Merry Christmas

Even though I don't say much nearly enough, I just wanted to wish everyone who comes by here a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

With Peace and Love,

Jeff Watkins

Ny New Car: 2005 Nissan Altima 2.5 S (Smoke Grey)

I did it.



I finally bought a car. It was a long and difficult process. Finding the right car. Getting said car to the right price. All of my efforts feel necessary given the condition, mileage, and options of the car. It was not easy. There was a lot of frustration throughout the process. If you need any tips, I can help. I did a lot of research. I waited a month and a half, but it paid off. My new car is a 2005 Nissan Altima 2.5 S. I bought it with 29,200 miles on it. Just from my drive back from Florida to New Orleans and it now has 30,000.



Features:
175-hp 4-cylinder engine
4-speed automatic
4-wheel disc brakes
16-inch alloy wheels
8-way power driver seat w/lumbar adjustment
Leather-wrapped steering wheel w/radio and trip computer controls
Front anti-Lock brakes
Cruise Control
Driver and passenger air bags
Rear Window Defroster
Power door locks
Power mirrors
Power windows
Sunroof (with moonroof option)
Tinted windows
Periscope and tilted wheel
Keyless Entry
Anti-theft security System
Bose 6 speaker stereo system with 6 disc CD changer



I got it from a wholesale lot, but at a private seller price. Bill of sale price $12,949 ($13,761.94 with tax, tag, and title transfer).

I just wrote a blog

And it is gone.

So.

Nothing.

Weird

I graduate with my Masters Degree in 25 days...

It doesn't feel like that big of deal. I've graduated before. Kindergarten, High School, and College. What's one more garb rental fee?

I guess because I want to do a Ph.D., I know I'm not done. Perhaps I won't even get in. I still have to take the GRE. That alone may keep me from getting into a legitimate university.

I attend a seminary, as you may or may not know. And those in control wish for us to abstain from the drink. I do my best to abide by the rule. Yet, once I cross that stage, I will be hitting up the local drive-thru daiquiri establishments (oh yes, they do exist; search good for New Orleans Original Daiquiri).

I Guess 2Pac was Wrong -- ("Changes")

"I see no changes,
all I see is racist faces.
Misplaced hate makes disgrace to races, we under.
I wonder what it takes to make this one better place,
let's erase the wasted.
Take the evil out the people they'll be acting right,
'cause both black and white is smokin' crack tonight.
And only time we chill is when we kill each other,
it takes skill to be real time to heal each other."

"And although it seems Heaven sent we ain't ready, to see a black President."

On Presidential Elections and Logic

Voting is not only a responsibility, but also a privilege. I have been legally able to do so for a decade now. Yet, I have only voted once. Four years ago, because the election seemed to have a clear, superior candidate (and I stress seemed), I took up my civil liberty and rocked the vote.

This year, however, proves to be a much more difficult decision.

Does one wonder with whom I am lending my support for the presidency? If so, pause please, there's a story. I have been studying logic this semester in one of my philosophy classes. Even at my elementary level, I have quickly realized that very few people actually think 'logically'. On the surface, there are three laws of logic: the Law of Non-Contradiction, the Law of Excluded Middle, and the Law of Identity. I will focus on one particular element for this discourse.

The Law of Excluded Middle states that something either is or is not. Every proposition is either true or false; there is no gray area or in-between.

An example:

A or ~A

Aristotle said, "There is nothing between asserting and denying."

The main point to the Law of Excluded Middle is that any claim has to be either true or has to be false. Please keep this in mind, and again, follow a tangent.

I am still a registered voter in Florida, not Louisiana. This is problematic. I got an absentee ballot. Issue resolved! I looked at my choices. Complications revived.

I like Obama, but disagree with his ideas about health care and tax breaks. I am unmoved by McCain, but actually agree with his tax policies. I kept looking throughout my other choices. Would I go Libertarian with Bob Barr? What about Ralph Nader? Who is Chuck Baldwin? This is not going to be easy.

Because I felt my voice had not been heard in the primaries, and there was not a single candidate I could support, I put a stamp on my ballot, left it blank, and mailed it back. This would be my protest that, at least, the Supervisor of Elections in Jackson County would see. Since I had no choice, I would not choose the ‘lesser of the two evils,’ but I would choose to make no choice.

Remember the law of logic I introduced earlier? A or ~A. Something either is or is not. That’s the catch, and the reason I mention it. This story is true. But, I forgot to reveal an important facet of the story. While I did go to the post office, I only put the absentee ballot mailer and envelop on the scale to make sure it did not need any additional postage. I then accidentally and unconsciously dropped it in the outgoing mailbox, and it was mailed back to Florida. Because I mailed it, they could not send me another one (you know, because it would look like I was voting twice). Something is or is not. I did or did not vote.

