Cut Your Hair
by Pavement:

Darlin' don't you go and cut your hair
Do you think it's gonna make him change?
"I'm just a boy with a new haircut"
And that's a pretty nice haircut
Charge it like a puzzle
Hit men wearing muzzles
Hesitate you die
Look around, around
The second drummer drowned
His telephone is found

Music scene is crazy
Bands start up each and every day
I saw another one just the other day
A special new band
I remember lying
I don't remember a line
I don't remember a word
But I don't care, I care, I really don't care
Did you see the drummer's hair?

Advertising looks and chops a must
No big hair!
Songs mean a lot when songs are bought
And so are you
Face right down to the practice room
tension and fame's our career
career, career, career

Slightly Updated

Wow, all my comrades have posted, I'm impressed. Maybe Justin will come around soon. I think he has writer's block permanently (hope not)? I've added a bunch of junk-a-cola to the site. More updated detail of the staff. More blogs listed (our new friends). Many more music links (for anyone who cares). A bunch of things to get us more hits. And a partridge in a pear tree. I'm tired and I'm ready to be done looking at this site. I need a job. The School has been having a book sale. I walked out of there with thirty books today for $1.00 and about 2/3 of them went on Amazon. Please check out my inventory [Books For Sale --->], a lot of the books are really cheap. Help me pay the bills. I would say take a gander at Chase's, but he already out sells me. I think that's it. I went to a wedding two weekends ago, my friend Leslie's wedding is this weekend, and I'm a groomsmen in a wedding in another week. Am I missing something?

"Now it's time to say good night, good night, sleep tight. Now the sun turns out his light, good night, sleep tight. Dream sweet dreams for me. Dream sweet dreams for you. Close your eyes and I'll close mine. Good night, sleep tight." The Beatles, Good Night, from The Beatles (White Album).

It's a shame that George Washington's mom never had a picture of him.

Parents just don't understand.

When I get something right in my life, my folks want all the credit. When I get something wrong I receive all the blame. I'm all about taking responsibility for my actions. Afterall, that's what being growed up is all about. So, I say "Let's Share!"

I'm supposedly an adult which means I get in trouble for my mistakes. But, let's be fair. One of the major tasks we have as adults is to work through all the ways that our wonderful parents managed to screw me up. "Your Bad, My Bad. Let's call it even. Get off my back!"

How is that I have the insight to recognize that once upon a time my parents were new at this living thing and that no one gets it right the first time around? Why am I more forgiving of how they've screwed me up than they are of how I've screwed up?

Sometimes Presents Aren’t Good Enough

(This is for my friend Melissa Bearden on her 21st birthday)

The light from those candles leads my heart on
Because you can’t just live off of sunrises at dawn
God painted beautiful portraits of life in their own formation
You are one of these without exception

Please don’t argue, there’s not time today
You really don’t have to walk away
I think we can get you to understand this
There isn’t too much that I can’t resist

But, I can’t help it; one is your smile
Another is the way you make me feel
Tomorrow may never come
At least that’s a chance that you’ll be near

You really ought to know
Just how great you are
There are a million things I could wish for
Right now, my desire is for you to walk through this door

I would sit you down and play you a song
Wearing my heart out just so you could see
How much you mean
To everyone in the world, including me

I deal in words and phrases
Not in pictures and sentiments
If this is an illustration of what you mean to me
I hope I painted this well enough so that you can see

You are a beautiful woman
Who has an amazingly kind heart
If I was ever lucky enough to be around you
I would never want to be apart

If You Have Money, Give it to Jeff




He's poor, pitiful and hungry. After he got robbed again recently I thought it would be cool if there was a way that we could all show our support. Then, it occured to me: Paypal is the answer. So if you feel the urging do the wallet purging. Help a brother out, seriously!

Heterosexuals Have Rights Too

Here in Graceville, the rain has not stop coming for hours. It has pretty much been raining all day. As I listened to the storm beg for land to flood, I began to think about rain itself. It obviously comes from God and replenishes the earth's water intake, but how does it benefit me personally? I think I understood today what it can do for you. I used to get annoyed when I would have to go out and get wet. Now, I don't know, it could be fun. I love being in my apartment when it rains because it makes it a whole lot cooler. I just don't like to get wet is all. I know a lot of people agree with me. But there are some people who enjoy walking in the rain and are thrilled to get the opportunity. I used to think that was crazy, but I can now understand why those people like it; it is quite comforting. I'm learning and trying, really! Today, I chose to walk barefoot to check my mail during the rainstorm. Of course, I brought an umbrella because I'm still learning but I did enjoy the wetness. It brought a nice feeling over me. I don't know if I'll ever go without my umbrella, but I can appreciate the sentiment of walking in the rain. Go try it if it's raining where you live. You can always practice in the shower first.

