A Post Apart

Not a lot has been going on this week. The slant of the times has skewed my ability to stay up late and sleep the next day, thus skipping classes. Our school has an attendance policy. You can miss up to 11 times, but on the 12th, you fail. The other day was number 8 for me. I cannot take any chances and that is why I am up and in class at 8:30 A.M.

This semester I have taken 21 hours, which is one more than last and I find myself not quite as busy or even as stressful as the latter. I think last semester was the most stressing time period in my entire life. These days are not too bad. Just looking to get through about 18 more days and then graduation and then working full time at an undisclosed location (undisclosed because I have no idea where yet).

Well, that’s it for such an early post. I’ll have more later, when my eye lids can stay open by themselves. I need a toothpick or tape!

"Here I stand, head in hand, turn my face to the wall. If she's gone, I can't go on, feeling two foot small. Everywhere people stare, each and every day. I can see them laugh at me, and I hear them say, 'Hey! You've got to hide your love away.'" The Beatles You've Got To Hide Your Love Away from the album Help!

Bang! Two in a Row
Sometimes a blog feels like a radio show. Don't you worry. No contests or giveaways here. But lucky you, sometimes we can be as annoying as a regular home grown disc jockey. Yeah...

I'm thinking about trimming my beard like Jack Nicholson 's in Anger Management. By the way, that was a fun movie.

"Caller Nine gets a free all expense paid vacation getaway weekend to the lovely land of Graceville, Florida. This trip complete with stay at the city's welfare center and meals provided by Los Amigos. Caller Nine, c'mon..."

Vampire Infestation
What do you call a vampire that never draws blood?
A sucker.

I was walking along the river today with Jeffrey, the local,lovable Jamaican. He calls me, "Chessie." As we strolled he asked me, "What are you chasing after?" In the tradition of his corny joke and corny jokes that abound in our christian subculture I said, "chasing only Jesus." We continued and I pondered the idea of chasing after Jesus. It made me laugh and I spoke again,"but He runs really fast. I can never catch Him."

Later after classes Donna and I rode along Sander's. Two cops stood by the road, very drunken Columbo-esque. I think something was about to go down. So I asked Donna if its law for front seat passenger's to wear their seat belt. I considered buckling up but something occured to me, "They seem pretty busy."

In other news, I've been thinking a lot about the blogosphere recently. I'm actually contemplating a hiatus from Eye Level. If I do decide that you'll see me a little more frequently. Also, I've been thinking about To Whom and its audience. There are certain people I'd rather not read us, you know like illiterate people. I mean its harsh and all but they probably wouldn't get it anyway.

"Are you an illusion? or am I just getting stoned? cause I can't take it alone." -New Radicals

"Your Words" –My Revolution

Shattered hearts fly
Broken dreams fill my sky
All I have left
Are fragments of pieces
Acting as an art of theft

It seems rather coincided for me
To show you how I feel
When all you see
Is me just as a friend
Yearning to share me and him

My wicked heart
Is the root of sin
They tell us what they want
Let’s just find somewhere alone
On our own where we can begin

Monarchs fight for nobility
With their own life’s filled with anarchy
I want to start fresh
Wash out the things that dwell
Causing confessions escaping this hell

Please don’t allow us to talk
Before I can come clean
I want to be transparent
Honestly living in my walk
For this is what I mean

Senior Activities & Understanding Depravity

Wow, I’m pooped! It has been such a long day. Sorry for the lack of updates on my 1/4 of the blog. I started my day out by taking the senior exit exam. No worries here though, I couldn’t have failed it. You see, everyone who enrolls in school has to take it when they come in and then you have to take it when you graduate. Hopefully, you do better on the latter than the first. The test basically consisted of 130 multiple-choice questions about general education, theology, Bible, and a section of questions specifically devoted to your degree. So, I had a lot of psychology questions also. The point of the test is to show the administrators and professors of the school how well of a job they are doing. You can’t pass it or fail it, but if you don’t take it you don’t graduate. So, I made sure I was there. I can call after graduation to see what I made on it. Hopefully I did better this time around; otherwise it shows the skool that me gots more dumber.