I did not...

Yes, I wasted my vote. Am I mad? Yes and no. Do I care, not really. While one vote does not change much, we will see after tomorrow how close this election will be. I am annoyed I didn’t get to vote, but no matter what, we are stuck with whomever we get for the next four years. I think everyone should educate themselves by learning the platforms of the candidates, and then vote. Do not vote ignorantly! That is almost as bad as doing what I did.

This democratic republic we celebrate as the United States of America is built on the ideology that everyone should have a voice. Yet, if you forsake your chance to air your thoughts, you are not going to be heard. The process we call voting is more than simply punching a hole in an index card in a booth with a curtain. It’s showing the government who the people choose to speak for them in Washington D.C.

If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.

"Elections belong to the people. It is their decision. If they decide to turn their back on the fire and burn their behinds, then they will just have to sit on their blisters." - Abraham Lincoln

Voodoo Music Festival

This past weekend, my wonderful girlfriend Andrea and I attended two of three days of VooDoo Fest. Voodoo is an annual rock festival here in New Orleans that has grown largely over its ten-year history. It was great this year, despite Death Cab For Cutie bailing out on the event before it even happened, and N*E*R*D* canceling without any prior notice to expectant fans.

We got a couple weekend passes from Leo @ ANTIGRAVITY , which was really nice of him to do. This means the only money I spent was on a t-shirt, food, and drinks. Saturday night we caught part of local favorites Rotary Downs set, and the vaudevillian antics of the New Orleans Bingo! Show. Whilst the close of the evening brought the once-huge industrialists Nine Inch Nails to the stage. We watched most of their performance from afar on a screen. I did walk up toward the stage between masses of people to view NIN performing "Closer". Hearing 10,000 people sing aloud, "I want to F you like an animal" is awkward in any setting.

I did not expect to go to Voodoo on Sunday because I had to work. But, my boss texted and said I had the day off (and I would get paid since she took my shift!), so Andrea and I booked it down to City Park to catch 25 minutes of Dashboard Confessional. I saw Chris and crew back in 2002 when everyone still sang along. He performed "Vindicated," a cover of that new Pink song, and closed with "Hands Down". He sounded good. We headed over to see N*E*R*D* (before we knew they cancelled) and ended up seeing most of Lupe Fiasco's show, which was actually quite good with the live band. Next, we sat down, and again, watched a band (Panic At The Disco) play on a screen. Although I did stand up at some point, and was impressed by how tight their harmonies were live, these guys are overrated in my book. Finally, as the picture above denotes, we saw R.E.M. play a fantastic set to a very eager crowd. Stipe’s political views may not be mine, however, he can perform very well. Besides his blatant support for Obama, he spoke a lot about his love for our city, and I thought that was nice. They played some songs I knew, and some I had never heard of, but it was good nonetheless. We were eight rows back so it was a great experience, both visually and musically.

This weekend was a lot of fun. I cannot wait until I get to see live music again. I love music. I want to be in a band.

P.S. I got the picture of R.E.M. from Tamera, and you can see her photography here.

About A Car

The Altima, just shy five miles of 229,000, is slowly dying. Rob said I have until the end of the month. I'm not driving it at all just so I can drive it to a dealer or a junk yard, and get the little cash they will inevitably give me. I rented a car for work this week. I'll do the same next week. Who knows about the week after that.

Anybody, anyone attention, please: If you know of a car for sale, tell me. I'm interested in another Nissan (Versa, Sentra, or Altima) or Honda (Civic or Accord). Probably less than 10K for a used vehicle. Any help will be appreciated.

Love...

I Spent $179.65 This Weekend...

...but it was well worth it!

A local video store, Major Video (from whom I have rented hundreds of films), closed this weekend because the owners lost their lease. This ultimately saddens me because I love the stuff you can get there, and no other place else in town, especially Blockbuster and Hollywood, are as nice as the staff there. Major is also cheaper than it's competitors (everyday is rent two, get one free). I love it. There will still be one location open on the Eastbank that I will assuredly frequent.

This brings me to the closeout sale. As you know, I sell things online. I also like deals, personally. It's my thing (it's every one's thing hopefully). What happens when these two things mix? I make four trips to the video store (once, Friday and Saturday, and twice Sunday). All of the trips included an hour stay, with the first Friday totaling over two hours, which does include standing in line to check out.

