast even! At work, my coworkers and I tell each other to have a good night and we'll see each other tomorrow. However, it's always concluded with, "if the Lord wills it," which is proper and Biblical. As a child, those words might have frightened me. But, as an adult, my response is always, "but if he doesn't, we won't be mad." Please Jesus, come soon.

Hey ungraceful. I will teach you to forgive one another.

Hey unfaithful. I will teach you to be stronger.

Hey unloving. I will love you and will love you.

And she's lost. I'm ready to come.

Jesus I'm ready to come home.

I'm ready to come. Unfaithful. Ungraceful. And unloving.

I will love you.

Underoath- Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape

We're Sell Outs

According to our counter, we got a hit from someone searching for "xxx hotguys." Kind of ironic, you would think. But, that's just the thing. We actually started meta-tagging our html with porn terms so we would get bundles of hits. We can't do it legitimately, so we'll do it the deceitful way. In actuality, it was just the randomness of two words, probably in two separate posts, and somebody's sinful plot to seek out porn on the internet.

Really, I was kidding about our meta-tags...

It's A Happy Tuesday



Today marks the release of the two disc special edition version of Goodfellas. I have been waiting years for this. Atleast one year, since my copy got jacked. It's an exciting film about the life of ex-gangster, real life thug, Henry Hill. One of Martin Scorsese's best films and one of the best mob movies of all time. If you haven't ever seen, now is a good time.

There Isn't A Problem In The Church That Evangelism Can't Solve

Quote for the year, I tell you.

Tonite, Jared Fries and I had a splendid time together. Read his account of our evening. It's always fun to hang out with old friends. Especially ones who never get on your nerves. Do I sound gay?

It was this evening that I coined a phrase!

Jared and I were talking about having your individual friends start hanging out together and thus building their own union of friendship. I mentioned that it bothered me because I know people and what they mean to me and that's usually individually. When they start redefining things, it messes me up. I said, [paraphrased] "Inter-friending is never good." Where do I come up with this stuff? It always sounds good in my head.

I love the weekends. Having days off is always nice, but the weekends...It just feels like freedom. It's so sad that I look forward to them though. They always disappoint. I remember when I was a kid and weekends were standard things. Now, I have to wait for every other one to come. Being an adult is tiring.

I wanted to write and display my moderately-sized vocabulary, but it's really too late for anything like that. So this is just another random post about my moderately lame life.

Today I slept late. It was just wonderful to not need an alarm clock. I fixed myself some chicken, macaroni and cheese, and lima beans for lunch. I'm really progressing as a cook. Next week, a casserole of some sort. I did a few things, but nothing big. I also needed to, though not accomplished, try to sort through my opulence of crap and figure out what I'm going to sell on Ebay before I move again. A must do for tomorrow. Another must do, church. But, I'm lazy and apparently Agnostic because I'm not going. I have made a demand to read the Bible though. Wash dishes, sort old sports cards, take pictures, et cetera are all on the agenda.

Okay, I'm growing sleepy. G'night...

"Oh the toil a lie can bring. That quitters never know. But lies can be the perfect things. If they never show." Pedro The Lion, Never Leave A Job Half Done, from Winners Never Quit.

No, You Cannot Date My Cousin

After the other night, I really don't like the fact that I have an attractive, eighteen year old female cousin. And no, it's not because I want to date her. Lemme explain.

I went to dinner at my Aunt and Uncle's house on Tuesday night. My cousin and her boyfriend were there. Now, I've met this guy before and he seems to be an okay guy and all, but for some reason, he rubbed me the wrong way that particular night. And I know why he rubbed me the wrong way. It was because he freakin' rubbed her.

Never before in my entire life have I had the "big brother complex" with this cousin. Even when the guy got there, I didn't have any ill feelings toward him. It was only after he had been there a while before I developed this newfound interest in wanting to crack his skull open.

