Looking For The Turkey

You know, coming up with these different titles everyday gets harder and harder. Happy Thanksgiving one and all. I was awoken on this glorious day by the sound of a ringing telephone at 7:00 AM. It was my Aunt Linda, she was wishing us a Happy Thanksgiving. How Nice... The ironic part is that I heard my name a few times in their conversation. That always raises my level of concern. Never the less, with my low amount of sleep, I reasoned that it still wasn’t enough and I returned to that beautiful state of solace.

I drove over to Palm Bay which is about a thirty minute drive to pick up my Grandma. My Mom and Brother both had to work today (Tommy ended up getting off a few hours early), so we had a few hours to kill until lunch. We just drove around listening to The Get Up Kids. She was like, “Jeffery, I can barely hear it, turn it up.” Haha, my Grandma is really a closet indie-rock-girl.

(Break For Food)

I just got done eating lunch. Thanksgiving is one of the only holidays that my family sits down together to eat a meal. Christmas and New Years are the other exceptions. I’ve been saying this a lot lately, but I really want my family to sit down and eat dinner together, every night or as much as possible. Before we ate, my Dad asked me to pray. So, I prayed. Anyone that doesn’t attend a Bible college would be impressed by my semi-theological phrasing and a low degree of eloquent wording. Don’t get me wrong, I just prayed, nothing special, definitely not a big deal. I really get annoyed when the “holy-rollers” spend five minutes seemingly patronizing the audience with their big theological words which honor thy glorious unfathomable sovereign Father who so abundantly bestows his glorious riches upon our depraved souls. So, I just said a prayer and you know me, I’m a little long winded sometimes. My family raved about it. They acted like I finally learned how to pray and the Lord was working in my life (which he is and has been). It was quite funny to me. Lunch was good. I love the way my Dad cooks. We had turkey, dressing, collard greens, avocado, rolls--yeah, the works. So, I’m full and feeling extremely obese, but it’s such a happy feeling.

The purpose of remembrance is to recall and bring back to mind the thoughts and feelings that remind you of a time once well known. I don’t know what I could say that would reflect what I’m feeling today. I have so many things thankful for:

I’m blessed for knowing everything I know. Learning is so special. I’m thankful that I have a mind still to learn new and wondrous things.

I’m thankful that I was brought up by my family. I love them and don’t always like them, but they truly are the reason for me being alive and somewhat of the reason for why I am who I am. I don’t deserve them.

I’ve been blessed with great friends. They all mean more to me than they could possibly know. Each one, special in their very own way. All the beauty, intelligence, and special qualities that they all posses individually. They understand friendship and are the epitome of the word.

I am thankful for everything I have. I have so much, I am blessed. Material possessions don’t really matter in the whole scheme of things, but I enjoy all of it that I have.

And most importantly, I am thankful for my relationship with God. It might seem a bit cliché to say that, but I do enjoy it and am blessed that God has sought a purpose for my life. I so don’t deserve it, and I let Him down so much, but he is faithful to me, even when I’m not faithful to him. That’s joy!

These are all my reasons to continue on. Sometimes the road looks so cluttered and I cannot see the end result. It’s because of all these blessings that I stay keeping on keeping on. I hope everyone can read this and see their own reasons to be thankful. If you’ve contributed anyone to this list, thank you. I am thankful for you...

“Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude." ~E.P. Powell

It's Just Me Against The World

At this point in the evening, I'm really pissed off. I have been trying to post about my day and as fate would have it, my browser crashed and we had a power bump. On two different times, I've lost everything I had written. So, as a result of that, I've lost a lot of time that was spent writing. So, here goes a summery of the day:

-I did four loads of laundry (that makes a grand total of half-a-dozen)
-I spent many hours outside working in the yard
-Manuel labor is not fun
-I dug up a 50 pound slab of cement that was holding a pole with a light on it
-I dug up a wire that was from said slab of cement about 10 feet to the house
-I picked up about 5 garden hoses from the yard, which was covered under a years worth of dirt and weeds
-I drove around Melbourne running errands for my folks
-I spent an hour in Wal-Mart, which should have only taken 15 minutes
-I picked up all of my dress clothes from the dry cleaner. Yeah, the total was about 20.00
-I helped chop carrots and celery

-- ok, so it seemed like a lot. Hopefully tomorrow I will be in the mood to reflect on why we celebrate this holiday. If not, just go watch the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special. It's so informative...

Have A Good Holiday...