What happens is that I own a lot of stuff now (all DVD's and games), some of which I have no use for other than to make money. The highlights:

Star Trek - The Next Generation: Season 6. Paid $13 for it used, hoping to get $40
Clerks. X (3 Disc special edition). Paid $5, hoping to get $10
Jane Eyre (BBC) - 2 volumes. Paid $8, hoping to get $20

I also bought several Xbox games at different times (Raw, Burnout Revenge, Mortal Kombat Armageddon). While I am only selling the latter, I got $12 for it. They only cost me $6 in all).

Also:

Pimp My Ride: Season 1. I paid $4
Miami Ink: Season 1. I paid $5
Wonderfalls: Complete Viewer Collection. I paid $5, will sell for $20

In a strictly capitalist move, I bought five HD DVD's in anticipation of selling them to someone who isn't ready to get rid of the now-defunct HD DVD library. I got five for $2 each (Ocean's Thirteen, Happy Feet, Babel, Feast, Talk To Me).

I got two documentaries tonight, Jesus Camp, and Street Fight, for $2 each, used, and have them selling for $12 or so each.

I paid $4 each for Starsky & Hutch and American Wedding new.

I picked up Friday and The Simpsons movie for $6 each new.

Jersey Girl was only $2 new.

I got The Darjeeling Limited for $2 tonight as well (new) and Grind for $4 new too.

The best deal is to buy cheap and sell in lots on eBay: Men In Black II, Against The Ropes, Stuck On You, Miracle, Blue Crush all for $1 each.

Finally, the deal to end all deals. As I was walking out, the guy working told another guy that Blu-Ray DVD's (which are $30 new) were just $4 each for used ones. I grabbed ten. I hope to sell them on eBay. I should get around $100 for the lot, of which, I only paid $40. Those were: King of California, The Other Boleyn Girl, Little Chenier: A Cajun Story, Hairspray, Witless Protection, In the Valley of Elah, The Brave One, Hostel, Part II, Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, and Vantage Point.

I like finding deals and store closings. I hope to reimburse my expenses soon. Since Friday, I have sold six things and made a decent profit. There's no point in saying how much I paid for all of these. While they weren't the cheapest things or the best deals I found, the sale does deduct from what I spent, which is my goal.

American Hardcore: The History of American Punk Rock 1980-1986. $7.50
Jesus of Nazareth (new): 2 Disc. $16.58
Halo 3 Xbox 360 [paid $13]: $32.21
Babel HD DVD. $5.03
Jesus Camp. $11.30
Mortal Kombat. $12.04
Total = $84.66

Another Moment in the Life of the Aging

I am plagued by the burning desire of cool. I know deep down I am cool. And yet, of the many activities and interests I have and am a participant, very few are actually constituted by the masses as hip. But coolness is relative, no? Isn't coolness something two people, with different likes and dislikes, can share, even if these two ventures are seemingly opposites? Perhaps they are, perhaps they are not. I, however, know that I am cool...mostly. Or am I? I'm not so confident anymore.

Today, I discovered that Best Buy now sells vinyl in store. What a great day for corporate electronic stores! I have a feeling this new addition to their inventory isn't to entice purists like myself to shop there (I was already in the store after all). Rather, I suspect the move is to capitalize on the growing indie craze that is hitting popular music. The only music for sale that would be deemed indie was The Shins album Oh Inverted World. Other than that, Best Buy just had a lot of Metallica, Smashing Pumpkins, Radiohead, rap reissues. I did pick up (because of the $12 price tag) the reissue of the first Bad Brains record Bad Brains . Buying vinyl in the age of digital music has a hint of nostalgic-cool to it.

This diatribe does not serve as the purpose for my post, though. As I checked out, one young man and his coworker helped me complete the transaction. The one making the sale asked me the usual information, as I was paying for my debit card. But his pal, the younger of the two, inquired why I would buy a record. His first question befuddled me:

The Younger Best Buy Employee: "So you have a vinyl player?"
Older, Cynical Elitist-Type Customer: "Do you mean a turntable?"
The Younger Best Buy Employee: "Yeah."
Older, Cynical Elitist-Type Customer: "Yes, I do."
The Younger Best Buy Employee: "Cool."

[Silence]

The Younger Best Buy Employee: "My sister just buys records to use as decoration on her walls. It's pretty lame.
Older, Cynical Elitist-Type Customer: "Yeah. Well, if she collects the vinyl [for a hobby], then it's alright."
The Younger Best Buy Employee: "No, she just hangs them on her wall."
Older, Cynical Elitist-Type Customer: "Yep, that's pretty lame."

[End Scene]

Jeremiah the Prophet

I went to chapel today. I heard a sermon, but probably didn't take from it what the speaker intended:

"Cursed be the day I was born! May the day my mother bore me not be blessed! Cursed be the man who brought my father the news, who made him very glad, saying, 'A child is born to you--a son!'"