My cousin, the boyfriend and I were in the living room watching President Bush at a rally in Panama City Beach. The guy was rubbing my cousin's back, which wasn't that weird. Except that he was rubbing her back, underneath her shirt. Like, I could see her skin. I was just appalled that he was doing this in front of me. I tried to ignore it. The act itself isn't even that intimate, but right in front of me? I'm her first cousin; to me, that was like doing it in front of her Dad or something. Nothing else bothered me up until it was time to go. He's lucky! I hadn't seen them in about an hour. My little cousin (he's 13) and I were watching some TV. When I went outside to leave, I know I interrupted them during the making out session. I was trying to make loud noises so they would stop. I don't care if my cousin kisses, it was just that the public display of affection was too awkward for me. Anyway, as I was getting in my car, I'm looking at them, standing close, stomach to stomach, his arms around her. Really, this isn't making me mad that much. But, the fact that he's still trying to kiss her, again, IN FRONT OF ME! Now, I'm pissed. Every time he does it, my cousin pulls her head away. I know that move. I've had girls do it to me. It's because somebody is watching. And now, that somebody is me! So, only this seemingly innocent second incident is just making me furious. I guess I'm more mad at the fact that it feels like he's doing it in front of me for a reason. When I was driving home, I noticed that one of them had wrote "I love [insert cousin's name]" and his name in parenthesis on my dew drenched windshield. First of all, I hate it when people write on my window. Secondly, I was still confused why I was having to be involved into their romanticism. Am I just mad? It really bothered me. So much in fact, I thought about talking to my Aunt and Uncle about him. Ha! Especially my uncle with the gun!

No, he doesn't really have a gun... I don't think.

Happiness Is A Warm Gun

Tonight, I ran into an old friend. It was nice to see this person, but it was a little awkward for me. After the first couple of words were spoken, this person started talking about another mutual friend we both have [or this person once had, as they are no longer calling them a friend]. And it was fine. I was up for talking about this. However, I had already heard one side of the story (from the other friend). I know there are two sides to every story, but I couldn't help wonder who's side was legit in this matter. This friend shared things I didn't know, which helped place together pieces of it in my head. The thing that got me was, who do I believe? I don't think either would lie to me, but they are both capable because we're all humans. So, then it became a question of who do I trust more. Both equally I guess. Regardless, I'm not worried. I don't plan on mentioning either encounter to the other, so that should keep me off the hook from having to play the whose-side-do-I-pick-game. I just wonder, since this happens so much, what side do you pick? Both of those people, didn't do any wrong to me. So, I should think about that and not get caught up in their drama, right?

Outside Apartment 8

Mere stars can't consolidate the smoke out of my eyes
Blinded bitterness consumed by callowness
A decision to declare decadence as an excuse for holiness
I press onward
Beneath the waterlines we watch life move
We displace and replace
Floating objects to sterilize
Better reasons for lying than living
Accommodating a commanding lead over the others
Sought for the right to be the proud
Mortality doesn’t always have nobility
Morality doesn’t always bring notoriety
Unruly blind men are the geniuses
Seeking nothing more than what's rightfully theirs
Hard escapades to escape
Little left for anything else
Predictive as the butterfly's flight
For you it's a source of revenue

I Have A Simple Plan

If you are like me, and even if you are not, you probably already have your mind made up about who you are going to vote for in this upcoming election. Some of us are more headstrong than others, I suppose. In that regard though, I have a proposition for you. If you are not an avid Bush-hater, vote for him. I submit to you that with his first term almost over, things cannot get much worse. However, if we elect the ever-shifting Senator Kerry, things will get much worse. I could sit here and feed you pros and cons of both sides, but you've already heard enough of that. So, here is my satirical plea to you. If you vote for President Bush and get him reelected, I will vote for Hillary Clinton for president in 2008. Help me help you. Frankly, I'm not so sure that the former First Lady wasn't a worse nominee for the Democratic nomination than Kerry was. So, here it is: Bush 04, then Clinton in 2008. Deal?

