Hold my Liquor

Since you aren't interested in politics I'll talk about myself again.

A lot of times I wake up thirsty. I woke up thirsty today. I very rarely have anything to drink in my house. In those instances I scrounge up my savings and walk out and buy a soda from the machine in the laundry room. I could buy soda for my house, but I forget. That's a lot to remember. I have no trouble remembering it when I'm thirsty. One day about a week ago I woke with this terrible thirst that just had to be quenched. It was about 6am. I stumbled to the refrigerator and grabbed a can of orange juice which I jimmied open with a butter knife. I took a swig of it and man it was delightful. It was sensational, I'm telling you. That is until the taste really hit my throat. As I forcefully spit it out I realized it was no longer orange juice. It was another color altogether. It looked like the kind of thing I cough up when my asthma is really bad. Yeah, I was sick all day. Needless to say.

I suppose I deserve a mouthful of sour orange juice. To be honest, I've had a hard time until recently with profanity. It's true I have outdown both sailors and grandmothers in my time. In light of the new year I thought I, personally, should watch my mouth. You could say I swore off the swear words. My cuss count for January was 165. I was doing a lot better that is until a couple of family crisis happened. That is still quite a bit better than other months. There's no telling how bad it used to be. So far this months my count is 17. I even set my own record and went five days without a word, well not any of those words.

Well, I have to be going now. I'm off to the hospital cause that's where I like to hang out.