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Jeff Watkins
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Friday, December 16, 2005

One Year Ago

Sometimes I enjoy reminding myself of the old days. Nostalgia is one of my favorite human moments. Today, one year ago, marks the day I quit Laurel Oaks Behavioral Health Center. I still can't express just how glad I was to be done there. Look, the first sentence of my post about the last night of work summarizes the thoughts I was thinking as soon as I left the place:

As I write, I am sitting on the floor in my living room, trying to get my life in order.


"Trying to get my life in order?" Was it really in disarray? I was going home to my folks' house for a month, going back to Graceville for a week, going to Tennessee for Chase and Donna's wedding, then moving to New Orleans. How was it out-of-wack? I knew it exactly where my life was going. Perhaps feeling anxiety about my career choice for the previous 365 days was indicating something to me. As mentioned previously, leaving there was a sigh of relief. No more would I have to put up with those particular "crazy kids." I'm sure then, and even now, I realize that I will probably forever have to put up with crazy kids. But, leaving there was a rite of passage, sort of; it was a transitional period. I like transitional periods, for the most part.

Again, a year later, I find myself caught in a transitional time again. Although, this one has to last for another six to eight months. Although today I took my last final and my last day of work for two and a half weeks, I still know I have to go back. Although, some days I miss Laurel Oaks and wonder if it was really that bad? Although, I still hurt and think, "Man, this has been a crazy four months." Although I am still far from where I want to be.

I find myself looking forward to the next transitional period. The Christmas seasons causes you to be reflective. I hope I do something with my reflection and remember it my next transitional time.

Finish reading my thoughts from a year ago, here

posted by Jeff Watkins at 7:54 PM

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are a good writer.

6:44 PM  
Anonymous Michelle said...

i remember that. amazing what all can go on in a year.

you're in my prayers, jeff!

(oh, and you've been tagged...checkout my site, if you're curious as to what you've been "tagged to do." and, no, you don't REALLY have to do it, but it'd be cool if you did. hehe :))

love ya!

11:41 PM  
Anonymous Mickie said...

Hello Jeff,

So, I linked to your blog from MySpace and ended up reading about 3 months of your entries... craziness... i had no idea you were the writer/thoughtful/poetic type. Goes to show how self-absorbed and ignorant i can be, i suppose. But it is interesting how many times we have had similar feelings about life... must be the college experience & drastic changes that nurture self-examination and idle philosophy...

I have admired you and looked up to you since I was in 7th grade... but it is hard to believe it has been years and years since we actually had a decent conversation or knew anything about what was going on in each other's lives...

Okay, I am totally rambling - I apologize... I just had to comment and tell you that I think you are amazing... times a billion, after reading your blogs... wow. Anyway, I thought I would leave you with a bit of Plumb lyrics that I find intriguing... I have loved this band since meeting them at MissionFuge at PBA in '97, lol... hope you enjoy...

Love and Hugs,
~Mickie~

From "Unforgivable" by Plumb:

"I'm never told that I am pretty
I'm never told that I am kind
And my soul burns now with fire
Deep inside

I want to become brave and courageous
Not buried in self-pity of my own
Ashamed and alone from all that's been done to me
It's not my fault I remind myself

You say don't be afraid
But I feel afraid
You say don't laugh or cry
But I show emotion
You say food will be on the table
And birds in the sky
But I'm hungry
So hungry
And it's cloudy outside"

1:03 PM  

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