The Hyper-Spiritual Meanderings of an Atheistic Christian
I'd like to start tonight's post by saying Jeff sure is a poet, ain't he? He's got a way with words.

Now that we have that out of the way. Tonight is a night that I especially appreciate the ability to communicate by blogging. My throat is sore. My voice goes in and out, mostly out, like a radio on the way out of town. If I were feeling hyper-spiritual I'd meander on how losing one's voice enables them to listen to God's voice. I figure this is true, but it isn't the first thought on my mind. All day today I would have begged you not to make me try and talk to you, however, on the way to Dothan I couldn't resist the urge to sing along to my favorite songs. I assume that wasn't healthy, but that wasn't the point. The point was that I like to sing. Yet, I take singing for granted. I'm not talking about talent, I'm talking about the whole process of air rising from within me and breezing past my vocal chords in just the right way. This is one of the best methods I have of expressing and managing various emotions that I sometimes feel. Yet I take it for granted. Tonight, at least, I am thankful for language and the ability we have through it to better function, express ourselves and understand others. I'm also thankful that God has created a way in which we can communicate with Him. I wish I were saying all of this out of a season of spiritual insight, but I'm not. I suppose it's more of an intellectual gratefulness. I want to be thankful with my whole heart, but its hard when so much of the time I feel like an atheist.

I didn't say atheist to be offensive, neither did I mean that I've lost or am losing faith. My faith is firmly intact. But it's really easy to agree with the idea that actions speak louder than words. If I say I believe Christ is Lord and yet do not submit everything to Him, aren't I a fool? It is foolish, wouldn't you say? I take comfort that by this standard we are all fools, yourself included. People talk about living by faith. That's difficult when I can't even manage medial spiritual disciplines. I'm tired of saying, "God, be glorified" and then returning to a life that is about myself. I too often treat God like He's a commercial. "Neat. Maybe I'll pick that up next time I go to town." I pray. And I get distracted. Or I fall asleep. Or I get tangled up in insincere ramblings. I have more trouble praying than some people have getting reception for their cell phone. Do you have this kind of trouble? I wish I could say I didn't. I wish I had the cure [insert scripture verse here]. Truth is, I don't think there's one verse that just nails it on the head. "Oh, that's where I've been going wrong." There are verses that help, but still this living by faith thing is a struggle which isn't perfected until heaven. I understand Christ has done most of the work for us, but we sheep are too dumb to walk a straight line and follow someone who at least knows how to wash himself.

It's been a pleasure communicating with you. Goodnight.