How WHITE are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

Monday Monday

Really, really... I haven't done a whole lot today. I went to bed at 3:00 AM last night and got up at 6:00 AM. Crystal Kepler and I were caravanning to Jacksonville, Florida. Then I would get off and try to find Bethany's house. We pulled out of the Graceville Manor, where Crystal Kepler's apartment is at 7:00 AM. We only stopped one time for some breakfast because we were both falling asleep in our separate cars. We waved our goodbyes and I proceeded to find my way. Well, I don't feel like explaining my day's driving experience. Let's just say, I got home and it was 9:30 PM. I saw my friend Nate Beagle from high school. He's employed at the local Blockbuster Video. It sort of felt good to say that I was graduating in May and he was still working on his AA. But, not to imply that I'm harboring bitter feelings, it was good to talk to him and catch up. I spent about five hours in Jacksonville today. I got to meet most of Bethany's family, except for her Dad. I would have liked to meet Dr. Dunlap, but I'm not too disappointed. Meeting Fathers isn't a big objective on my life goals list. Meet The Parents is one of my favorite movies for a reason. I got to see former students, and friends Anna (Bethany's sister) and James Desuyo. When Bethany and I were visiting Anna's first grade class (I think), they told me about a little black girl who had a cool name. They told me her name, I kind of believed them, but I wanted to see proof for myself. So, I got a piece of paper and asked her if she would write out her full name for me. She did. Her name is: EBONY ANN IVORY. I think that's worth at least 25 comments. I'm off to catch up on a semester's worth of sleep.

"Well, it's cold and there are warmer places than here."

BET

Please bet on me
So maybe you will see
What this could be

Four hundred million miles away
Losing you is causing me to sway
I could never see another way

Gambling makes fools for life
Causing nothing but grief and strife
I’d wager anything for you to be my wife

Help me to get over this
To be able to live life without your kiss
For that would be true bliss

Up In Smoke

For once, there really is nothing to do. I still have two papers to write. I have at least 5 finals to study for. There is stuff I could be doing. But, I'm sure I'm just like everyone else who has a Saturday off and just wants to relax. So, I've been relaxing today. I'm going to my hometown (Melbourne, FL) on Monday for Thanksgiving. I'm stopping by Jacksonville to see my friend Bethany Dunlap and hang out with her for a few hours. I'm excited about going home. I have not been home since August, so it will be good to get away. Like I said, I'm relaxing. Recovering from probably the busiest week of the year, I'm just trying to get everything done before I jet home.

Today, Justin and I went to Wendy’s for lunch. We rented some DVDs and I got my oil changed. While we were at Wendy’s, we saw our friend Zack from school. We were talking to him for a few minutes. He told us he was on his break. I got a refill and Justin asked Zack where he lived. Zack said, "I live in Ponce De Leon." Justin and I were like, that's cool. And, without saying another word, Zack just walked to the back, and did not come back up front. He didn't say anything. Haha? Justin and I looked at each other and we're like, "Alright? That was interesting." Zack just left. So, as Justin and I were walking out, we figured if you live over there, instead of saying bye, you say Ponce De Leon. We kept saying it over and over again as we were walking out the door. Well, my friends, I need to go and do some cleaning. And figure out what my night holds...

Ponce De Leon

MxPx = Magnified Post

Well, the first real post from me in a while. The end of the semester pressure is still on, but thanks be to God, my paper is FINALLY done! So, with a title page, table of contents, 3 appendices, and 29 pages of my writing, it turned out to be 43 stinking pages. That's the most I've ever written in my entire existence. So, don't expect any cool ten-dollar-words this week. Well, you don't get that many anyway. Tomorrow is the last day of school until the following Monday (after Thanksgiving). I've been telling people, I'm lusting over this break. I'm sure that's not healthy, but you don't realize how badly I would like to be gone. I want to write everything I'm feeling. But, I don't want to be near anything that has a keyboard or monitor, so...

"Sin is incurable by the strength of man, nor does free will have any validity here, so that even the saints say: 'The evil which I do not wish, this I do.' 'You are not doing the things which you wish.' 'Since my loins are filled with illusions,' etc."

You are Martin Luther! Yeah, you have a way of letting everyone know how you feel, usually with Bible quotes attached, and will think your way through the issues, although sometimes you make no sense! You aren't always sure of yourself, and you can change your mind about things, something you actually consider a strength. You can take solitude, especially with some music.

What theologian are you?

A creation of Henderson

<<<---!---'--^---.MiD*WaY.---^--'---!--->>>

I think messing around with the title to this post took longer than the actual writing of the post itself. So, as you can clearly see, I'm about halfway through with my paper. I'd like to get it done tonight, but if I can’t convince my boss I'm too sick to work, then I just might not. I'm so tried of writing. I feel like I've used every clever phrasing and ten-dollar word I know. I have about 12 pages of content now, which is good. But, I'm still tired of writing. So, why write a post? Well, I'll tell you. It's not writing a paper! I worked on the paper for maybe an hour cumulatively on Thursday and Friday. Saturday, I spent about 5 hours on it. Sunday, I spent about 6 hours. I went to bed at like 3:00 AM. Got up at 7:20 AM. Went to my 8:00 AM and 9:00 AM classes. Came in about 10:00 AM and typed until 12:10 PM. Then I got some lunch and went to theology and now I'm done for the day. All that's left is this paper and a notebook for my mental disorders class, but that's easy. Well, I'm back to the grind. I'm going to post a song I like. It helps me think, clearly, on my own...

