Happy Halloween, Uh... I mean, Reformation Day

Yay for pagan holidays. At least the candy is cheap. Yay for Reformation Day. If Martin Luther hadn't nailed the 95 theses to that church in Germany, we'd all be Catholic. Here some thoughts on me and my life:

Postponed Feelings

The sound of loneliness is a gloomy and haunting interruption. My rest was awoken by the clattering of images that were filed miscellaneous. I scale my hands along a pale and empty wall. Only to find that the object of my desire had been torn down. Engravings are all I have left. The noise of silence is becoming louder than any self-reliance that I know. I’m only letting the darkness in by trying to keep the light out. I await a lost friend’s knock at my door. Those footsteps keep getting dimmer and dimmer. Enclosing my head, I’ve gone to bed. Won’t something awaken my frozen thoughts? Oh God, change my heart…

Seeing Pictures Of You At His House

I’m at a loss of words today.
There’s nothing left for me to say.
Our saga continues on.
But without any reservations, I decide it’s done.
These feelings spawned with thoughts not so new.
It’s scary; they’ve been with me all along.
Knowing all of our history.
So many things have been said and done.
It makes me wonder how we lasted this long.
How I cried for it all…
When it seemed like a possibility that you could love.
Even though that’s all past, I never thought you two would last.
That guy was a jerk, even a total creep.
I guess he showed you more of what a friend could be.
Seeing pictures of you at his house.
Embodied all of what I never want to see in my future spouse.
I have the same photograph; the one you took of me.
Our arms crossed around the back.
Feeling the warmth of our gentle and innocent embrace.
It’s like you replaced him for me.
Cut me out and pasted him in.
With feelings aside, was there ever a reason for liking me?
You might be wondering why.
After all this, I’m willing to just throw it away.
You answered your own question.
When you took his hand and said,
“Have a good day.”

At The Show

Tired of blogging? I'm not. I know the site doesn't get a new post daily and I'm sorry for that. So here I am with your weekend update. Well, there is still one more day left, but we'll just count it loss. I've been under the weather the past few days. My trip to Pensacola was good. I got a lesson in how to be a chaplain. In all honesty, it's kind of scary. We got a tour of the five-floor hospital and our duties for our weekend and the week. My weekend will be here in less than two weeks. I better start working on my adult lingo.

Friday was a lonesome night. Thinking about calling friends, thinking about finding new people to call friends.

Tonight (Saturday) Mike Sutton, Chaz, Scottie Granger, and I drove to Panama City to see a show. It was an enchanted evening. In the car, I was complaining about how loud Mike was being (due to my illness). After reasoning my statement and seeing the expression on Mike's face, I realized that I was going to be hurting the whole night because we were going to a hardcore show. So, let's see. The show... Uno (that means one) Word--Amazing! The first band that played was Burns Out Bright and they were from South Carolina (where Stretch is from). Musically they were good, but I didn't care for the guy's singing. A lot of emo sounds meets metal breakdowns. Up next was Evergreen Terrace. This was my first time seeing the boys from Jacksonville, Florida. I didn't recognize them at first and even commented to Mike, "this can't be them" because the singer was a white guy, but dressed, walked, and talked like a black dude. It was really funny. They played stuff off of their record, Losing All Hope Is Freedom. I knew a few songs. They played some material off their new album Burned Alive By Time which comes out on Eulogy Records (a FL label I might add). It was some awesome dancin', singin', and just dandy music in general. Then, this next band got added to all of Stretch's shows recently. Miami's own Glasseater. I was excited to hear them live because they've played my hometown, Melbourne before. I knew one of their songs, 7 Years Bad Luck. They were ok. The singer said the 'F' word, every other word, which wore out it's welcome long before. They were punk and hardcore, not the best, but they played alright. Now it was time for Stretch Arm Strong . I've been a fan for a little while, not very long. I have burnt copies of their two Solid State releases because I didn't care for them at first. Oh, am I a fan now, yes! They kind of did this introduction thing, like a sports team. "And now the starting line-up for Stretch Arm Strong..." It was very humorous. I was about two rows of people from the stage, just anticipating my chance to sing into the mic. It never came because there was feedback from the right amp and the singer wouldn't come over to my side that much. They played a good mix of songs from, Rituals Of Life and A Revolution Transmission. The key song mid-way through the set was For The Record which "got the party started". It was crazy from there on out. There was a circle pit going on every song. Especially when the band would play a new song and the singer would say, "You don't know this, so dance and have fun" which happened on two or three different occasions. For the most part, it was great musical quality besides technical problems with the lead microphone and the background vocals. They were so tight tonight, which made it all the more enjoyable. Eight bucks, four bands, three good ones, three hours of music, and one long ride back to Graceville made it a memorable evening.

