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Jeff Watkins
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Tuesday, June 07, 2005

My Grandmother Died

My Nanny Watkins died on late Monday night. I don't even know how old she was. Late 80's for sure. She died of complications from Pneumonia. The family and I are doing alright because she's been sick for a long time. She's had a case of dementia for about 7 years. I need to try to get off work Friday for the funeral, but I just had three days off work last week, so we'll see if that happens.

This is nothing related, but I had a lot of thoughts about my friend's wedding the other night. I really can't explain it--the feelings I had/have. I couldn't really expound of them then and now I don't much feel like it. My friend Teresa and I had a conversation about it on Saturday night. Thus is the result:

JeffyJeffW: hey
teresalynntucker: hey :-)
JeffyJeffW: how is it?
teresalynntucker: woke up less than ten minutes ago
teresalynntucker: not sure if I'm coherent yet, actually - but I'm trying :-)
teresalynntucker: so was your friends wedding today?
teresalynntucker: I can't remember
JeffyJeffW: yes it was
JeffyJeffW: it was nice
JeffyJeffW: totally catholic
teresalynntucker: good
JeffyJeffW: i experience transubstantation for the first time
JeffyJeffW: though, i didn't partake of the Eucharist
teresalynntucker: for doctrinal reasons?
teresalynntucker: or just because?
JeffyJeffW: a little of both
JeffyJeffW: i want to do it
JeffyJeffW: but, all my friends know i'm not catholic
JeffyJeffW: so i didnt want to confuse-- actually, i wanted the oppurtunity to explain why i was not
teresalynntucker: I'm sorry
teresalynntucker: I thought I had responded, but I didn't
teresalynntucker: That's awesome that you want to be able to talk with them about it
JeffyJeffW: yeah, cause i've never just been able to witness to them
JeffyJeffW: cause they thing they're fine
JeffyJeffW: which they might be
JeffyJeffW: think*
teresalynntucker: right
teresalynntucker: but also maybe not
JeffyJeffW: right
JeffyJeffW: so, but i chickened out of talking to everyone
JeffyJeffW: i wanna write on to whom about it
JeffyJeffW: but i dont know if i can
teresalynntucker: why?
JeffyJeffW: like... i get all weird when i'm around high school people
JeffyJeffW: because i'm different now
JeffyJeffW: and i dont know why i don't care about them
JeffyJeffW: or, rather, why i care about what they think
teresalynntucker: well, they had to have an important place in your life
teresalynntucker: so it makes complete sense that you care what they think
JeffyJeffW: yeah, but in reality, i know that was then
JeffyJeffW: like... so not important now
JeffyJeffW: and i strived to think like that in high school (this won't matter 10 years from now)
teresalynntucker: right
JeffyJeffW: but... i see them and its hard to just be satisfied with what i'm doing in my life
JeffyJeffW: its like i want approval
JeffyJeffW: all the while claiming that i dont care
teresalynntucker: It's like that for me and lots of old friends - not just from high school either
JeffyJeffW: there's got to be a reason why
JeffyJeffW: why i divided it from high school/college
JeffyJeffW: concenr
JeffyJeffW: concern
JeffyJeffW: i guess because college is where i actually decided to not care what folk thought
JeffyJeffW: can i post this conversation on to whom
JeffyJeffW: i just want to express these feelings, but i dont feel like writing
teresalynntucker: sure
JeffyJeffW: thanks

posted by Jeff Watkins at 5:19 PM


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