(Jeremiah 20:14-15)

My Afternoon To Remember

It has been said that 'haste makes waste'. I can attest to that. As I was running to my car in the rain, I attempted to open the door quickly, and upon entering, I rammed my chin into the top corner of the door. I got in my car, and grabbed my chin, as agony had already set in. As soon as I removed my hand, blood began to run down my chin. It's a sizable chunk, you know, missing from my chin. It is not deep enough for stitches. It really looks worse than it is. I just feel ridiculous for running into my own car door.

Power

I am still in north Louisiana (it's actually Bastrop, not Monroe). I am in close proximity to Arkansas. I moved to NOLA to escape small country towns like this. My work is leaving tomorrow but I'm in limbo because my place is still without power..

The Bastard Son of Katrina

It seems as if the worst thing possible is actually going to happen. With half my possessions in Gentilly and the other half in Kenner, I sit vulnerable (less vulnerable than others but vulnerable nonetheless). I evacuated with my work to Monroe, LA. While I am here, I am getting paid. I just wish I was back home.

Who Would Have Thought?

Carry On My Wayward Son

Presuppose, if you will [or can], that I am right most of the time. This is not a foregone conclusion considering I usually only talk about issues that I have a working knowledge of, or an opinion on. So, what precludes you, the hearer, from trusting that the opposite of my correctness is wrong? Could it be just misinformation? Rather, consider the percentage of time that it is possible for me to be wrong, that little season of space that is not filled by rightness, so much that you just assume that I never know what I am speaking about.

I am plagued by egotism, I am. It's a curse. But sometimes I try to convey information to people to shed some perspective their way. That bright, beautiful, and blinding light of perspective. Oh, and I know I need it shone my way as well. It just bothers me when I feel like all I can say is the wrong thing. I hate that feeling. Every word that fails to convey from my lips falls numb to your brain. Nothing I can say is allowed to be taken, as it were, the right way. It's disheartening...

I know a lot of things. I don't always show my hand. I do have a poker face. Sometimes my friends talk about things, and I don't tell them how wrong they are. I know tons of useless information. It just happens that I also know a great deal of useful information. I'm going to work on sharing the good stuff. Please do not ask me anymore while The Beatles recording process is so significant. Or, if you do, I will limit myself that answering that inquiry, and not prattle on about how revolutionary their philosophy was too.

Please forgive me when I am a know-it-all.

I understand that while I know some things, I do not know very much at all when it comes to all matters under the cosmos.

If Ever The Determinist

Maybe it's my human nature
But why do I have to hate you
I am well aware of
The changes a man must make
And I can understand
The advantages you have to take
Maybe I'm not being fair

Let us not excuse reason here
Or any other rationale
Conclusive or elusive
Pleading for the privilege
To be on the line
The turning from right to left
Looking lower than opted
I'm scared of what lies ahead

It's the consequences for being
Misrepresented without interpretation
Not that we should deny
Those arguments that don't fly
Don't label me a ten-dollar word
And I won't do anything wrong
We want to always understand what we cannot

Your Power Week

When the lights are out, and the world lays dormant,
I think of you.
The dark night is my favorite time of day, and the night’s sky reminds me:
You are my favorite color.

The absence of familiarity is frightening.

Many people fall by the wayside just leaving their streets.
I drive out of my way to the Westbank just to be near you.

But when things are bad, we always find a way to make them worse.
Whether it’s my fear or your insecurities— or because of friends and family—we fail

I can’t help but feel so close to you.

Even when we’re so very far apart, and I mean emotionally, not just physically.
And although we are separated a considerable amount of the time that we have to give

There’s still time for us to redeem the lost daytime cell phone minutes
It’s been such a short time, and I usually wait longer before I make proposals.

If it goes good, that is, better than our past experiences.
Than you and I can work through the stress of bad credit, faith, and racism.

Now, though, the end feels like the best result.
All we have left is you telling me how to get downtown

Perhaps Austin’s city limits will lead your heart closer to Houston.

West Texas was never where I wanted to be,
At the chance you’d be there…I just wanted you near me.
That was always the problem with you and I
I just wanted to get my way

Nothing To Really Complain About

It's been a couple weeks since I last talked about posting. I'm sure something has happened that I could complain about, but at this point, why worry about it? After two years with my Samsung phone, I got an upgrade. I stayed with AT&T and got a Palm Treo 750. With my new phone came a new addition to my bill, an unlimtied PDA data and internet plan. It's nice to check my email anywhere, but I know I'll get tired of paying the $30 extra each month. I got a deal on the phone. The cost was $250 out the door. There was supposed to only be a $50 rebate. However, due to a pricing error, I got an $150 rebate. So I only paid $100 all together. I wanted to compare that to the Blackjack II, but I think I'm happy for this phone for now...and two more years. Here's what the phone looks like.