I still feel like poo, even though my throat isn't so sore (I wrote that and now it is). It hurts when I sneeze, all the way down to my arms. I think going to the HxC show made me feel better. It's a new remedy that my granny never thought of. I'll try it with my kids, but my luck, they'll wanna boogie to some Bee Gees. That's it for now, love and circle pits...

xxx

"...I work in telemarketing because I'm used to rejection..."

Long Drives On Jackson County Nights

Clear days make dark nights.
Broken hearts make the night seem even darker.
Pulling out of my driveway
Makes me feel like I’m giving up the fight.
But right now it seems like a good idea.
I need to leave and just get away.
I want to drive until the sun comes up
Or as far as this tank of gas will get me.
I just want to drive as fast as my car will go.
To think about all the reasons I’m leaving.
As my radio plays, I try to sing along.
I find a song that matches the mood.
Like a conductor starts his orchestra,
The notes flow legato from my speakers.
It starts the symphony of my heart.
I scream along the words, as if they were my own.
My attention draws from the road and
Onto my performance at hand.
My wreck less daydreaming only endangers the winding turns.
While the grass that grows on the side of the road
Withers by my panting stares.
There should be a law for people.
Against the wreck less endangerment of someone’s heart.
Because that’s all you’ve ever done.
My only regrets are the ones I never told you.
I sing so loud, I can’t even hear the music.
I somehow hope you hear these words.
I want you to feel the aching pains that lye within my heart.
It’s stupid to think you can hear me.
But by chance, I pray that my words don’t go unheard.
With the last bit of energy I have left within me,
I end my thoughts of you.
I want you to see how I feel.
Not for spite, anger, bitterness, or revenge,
But just so you will be aware.
I don’t want anyone to ever feel like this.
At this rate, I’m sure you’ll find others to break.
Broken hearts are common amongst young love.
Ironically, you seem to be making up for lost time.
As the last stanza is sung, I just want my life to move on.

I'm Graduating In May!!!

Sorry, I couldn't think of any wittier titles for a post than that. I'm really excited about the fact that this time next year, I (hopefully) won't be here. I will miss Graceville, but I won't miss sitting in these classrooms and lecture halls. I met with my advisor Mrs. Sue Gilbert today and we went over the classes I've taken and still need to graduate. I still have to pass my 20 hours this semester, I have to Clept 2 history classes during Christmas break, and I have to take at least 15 hours next semester. I might possibly have to take 17 or 18 hours depending on if I can find a class to finish up my minor in youth ministry. So, this day couldn't get a whole lot better, right? Well, my loan came in, so I can pay off some debt. Getting out of one form of debt and getting into some new debt. Tomorrow is my initial visit to the hospital in Pensacola for my chaplaincy class. Tomorrow is orientation for the class. In another two weeks, I will go over there with Dane Claycomb for a weekend when we will get the first hand experience in what chaplaincy ministry is all about. Then, for a week in December, I will be over there and during that time I will be on call for 24 hours as the on duty Chaplin. Exciting yet scary because I fear during tragedy, I might not have encouraging or coping words to speak. I'm sure God will work that out then, but for now I need to get over to the Registrar’s office to take care of some GRADUATING SENIOR business. Hehe. Take Care...

Maybe Tomorrow

Glued Together by Masonic symbolism
Lurking distance, crowning lights
So tired I could run to sleep falling

Escaping ecstasy I lapse myself forward, forewarned
The suction adheres to my marred eyes
Banners and streamers don’t compensate
For these are incoherent findings and successions

Stale hearts and plastic souls
When will we see?
I’m stuck to this
Urging to fill in that distance pushing us apart
We might as well be positive minds

I Wouldn't Say That...

Which Character In High Fidelity Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Mr. Saturday Night (Out and About)