"It's been a long time since I felt the rain upon my head." Further Seems Forever

I'm Gay, So What?

Disregard the title. I took it from another blog. I'm back from Starke now. I had a blast. I'll write more later, but it was definitely a nice break from the drudge of day-to-day living, even by my unemployed standards. By the way, the game Taboo is great fun. I think that's it. A big shout out to Chase for taking care of my crib. Holla 'atcha later my nizzles!

I may not always love you. But long as there are stars above you. You never need to doubt it. I'll make you so sure about it. God only knows what I'd be without you. If you should ever leave me. Though life would still go on believe me. The world could show nothing to me. So what good would living do me? The Beach Boys, God only knows, from Pet Sounds.

Breaking News from Apt. 8

I'm reporting to you live from inside the walls of the Watkins' home, hidden in a swell of darkness that is the most crime-ridden ghetto in all of North Florida.

Hookers, Gangbangers, Cokeheads, Thugs, and of course, former city council members all make their residence here in this hotbed of depravity. Decent human beings and upright citizens could never be comfortable in this place.

Three weeks ago Mr. Watkins, 23, had gone to a friends' house to watch footage of grown men grappling one another. Sometime between 8 and 10 o'clock the perpetrator(s) entered into his apartment through an unlocked window. He/She/They got away with an Apex DVD player.

Mr. Watkins wasn't all too miffed. He knew material loss could easily be recooped. When I spoke with him I warned that if this reaches trial his fanship of 'wrestling' could be used to incriminate him.

Sadly, when the next Monday night rolled around the same thing happened. Mr. Watkins had locked his windows and doors since the first incident. So, the perp(s) busted out a bedroom window. Apparently, one of the perp(s) cut his/her hand. There was blood and glass everywhere. This time they got away with 20 DVDs, some Christmas music on CD-R (which hardened criminals like this couldn't appreciate anyway) and worst of all, Mr. Watkins' sense of security.

Now he felt violated. He/she/they had gone too far. It was time for some serious action. Soon I took on the role of night watchmen. That brings us up to last night.

When I stepped out of the car, I smelled the smell of death and heard distant gunshots. I remembered what it was like to live in a warzone. Moments later I heard a noise in the front yard. I stared intently into the shadows. I fired several rounds. At the sound of whimpering I felt victory. It turned out to be a squirrel, but you can never be too safe.

Hours later I was standing guard on the front porch when an old man appeared on the road. He looked kindly enough, so I didn't shoot him. Instead, I yelled "Get out of here!" and fired into the air. He tried to run, but couldn't. I felt guilty for shaking him up so I murmured, "sorry 'bout that. my bad."

The noises of evil were brought to a low roar. Knowing I had scared the devil to sleep I went to bed myself. Thus far this morning everything has remained as calm. I don't expect that will last. I don't believe the worst is over. Darkness looms.

This has been a live update from Apt. 8

More later...

This Is The Only Thing You're Gonna Get For A While

Amidst preparation for my trip this weekend, I wanted to write something for everyone to ponder upon while I'm gone. I will be accompanying Jessica and Rich to the metropolis of Starke, FL for a friend's wedding. We get to see the not-so-forgotten Cheryl Miller also (her sister is getting married to great guy named Jeremy). It should be a lot of fun and of course, I'm just happy to get the heck out of dodge! Chase is sleeping at my house so the bad guys won't come and steal my stuff [again]. Okay, so I have nothing provocative to write. However, I came across these first 13 lines from a T.S. Eliot poem entitled, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and I think they're beautiful. I want to see a lot of comments (even if you hate it). Have a good weekend kids.

Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question....
Oh, do not ask, 'What is it?'
Let us go and make our visit.

What To Write About?

Lately, my life has felt rather mundane. I seem to going nowhere on a daily basis. I have rethought my goals and dreams one thousand times or more. I felt like staying put was the right thing to do and very few things prove it wrong. Not enough instances that I get a message saying "Get the heck out of dodge!" However, when the option of returning home comes up, ample jobs do not come into play. My life is at a standstill. It seems like everything I thought I was supposed to do is going to be put on halt. I inquire to God hourly about work, yet I seem to be missing what his will is. The more I try to figure anything out, the more confused I get. Surely, I'm not the first adult, freshly graduated from college to go through this. But it certainly feels like I am. I can't find a book on the subject. Maybe I should write one? The Bible gives me comfort as I read it, but everyday I usually forget what I previously read. I can’t fathom that God would have me be a bum, mooch, and panhandler for the next few months. This is the most I've had to rely on God for everything. Yet, maybe before, while I was in school, I just didn't have to worry about it. It wasn’t the faithful letting-God-take-control thing. More like, I'm-ignorant-and-don't-care attitude. My life sees less activity than the Graceville Zoo. And I feel about as worthless as a man can. As smug as this could possibly be interpreted, I know God will take care of me. How? I don’t know. But, maybe my panhandling gig will work out. If you're on welfare your whole life, do you get social security when you're 65?