I feel cooler with my new fancy phone, I do. It's not an iPhone, but that's just too much. I can get more organized with this thing, and I don't need internet to do it. It has Windows Media to boot. Booyeah.

xxx

The Cursor's Curse

It's hard to write about my life. I suppose that's the reason for no posts in nearly a month. Not because there isn't enough to tell you about. Rather, what I want to say isn't so easy to convey. I want to write about all things I gripe about with friends and family. And, so, with nothing left to lose other than more friends, this blog will now be my bitch blog. I'm going to write about things that bug me. People, politics, religion, music, et al. No subject is taboo. If the Chinese bother me, I'm going to write about it. If AT&T bothers me today about getting a new phone, you're going to hear about it (and they are too).

No more sacred cows.

"Building A Better Me"

By Dogwood
From Building A Better Me

Superficial nature wearing thin.
I can't seem to begin.
What really do I see when I stare back at me?
As crushing time reveals my foe,
Inheriting all woe.
Solutions in the past,
Conditioned not to ask.
It's what you're meant to be,
Your name and number.
Be all that you should be.
You will recover things you haven't lost,
Because they don't see you like you think they do.
Please just become you.
"Release your fear" is what he said.
This all came to a head.
Feel cheated out of you,
Tradition follows through.
Though I can't see how this will end,
I know that you will always pull me through.
My soul went searching for a cause
But came back empty-handed.
The emptiness you see...
Building a better me.

Summer's Possibilities

Summer's Possibilities

Why is summer such an anomaly? It's the time of year that causes humans to reflect on life and become nostalgic. But summer is also a period of time that people bitterly live through only hoping for the cooler weather of fall. Summer grabs you in, and never lets you go. Once summer takes hold, you'll forget all your worries. One day, plans are made for work, school and social functions. Then another day comes with lots of laughter from children playing in the heat of the day, and it makes you think about going outside and climbing trees. Summer turns us all into children again. No other season has that effect. Summer grants us time. More time for daylight. More time for everything else. Summer lets us free ourselves from the burden of staying warm. Fewer clothes are not just mandatory; they're necessary. Summer has a way of making everything seem all right. Summer reassures us that life is meant for living. Summer has so many opportunities for improvement and growth. There's nothing like summer.

Now if I could just feel like this about every other season.

Your Questions, My Answers

Many moons ago, you all asked some questions of me. I'm ready to answer. Perhaps this summer will find some more blogging. Who knows?

Michelle said...
"So...what do you think about all these people protesting the Olympics that will be held in China?"

I sort of agree with you Michelle. When you said, "If all these people have such a problem with it, why didn't they protest it back like 8 years ago" I can agree. I find overnight activism annoying. People find things to pick on and then people jump on the bandwagon. I don't agree with how the Chinese government is treating their own people. I just find it odd that so many people are involved now. Perhaps the attention those protesters brought to the issue will help spark some change in the Communist country of China.


Jennifer said...
"What is your dream job and why?"

At this point, getting my Ph.D. and teaching would be my dream job. I would still love to be a frontman of a indie rock band. Or own a music (CD, LP, Tape) store.


Crystal said...
"Why is the word 'fart' still funny to me?"

Crystal, do I know you? If I did, I might be able to answer this question. I guess fart is funny to you because you are still somewhat easily entertained by immature humor like all of us.


auntie-ann-nola said...
"If you could change three things in your life, past or present, what would they be?"

Auntie Ann, I, like you, try not to have regrets. But I suppose three things I would change would be:

1. Got better grades in high school
2. Never have done drugs
3. Tell those whom I care about that I love them more often


linseymari said...
"Okay, how long can you hold your breath? Quick, 1-2-3 GO!!" AND "How many episodes of Saved by the Bell can you watch in one sitting?"

I'm sick. I can hold it bout 20 seconds. I could watch about 2 or 3 episodes of Saved By the Bell. Now, I could watch an entire season of Scrubs in a day. See you at the wedding this weekend.


Debbie said...
"What moves you? What depth? What drive?"

By far the toughest question to answer. God moves me, but apparently, I'm shallow waters. What drives me? I don't know. Goals I've set for myself. To please my parents. To please others. At the end of the day, though, I just want to be proud of myself. God's approval should be the first thing I seek. Sadly, I usually consider it last.

Thanks for this guys. I appreciate the participation.