Why is Saturday night the loneliest night of the week? I've never figured out why that quote is so true. Not for me, because I enjoyed a splendid time with my best friend, talented writer, and founder of our beloved site, yes ladies and gentlemen, I hung out with Justin McLeod (save your applause for the end). Our venture, initially almost a foursome, turned into just him and I. As we were leaving the metropolis of Graceville, we both reflected on how long it had been since we had gotten to hang out together. Too long since the days of old as we pined over musical geniuses, girl problems/solutions, the changing times, new found interests, and the common day-to-day jive. It was his idea to see a movie called The Ring. He raved about how reviewers compared the scariness of it to the likes of The Exorcist. This exercised some excitement in my tattered soul. However, when we drove to all three theaters in Dothan, none of them appeared to be showing this anticipated film. Justin made an inquiry to one of the nice gals at the ticket window and she informed McLeod that the release was delayed. He came back to the car and commented, "I'm must be slipping at my old age." For he had steered us wrong in our quest for entertainment pleasure (or did he). Then we headed over to the New Wal-Mart Super Center on the north side of the circle-city. I purchased a film on DVD called Higher Learning for $9.44. It's a movie about the racial issues at a diversely racially inept college. Well, when I went to pay for it, the check out girl (whom was "checking out" Justin the whole time) asked me I was seventeen years old. I remarked, very dumbfounded, yeah. She made me show her my license and I cooperated with her as the good consumer that I am. I laughed at the fact that I had never been carded for trying to buy an R-rated movie in my youth and she just told me thank you. I asked her if she thought I was twenty-two and she said no. I said, well I look twelve in my driver's license picture, so at least I look eighteen now. I guess that will turn in to being a blessing when I'm, oh I don't know, sixty. Justin and I continued on to Blockbuster Video and Movie Gallery where we picked up Waiting For Gufman, The Thing, The Outsiders, and The Distinguished Gentlemen. We had dinner at the elegant establishment Wendy's. All and all, it was a good night. We shared some food, some thoughts, some opinions, and some laughs. But what else would you expect from the two guys who get their kicks from saying, "Heresy’s Chocolate Pie" with a lisp?

"Sometimes God stills the storm to calm his frightened child. Sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms his child instead."
--Unknown

NOTICE: the within pain and then spit at it’s laughter

I yearn for the fruitful knowledge of you. I cannot stand on these bones of my own. Sitting down on my pride, waiting for the days to end. Wanting still for something more, yet never known, but now I see. I listen to the tongue of spite and loose my mentality. I need your grace to overcome me. I want to feel confused and feel utter disorder because then my road will be cleared. The clouds will go away like a rainy day. A rainbow of joy will take hold over me and never let me go. The smoke screen will be blinded by light and turn to vapor without a sight. For this vision is my own, but I can’t seem to touch it. Notice the within pain. Rebuke all of the iniquities that concur my flesh and devour my soul. Let the bondage of my spirit be set free and understand my chosen path. Meditate on the one and only Word, and then spit at the laughter of pain. Evil will die a death of hell-known pain and then I will sit at the right hand. I know now and forever more I find strength in God’s son.

-I wrote this my 1st semester of college in Dr. Cunningham's CE 102 class-

This Is Not A Love Song

My homie Chase gave me back my copy of The Juliana Theory's, Understand This Is A Dream. So I want to listen to one of my favorite songs off the record:

This Is Not A Love Song

"The time is 2:22 and i hope your wish comes true.
But you say i'll know before you do and i hope you're right.
Why can we talk this way; we always speak.
When you're so far away and i'm sitting right here.
It's 10:00 your time and it's 1 by mine.
And i often wonder why you even care.
Do you ever wonder why we met here.
The time is 2:22 and i hope my wish comes true.
And i think i'll know just when you do.
i hope i do.
Maybe this is just what i need.
Maybe i'm wrong."

Badda Bing!

Tonight, I'm studying. My to do list is very long and filled with many-a-things to keep me busy. I'm going to attempt getting up at 6 AM tomorrow to study for my Theology 301 midterm. It should prove to be an excellent test of my knowledge on the subject. However, it's the details in studying particular doctrines that worries me. I have my Evangelism 201 midterm on Thursday, which would classify as my second hardest midterm. As well as registration stuff, presenting my verbatim (which I still need to type out) in Psychology 404 Clinical Psychology, and amongst my two witnessing reports. Today has been pretty good. Reflecting on the goodness or unexpected crappiness of a day can wear you out. So, I'm trying a new approach to living. Exciting, eh? How about, taking each day, a day at a time. Yeah, I know, it’s not really new, but how many of us can honestly say we practice this Biblical principle. And, unless something has gone exceptionally wrong, the day is good. Rather, even if life throws me a few complications, how does that make the day any less significant? I'm trying to remember that this is the day and it’s because the Lord has made it. I will rejoice and be glad in Him. Of course this is something I know. I mean, haven’t we all known it for the longest time? Funny, we learned the simplest, most explicit forms of sound theology as a child (through song even), yet it takes us until we're an adult to realize how true it is and how much we don't really demonstrate that teaching. For me, I will be working on it. I will also be viewing an episode of The Sopranos. I've been following the story for two years or so now. It is because my lack of cable and HBO that I have to rent the season on DVD. I believe that I'm up to episode 8. I can't wait to find out who gets to 'sleep wit da fishes' next. But for now, I must read and type. Kapeesh!

"My face is covered in a puddle of water and I can't get your foot off my head."

