Another Friday of Sorts

Once again, today passes on. Not knowing what it's missing. It just keeps traveling on to the point at which it will start new and fresh. It's good to be alive. Even though sometimes it seems a bit harder to live with the peace that I know, but I press forward. Today, we had a senior class meeting. It was pretty fun actually. Sometimes this whole graduating from college thing seems surreal. We voted on senior class officers during the meeting. I got nominated for vice president and chaplain. Of course, I didn't win any of them. But, that's all right because I didn't want to. It was nice to be recognized by my classmates though. Apparently, it was close on the vice president election and I was semi-disappointed I didn't win afterward. Not much else is going on, just trying to pass all twenty-one hours that I’m taking this semester. This not having a job thing is kind of nice. This not having any money thing sure is a pesky problem. Oh well, this is where it ends. Take care, have a good weekend everyone...

Some Thoughts On Theology

Doctrine: Humanity of Jesus

Probably one of the most deep-rooted theological complexities in all of Christendom is the humanity of Jesus. Christ, being God’s very own manifestation of himself, came to earth, born as a human, lived, breathed, and died; yet still being completely divine. Utterly a paradox of sorts, there are several conclusions one can draw from this discussion. Jesus was born without sin. Yet, he was able to live without sinning. With all the possibilities for sin and temptation, he never gave in to those desires. We originally, were born without sin. Adam and Eve were “without sin” in the Garden of Eden. However, as soon as they sinned, they brought a new spectrum of life to God’s creation. Committing that act of transgression started a cycle of life for us all in a sin natured state. When Jesus became human, he took upon himself the limitations of humanity. Such as, he could not be omnipresent. The beautiful picture painted by the life of Christ was his ability to live in humanity while indwelling himself in humility. Stepping out of Heaven, to be the substitutionary atonement for our sins. The spotless lamb, whom we considered stricken and smitten. Yet, doing it all so that we may have freedom and live eternally with God beyond anything we can fathom. Christ’s ability to be fully human and fully God, live as man and live without sinning is the reason why we study theology. To understand why God is divinely perfect and to understand why we are so utterly without worth.

The Truth Be Told

Look how consumed we are today
My room still smells like you haven’t gone away
Only escaping the dredge of sadness for a few
Over a bridge that reflects the sunset’s breathtaking view

Expression of feelings mixed with doubt
Sometimes I wonder how I will do without
New Year’s resolutions that only leave shame
I wouldn’t mind if you would let me take the blame

Can you believe how the time has past
Maybe you and I just moved too fast
From subtle smiles to simple gestures
Although it seems so long after all theses semesters

Writing relapses happen to me more quickly now
Why is it I can tell you’re mad by that wrinkle in your brow
I guess I’m getting old at my young age
The predictability with you and me is deep-layered rage

By the end, this will all be the same
Gosh, this definitely feels really lame
We are the only ones who know what this means
Allegorical and metaphorical lives set up these scenes

Another Day

On our door, there is a message board and it reads:
Check Out Eating Disorders

Makes you think, doesn't it? The things you find humorous at 1:00 AM are not as funny at 7:45 AM.

It’s a video I have to watch for two psychology classes, don’t ask…

We're In It For The Psychology

Most of the time... we don't know what to do. That's why we watch television. For the information!?! Another day is slowly passing us by and what do we do focus on the negatives. At least my life is submerged in that sort of, lowbrow nonsense. My roomie and I are fixing to watch a video on abnormal psychology. Isn't it interesting in college? You pay so much money for classes and then get assigned to go to the library and check out a video. Is anyone going to watch the Presidential Address tonight? 9:00 P.M. Eastern Standard Time. God bless us all...

"A fire once burned so bright inside of you..." Your Hero Is Dead by Agnostia

Famous Punks...err, it's Punx!

Did anyone watch the Super Bowl the other night? I know, dumb question. Well, did anyone happen to see the Diet Pepsi commercial where the kid and his dad were united in music, mud, and a mosh pit? Well, if you were paying close enough attention, you would have recognized the band playing on stage was none other than the punk darlings from Bremerton, Washington, MxPx. I didn't see the commercial, but I hoped over to AOL and watched it. You can too and you should. As well, you can watch like twenty other ads. Very good stuff. Now, it's now time to say goodnight, goodnight...

Not A Fantasy Guy

Today is just one of those days. Not a lot of action going on. Rob, over at Unspace wrote a piece about the beloved Harry Potter. It is quite humorous to say the least. Now, any of my good friends will always freely admit to anyone that I'm not that big on the fantasy or Sci-fi movies. Star Wars is not the greatest thing and Lord of The Rings doesn't do that much for me either. However, Rob's brilliant writing, Does Harry Potter Die? is destined to be great! Again, I wish you would go unnoticed...