Sad

Yesterday, only a couple blocks from where I was volunteering at the Carver Baptist Center Uptown in the Garden District, Guy McEwan was shot and killed around 5:00 PM. The newly-turned twenty-year-old was a victim of a senseless shooting. Supposedly, the shooting is linked to his participation and cooperation in testifying in another murder trial earlier in the week. While I'd only met Guy once or twice, it saddens me to know that this reality exists where I live. While I'm conscious of the issues on a daily basis, I can sometimes easily ignore it because I'm not affected. Well, I am now. Please, pray for families involved, and the 12th ward community. Someone mentioned to me that Guy was worried about this earlier in the week. When I was 20, I worried about not pissing my Dad off, or getting caught drinking. Seriously, how do you not worry about getting shot? What is that?

WWL has the whole story here

I'm Done Quoting Song Lyrics

I'm ready to start writing again. I cannot help feel a bit uninformed though. I have a lot to say, just don't know what to write about. So, this is where you will come in. Faithful readers, in the comments below, ask me random questions you want to know. Anything. Simple or complicated. Or ask me to write about something specific. Ask me what my favorite cereal is or who I will vote for in the upcoming election? Of course these are examples and I have already dedicated space on this blog for that, so please come up with new questions. This is up to you, the reader, however many of you are left. Thanks!

i wrote it down, and i remember

"How I Remember"
by David Bazan
Fewer Moving Parts EP

I go out in public now
More than you might think
But only after several drinks
That's how I remember
And if I see any girl
Ive ever met before
I run like Hell for the door
That's how I remember
Memory records
Selected shorts
And interpretations
Then later plays them back
As gospel fact
That's how I remember

Son, I Loved You At Your Darkest

Life is an impetuous adventure. Sometimes it is a winsome event. Other times, it is filled with nothing but sorrow. I oft find myself walking a fine line between the two. I tend to quote cliches to folk who think my life is a gem. The grass is always greener on the other side, so I say to them. I look at friends who sides are opposite of mine, and tend to think the issues I deal with are less tumultuous than the ones they are dealing with. These past few weeks have taught me a great deal about myself. I wonder if I'll remember the lessons learned. Stick to your guns, so they also say. I'm pretty sure I'm out of ammo at this point. Freeze. Bang, bang. Dead.

"Rejoice"

Wouldn't it be so wonderful if everything were meaningless
But everything is so meaningful
And most everything turns to shit
Rejoice

by Pedro the Lion from the album Control

Spam

I am no fan of spam. Not at all. Neither the supposed meat product nor the kind you get in your inbox. I don't want to be one of these johnny-come-lately bloggers who unleash their thoughts about the trivial, but this concerns all of you, as well as me. Today I was sifting through my spam folder in Gmail when something caught my eye. Sometimes miscellaneous newsletters or emails get stuck there simply because they happen to be in the form of a mass message. Well, one specific message caught my attention. The subject read: "Funky date rape trick." How is that supposed to entice anyone? Is that not an audacious attempt at either humor or shock, but still all mixed in with a dose of trickery? I did not open the email because I thought that we would please the sender too much. Seriously though, and this is really what chaps my hide. Who says funky anymore?

"Dusk and Summer"

She smiled in a big way, the way a girl like that smiles
When the world is hers and she held your eyes
Out in the breezeway down by the shore in the lazy summer
And she pulled you in, and she bit your lip, and she made you hers

By Dashboard Confessional, from the album Dusk and Summer

I'm Writing This To Break Your Heart

I really thought I could get committed to blogging again. Sadly, this is all you will see for another week.

I Guess You Can Call This A Comeback Tour

Re: Re: Singleness Is Bliss (Edited, Expanded, Corrected)

I wrote this blog while in college. I updated a year later. Now, four years later, certain sentiments still ring true. I thought it was appropriate to resurrect this on Valentine’s Day:

Why can't I be happy? Why can't I find love? Why can't I find that one special person for me? These are questions that people often ask themselves when they think about their losses and failures in love. I myself, though I tend to think of some of mine as success stories, often indulge my mind into self-reflection on these very same questions. My answer? I should just not think about it anymore. But, I still do…

The plague of this couple-ridden week is almost over. And yes, I have endured. I sit in my room alone, still, and wonder, “won't this ever end?” While I'm I getting ready for work, I contemplate my relationships of old. I don't usually do much soul-searching regarding my past loves because frankly, I think I've been the one who has messed them all up. Of course, there were equal crimes committed by both, her(s) and I, but I still wonder about them. Yes, I have been the one to break up with a girlfriend before or decided a girl and I shouldn't seek a relationship anymore, but besides that, I know they weren't all my fault. Right? Of course not! It is close to impossible and highly improbable for one person to simply be the entire reason for any failures that his or her love life has ever suffered. Yet, these are the same thoughts that have kept me up so many nights before. But, really, why do we go around and spend time dwelling on who was right or wrong? Most of the time, all we're really doing is seeking to find only one answer to a certain question: what the heck happened? That's the key question to anyone who has ever had an unsuccessful relationship. I'll expound on mine later if need, but the source to all my bent up hostilities and bitterness goes far back, beyond anything you could imagine.