Some Things I Affirm

So, I'm up late. How unusual, right? Not really, but I'm trying to study for my Theology 301 mid-term that I have on Wednesday. I found this paper that states a lot of my beliefs in big, smart-sounding terminology. So, I figured I'd share:

I believe in the inerrancy of the Bible. Find no errors in the autographs, philosophically, psychologically, theologically, and scientifically.

The Bible is the Word of God.

I emphasize the necessity of theological integrity.

I am a young earth creationist (as in the Bible teaches the creation of the earth in a literal 6 day, 24 hour period). I also view the earth as between 6,000-10,000 years old.

I affirm soteriological exclusivism (people are saved only through Christ).

I view Scripture as the foundational source of religious spiritual authority.

I hold to congregationalism with strong pastoral authority/leadership/shepherding.

I believe there is a line drawn directly from scripture between God's sovereignty and man's responsibility.

I don't believe the Bible teaches women should be pastors.

My belief is that autonomy is a precious check against both hierarchicalism and connectionalism.

I affirm the eternal continuation of both heaven and hell.

I see the priesthood of all believers as guaranteeing direct access to God for all believers and as a doctrine of responsibility.

I don't believe there are any contradictions or internal inconsistencies in the Bible when properly interpreted.

I would also view historical-grammatical interpretation as a sound doctrine.

I find no mythological elements in Scripture.

And, I emphasize the transcendent truth of Scripture.

Regulate The Chemicals

Writing on Sunday nights has turned into recapping the highlights of my week. I was going to post last night, but I wanted to leave Justin's latest post up there for at least a day. We sure do miss him and his posts are few and far between these days since the accident and the plastic surgery (keep up the progress buddy).

This week has been pretty all right. I had a midterm on Friday morning. I think I did fairly well, but time will tell or should I say the grade would. Friday night after work, I got to hang out with some local kids Teresa Tucker and Bethany Dunlap. My buddy Jared Fries was in town so I hung out with them. We actually got to be really good friends right when he was leaving for college. We still keep in touch and it was good to get to talk in real life. Bethany's cousin’s Briana and Lauren and their friend Terr(i) or (y) (short for Teresa) were here also and I got to meet them and hang out. It was pretty cool. They like the type of music I do. Which doesn't sell anything for me, but it sure helps me relate better to a person, does that make sense? Sean Tanner was so gracious to let me crash at his place on Friday night. Michael's (Milks, my roommate) parents and younger brother had come into town for the weekend and they were getting up semi-early on Saturday and I did not want to be among that rank, so I slept at Sean's place.

Lori Lindsey also got into town this weekend. Saturday was pretty boring until I got to do some things. I had a good time watching Miami beat Florida State. I went put-put golfing at Adventure Land with the Millers. I tied for last place with Milks. His Mom beat us all. After that, I met Lori at the movies. We saw Red Dragon and it was quite good. I was reasonably impressed with the references to the other movies. I think I got the most entertainment out of that aspect of the film. Today I attended church at the First Baptist Church of Graceville. That's all I’ve got to say about that. Tonight I ate dinner at Outback with Crystal Kepler. We've been pretty good friends since I've been coming to school here. We never get to hang out or talk until the wee hours of the morning because of schedule conflicts. Tonight was cool because we got to catch up, talk, laugh, and eat some darn good food. Overall I give the week a 5 and the weekend an 8. Well, that's about it for my life. Enjoy yourselves...

"Well the kids are all hopped up and ready to go. They're ready to go now. They got their surfboards. And they're going to the Discotheque Au Go Go. But she just couldn't stay. She had to break away. Well New York City really has is all. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Sheena Is A Punk Rocker, Sheena Is A Punk Rocker, Sheena Is A Punk Rocker, Well she's a Punk Punk, A Punk Rocker." The Ramones

2nd Caution Light

So, I posted this poem last month in a post. But, I felt like letting it be read again. You can make it say or mean whatever you want. The poem is simply about when friendships go sour:

2nd Caution Light

Amidst my cold and dreary heart, I find peace.
Never fearing the unknown anymore, I find stillness in my refuge.
I should keep all the things I’ve written you,
but alas, I let it sit in the trash.
How about the notes I wrote you?
Or am I asking too late because they’ve already been thrown away.
I guess I should try to make it work or even try more to talk.
Hopefully this will spark some enthusiasm in your heart.
Fridays are my favorite day of the week.
But, if I happen to run into you, it’s nearly close to being ruined.
I hate to say that.
I hate to feel this way.
In case you didn’t know, it’s you making my heart sway.
I need your friendship.
I need to know if you feel the same.
Otherwise, just tell me to forget your name.

