I feel beat down.
I'm back and white as ever. I've been thinking and I've come to a conclusion: There are no bad days only bad people. Today was amazing, but how would I know? I'm evil. I got everything in the world to feel good about, but I feel defeated. I feel beat down. I went to apply for a job this afternoon. Job applications make me feel like I've gotten nowhere in life. I can barely put together a list of references, I don't have the kind of skills or experience that fit well into the little boxes on applications,and i've only ever had one job. Why? Because I'm a doomed failure? Maybe, but its not as though I haven't tried. They used to say that's what matters. Maybe I should sell myself. I believe in God's provision but I also feel a deep sense of urgency and responsibility to plan ahead. The future is expensive. There's a powerful little lady named Sally Mae who I owe a total of about 10,000 dollars. She has her fist clinched tightly around my throat. No wonder I have asthma. Sometimes I just wish she would smother me with a pillow. Get it over with, you know? Right now, I'm residing here in the computer lab attempting to catch up on mounds of work I'm behind on. That's the usual tale of woe from me, but the pathetic part is I'm actually working my butt off this semester. I don't mind working like this for the rest of my life, I just want to get caught up.

Gone til Tuesday.