Tonight, the graduating class of 2003 all joined together at Marcos Restaurant in Dothan, Alabama for our senior class banquet. I had plans to ask a member of the opposite gender, but that kind of fell through, so I went stag with my homey Sean Tanner. It was fun and there were a lot of good conversations going on at our table. It cost about $25.00 and there really wasn’t enough steak and shrimp for seconds. When I got mine, it was cold because we were the last table to go through the line. So, the money wasn’t worth it, but nevertheless, I had a good time. Toward the end of the evening, we began drawing names randomly for some prizes that they had for us. There were about 10 regular prizes and then one grand prize. Well, I bet you can’t guess whose name got drawn for the grand prize. Yep, that’s right, yours truly. I won a big stuffed dog with a cap and tassel on and a diploma in his mouth. Haha, it was funny and I was surprised that I won. Kind of awkward too, you know, caring around a big stuffed dog and all.

After the banquet was over, Sean and I walked over to the Karaoke room to see what was going on. As we walked in, some very drunk men were up movin’ and a shakin’. It was quite funny to say the least. Sean wanted to sing a song and kept persisting that I should do the same. I neglected on the notion. But, I thoroughly enjoyed his rendition of Billy Joel’s You Maybe Right. At one point, we realized that there were only guys in the room and the only women were the waitresses. Haha, we both looked at each other puzzled and asked “Do you think this is a gay karaoke bar?” Well, it wasn’t, but I have a better understanding of depravity now after spending 30 minutes there. Everybody, except us was drunk. And drunken old men, country music, and a microphone never mix. Overall, I’d have to say it was a pleasant evening…

“Lobby lines with stairs, rebuke the structure. A kiss on the hand, fades to Gods will. And i would kill to see your face..." Winter Kiss by Embodyment from the album The Narrow Scope of Things.

Graduation Check

25 Days!!!

Easter Candy Is Better Than Friends

I know, I know…
The whole Easter bunny thing has to do with the god of fertility or something.
But the candy sure is good.
When you have troubles
Biting the ears off of a chocolate rabbit seem to make it all better.
Thank God for the resurrection of Christ.
Without it, all would be lost.
No hope for anything;
Not for life
Not for peace
Not for love
Not for an after life
Not for salvation
Nothing
And, no Easter candy.

Remember, significance is relevant. Without truth, there are only lies...

Improving and Proving

Learning trite lessons again
Refreshed beyond exhausted restraint
I’m through living with resistance
Awkwardness abounding in this silence

Finally, I’m letting you go
Improving the relationships I already know
Loneliness invading my home
Proving that I can be alone

Telling myself things will be different
Worrying too much about self-controlling issues
Dealing with things—dumb things I’ve done
Preparing for life, as it may come

Finally, I’m letting you go
Improving the relationships I already know
Loneliness invading my home
Proving that I can be alone

(Bridge)

Today I found your key
The one that you made for me
The only thing that can open your heart
I have to give it back so that we can part

Finally, I’m letting you go
Improving the relationships I already know
Loneliness invading my home
Proving that I can be alone

A Crappy, Yet Funny Post

The internet is without a doubt a plethora of information and resources. Supposedly, if you were to go on it for your entire life, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, you would still not be able to come across everything there is to see. Well, I've been using it for more 'meaningful' reasons lately. I often like to visit search engines and type in different things and see the results. Well, one day, I typed in my name. I found our site and a bunch of other things with my name in it. But, the funniest thing I've found has to be an interview with me. Apparently, I was arrested for protesting some animal rights thing. I seem very passionate about this, as you can tell in this interview on the site:

NC: You were on a hunger strike for about the first 30 days of your sentence. What was that like?

Jeff: Well, hunger striking isn't a joke. It's tough on the body, so one relies on the strength existing within. It was the highest mountain I've ever climbed. It's really tough to describe, but the thing I remember the most is the sheer physical weakness. Actually, the human body seeks the nutrients it would receive in food from sleep. So, I was sleeping an awful lot. Would I ever do it again? Absolutely.

I apparently want absolute freedom for all the enslaved animals of the world:

NC: What are your feelings about the animal liberation movement today, in 1997, and where do you think it is headed?

Jeff: I see, far into the future, the eventual unification of humankind and animal. This will take a lot of time and effort, but we are involved in a movement that, technically speaking, is in its infancy. There was a time when Harriet Tubman was called a fanatic, a radical, a terrorist. We now know that Harriet Tubman was, in actuality, a hero--a hero who was confident enough in her beliefs and in her will to act ethically and know that those actions were the morally right things to do...and to hell with the consequences. She stood in the face of adversity!

