Let’s See If I Can Get Out Of This One

First off, I owe Kathy an apology. I am sorry. She might not care or ever read the site again, but I owe her a confession of my wrongdoing, and that is what I’m doing. I did not intend for the post to be taken in the manner it was, but nevertheless, I did do a jerky thing. I took a late night conversation on AIM and made a post out of it. While this isn’t necessarily a bad idea, the person whom I was speaking about in the post (Kathy) knew the context in which we had originally talked earlier in the evening. Then she came here and had to read a new conversation, which had a new context all to its own, about our previous conversation. But, this time it sounded a lot more negative. Rightfully so, she got upset. Like I said, I realize it was wrong to post it and I’m sorry. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t think she was going to read it and that is why I did it (just being a typical stupid guy who didn’t think). They say honesty is the always the best policy. So, here we go…

The title of the post is a poor attempt to make a humorous jab at my life. I often get into trouble for opening my mouth. Yet, this time it was for writing. I do apologize for the approach I took in posting an unclear conversation. However, I will not apologize for what I wrote—the thoughts and opinions I have, which is what I believe. Here’s a detailed version of what my thoughts are, in context.

In life, when it comes down to it, everything you like or dislike, all boils down to one thing: preferences. Variety—the spice of life. People in western civilization tend to be a bit greedy. We want what’s right for ourselves and assert the necessity to find the things that make us feel good. Well, in trying to avoid this whole relativistic idea, I argue that when you speak about things such as God, family, and a spouse, there are certain absolutes. I believe that the God of the Bible is the one true God and his son Jesus Christ, is the way, the truth, and the life because the Bible says so. That is an absolute, not because I said it, but because God said it. Well, I’d also like to think that when I talk about girls, I’m referring to an inevitable one that I will eventually marry. I only plan on getting married once, so I’m going to be pretty darn picky about who I marry. Moreover, what type of girl I look for in a potential spouse. After all, I’ve got to spend my life with her. Or do we forget that “until death do us part” thing? Now Justin argues, “…My friends don’t even have the same tastes as I do. So how could I expect the girl to?” Well, I don’t have to live with my friends forever. Nor do I have to love them as a husband should love his wife. You see, I don’t want some girl who is attractive now and who can tolerate me. If that’s the point, shoot… I’ll be fine just God and me. I want a girl who means so much to me, that without her, I’m incomplete. By all means, I will be willing to accept my wife for her flaws because she will certainly be accepting me for mine (I have many). So, you can bet I’ll particular about the one I choose.

Now, I know no one is saying to me, don’t be particular. But, I do think everyone is throwing around the word superficial way too easily. I will admit it, I am superficial and yes I even have my moments of trendyness. Who doesn’t? I am Not going to say if you like top 40 music and shop at the Gap, you do not have a good grip on reality. Sure, I question your motives and I question the motives of my friends and people I talk to; I even question my own. It does not mean that I don’t like you or think that you are stupid, I’m just trying to make sure that you know why you do the things you do. People do it to me all the time and I have to constantly defend my ideas and reasons for not shopping at the Gap or why I despise mainstream radio. I could get my doctorate in being Independent and write a 200 pages dissertation on why I have these ideologies. But really, I’m not doing or thinking anything new, so, I guess I’m being trendy. Who cares?

Ok, now onto the problem with that silly post. The point I was making in my conversation with Amber Marie was here is an attractive girl who so far likes(ed) talking to me. She’s very attractive, but yet, I don’t understand or agree with her preferences in music or fashion. I’m sorry that I implied she was interested in me. She was not! Amber knew that I was saying. Yes, I was stereotyping and putting her into one category of girls. But, I did this to prove a point. That point being, these attractive girls who are into me, I’m typically not in to, for these various reasons (Abercrombie, Timberlake, and trendyness) and I was giving an example of a girl who, at the time, enjoyed talking to me. When I listed things like, I want a girl who enjoys getting cards from me and talking to me about carrots, I didn’t mean these were substantial demands. These are things I desire from a girl; I wasn’t trying to show that these are tenants for a possible relationship. They are expressions of love and simplicity. When it comes down to it, I just want to be loved. I have things I demand for a possible spouse. Contrary to popular belief, where she shops or what her musical preferences are is not the criteria. For the record, I don’t date a girl unless she is or does the following:

1. Is a Godly woman, or at best, a Christian.
2. We have mutually all the same beliefs
3. A virgin (Not a demand, but a desire, I'm picky)
4. Want to work with youth; enjoys working with youth.
5-12 Are characteristics: funny, smart, selfless, honest, encouraging, biblical, slow to anger and things like easy to talk to, etc...
And the last thing would be to like or stand punk rock. Because it’s not fun listening to something all the time if you don’t like it and I happen to consume a lot of it and want a girl who can sing along too (more for humor).

Like I said, those are the qualities I look for in girls. I think it’s applicable to say that I don’t particularly go after girls with Gap bags on their arms as some guys would want to go after a girl who is easy to talk to. What’s the difference? Well nothing, really. I think those elements “to go after” are things of equal superficiality. Of course when something involves what a person likes as opposed to who a person is, it becomes slathered with superficiality. Some might even say shallow. But really, they are still pretences of preferences. They still relate to superficiality because they are not concrete things you want and believe you need in a spouse. Take a look at the word Superficial:

SU-PER-FI-CIAL Adj.
1. Of, affecting, or being on or near the surface: a superficial wound.
2. Concerned with or comprehending only what is apparent or obvious; shallow.
3. Apparent rather than actual or substantial: a superficial resemblance.
4. Trivial; insignificant: made only a few superficial changes in the manuscript.

Like I said, that conversation was a taken-out-of-context rant on AIM and not an inventory of what my wife should or should not be. Basically, the things I would prefer in her. The things I listed above are the important things. When it comes down to it, everything I love about her should stem from who she is, what kind of person she is, and who she is in Christ. Anything else is a minor threat. The reason I don’t shop at those stores, listen to that music, or like trendy things is because it’s a choice I have made. All in all, I don’t even want a girl who would just agree with me on everything. It would be nice to just have a girl who understood me. That’s really it. She can shop wherever she wants and listen to whatever she wants. She should just know, respect, and understand why I don’t do it. I would do the same for her and I have. Again, I am sorry for where I’m wrong. If you disagree, that’s fine. If you agree, that’s ok too. Just know the reasons why you think things and be ready to defend them. But, never be so closed minded that you don’t hear someone’s argument. That’s a tool to understanding people. It also causes a realization within you. Before you change the world, you have to be willing to change yourself…

“Well, who cares if we’re apart for the big days. It’s the small ones that made me fall in love with you.” The Only Gift That I Need by Dashboard Confessional