Shock Rocker's Salvation
Here's an interview with Alice Cooper about how he came to faith in Christ. It seems pretty genuine to me. (via Kathryn Lively)

Waiting for the NyQuil to Kick In...
101 Things About Me!


01. Time you started: 1:33am
02. Full Name: Charles William Livingston
03. Nicknames: Chase,Langston,Carlos,Skip...
04. Height : 6'2
05. Weight : 175,yes Neil I did lose some weight.
06. School: Baptist College of Florida
08. Gender: Male
09. Birthday: April 22, 1981
10. Zodiac sign: Taurus,right?
11. Location: School: Graceville, FL / Home: Ashford,AL
12. Birth Place: Southeast Alabama Medical Center in Dothan,AL
13. Hair Color: Yellow Blond
14. Eye Color: Ah the everchanging hazel
15. Siblings: Angie,27...I think.
16. Are you in love: Yes.
17. Have you ever been in love? See also 16.
18. Are you more interested in guys or girls; be honest: this question could go in so many directions, but yes,girls.
19. Crush: sounds painful.
20. Girlfriend/Boyfriend: Nope


**The PAST Side**
21. What age would you go back to: 13
22. Memory you miss most: not sure. I miss being in plays and my old youth group.
23. Memory you would like to forget: Times when I've been a jerk and hurt those around me.
24. What'd you do yesterday: same ol' routine.
25. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone: Donna Mullen
26. Last thing you said: I'll be there soon(to Jeremy when he said he was going to sleep)
27. Last song you listened to: "Top of The World" by The Juliana Theory
28. Last Food you ate: Hot Fudge Sunday with Almonds at Steak 'n Shake. I forgot to ask not to have them.
29. Last Drink you had: Orange Juice
30. Last CD you bought: Yankee Hotel Foxtrot by Wilco
31. Emotion: Oh, I haven't really thought about it. Blank.
32. Favorite Colors: Gray, Green
33. Favorite day of the week: Saturday
34. Month: can't decide that's a toughy.
35. Favorite Numbers: 34
36. Holiday: Christmas
37. Cookie: Oatmeal Raisin
39. Ice Cream: Either Vanilla with Chocolate Syrup or Banana Split Ice Cream from Blue Bell
40. Candy bar: Zero
41. Favorite Channels: Nick at Nite.
42. Shampoo/Conditioner: Suave Fresh Mt. Strawberry
43. Song: "Round Here" by Counting Crows


**PEOPLE YOU KNOW SIDE**
44. Friends:
45-46. ?
47. Silliest: not sure,sorry to disappoint.
Where'd 48 Go?
49. Best at keeping secrets: Greg Williams
50. Smartest: Chaz
51. Most likely to be a stripper: Jeff or Michael Miller
52. Sweetest: Donna
53. Weirdest: Do I count?
54. Most hyper: Mike Sutton
55. Most annoying: My dog because he ran away.


**The BELIEVE OR NOT Side**
57. Aliens: Have you met my friends?
56. Do you believe in Angels: Yes
58. Heaven & Hell: Yeah.
59. God: Yes.
60. Yourself: Yes, because public service annoucements on NBC tell me to.


**The HAVE YOU EVER Side**
61. Been on a plane: I've been in a jet, but never been in a plane as it flew. I've always wanted to.
62. Cried in public: Yes
63. Climbed a tree: Plenty o' times
64. Ate A Worm: Not unless that's what they really make bologna out of.
66. Met a celebrity: I met a few bands and I've met Jeff Watkins who I hear is responsible for Dashboard's formation...that makes him famous right?
67. Met the president: Yes, as a matter of fact I have met Dr. Tom Kinchens.
68. Been scared to get shot: On a few occassions.
69. Watched New Years Eve celebration in every time zone? Yes, and you don't have to tell me I know I'm a loser.
70. Shopped at Abercrombie and Fitch?: Shoplifted? No.
71. Gone skinny-dipping: Do bathtubs count?
72. Skipped school: It's one of my favorite past times.


**WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU HEAR**
73. Bill Clinton: I heard he might take over for Lettermen in the next couple years. I can see it, Dave writes jokes and Bill is one.
74. lollipops: So how many licks does it take?
75. Dreams: I dream all the time. Sometimes during class I sleep and dream of class.
76. Love: "What brings me down now is love cause I can never get enough."-Adam Duritz. All love is from God.
77. Whipped Cream: It goes good on everything, even fried bologna.
78. South Park: My friend used to have a shirt with Mr. Hanky on it, and you say I'm weird.
79. Christina Aguilera: Conan O'Brien once said that she looked like a clown whore, I always have thought that was funny.
80. Guys: Some are way too tough,others are way too sensitive. Stop trying.
81. Girls: They're one of my two favorite kinds of people.
82. Death: I write and talk about death a lot and this scares Jeff.