Madison Prep by Further Seems Forever, from the album, The Moon Is Down

Give up what you think you have to say.
Formalities weaken the meaning that you'd convey.
In truth hidden in the veiled insults,
have failed results for everyone that lived that way.

The training spent on all your words
was obvious in all we heard
was repetition.
Representing your best interests
while wishing us
"the very best"
when that's something
that you would never give.

And some things are better stressed
when unexpressed,
cause silence can be overwhelming

We'll find some way
Some way that we can prove you wrong

Godsology

I’ve never seen so much rain
This year has passed me by

Oh, so much rain in this distant life
Does nothing for me but cause strife

Declining down from the sky above
The hope in falling is so real

Drops of water flood out my sight
I stay steadfast and continue with might

I have so many things to do
But, I choose to write instead

Not much comes at me more than this
The temptation to live in ignorant bliss

Enmity is my only foe
The ambiguous ones who act like friends

I’ve been told days go by; everyone anew
Casualties in circumstance is what I have due

I take heed to the warnings of my prior notice
Rest in peace of what I know; until the end this age

Slacking On Writing My Paper

Should Christians Rock? An open letter to Christian Rock Critics from 1986 by Al Menconi

A section...

“Given the choice, I would rather speak to hippies and punkers than yuppies. The hippies wanted to change the world, and punkers want to change it too. The average yuppie wants to get rich and be comfortable. In case you’ve forgotten, Christians are called to be revolutionaries, to change the world for Jesus. We should be giving the answer of Christ to those who seek to change the world, instead of spending our energy trying to get rich and fit in.”

On Laundry Day: Closet Doors and Closet Feelings

Why do I always catch the shooting star as it burns out?
Moments like these insinuate so much more for me.

So you say I read into things.
It’s the only choice I have to make.



I’ll let my yay be Yay and no be No.
But, why can’t I ever make sense of the things you say?

You make the music that is within my heart.
You put the notes in my heard.
You are the song that lingers on my lips.

Sweet tastes of the springtime air have ended.
Swiftly met by the blistering summer heat.
Scorching and scourging the back of my neck.

It’s now complete…

The summer is over, but fall is far away.
We’ll keep writing and calling; it’s all so passé.

Eventually the phone will stop ringing.
This little thing called friendship has been severed.

Sooner or later, the ink in the pens will dry.
Yes, even the mailman will stop coming by.

Why do I always catch the girl as she is leaving?
Maybe it was me who didn’t show up on time?

I just keep asking myself the same questions as yesterday.
All I get are incomplete answers.
Perhaps I’ve been talking to the wrong people.

With all that stuff said.
It’s now all been done.

These feelings used to pile up and give me worry.
At least, I have enough hangers for all my shirts.

I’ll just pull a shirt down from the rack.
Replacing that space with my feelings instead.

Don't Worry About Me

My to do list is still pretty long, but a few things are done or in the process of being done. This week has gone fairly well. Work is going good, but its still work, you know? I've got a couple pages of my twenty-page paper written, but nothing is typed out yet. I can't sit down and write a paper. I have to let my brain unload by simply just typing it all out. Then I read, revise, and reformat. It's hard churning out ten pages in one night and thus far in my college career, I've done that a lot. My paper isn't actually due until next Wednesday, but I have to turn it in by this coming Monday for him to make copies to distribute to the class. Let's see, it's Thursday and it's not due until Monday. That makes me three days earlier than normal. I think that's a new record! Ok, I must go and look on the IRS website and start typing. Have a good night.

"I got love for my brother, but we can never go nowhere unless we share with each other. We gotta start makin' changes, learn to see me as a brother instead of 2 distant strangers and that's how it's supposed to be. How can the Devil take a brother if he's close to me? I'd love to go back to when we played as kids but things changed, and that's the way it is." 2 Pac, Changes

My To Do List

Psychology 330- Enrichment Event Notebook, due November 14th

Psychology 404- Verbatim on a visit from this past weekend, due November 14

Psychology 301- 20 page paper on the influences on the entertainment culture, due November 20

Psychology 420- I have to put together a notebook for the class, consisting of all our notes, handouts, etc, due November 19

Theology 301- A 10 page credo (a statement of what I believe), due???

Theology 301- Read the 300 page book, Desiring God by J. I. Packer and do the study guide that goes with it, due by the final

Psychology 310- A 10 page paper on the psychology of education and learning, due by the final

Busy, busy, busy...