You see, the story of my relationships goes all the way back to the nice mature age of three or four. I was in preschool at Harbor City Baptist Church in my hometown of Melbourne, Florida. It was there that I had my first physical experience with the female gender. Her name was uh...well...ugh... I don't remember her name. Can you blame me? It was twenty-four years ago. Anyway, I remember trying to convince this young lady (and I do mean young) to kiss me in the bathroom. If you recall, old church buildings used to have bathrooms in the nursery between two classrooms that could be entered from both sides because each room had a door into the bathroom. Well, it was my clever scheme to have that girl go in one side of the bathroom and I would go into the other classroom and go in through that door. Then, we would meet in the middle and enjoy a few seconds of kissing pleasure (I swear this was going through my mind). Ok, maybe not all of the detail, but I really did try to make this happen. Yes, even children are depraved. As time and age would allow it, the girl didn't want to have any part of it. She just wanted to be friends. This was the foundation of my life and the beginning of my journey through this crazy thing called love, and as it would be, numerous failed relationships.

I cannot even begin to start and explain all of my relationships past and present. But, I can begin by telling you what I've learned about the opposite sex. While all of the previous rambling was mere humor into the perspective of my love life, I seriously can simplify my thoughts back to the days of my post-terrible-two's. I didn't get that girl then and I my date book isn't necessarily any fuller these days. What it comes down to is this: I didn't understand that girl then and certainly don't understand women now. For example: while in college, some friends at my school wore all black on Valentine’s Day. While I found it somewhat funny, other parts annoyed me. I know what you’re thinking, and yes I was wearing black too. But, why should I have to change my color-coordinating preferences because some girls want to humorously protest the "love-day?" If you are single, that doesn't indicate anything. It just means you are not currently in a relationship. It certainty doesn't constitute you being considered a dork, unsuccessful, nerdy, or some other witty junior high euphemism. You make a day like Valentine's Day mean what you want it to. If you want to act like you are a failure because you don't have a significant other, then so be it. But, you are just as successful of a person with or without a relationship. It's just plain nonsense to see it any other way. I thought we found our confidence in Christ? Not in feeling all lovey-dovey one day a year. That's why I had a problem with those girls at my school. Anyway, as it would be, I still don't understand the ladies.

Like I said previously, I've felt insecure in my past relationships, like I've caused them to fail. Inevitably, it was just one of the unexplainable occurrences in life. Whether it wasn't God's will, I messed up, she messed up, it was by chance, our free agency, predestination, who knows? All I do know is that it ended and caused me to do one of four things:

1. Get sad.
2. Write a poem
3. Get mad
4. Cry

All in all, I'd say the average results aren’t too bad. Those relationships still ended and I can't explain that. I'm sure it's like that for everyone, but at this point in my life, I'd like some explanations. Maybe all I'm looking for is closure? Maybe I'm just trying to find an excuse to rethink and rehash old flames that were extinguished long ago?

Nevertheless, I voyage on to find the 'one for me' or whatever ideals about love I have been brainwashed into me. You know, I don't know if there is one special person for me, or if there are several gals out there who would be a perfect match. I don't know anything. The older I get and the more educated I get, the more I realize that there is so much more to learn and I don't really know that much. Thus, I feel dumber.

I think that is another key to growing up. And for a Christian, realizing that you cannot do anything outside of yourself and you must rely dependent upon God for everything. Whether your job, your love, or you finances. That's the focal point of Christianity and at the least, adulthood. The thing I now have to come to grips with is realizing how inconsequential all those other things are. Passed relationships, failed or successful are still, in the past. We should remember history, certainly, but never let it sit as the center of our attention for too long. If the past is dwelt on for too long, one can become disenchanted with reality. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Regrets don't do any good because you cannot change the things that have already been done. Learn, live, and just it let go.

I know this is a really long post and you're waiting for the conclusion or the point to this. Essentially, you want something significant to take with you. Sorry folks, there are no earth-shattering revelations in this one. It stands a mystery to me, as do some other aspects of life. All I know is, until I seek the Lord fully and until I am only relying on him to fulfill me wholly, I won't be able to understand life or grasp the mystery that is the opposite sex, known simply to us all as women.