**The WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER Side**
83. Dog/Cat: Dog
84. Blue/Purple: Blue
85. Chocolate/Vanilla: Either/or
86. Pen/Pencil: Pen


*The QUESTIONS THAT DON'T MATTER I'M STILL ASKING SIDE**
87. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: No,but one day just like Roy Rogers or whoever that guy was I'm going to have my pets stuffed.
89. If you were a crayon, what color would you be: pink...uh like I know this...
90. How many buddies do you have on your list: 32
91. Do you like this survey: It has its moments.


**WHO DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS!**
92. One pillow or two, cotton or feather: Two feather pillows
93. What kind of toothpaste Do you use: Crest Something...
94. How long are you in the shower: 10-15 minutes
95. How do you eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup: I prefer Sam's Choice peanut butter cups.
96. What does your name mean: I don't know,look it up.
98. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop: I don't like Math
99. What occurs once in a second, twice in one hour, and never in three hundred years? Yeah, it's the letter 'o'.
100. Of all the people you sent this to, how many would respond: I sent it to no one.
101. Finished: 2:25am.

Avoiding reading Psychology 420 Class, Abnormal Psychology, I do this:

101 Things About Me!

01. Time you started: 3:07 PM
02. Full Name: Jeffery Glen Watkins
03. Nicknames: Jeffy Jeff, punk, (my roommate calls me "hey guy")
04. Height : 5'9
05. Weight : Fatty boo batty 200 something now...
06. School: Baptist College of Florida
08. Gender: Male
09. Birthday: June 25, 1980
10. Zodiac sign: Cancer
11. Location: School: Graceville, FL / Home: Melbourne, FL
12. Birth Place: Wuestoff Hospital in Rockledge, FL
13. Hair Color: Dirty blond, light brown
14. Eye Color: Blue/Green
15. Siblings: Older Brother, Tom 24
16. Are you in love: No
17. Have you ever been in love? Maybe
18. Are you more interested in guys or girls; be honest: No, no really, just girls...
19. Crush: Hum...
20. Girlfriend/Boyfriend: Nope

**The PAST Side**
21. What age would you go back to: 14
22. Memory you miss most: Coming home from junior high in 8th grade. You didn't have to do homework, but if you did it was cool and all there was to do was watch TV.
23. Memory you would like to forget: All the girls I've had to write sad poems and songs about... Maybe not?
24. What'd you do yesterday: Slept, put new stuff on my wall, took out the trash, odd cleaning, read for classes, watched my laundry, ate, drank, and tried to be happy.
25. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone: Sean Tanner
26. Last thing you said: Does yawning count?
27. Last song you listened to: "Kill The Poor" Dead Kennedys
28. Last Food you ate: Fish, Macaroni and Cheese from the hot bar at school.
29. Last Drink you had: Cherry Kool Aid.
30. Last CD you bought: Stavesacre "(Stavz'a'ker)"
31. Emotion: I'm not happy, but I have joy.
32. Favorite Colors: Black and Blue
33. Favorite day of the week: Friday
34. Month: December: Only 2 weeks of school, 2 weeks of winter break, Christmas, New Years Eve, plenty o' shows, and home cookin'.
35. Favorite Numbers: I don't know
36. Holiday: I like any holiday when I don't have to work or go to class.
37. Cookie: Animal Crackers
39. Ice Cream: Tin Roof Sundae, Rocky Road, Ben and Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup
40. Candy bar: Snickers
41. Favorite Channels: TNN for wrestling, Fox News for news, HBO for Sopranos, MTV 2 for the obvious, TBN for G-Rock.
42. Shampoo/Conditioner: Some how I've collected a few:
Suave Strawberry Shampoo, White Rain Regular Shampoo, Head and Shoulders, and Suave Shampoo plus Conditioner.
43. Song: "Monday Monday" Mamas and The Papas

**PEOPLE YOU KNOW SIDE**
44. Friends: I have a lot of good friends. I put my trust in most of them because they are trustworthy. They all mean different things and hold a special place in my heart individually.
45-46. ?
47. Silliest: Probably Jed Marczewski
Where'd 48 Go?
49. Best at keeping secrets: Sean Tanner
50. Smartest: Jeremy Leary (RIP)
51. Most likely to be a stripper: Robin Tallon
52. Sweetest: Melissa Bearden
53. Weirdest: Chase Livingston (haha)
54. Most hyper: Nick Long or Milks
55. Most annoying: We all have our moments.