A Commentary: Fear of The Establishment

JeffyJeffW: i have nothing to say
JeffyJeffW: tell me what i should write about
JeffyJeffW: like a commentary
dobler 34: and you'll do it? if its not too ridiculous?
JeffyJeffW: yes
dobler 34: hmm
dobler 34: i'm thinking really hard...
JeffyJeffW: so, what's my topic?
dobler 34: FEAR of the ESTABLISHMENT

In my efforts to be able to speak about a topic that is pertinent to my philosophical position, I must clarify an initial preface to make clear my thoughts on this globally impacting issue.

It is my belief that the establishment isn't a Mecca for the conglomerate capitalists who monopolize the world in which we live. Yet, however, the establishment is the reason for why I concern myself with the words and topics such as corporateism and mainstreamology. It is my understanding that the establishment is much more than a fundamental idea passed down from one generation of "go-getters" to another. Moreover, it is a pattern of thoughts that possess a nation of believers into heresy if one nay sayer of this idea opposes said thought process. The establishment can be anything and cannot be anything. Therefore, there is no real establishment. But, if there is no real establishment, why do so many people complain about this force which reckons havoc upon the masses?

As previously stated, the establishment, or otherwise known by such names "the man, yuppies, and the Clinton's", is a cleverly crafted position that is as inanimate as your PC. However, just like your computer, it is still heavily intelligent and thoroughly complicated. The establishment could be something or might be nothing, or possibly everything. There is no real way to be sure, but in an attempt to inform you of this, I will expound upon these ideas a little more specifically.

Now that we've clarified what the establishment could be, I'd like to use detailed examples of what it could and could not be. You could be the establishment. The government could be the establishment. Your school could be the establishment. Your best friend could be the establishment. Anything could be the establish. But, it really seems like we're taking a fatalistic approach to understanding this view. Sociologically speaking, the demise or success of our community could or could not, hypothetically, initially, racially, cognitively, unabashedly, et cetera, be affected by this idea. But, psychologically, the fate of our existence is more dependent on what you think and what you stand for. So what makes you the victim? What must one be dependent upon to fight this ever endangering escapade of engaging economics? Self. Regardless of whether the establishment could be good or bad, you must remain headstrong. Wait... the establishment could be a good thing as well? Maybe.

An example of the establishment being a positive could be our government. I love democracy... Woah, wait a minute! Didn't you say the government could be the establishment? Yes I did. But, does that make democracy a terrible idea? No. It's the order in which our country's legalities flow. We have to accept certain things, but that doesn't mean you have to buy everything they're selling.. Am I a poser for saying the government is cool? As a advocate for anti-establishment, I suppose I should be an anarchist. That kind of nihilism is just depressive. Plus, if I later find out that the government is the establishment, there will still be time to overthrow it. For now, we'll just work within the system.

So, how can you prevent yourself from being a proponent of brainwashing. Well, buying into the lies is what spreads the disease. But, you can protect yourself. Using knowledge can protect you against the deadly virus and can help you prevent yourself from contracting it. Making yourself aware is the key. By believing in this hierarchy of falseness is the only way you can be sucked in. Buying into the ideas of the machine that these sellers-of-sales want you to purchase makes you the victim. How can you avoid such a downfall into despair?

Think for yourself.

Not shopping at trendy stores and abhorring top 40 music is one way I avoid the establishment. It's obvious I do not support it's silly notions. Plus, it might not all be byproducts of the establishment itself. I do what I can though. But that doesn't mean that it's solving all the problems. We, as a people who advocate freedom of the thought, despise the establishment. It is our duty to remain focused on our goals and not be concerned with the trivialities. Focus on the fight and for your right to think outside the box. Otherwise, we'll all be stars in the dope show...

Is There Such A Thing As Unachieved Brilliance?

If there is, I could write a book on it. But, like this site, I wouldn't be able to get past the first page.
 