Go read more about my daring attempt to help the furry creatures of the world. Read the rest of the interview here.

If that sounds boring, go to Google, type your name in, and see where the internet takes you!

Hope

"The faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel..." Colossians 1:5 NIV

When we have no more energy or strength to persevere to the end, we can still hope "for a brighter future."

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time." 1 Peter 1:3-5 NIV

I'm not really sure of all the meaning that this verse entails, but I know a few things:

- We should praise God more for being who He is, rather than for what he does. Sure, we give thanksgiving for our blessing, but how often do we praise him for his attributes?

- The merciful death and resurrection on the cross gave us a new birth—our ability to be born again. It's a rebirth into a heavenly and spiritual family.

- The word hope here doesn't refer to wishful thinking, but more of a confident expectation of the future. We know what is to come.

- In this, we know that because Christ was resurrected, he will return again. What's the point in dying and resurrecting if you're going to stay gone forever? Christ will return to claim what's rightfully his, the church (the body of Christ).

- The inheritance, our security in our salvation is eternal and can never spoil, fade, be taken from us and have nothing separate us from it.

- Contrary to ancient east, the firstborn will not be the only ones to receive their inheritance, but everyone who accepts Christ’s atonement and his propitiating love will receive an inheritance by having salvation and eternal life with Christ.

Our hope for the future has already been accomplished in the past. The heart of the gospel brings us freedom, hope, faith, joy, and love...

I had a good cry.

This is me blogging. You can expect to see this every Monday right here on To Whom it May Concern.

I have written here for 15 months. For the past 13 of those I have also had my own site. There have been struggles as to what I should write here. Usually, my preference is to publish whatever I write on my site. Feeling like I didn't contribute much here I have often considered quitting. Now I'm glad I never did. Something wouldn't let me. I'm glad it wouldn't.

The solution to all our problems is simple. It's a subject I don't want to write about there, my family. I don't want to write it there because they are likely to read it. My mother has been a faithful reader since the inception of Eye Level, and sometimes my sister or dad give it a look. I love my family. I even have relatively open communication with them. The problem is not that I have things I can't talk to them about, but moreso that I am not likely to say anything as directly.

Onward to the post...Saturday I cried for the first time in five years.

I didn't go so long because I thought crying made me any less a man. Actually, there have been at least several times in the past five years when I got close to crying but couldn't. Believe me, I wanted to. Until Saturday I thought something might be wrong with my tear ducts. I know better know.

Donna and my mother had gotten to talk for an hour and a half. This was good quality time. From this I can foresee them developing an enriching and edifying friendship. Mother told Donna some of her regrets.

She felt like she and my dad had pressured me to be things I wasn't exactly capable of being. They had such ill-placed high expectations. My sister was salutatorian of her graduating class. I had the ability to do just as well, but some things were in my way. Up until six grade I was an honor student in line for the same academic success Angie had, but that year I gave up. I gave up because everything started to be written on the boards and reading those boards was quite difficult- even from four inches away. No one understood what my problem was and I got the blame. Also, my father pressured me to be some great athlete unaware of how exactly bad my vision was. He thought I was just scared. In fact I couldn't see the ball, that was what scared me.

She felt that they had broken my spirit.

When my sister got married in 1995 I looked forward to receiving the same attention Angie had always gotten. However, we adopted a second cousin of mine. He needed a home and I am glad we took him in. But then I was jealous. Not only this, but his arrival proved to make my life more difficult. My mother saw this and didn't blame me for it as I've always thought but instead felt bad for me.

She also regretted how they did not discover my learning disabilities until eleventh grade.

She took these regrets upon herself. These were the things I had always held against her. I even felt she was naive about all of it, but she wasn't. Her regrets were deeply rooted. They were not selfish. They demonstrated her love better than I had ever understood before.

As Donna continued to tell me about their conversation I commenced to cry. It was freeing. Later that night I cried more. The tears were bittersweet.

Donna and I watched a video of my sister's wedding. I kept seeing my Granny Sheff who passed away around 6 years ago. I watched how I, in ninth grade, escorted my grandmother down the aisle and to her seat. I told Donna about when my grandmother had gone through chemotherapy. As she lost her hair I'd comb what hair that remained and tell her, "Your still pretty to me." The memory and the video combined brought me again to tears. As the wedding played out before my eyes I kept crying.