"He's a real nowhere man. Sitting in his nowhere land. Making all his nowhere plans for nobody. Doesn't have a point of view. Knows not where he's going to. Isn't he a bit like you and me? Nowhere man, please listen. You don't know what you're missing. Nowhere man, the world is at your command." The Beatles, Nowhere Man, from the album, Rubber Soul.

Monday, Monday

Another day and still no dollars. How sad. This weekend was actually pretty busy for me. Friday night I played card/board games with Rich, Jessica, and Tyler and it was a swell time. Saturday, Stephanie Herres had to clean two houses that the college lends to visiting people. I just hung out and ended up getting to do five loads of laundry done for free. We ate at Wendy's afterward (she bought my food, what a great friend). Yesterday, I mostly pined over what's left of my movies and watched some. Justin and I are going to Dothan, AL to inquire about a job later. Maybe something will come up. That's it for now. Expect something more meaningful later. Or don't expect anything and be surprised. Or be disappointed. Or nevermind...

Infamous

Using words to describe
Things I’ve never felt before
Inspired to make mistakes
Grave things I cannot take
With me to live without
Myself in spite of me
All my regrets to carry out
I live on my own
Married to anyone who will have me
But never thinking
About turning off this feeling
Flawed with continuous infidelity
Pledging more to others
Than to an allegiance with
People turning against me
Leaving my pride and pity
By a door that won’t
Shutout those that don't
Think about me anymore
Glad to be beyond those walls
Missing all their dreams
Endowed with many more memories
That I cannot speak about
Keeping to this side of town
That leads your kind on
Drive by shootings everyday
Victimizing the relationship we sought
Purging all the pain I’ve got
Into one mixed up taste
So, I’ll drink from that unholy bottle
And leave nothing for waste

Just Another Day of My Life

Did you realize today is September 11th? It caught me off guard as I saw 9-11-03 on the clock on my computer. Crazy, huh? It was just two years ago. I've been up to Teen Challenge the past couple of days and I will be going over there tomorrow to give them the rest of the stuff for the application process. It seems like I could be close to getting a job there, although I believe that's totally up to the Lord. I could go into more detail, but I'm kind of in a hurry. Yesterday and today, I've been there and by the police station a lot (stuff about the robbery). Chase and I burnt a few of Rod Stewart's CD's tonight. Forget the hits, look into his early 70's stuff. It's great. G'night/G'morning...

"I still possess a photograph. My memory to refresh. But fade it may Jo I can say. I was sure that I had it made." Rod Stewart, Jo's Lament, from Gasoline Alley.

The Art of Thievery Part 2

As it would seem to be the impossible, again, for the second week in a row, my apartment was burglarized. you might ask yourself why? I have no idea. This time the annoyingly brave thieves broke my window and left blood on my bed sheet. The grabbed my pillow case and filled it with some of my empty CD cases (some were Beatles) and grabbed the Movie Gallery bag, which, thank God, only had one rental movie in it. They grabbed most of my DVDs and exited out the front door again. The cop is coming back to take pictures and write down some stuff so I got to go. I’m so pissed right now. I’ve gotta get out of this place!

Ha, I Was Right! It's Not So Bad To Be Poor...

"Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? But you have insulted the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? Are they not the ones who are slandering the noble name of him to whom you belong?" - James 2:5-7, NIV.

Zuits and Latters

This weekend has flown by. Not much happening. Friday, Justin, Mike, Zack, Savannah, and myself drove to Tally to the annual Wild Woodstock at some Presbyterian church there. We got to see Rhema and Capitol Speedway (those were the only two I wanted to watch). A few more bands played, but we decided that food was more important. Saturday, I mostly just watched movies. My friend Annie from back home called me and we talked for a few minutes. Her and I see eye-to-eye on a lot of relationship things. Although, she's 17, she has a lot of insight. Which means, she's really mature or I'm really immature. Yikes. Today is kind of a slow day. I was going to get up and go to church, but I'm lazy. That's it; no excuses, I'm just lazy. What else? Nothing.

"Us, and them. And after all we’re ordinary men. Me, and you. God only knows it’s not what we would choose to do." Pink Floyd, Us and Them, from Dark Side of the Moon.

Let's Have A P-a-r-t-y

What do, how much money I need to make in the next year, To Whom, and the debt of all the writers (collectively) on this site have in common? We all need, owe, or have twenty thousand of something. That might not have made sense, but if you got the riddle, you will have realized that our humble site is now 20,000 hits richer. Thanks to everyone who ever clicked on our site. And for all the doubters, we didn't just hit refresh a bunch of times either.