My Uncle's funeral was today. It was good; as good as a funeral can be. Less than fifty people showed up. I was a little disappointed at some of my relatives because they didn't come. However, it was nice to see Uncle Ken, Aunt Linda [Watkins], Aunt Martie, Uncle Charles, Aunt Linda [Wolfe], and my parents. My folks will be up in this area until Sunday, so Saturday we're going to hang out all day.
 
During the funeral, though it was hard, I made it through the entire ordeal without crying. I'm not one of those macho guys who think it's not cool to cry. Actually, I'm quite the opposite; I am not opposed to it at all. But, I wasn't really close to him and didn't feel it was my place to cry. Does that make sense? You know, like it attracts attention to myself and there were plenty people who were more hurt today than I. The thing that was more disheartening than the actual death of my uncle was that my Dad was crying. I had to pinch myself a few times to keep it together because my Dad was singing and it really was more sobbing than singing. That was hard. It tore my heart up. The guy I immortalized as a child finally turns into a mortal as I slowly make my way to manhood. Crazy times.
 
As tired as I am, I should stop writing, shutdown the PC, and get into bed. But, there's a chance I could wet the bed. So, I'll expound on my Pops some more.
 
When I was a youngster, I enjoyed meeting his approval. As I got older, especially in my teenage years, I abhorred his approval and went out of my way to loose it. While this might seem dumb now, it certainly made sense then--it was called rebellion. But, there are a few mistakes that my Dad will not let me forget. I used to become irate when he would bring those incidents up. And while he should let things go easier, maybe I shouldn't have done the idiotic things in the first place. But what can you do? He remembers. As I get older, I find myself trying to meet his approval again. I will always and by always, I do mean always, do what I want or what I think God wants. But, I like to throw ideas I have past him, to see if they make sense . It's a good place to be when you can appreciate and honor your parents opinions. Especially since, for the longest time, I wouldn't want anything to do with it.
 
Maybe I'm growing up? Or this is just a phase. Maybe you are going through this too? Life is nothing but a confusing maze...

Fujiwara Taiki
 
Today I received the third and final shot in my series of Hepatitis B shots. It hurt quite more than I remember the previous ones. Also, I went to the bread store and I saw a needle on the ground. I figure I should be some kind of heroin addict or atleast know one. Wanna be friends?

Death, Dying, and The Art of Ending Life
 
My great Uncle Hub died today. I'm not too broken up about it because I didn't know him all that well. The funeral is close to here, so I'm going to go to it on Friday. The sad part is, I'm looking forward to it because I get to see my family and I'll miss some work that day (both horrible reasons, I know). I'll miss him. But, I trust in God's will and his providence. I don't have a lot to say, so why not post a poem that doesn't relate to any of this:


Against Levitical Law

My day started normal
Like any other September
Things resembling the past
Eluding to allusions of the future
It was going fine
I had made plans for up until a quarter till nine
Along this day
Something got in my way
I wasn't looking for beauty
But, then all I saw was you
Everywhere I looked
All the time I stared
The biggest smile I've ever received
In my wildest dreams I couldn't have conceived
That it would be for me
Your storyteller eyes all bright and clear
A heart that I always want to be near
Things seemed like ecstasy
Until my rapture of reality
An ironic, self-defeating moment
I missed the whole scene
Someone told me about it
A friend I trust indeed
How dumb am I?
I didn't even look your way
Something as precious as your face
And I let pride get in the way
Was that smile meant just for me?
I guess one day we shall see

So, A Priest, A Rabbi, And An Eskimo Walk Into A Bar...
 
Chase gets political and I totally agree with him. Fight slavery! Read his thoughts on this upcoming election.

Where To Go From Here?
 