"Whether truth is stronger than either wine, the king or woman" [I'll never know.]
- Thomas Aquinas. From his work, Commentary on the Ethics of Aristotle.

Not A Real Post

I've recently come into contact with an old friend named TR. TR is certainly from the South. He lives in Dothan, AL and is a very funny person. While we were catching up, he inquired about my marital status. I informed him that I was still single. He is a newly married man, and he had some advice for me on how to find a mate:

"Let her chew some tobacco and see if the juice runs down both sides of her mouth. If it does, my friend, that is a LEVEL HEADED WOMAN!"

A Real Post

(Instead of using a clever title, I figured I would just let you know that this is not another poem.)

Because of the other "Super Tuesday" this week, I have been thinking about the upcoming election. It doesn't hurt that John Edwards announced that he was dropping out of the race for the Democratic nomination here in New Orleans a couple weeks ago. Also, Barack Obama was here today at Tulane University attempting to earn votes from, presumably, the majority of black voters in the NOLA. Unrelated to this city, Mitt Romney also dropped out of the race for the GOP nomination. Things are getting interesting.

I really have no idea who to vote for this year. There isn't a supreme leader or standout idiot like four years ago (you might be surprised who I am talking about).

I can't believe I said this:

So, here is my satirical plea to you. If you vote for President Bush and get him reelected, I will vote for Hillary Clinton for president in 2008. Help me help you. Frankly, I'm not so sure that the former First Lady wasn't a worse nominee for the Democratic nomination than Kerry was. So, here it is: Bush 04, then Clinton in 2008. Deal?

Or even this.

I can believe, however that this is closer to the position I have nearly half a decade later.

Race or not, gender or not, religion or not, people should vote for who they feel will lead America the best. America is not the church; it's a country, whose founders were at best Deists. What makes this country great, however, is that all of those things shape the way people vote. And, a majority of people will gage their votes on criterion like that, as well as policies and issues.

If you want my advice, and you do because you're still reading, I say vote for the man (or woman) who will do the best job.

P.S. If it was 2004 again, I'd still pick Bush over Kerry, maybe.

It's the End of an Era

For those of you who live in cities that celebrate Carnival Season (or are currently visiting one), to you I wish a happy Mardi Gras! For the rest of you, uh...only three more days left until the weekend? Happy Fat Tuesday anyway!

White Cars

Let's say there is a girl...
More like a woman,
I don't want people to get the wrong idea.

This lady is someone,
Somebody who makes me feel good.
And that is something worth pursuing.

But my dilemma is,
She's the talk of the town
And she's stolen everyone's fancy.

What concludes me to believe
This time will be different
From Allyson, Sheila, Nikki, etc?

What makes me any different?
What makes me any thing, anyway?
Memories and bookends are all I have.

Am I worthy?
Do I compare?
Just another head in a room of faces facing the other way.

So, what gives?
I only ask questions to hear myself speak
Even when I don't want an answer.

Is there anything special about me?
Not a lot,
Less than most I would guess.

Yet there is something so mesmerizing about her;
I cannot bear
To think she would even entertain the notion of me.

I watch as interest is shown.
I see her reject and accept.
I notice how quickly my chances diminish.

There's no need for a contest,
I'll bow out before I start.
You see, I've never been one for competition.

Scores of prospects flail about
I sit on the sidelines and give advice.
Friends don't matter when romance abounds.

Commitments were scarce in my day.
Newspaper ads were more common.
I guess that's how you make your choices.

Day 5

Life is better.

Writing helps. Work helps. Hanging out with friends certainly helps. Life is okay, but my dead car (of which I need a new alternator) is a constant source of frustration, but life is alright. Sarah says I have until midnight tonight to keep mentioning this incident. Then the pity party has to end. I think I'll mention it one more time to her, just to get some of this perspective she mentioned in her last post. The thing that bothers me the most is my own mind. I question so many things. I have shrugged off a lot of criticisms and corrections in
life. Perhaps I should have listened. Now, when I don't want to listen, and actually have a real reason to be pissed, I can do neither. The mind wanders, and mine won't stop wondering. Don't worry, I have a lot of poetry that has helped me cope.

To quote Joey Ramone, a man who I am sure would befriend me, "Don't worry about me."

P.S. LSUCKS

Day Two

My heart still hurts. I should start a new blog about rejection. I've been turned down before, but this hurts. It always hurts more when real emotions are involved. As sad as this is, there are moments where I feel like randomly crying. Why do I let this bother me so much? I should be pissed. I should be so many things. But I'm not. I'm not anything. And, apparently, that's the problem.

Dear Girl I Liked That Dyes Her Hair Blonde

Stop! You give natural blondes a bad name.