Angie and Steve left the wedding in a Corvette. Light-heartedly,I commented to Donna about my grandmother, "She was prettier than that car." She could be awful mean and she was known to cuss worse than sailors but she was my grandmother. I miss her.

In that same wedding I walked my mother down the aisle, where she lit one of the unity candles. Then I walked her to her seat. I was reminded how much my mother loved her own mother. I now had a greater understanding of her. She's gone most of her life misunderstood. I regretted not giving her the benefit of the doubt. I regretted not having at least tried to understand her better. I felt remorse for taking her love for granted.

I want her to know. I want my kids to one day see the love I have for my mother. I resolve to love her like she has loved me, and to let that love be seen.

Against Nestorianism

I am bound to myself
There is no way out
I have locked the gate
There is no escape

Just like the ones before
On the road to Chalcedon
Concerning themselves with only truth
I commit to finding you

I sit within these walls
Staring at four self-inflicted wounds
Relearning the steps of faith again
Living so that I can go on without giving in

Pacing myself by following footprints
Steps to increase my very own being
Moving on and forgetting regretting
Fasting out the dust, I’m content in seeing

Sometimes I'm A Sentimental Sucka

I always think of things too late in the day. Thus, it is still Thursday to me, regardless of what the calendar may say. Today has been such a busy and stressful day. I have projects for computer class due tomorrow. I went to my exit loan interview this morning. It’s basically this thing where anyone who has ever taken out a loan at this college has to go and learn how in debt they really are. Basically, you just get a lot of information and fill out paper work. Why do I all of a sudden feel like people are watching me a lot closer?

Yesterday, I got my graduation announcements in the mail (100 count). It says: This is to announce Jeffery Glen Watkins will be graduating from the Baptist College of Florida. With a BA in Christian Counseling, May 16, 2003 stuff like that.

Last night I started filling out some of them. I got out my senior yearbook to see if I was spelling some names right (I’m going to send them to parents of friends I went to high school with too, hehe). When I started looking through it, I was reading some of the things people had to say about me and I thought it would be an interesting post to let everyone read how people perceived me and what people thought of me in high school:

Kendall Brown- “We have dated a few times, and those times will always be special to me, just like “Fallen” [our song]! But we have done so much other stuff too. Like, youth camp, Encore, church, just hanging out, and talking on the phone. I love to talk on the phone with you. (I like it in person, too). But we can talk on the phone for hours and hide the phone when our parents come in... Jeff, I know that one day, you will be the leader that I believe you can be.”

Nick Long- “Well buddy, it’s been a long road. We’ve been friends since all the way back in junior high. The good old days, playing basketball with Joe Foster! One of the highlights, though, of hanging out with you through the years would have to be buying the “I love Melbourne” shirt at Wal-Mart. Even though I’ve been busy with soccer, and you’ve been busy with chorus, we have remained good buds... Thanks for being such a great friend throughout the years, as well as the future!”

Elaine Martin- “No matter what you say, or anyone else for that matter, you are very talented in many ways. God has certainly smiled upon us all because he let our paths cross in our lives. So many wonderful things await you in your future. And I’m sure you will touch many more lives in the future in the same way you’ve touched our hearts.”

Alicia Miller- “I seriously miss hanging out with you... I’m glad we stayed friends all this time, even though you did dump my best friend (Tonya) after, what, two days!”

Danny Ahern- “Hey baby. Man, I guess it’s over. It’s so weird, you were my “dad” when I was in 7th grade [I was in 9th], and now you’re leaving your fatherly role again [I was graduating, he was in 10th].”

Nikki Special- “We have so many memories you and I, it seems like the past 3 years have been a lifetime. And the past 6 years, an eternity. I love you, a lot. You are such a talented, sweet and caring person... I want to thank you for being so accepting of me, and also so supportive. You don’t know how much it means.”

Nate Beagle- “You’ll always be my dawg and you’ll be the only minister I’ll go to see. I love you Jeff and don’t take that the wrong way.”

Angela Vislay- “We are graduating! We’ve come a long way since strip craps in Mr. Horde’s class. We are adults now—but that doesn’t mean that we act like it.”