This is the way it always happens. I come up with this great idea for a post or maybe something I write just turns out to be a good post in general. I post it. It's a hit. But, then the next time my mind wanders onto the notion of writing, I run into a well known problem, bam... I cannot come up with anything. It happens all the time. You wouldn't believe how much pressure it is to write. Or maybe you would. My days are long and the nights take ever longer to get through. That sounds so depressive doesn't it? I've got some things to do and some errands to run before I go to work today. My next day off is Tuesday. It can't come soon enough. I need rest. Don't hate me...
 
"So let's not even try to read. Let's bottle it up and throw it out the window. It's becoming all so clear in my mind. I've thought this thing through more than once. So, try and feel that this is my last request to you. Hold your breath. Bottle it up. And save it for the next words. It's safe to say we've been writing this all night. None of this would ever change your mind. Is it ever safe to love if we're okay? Now were both wounded. I pray this day can open up your eyes." Underoath, Young And Aspiring, from the brand new hit album They're Only Chasing Safety.

The 700 Club
 
I am honored to be writing To Whom's 700th post. I would say a lot of time, thought, and preparation have gone into each and every one of the 699 previous posts, but I don't know if that is an accurate claim--considering I've written approximately 450 of them. Maybe blood, sweat, and tears poured out onto the keyboards when the other three contributors of crime were writing, but I know I've posted many times when I referred to that particular blog as a "cheap post." None the less, here were are, on our way to a magical land called the efficacious life of a person with no life. Maybe that's how some would describe our humble little blog. Maybe not. Regardless, we are at a crossroads and the limits... well, there are none.
 
In preparation for this ever important post, I tried to become one with my PC, so that it might enable me to think clearly and critically about my blogging experience. I can make claims that I am a far better person for becoming a part of To Whom It May Concern. While that claim may be bold, I can defend it without any uncertain doubt. Now, that's what I call assurance.
 
I reread some of my first posts tonight. They are actually quite amusing. Not because I couldn't write well or because I was trying to be funny and aimlessly failing, but because I felt like whatever I said was going to be read. Now, the ironic part is that we have many more readers of the site today than then, but for some reason, I thought what I was going to write would be important. And it was. Not at the early moment, but it would eventually become something more. It would become part of two and a half years of words from a few guys (some more than others) and this little site would become part of our lives (and yours hopefully). Those first posts would help shape the way I communicated my thoughts and feelings to a very limited audience. All the while learning so much more about myself in the process.
 
Such a post would permit me time to list out all of my accomplishments regarding my stint here on To Whom, but that would be rather boring. I know, though, if it wasn't for me posting my opinions and ideologies on here every few days, I wouldn't be able to write as well as I do, I wouldn't be able to defend my views as well as I think I can, I wouldn't be able to come up with some of the poetry I have, I wouldn't feel comfortable explaining myself, the way I felt, or expressing those feelings I have when they are difficult to talk about. All and all, I say that there is nothing I regret about this site, except that we didn't write more often.
 
If you're reading this, for the first time or the hundredth, please know that To Whom will always be here as long as we can write and as long as Blogger will host it. Shoot, maybe one day we'll have a hand-typed html template or even a real domain. Regardless, I hope you will stick around to see what happens. Like I said earlier, we are at a crossroads, and we are limitless.

Sincerely...

There Are Things That We Cannot Understand
 
All this stuff with Martha Stuart hasn't really effected me. I mean, I don't care if she goes to jail or not. I don't really expect justice to be served when everyday regular people go into court. But, if a celebrity does, I especially don't anticipate a fair and unbiased trial. But, the thing that gets me is, all these people who do not think she deserves jail time. Hello? She committed a crime. Proven guilty. What else do you expect? Plus, she'll end up getting some kind of special treatment in there and she only got 5 months to begin with. Give me a break. If I lied about some stock thing, my butt would be sentenced a lot longer than 5 months and 5 months of house arrest.

Love Starts Death

Beach erosion is a problem, but not for those who live in the mainland. I suffer the same fate. No concern for anything else. But, the chance that fate would make its way through the night, and touch me, but then at the last second, pass over me. I am honored to be ignored...