**The BELIEVE OR NOT Side**
57. Aliens: Maybe, but probably not
56. Do you believe in Angels: Yes
58. Heaven & Hell: Yeah, both as the Bible teaches.
59. God: Indeed, creator and father.
60. Yourself: Sometimes, but I doubt myself a lot. Why believe in yourself, you'll just let yourself down.

**The HAVE YOU EVER Side**
61. Been on a plane: No, actually. Nor have I ever seen snow. True Floridian.
62. Cried in public: Yeah.
63. Climbed a tree: Sure
64. Ate A Worm: Noooo.
66. Met a celebrity: Depnds, no one notable.
67. Met the president: No.
68. Been scared to get shot: Sometimes
69. Watched New Years Eve celebration in every time zone? Never been that bored.
70. Shopped at Abercrombie and Fitch?: Never!
71. Gone skinny-dipping: Not yet, haha.
72. Skipped school: I've been skipping class since kindergarten.

**WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU HEAR**
73. Bill Clinton: I try to forget him.
74. lollipops: Yeah, blow pops.
75. Dreams: I like them, especially when I get the girl.
76. Love: It's patient, it's kind, doesn't envy, doesn't boast...
77. Whipped Cream: Oh yeah :)
78. South Park: The last time I watched South Park was when I was 17 or 18 and high. There was a reason...
79. Christina Aguilera: She was kinda cute when she first came out and I guess with all the production behind her, she can sing.
80. Guys: Usually who I am hanging out with on a Saturday night. They're not quite as moody, don't usually read into things as much, and sometimes are jerks.
81. Girls: Usually who I hang with on Friday night (haha). They are not as insulting, they are sweet, but can often be the most evil concept in all of creation. Prettier than guys though.
82. Death: Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough to worry about. Death comes to everyone. "Dying is the easiest part, now I'm afraid of life." The Dingees

**The WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER Side**
83. Dog/Cat: I'm not a big pet person. Dog over cat. Fish over Dog.
84. Blue/Purple: Blue
85. Chocolate/Vanilla: Swirled
86. Pen/Pencil: Pen

*The QUESTIONS THAT DON'T MATTER I'M STILL ASKING SIDE**
87. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: I'm lucky to keep my blanket and pillow on the bed. I can't even fathom something else.
89. If you were a crayon, what color would you be: Whatever color Caucasian is or black.
90. How many buddies do you have on your list: 180
91. Do you like this survey: In about 10 questions.

**WHO DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS!**
92. One pillow or two, cotton or feather: One lumpy pillow.
93. What kind of toothpaste Do you use: Crest Dual Action Whitening *Cool Mint*
94. How long are you in the shower: 4-24 minutes, depends on how much time I have.
95. How do you eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup: Just put it in the ol' mouth.
96. What does your name mean: Opinionated??? I don't know.
98. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop: Why am I doing this again?
99. What occurs once in a second, twice in one hour, and never in three hundred years? I don’t know.
100. Of all the people you sent this to, how many would respond: Nobody...
101. Finished: 4:08 PM

Visit Our Friends AT COMMON PURPOSE

Posting Seems Forever

I think the greatest thing about having a blog is the simple pleasure of being able to put pretty much anything you want on the site. Of course, we here at To Whom It May Concern are responsible with this duty. I haven't written a lot in a while. I think this week shaped up to be ok. I'm looking forward to next week, but if that falls through (goes bad) we always have the weekend? I was supposed to go home this weekend. My parents are in the Florida Keys for two weeks, so my home in Melbourne would be very empty. This was exciting for me because I need to get away. Even though my roommate is in Jacksonville visiting his fiancé, I still need to get out of Graceville. On Friday, after I said my goodbyes, I drove to Chipley to deposit some money in my checking account. Not checking my previous balance, I deposited two checks that came out to a sum total of fifty dollars. When I got the receipt with my new balance it informed me so disappointingly that I only had eighteen dollars. Now, I know that I'm not a mathematician in the vain of A Beautiful Mind and I got D's in the two math classes I took thus far in my college career, but come on... that's not right! Then I remembered that Bethany Dunlap and I had drove to Dothan on Wednesday and I forgot to deposit the checks then. I knew there was a reason why I so mad because I'd forgotten them. Just didn't remember about the one check I wrote, I guess. After the shock wore off, I realized that eighteen dollars wasn't enough money to drive home on. So, I rationalized the idea of just staying in Graceville. So, far it's been semi-good. Seeing something familiar isn't always bad, if you are looking at it from the right perspective. This Tuesday is my rescheduled trip to Pensacola to do my orientation for my clinical psychology class where I will be learning my chaplainry duties at the hospital there. Excited but anxious is I. I also have my midterm in The Psychology of Teaching and Learning on Friday, which should prove to be a challenge. The majority of the test will encompass writing educational objectives (neat-o, eh?). That's the easy part, but when you have to decide which domain it comes from: cognitive, affective, or psychomotor it gets a little tricky. Plus, you have to use this certain verb association to figure it out and make sure it has its four part components. Which I can't even name but one of them is a criterion. Next week I also have to teach a lesson on a few attributes of God to a youth group in which Toby Roheim is the youth pastor. Then the following week is my midterm in Theology 301. That is going to rock the socks off of everyone in the class. Maybe Dr. Rathel will have compassion for those whom he will have compassion (Theology 301) and not have compassion for those whom he doesn’t (hopefully Philosophy 301, hehe). It looks to be a very long study time for me. But as for now, I find something constructive to do (or just more entertaining)...