Thomas Pedicini- “Watch out ladies, here they come, the Hawaiian 5-0 pimps [commenting on a picture Tom, Nick, Brian & I had taken of us; we had Hawaiian shirts on]. Anyways, it has been a great year, even though we have been distant lately. The boys will always be boys.”

Tara Howard- “I really will miss seeing your face everyday. You are a beautiful person and I’ll always love you” [we dated my senior year, now she’s married].

Robin Tallon- “We sure have had some fun times, in ya know, physics and all. I appreciate all that you’ve done for me. I know I can count on you for anything I need. I mean, you did volunteer at the Teen Zone and all with me! Jeff- you are such an awesome guy. Your friendship will never be forgotten.”

Sheila Marti- “...I had such a great time. That day and who but God himself would have known what a friendship would grow from that day. I made a great friend and the best escort to my locker for the rest of our sophomore year.”

Bryan Fazio- “We had some good times together. We have to add some more even after high school is over. You have been a good friend now for some years and I really had fun hanging out. Man, it’s been since junior high. Keep being a pimp and keep all your women happy, but if you have one too many, send um’ my way.”

Christina Burleson- “Jeffy, you rock! I have had so much fun with you in Encore and Concert Choir this year! I’m so lucky that I got to meet you and become friends with you! You are a beautiful person and an excellent singer... You will go far in life with your glowing personality. You are a true friend and I will never forget you as long as I live!”

It’s endearing to be loved, but it’s also nice to be unnoticed sometimes as well...

Exasperation(s) - Of This Sort

Today started off early, but fairly decent. I enjoyed most of the morning, until I took a drive to the local branch of my financial institute, Regions Bank. Let me just tell, I could start listing synonyms for the word "ex*as*per*ate" (note: this is not an exhaustive list):

1. Frustrated
2. Aggravated
3. Irritated
4. Annoyed
5. Infuriated
6. Bothered

Because when I got there, I was informed that I am now -$100’something dollars (in the hole, if you will). I wanted to write more, but I’m so discouraged right now, it’s overwhelming my valor...

"I'm looking through you, where did you go? I thought I knew you, what did I know? You don't look different, but you have changed. I'm looking through you. You're not the same." I'm Looking Through You by The Beatles from the album Rubber Soul.

Early Morning

Even though it’s about 8:00 A.M., I’ve been up since 6:00 A.M. and I am tired. I’m fixing to have a test in IT 301. The test is on Microsoft Access. It’s going to be tough, but hopefully I’ll do alright. More on life later, possibly...

Something Semi-significant

I often struggle with the idea of realism. I don't necessarily have a hard time living in the real world. Nor do I have a difficult time knowing and discerning between what is real and what is fake. It's not like I'm living in a fantasy world either. It’s more like I'm trying to live in an ideal world—a typical world if you will. What I'm specifically saying is that I live like I'm going to get married, but the whole idea itself seems a little far fetched to my current situation and pragmatic reality.

Please understand me, I want to get married. I'm pretty much a hopeless romantic. But, there are days where I just feel hopeless and on those days, there is no romantic romanticism involved. Maybe for me, the idea of singleness is an inevitable truth and I've just been lying to myself for so long, that it doesn't seem possible. I've said it before, if God has called someone to be single, then that is something He will show him or her in His own time and it will be perfect. It's probably more satisfying, who knows? But, I believe in free will enough to say that I'm dumb enough to miss a good girl because of my own stupid ideologies.

Tonight, I was chatting with Jessica Brummet on AIM and we were discussing the random occurrences of life and our thoughts on them. She inquired about what I was currently thinking. I mentioned some of the random, yet constant mind plaguers of 20’s life: love, marriage, future, growing up, hope, etc. She really encouraged me. She reminded me of things I already thought. Not trying to boast, but I know I shouldn’t just accept something. She was reiterating to me that I should never settle.

In that conversation, I had some sort of euphony. Now, I've been known to have one of these things time and again, but this one seems memorable. I commented to Jess that I always look for girls who are on my level with things. Where we share the same opinions on music, film, fashion, theology, etc. Then she asked me what I wanted in a girl on the level of my ministry. I started telling her how I wanted a girl who wants to work with youth—a girl who has a passion for kids. Someone to talk to the girls in my youth group and someone who can translate what those girls are saying. I don't understand girls now and I'm sure 16 year olds won't get any easier to understand as I get older. I don't want a wife that will make brownies and take out the trash. I just want one that understands me and wants to convey the love of Christ to youth like I do. Then it hit me. Maybe I should be looking for a girl who is youth ministry orientated like I am and forget the girl who likes punk rock and That Thing You Do. Maybe I can include both of those things in my tenets for a wife.