The Friday Five (5)

So, Rich Clark and DYL used to do this thing called The Friday Five. I don't know where it started or why, but I'm going to do my own just for kicks:

1. Why are you doing this? I’m bored and couldn’t think of anything tangible to write.
2. What was the last movie you watched all the way through? A Bronx Tale.
3. What is your newest favorite Bible verse? James 3:6
4. What is your favorite class after the first week of school? Old Testament 201
5. Number one song written before 1980 that everyone should listen to? "The Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel

Looking Out Stained Glass Windows

17 degrees and dropping
The coldest night of the year
With everything between us
It feels like the coldest night of my life
Being obliged to recline
Never helped me to decide what this means
How will I ever feel the things I’ve felt for you again
I write in this bathroom
To clear my conscience
Who knew then and now would be rewritten
Words of foul-mouthed boys dishearten my soul
But, it’s mostly affecting my pride
I want to slander through rumors that are sung
Slang on, but that’s my own endless flame
Untold bills are misconceived
They help me to settle the debt owned by my transgressions
And you say, “I can’t trust you”
I think I see why

Plizzle Nizzle, It's Cizzle Out Sizzle

Word... Yeah, it's pretty freakin' cold out tonight. At 9:00 PM exactly it was 23 degrees. They say it's supposed to get into the upper teens and maybe even single digits tonight. Yeah, I'm not too worried though because I will be in my nicely insulated and heated room. So, the weight has been lifted, but the pressure has mounted. I got an email today from the secretary of the administer who would approve or deny my application for a direct study. Here's what was said:

"Your request for a direct study for HI 211 with Professor Ivey has been approved."

That's all I had to read. Yay, I can graduate in May. I've got to make it through 21 hours though. However, I am relieved. Yay and everything. I should go read because I'm motivated. God bless you all...

"Work your will, my life is yours, rejoice in you Lord. My faith in you will never die. Live fast, die slow. Stand back, Let go. Choose life. You’ll see, how awesome it is, when God sets you free, live eternally. Forever, I trust in you." Never Die, by Dogwood, from the album More Than Conquerors.

Fo Shizzle My Nizzle

Right now I am very tired. It's been a long day. On Mondays and Wednesdays I have 5 classes, starting at 8:00 AM and ending at 5:30 PM. That makes me a very worn out kid. Interesting musical denotation here: I don't really like System of a Down. They have a unique sound; I'll give them that. But, I think they're as corporate as the day is long. Well, according to my latest copy of SPIN (Feb. 2003), apparently the lead singer for the band, Serj Tankian, doesn't get down to a lot of radio friendly tunes. "When his family moved to Los Angeles in the 1970s, he discovered pop music via the Bee Gees: 'I started with "Saturday Night Fever" and worked backward,' he says." Matter of fact, some of his favorite records are quite great:

The Beatles- Revolver (Capitol, 1966)
Sonic Youth- Evol (SST, 1986)
Bob Marley and The Wailers- Legend (Tuff Gong/Island, 1984)

That's about it. Go steal this post...

Pervasiveness

You act like nothing is ever wrong
Everyday the same ol’ things just go on and on
That smile on your face says so much more
Basically it’s the things you’re willing to hide fore

Favoritism only knows the limits your growing
Over all your own ideals and ambitions
Starving and craving for that little lost feeling
Your inhibitions let you be the only one to receive a healing

Occurrences in the confrontations of life
Commonness of your faultiness; the ideals of love
Incidents that only cause me to want to learn
Frequency—the rate at which you make me want to leave

I died and you said you would die too
How mocking that you’re only living on to loom
Divided by time zones and self-built walls
I sing by myself with my hands in my pockets against this hall

I’m getting letters from friends relaying the news
So much pain, just lying about in multiple degrees of angst
The words on a page that leave no clues to see
How you’re moving on and it’s without me

Occurrences in the confrontations of life
Commonness of your faultiness; the ideals of love
Incidents that only cause me to want to learn
Frequency—the rate at which you make me want to leave