"If I told you this was killing me, would you stop?" The Juliana Theory

If It’s All The Same...

I owe you this:

I’ve written in these words so I feel better,
but that only makes me seem so much shallower.

I want you to know what’s on my mind and heart.
The truth to these afflicting feelings delivers me from what I know.

Indenting the paragraphs, I write on to find the path of freedom.

Expelling my own visions, I try to sort my resolutions.

Trying to hide the evidence of my crimes,
I become concerned for only myself much like the deceit of Oliver North.

A working progress is this state.
If it’s all the same, I’m sorry if I ever made you hate.

Our friendship is so important to me,
I’m sorry if I misconstrued its simplicity.

I watch TV until I’m tired of being awake.
These are old feelings that I just repeat.

This is so vague and concise,
I wonder if you’ll even hear the hurt behind my voice.

You’re so wonderful and so beautiful.

I know you don’t hear that enough.
I feel sorry if you call this a bluff.

I revolt against the things you find comfort,
but I’m still being that sluggish and self-centered.

Filling in the holes might take nights, days, or years.
But I’m willing to try it, despite all the tears.

My fear is on a wire, waiting to balance this new idea.
A place where we can be and not ignore it for another year.

Finishing these thoughts, I’m tired of looking at these dull pages.

I hate complacency and mediocrity, but that is all I know.
Its even fallen harvest to the depths of what we sow.

Why must it be like this?

This is what we proceed to find.
If it’s all the same, lets forgive and forget, I won’t mind.

I care and want the old days back,
but we’ve got to work through it and hope that it doesn’t lack.

I’ll do whatever you want.
I’ll say whatever you need.
We can continue on or just, let it be.

Here it is, I’m finally done.
I hope my words help us see as one.

Let’s quit playing games; let’s end the charades.
I’ll respect your wishes and run the opposite way.

If you want to keep not talking, that’s fine.
But, that kind of silence is haunting.

If you want to act like you never heard,
I’ll just keep walking by you and never say a word.

Room For One More?

Did you ever find out the truth about yourself? You know, something that you would only hear if you were a fly on the wall. Now this information isn't something like you smell bad or don't have a good opinion on ice cream. No, it's much deeper. It's the stuff that you weren't meant to hear. Tonight, I wasn't eavesdropping or sneaking behind a corner while people discuss my life, I was sitting on my butt while someone told me some information. This information made me upset. Is it important to my life? Not really, because it's the past and I can't do anything about it now. Does it affect anything permanent? Hopefully not, because we should be able to forgive sins and forget them like Christ. Should I regret it? Probably not, how can I undo my own disasters? So, what can I do? Change, it’s as simple as that. So, why does it still bother me? As of yet, I haven't figured this one out. I can only hope that people, who have problems with me, will come to me and tell me. Of course, I am a hypocrite here because I don't do this all the time. But, along with that change thing, I am trying to keep this in the back of my mind. "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry and do not give the devil a foothold." (Ephesians 4:25-27) I'm understanding these verses more and more. Just because you've got a problem with someone, doesn't mean it's fine when you have forgiven him or her. I think that you should do your darnest to get your relationship back to its a float state. Do what you can to restore it. Otherwise, you are still harboring unrighteous intentions. Trying to escape your past is one of the most challenging things one can overcome. At least God is faithful to forgive us our sins. I don't mean to boast or anything of the like. I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Until we sing together again...

"And sooner or later this code, it's gonna break. So our words will be heard again, but all I want are vows of silence now. This turpentine chaser's got kick and the rag that its soaked in is rich. But the fumes aide the pace of my cleaning and as soon as I'm done I am gone." Dashboard Confessional, Turpentine Chaser, from The Swiss Army Romance

Updated Site

Haha, not ours. But you can check out the new look the boys from Bremerton, Washington, MxPx have. Read the info about their newest, so far, untitled record. That makes their 11 full-length release...