So, who knows anything? Not me. All I know is, loneliness is bittersweet. When you're alone, you get to think by yourself. When you're lonely, all you know is thinking by yourself…

Shenanigans

The weekend is here and I find myself anxiously awaiting the next one. [Graduation check: 42 days]. A lot has been happening today. This is probably one of the busier weekends I've had to deal with in a while. Last night, I got to watch a little Friends with my friend Bethany Dunlap. Then I went to Justin's house because our friend, Jeremy Cook is in town for the weekend. We got to hang out with almost all the boys again. It was a good time.

Then today I woke up and had to run around to get some letters off in the mail. I went and worked out with Toby Roheim. I'm sore, but it’s starting to get better. We just do upper body on Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. We work out the legs on the off days individually. After that, we decided to be gluttons for punishment and played a quick, hour-long game of 21 (basketball). I beat him 21 to 18 or something like that. Today was the annual school picnic around here at BCF. I feel like all I ate put everything I did in the gym to shame. Good food though. Well, I still need to find someone to go with me because I need to run to Chipley. I hope everyone has a pleasant night...

2 Pac and Jeff Watkins
Two of America's Most Wanted

Adventures In Prussia

Staring back at the clock
Waiting ‘til five o’clock

I look at you in the back of my class
My chance to finally say something at last

We’ve let days go by us
Never speaking to one another

We look to friends
To unite the introduction

We look to friends
They let us down

I pretend like I’m checking the time
I look at your shirt; the one that matches a lime

So sweet, a smile that means something else
Queasy feelings that make my heart melt

I try to play it cool
Just walk on by

If I play my cards right
I might get a “hi”

Oh, how my heart beats to talk to you
Maybe I should compliment you on your shoes

Why can’t we start talking?
Probably because you’d think I was stalking

I’d like to move beyond these limits
Where we’d walk with commitment and park without resentment

I’ve been a friend to girls before
I can try to do better or try something more

Don’t ask around about my previous faults
People could relate and explain without halt

I tell you this
To tell you the truth

I’ve messed up with a few
But, I’d like to try again with someone like you

There are so many girls who can turn my head
Physicality and superficiality always made me dead

So now I choose the one
Without any assertions undone

If she can catch my eye
I’ll cut it out, despite the time

Because I want a girl who thinks
Yes beauty is important, but glamour just stinks

I want to talk about music, faith, hope, and love
All and all, with you, this daydream could come true.

Help Again

Just in case anyone is interested, I have another auction:

8 COPIES OF THE MAN IN THE MIRROR by Patrick Morley

8 Copies of this book for 5.50, what a deal!

Mr. Know-It-All

I like my roommate a lot! He’s a great guy. We've lived together for almost two years. He knows a lot about 60s, 70s, and Christian music. He has single handedly inspired the resurgence of the Beatles and Pink Floyd in my life.

However, sometimes his music opinion can grow rather tiresome. And, I feel as if he really just talks to hear himself talk. Perhaps, he doesn’t know everything.

Tonight was one of those nights.

I was talking about who could play our fellow writer Chaz in a movie:

I said, “Willie Nelson.
He said, “Who is that?”
I responded with, “What!?!?”
He inquired, “Oh, is he the guy who played in the movie Shang-High Noon?”
I corrected, “No, that’s Owen Wilson.”
Roommate, “Oh…”
Jeff, “You really don’t know anything about music do you?”

The End

“I often think about you. The one being so scared that I’ve only told a few."

Goat Ropers and Surfers

Dark halls bring us closer together
Elevator shafts warrant our secret
Plain stages set in time
When will it be mine?

This town keeps us near
Like a father to his child
Clever excuses for why this can’t be
Why is it so hard to tell me?

Hellos turn into goodbyes
Rambling utterances prostrated
Taking so long to say a few words
Can I just fly away like a flock of birds?

Letting weeks pass like seconds
Going along without saying a word
Actions speaking so proudly
How come that hurts so badly?

Bring me down on your level
I want to say the things I think
This could elevate us so high
Instead, I bite my tongue and let you lie...