I’m A Weenie

Due to our beloved school's schedule, today was the first day of the semester for all of us BCFers. While the rest of the university students all over America have been in school for a couple of weeks and have today off because of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, it was back to the grind for us. No worries though, we had a splendid time nonetheless. Today was a pretty fair day. The first day of school is always the best because all you have to do is get the syllabi. On a brighter note, the other day, I wrote a post about Unanswered Prayers. How ignorant! After I wrote that post, God taught me a thing or two. Why is me failing that one test and unanswered prayer? Because, it felt like God let me down or decided to hate me. I actually think that was meant to be a rhetorical question. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about being let down. I'm pretty sure I'm the one whose been letting God down. With my actions, words, thoughts, and my heart. Praise God for humbleness. None of which I have, but God is beginning to teach me humility. Romans 8:28 is such a hard verse to grasp. It's nice to say, yeah, God works things out for the good. But, when people are facing a tough time, it seems a little erroneous to proclaim that verse. Yet, in this time of discouragement for me, God taught me true, definite, and Godly goodness that only He could have taught. That He, in His sovereignty, is completely in control and there is a purpose for my, as it would be, failure. Ironically, I talked to my western civilization professor and he said I could direct study the class I was missing. So, if the administration sees fit, I can add that to me load, take twenty-one hours, and graduate in May. I'll probably never know why I have to go through all of this to graduate, but I'm not too worried about the trivial matters. I just want to get the heck out of here. Here’s my schedule:

Information Technology 301- Learning Office XP and Publisher
Theology 302- Doctrine: Christology, Ecclesiology, and Eschatology
Psychology 402- The Art of Counseling
Old Testament 201- OT Study: Solomon to Micah
History 212- Western Civilization: 1700-Present
Psychology 421- Mental Disorders and Their Treatment
History 211 Direct Study- Ancient Near-1700

That's about it. Not much in this life to talk about. Honestly, I'm constantly humbled by God and continuously realizing how much of a big dork I am and how magnificent God is. I'm listening to Willie Nelson's Partners album right now. One Weenie Extra Value Meal coming up...

"Sleep with all the lights on. Your not so happy, you're not secure. Your dyin to look cute in your blue jeans. But you're plastic just like everyone, just like everyone. And that face you paint is pressed. Impressing most of us are permanent and I'd like to see you undone..." Swiss Army Romance, from the album Swiss Army Romance by Dashboard Confessional.

J To The E To The Double F

As the credits of The Beatles flop of a movie, Yellow Submarine start to roll, I think that maybe some things are better left unsaid, unwritten, or unrecorded. It's been a few days since I've written anything with substance. I've written a lot of poems, but not too much else. Writing is a great way to vent. I don't really want to write right now. So, I will go sleep. I'm listening to the last Joey Ramone release called, Don't Worry About Me. Funny, it's what I've been telling people all week. G'night...

"...When it's 25 degrees here in Graceville and everything is frozen, I know my heart will be warmer when you are even further away..."

Unanswered Prayers

Today, I took my CLEP test. I got a 48. I needed a 50. At this point, it looks like I'm not going to graduate in May. I hate the feeling I have inside of me right now...

Somebody Somewhere

I can't really write about what is troubling me, so I will post a poem that I wrote in 1996. I don’t know if I’ve posted it before, but it’s exactly how I feel. It's hard to believe that I would be feeling the same thing today, as I was feeling 7 years ago:

Somebody Somewhere

My soul seeks to find shelter from the storm.
A manic depressant looks forever,
not knowing what he is looking for
and not understanding anything he finds.
He knows his love is around somewhere
and he is as I am also seeking shelter from the storm.
He like me, as the same equal in many ways,
tries to find the one for him as I try to find the one for me.
Along the way we both find it.
Love comes and goes like days.
Hoping the next along the way will be the one.
Distracted by the opposites, we seize the day.
Confused as we are, we are walking in the dark.
Situations that come upon us must be handled in this manner:
I don’t know what love is.
All I know is when I am able to look at someone
even in the worst of times
and see a spark flare up like on the Forth of July, that’s love.
Life holds many days lonely for me.
I cannot be bothered by trivial matters.
I can only hope to find my love someday by me, and only me.

Forever Is Not A Wish

Today has been a rather long day. My hopes for love and sensibility have ran far from my general direction. I think everyone reading this should listen to that song I posted earlier by the Stones because it is such a good song that describes how I feel and frankly because I've been listening to it all day. I'm studying to CLEP U.S. History 1 by Monday, so I've been reading a lot about the mistakes and the great things that make our country who we are. In case you haven't heard, I quit my job at Turner Research. Just a lot of things were happening and a phone call from my supervisor helped lead me to come to my decision to quit. I feel that’s what God wanted me to do, so now I'm trying to find me a new job. Pray for me as I venture on to find another one. I went to Goodwill today and picked up some new old vinyl (records). So, here are some that I've gotten as gifts and bought today and in the past month:

