Something Semi-significant

I often struggle with the idea of realism. I don't necessarily have a hard time living in the real world. Nor do I have a difficult time knowing and discerning between what is real and what is fake. It's not like I'm living in a fantasy world either. It’s more like I'm trying to live in an ideal world—a typical world if you will. What I'm specifically saying is that I live like I'm going to get married, but the whole idea itself seems a little far fetched to my current situation and pragmatic reality.

Please understand me, I want to get married. I'm pretty much a hopeless romantic. But, there are days where I just feel hopeless and on those days, there is no romantic romanticism involved. Maybe for me, the idea of singleness is an inevitable truth and I've just been lying to myself for so long, that it doesn't seem possible. I've said it before, if God has called someone to be single, then that is something He will show him or her in His own time and it will be perfect. It's probably more satisfying, who knows? But, I believe in free will enough to say that I'm dumb enough to miss a good girl because of my own stupid ideologies.

Tonight, I was chatting with Jessica Brummet on AIM and we were discussing the random occurrences of life and our thoughts on them. She inquired about what I was currently thinking. I mentioned some of the random, yet constant mind plaguers of 20’s life: love, marriage, future, growing up, hope, etc. She really encouraged me. She reminded me of things I already thought. Not trying to boast, but I know I shouldn’t just accept something. She was reiterating to me that I should never settle.

In that conversation, I had some sort of euphony. Now, I've been known to have one of these things time and again, but this one seems memorable. I commented to Jess that I always look for girls who are on my level with things. Where we share the same opinions on music, film, fashion, theology, etc. Then she asked me what I wanted in a girl on the level of my ministry. I started telling her how I wanted a girl who wants to work with youth—a girl who has a passion for kids. Someone to talk to the girls in my youth group and someone who can translate what those girls are saying. I don't understand girls now and I'm sure 16 year olds won't get any easier to understand as I get older. I don't want a wife that will make brownies and take out the trash. I just want one that understands me and wants to convey the love of Christ to youth like I do. Then it hit me. Maybe I should be looking for a girl who is youth ministry orientated like I am and forget the girl who likes punk rock and That Thing You Do. Maybe I can include both of those things in my tenets for a wife.

So, who knows anything? Not me. All I know is, loneliness is bittersweet. When you're alone, you get to think by yourself. When you're lonely, all you know is thinking by yourself…