In not so related news, I got to hang with a dear friend, Amber Marie tonight. She came over and made fun of me for my DVD player getting swiped. It was great fun. We talked about our summers and future. We even agreed that if we were five years closer in age, we would probably date. Or maybe that was just my hope. Oh delay.

Yay, 20K! Let’s have a party!

"Sleep now sweet princess. I'll cheer for you silently and carefully not to disturb. I'll be ready on that evening. When you're starved for my attention you'll say, 'Wake now, prince; there's a brilliant sky above and a jealous moon in love and they are starved for our attention.'" Copeland, When Paula Sparks from, Beneath Medicine Tree.

Several Annoyances

I'm in a pretty good mood, but I get annoyed really easy. Here are a few things that are currently "infuriators" for me:

1. Love bugs? I don't love them. People worry about things like nuclear fallout. At least, I would die instantly (hopefully). I worry I'll have to scrape love bugs off my car for the next six months. I found one in my hair earlier. Gross!

2. Yaccs (comments) has been sucking lately. But it should be better my next week (there getting a new server).

3. When I was driving to town earlier, I was listening to music. I started thinking about my opinion and how much I annoy myself with it. I know I annoy my friends. Then in bitter get-back-at-them thoughts, their opinions started bothering me. Then, I started getting mad at why we all think we have the better opinions. Then... I just stopped thinking about it.

4. Heat. I'm thankful for the fact that I have fans in my apartment. I'm hugging mine right now. It's kind of awkward to type with a fan in your lap.

5. Voting. I've been registered to vote for 3 months now. I cannot decide on anything. That's why I registered independent. Not because I like the word, so I wouldn't have to worry about anything until the real election.

6. Moldy bread. None of mine is, but I'm always afraid that I'll never get through the next loaf. I bought some French bread today from Wal-Mart for $1.00. What a bargain! And Chase, it was the generic brand (hehe).

7. Okay, now I'll rant about the weather. It can't make up its mind. One day, sunny, later on, storming. Jeez, I hope I’m not that inconsistent.

8. Ants. I have some in my car. They’re just regular black ants, not even ones that hurt you. They like my car for some reason. They can't get enough of it and I can't seem to get rid of them!

9. Girls. I can't seem to figure them out. Of course, they're not meant to be, but I can't even get a clue. You know, if being gay wasn't an abomination, I would... just stay single forever. Where's Jed?

10. And finally, the whole debacle in South Africa that is going on. Cape Verde is committing to sign protocols of AU institutions. Hey, I needed something smart to talk about. All right, that's enough of that.

Finally, A Real Post

Sort of. The life and times of ill-advised deception is an epidemic that renders itself on our lives once again. Or whatever that means. I'm stupid and still unemployed. I'm sending résumés to Melbourne and if I get a job there, I'll probably move back home with the folks. However, if I can find something here, I will stay. Yay!

Today, the lovable maintenance man, Lamar, came by and told me that a lady at the housing authority office wanted to talk to me. I admit, I was a little nervous at first. But as I stated previously, if I get kicked out of my apartment, I will know I need to go home. If anything could be more indecisive, the lady and her supervisor apologized for how unorganized everything has been with me moving in and becoming head of the household. They just asked me to get a previous month's utility bill to prove how long I've lived here. So, as of now, I still have an apartment.

In other news, I had a date last night. It was real exciting. It’s the first one in a while. The date was not with a girl though. It was not with a guy either you sick and demented readers. The date was with my bed. I went to sleep around midnight. It's the first time in a long time. I usually don't go to bed until Sunrise. "Look ma’ I’m gettin’ all growned up!"

Okay, that's it. This is going to be short. I need to go print some stuff to mail at the college. Yay to be an alumnus.

"So easy to be a poet, so hard to be a man..." Canterbury Effect, Between Lines, from An Exercise In Humility.

The Art of Thievery

Much like the rest of the nation, I had the day off today. Not too unusual I suppose. I have the day off everyday. However, as I returned home this evening, I realized that I am now one among many who have had a crime perpetrated against them. Yes kids, I'm the first member of To Whom to be a victim of in home larceny. It's a recognition I soon do not want to experience again, for a while anyway. I left my windows in my bedroom open, as I always do. I’m guessing they came in through the window and went out the front door. The only thing they got was my DVD player, which is good. The cop that I filed the report with said he thought it was 3 guys, but I figure it was just one or they would have grabbed more. Anyway, I'm too annoyed to write. I really don't care about the DVD player, it’s not that important. I’m more pissed that my apartment is going to be really hot now because I can't keep my windows open anymore.