Neil Young -- Trans (one of the three experimental albums that got him sued by Geffen Records)
Billy Joel -- 52nd Street
Tina Turner -- Private Dancer (You know it, What's Love Got To Do With It)
Cheap Trick -- at Budokan
U2 -- The Unforgettable Fire
The Who -- Tommy
The Beach Boys -- M.I.U. Album
Willy Nelson -- Partners (which features a cover of The Beatles Something In The Way She Moves)
The Romantics -- In Heat
X -- Ain't Love Grand
Kansas -- Point of Know Return
Wang Chung -- Mosaic (which features the hit Everybody Have Fun Tonight)
Rush -- Permanent Waves
Santa Claus & The Fun Street Gang
Pete Townshend -- All The Best Cowboys Have Chinese Eyes
Village People -- Cruisin' (includes Y.M.C.A.)
Frank Sinatra -- Sinatra Sings...of Love And Things
Peter Gabriel -- So (which features Sledgehammer)

Not too much else is happening. I'm going to get back to watching An Evening With Kevin Smith on DVD. Tomorrow a bunch of us are going to a show in Tallahassee, Florida to see Denison Marrs and AnBerlin. It'll be a good time. Take care...

"I play in my band and write a lot of songs about relationships and how mine went wrong. Maybe I'll meet that special girl along the way, then she'll break my heart and leave me crying." Giving Up On Love by The Ataris from End Is Forever

As Tears Go By
by The Rolling Stones

It is the evening of the day
I sit and watch the children play
Smiling faces I can see
But not for me
I sit and watch
As tears go by

My riches can't buy everything
I want to hear the children sing
All I hear is the sound
Of rain falling on the ground
I sit and watch
As tears go by

It is the evening of the day
I sit and watch the children play
Doin' things I used to do
They think are new
I sit and watch
As tears go by

Send Chicken Noodle Soup
One year ago this day I officially became part of the To Whom Team and now I have a horrible cold. Of course, these are two completely unrelated events. I wanted to write something special for the occassion, but instead I'm going to crawl into my bed and die. If God gives me another day, I'll get around to writing some sort of year-end review. Until then read my first post...

Goodnight.

This One Time… One Year Ago Today

This time last year was the first time I ever had anything to with this blogging thing. Well, not really, but if you don't count my one-post stint with Dead Yet Living, than it was. It's been a fun and interesting ride hasn't it? If I knew then, what I know now, I would have probably never started writing. However, I can say that I am truly glad that I'm a part of this site. This low budget, semi-amazing site (haha) has really been a 2nd refuge for me (God being my ultimate refuge). I have told stories about my life, written a lot of poetry, and basically poured my heart, life, soul, and spirit into what has been typed. I just hope somebody has gotten something out of what I've said. This next year holds a lot in store for my life and the lives of Justin and Chase. We hope to bring some new and exciting things to this site. I won't make any promises and I won't make any New Year's resolutions, but I will tell you that I hold to my commitment to make this site the best possible blog it could be. This one is for anyone who has ever typed in our address, clicked our link, read our site, or commented in the box, Thank You. We appreciate you guys. Thanks for reading, To Whom It May Concern...

“I’m all for the hardcore scene…” -- Justin McLeod, in a recent conversation about musical preferences he and I have.

My Life Is Still A De-railed Train Wreck

Doing nothing for seemingly minutes turns into doing something for unnoticed hours. My daily events counter claim my ambitions. Today was good. I hope for a better tomorrow. I helped my Dad out today for an hour organizing some software for him and then I took down the ol’ family Christmas tree. It funny to me how we call it the “family” tree, yet I end up putting it up and taking it down as a solo act. Who is Huey Lewis without the News? Anyway, I saw Gangs of New York tonight with my friend Jenny Stepp. It was an amazing film. I give it 4 and 1/2 stars. It would give it 5, but there was way too much nudity in there for me. Martin Scorsese is a cinema genius in my opinion. However, I contest the view that you can make an appearance of the times with clever workings, not blatant antics. Just a thought. I must go for now because I have to rise up at 6:30 AM.

"...adding insult to irony..." --The Get Up Kids

Happy New Year

So, at the strike of 2003, I was sitting in my living room all alone. I went to bed at 12:05 AM. My life was (is) sad...

Band Fun Facts:

From the Indie Vision Music's E-mail Newsletter

Did you know the band Acceptance was signed by a major label? Bet you didnt.

Other bands to recently get signed and proof that 2003 is going to be the year of punk spirit:

Stairwell--Hopeless Records

Thrice--Island Records

Watashi Wa--Tooth and Nail

MAE (formerly Sky's the Limit)--Tooth and Nail

Open Hand--Trustkill

Thursday---Island

Cave In--RCA

Ataris--Columbia

Yellowcard--Capitol

AFI--Dreamworks

Poison the Well--Island

Slick Shoes--Side One Dummy

The Mars Volta--Universal

Boy Sets Fire--Wind Up