It's Been A Long November and There's Reason To Believe

It's been five days since the last post. I'm sure we were missed (maybe not if everyone hates our template). Hopefully everyone is doing well. As it seems, this November is going by rather quickly, yet the feeling of awkwardness is more evident. During these last few days, it was my turn to embark on the internship weekend practicum at the hospital in Pensacola. As Dane Claycomb and I arrived, I became a bit nervous. We arrived at the hospital at 4:00 PM on Friday and left at 1:00 PM on Sunday. It was a good learning experience. I made about ten visits to patients by myself. We helped lead a worship service on Sunday morning for some of the elderly patients in PACU and some of the mentally handicapped patients in behavioral medicine. I would write a detailed description about it, but it was so tiring and stressful both physically and spiritually, that I would be exhausted just typing the silly thing. Plus, I've already told the story far too many times. While we were there this weekend, we had a total of ten pages, I'd say. Which resulted in four codes (that's when somebody's heart stops), four traumas, two referrals, and one death. The hardest to deal with was the death. I watched as the doctor's and nurses tried to keep that man alive. I watched more blood come out of him, than they were putting in, as the medical team tried everything possible to keep him alive. But to no avail, they had to stop. Nothing would work. Well, as the wife and (later on) the other family members arrived, I had to sit and watch them listen in unbelief, that their loved one was gone. After about thirty minutes of listening to a wife, undeniably proclaim, her husband wasn't gone. After listening to her shed tears of sorrow and remorse for things that she felt she had some sort of control over. After listening to the son demand to know why his father was gone, I broke down. I felt compassion for the family. I grieved their loss. I put myself on that table, dead. Wondering what my wife would be feeling. It's all too real to me now. As the family’s pastor prayed for them, I began to weep for them. I was mourning with the family, who no doubt, was holding back tears of their own. Why must it be like this? Why must life be so precious? If the greatest joy lies beyond these earthly, temporal walls, why must there be so much sorrow amongst a man who is truly and joyfully in a better place? For I cannot answer these questions because I do not hold the answers one seeks. For I only know that the day I go will be a much better time than these days I’m sure. I used to worry about genuine salvation; that I might end up in that fiery eternal separation from God, in Hell because of my own blindness. Now, I just know that the day I leave this wretched body will be a day of triumph and victory. I will not hold to these things anymore. I live for today, but hope for tomorrow, alas...

"Dying was the easiest part, now I'm afraid of life." The Dingees

Everyone I Know Is Dying

I speak of love for poetry, never art.
Structured pre-empted sentences make me nostalgic.
I use the ones I wrote three weeks past.

Everyone I see has something to prove.
I’m just trying to prove I’m still alive.
Saying, “I’m alright, I’m getting by.”

Fake smiles help me regret not speaking up.
Melancholy needs a voice too.

“Die to yourself,” is what they proclaim.
Funny?
They can’t seem to touch the sticks at their own aim.

My life is written in with pencil.
So I can erase what I know.
Reevaluate and renew my thoughts.
Until they don’t show any form of mine.
Conformity to the mind of my father.

Another day, there was a beautiful mistake.
“You are quite possibly, indescribable.”
This hurts too awful for words.
Recalling words of, “Have a good night, beautiful.”

Tomorrow will be the first day of October.
Yesterday was the last day of forever.
Another day closer until I leave.
Blessed to die and scared to be alive.

I hope I see you again.
I know you never want to hear another letter.
I don’t care.
I want to know when we can get it back?
She says, “Never, because you always wear black.”

Wasting So Many Stamps

I’ve gotten two letters this week
It reminds me of junior high
Writing back and forth, just to pass the time
One letter says, “I’m sorry”
The other says, “I wish things could be different”
Both have moments that surface memories
It’s good to remember these times that caused me to loose sleep
Even if all they did was make me weep
I probably should want it to mean more than what it does
But, then I’d have to think about the risk of forsaking this
These letters mean so much more.
Lessons given to me in life, love, and heartache
The void in my soul is filled in salvation
Parts of the old death bring me back to the depths of defamation.

xTHANKS FOR CARINGx

Well, another beginning to another week of another month is here. Ain't it grand? Phenomenal is the word that I use to relinquish all the hurt that my tattered and broken psyche can fester up and oppositely turn the word into what I use to express my inconsequential sentiments on the eve of just another day (which will be tomorrow). But, tomorrow is merely more than just another stray ordinary day. It is a brand new day. A time of newly found significance in all alluring ripostes. Yet, the day isn't some out of the ordinary, earth-shattering extravaganza, is it? After all, the Bible says that we (us) ((you)) (((humans))) are the wonderfully and fearfully created chattels, not the days. What must one do with these splendid events of new fulfillment to the possible joyous times? Live (be indulging in the breath of life) each day to the fullest. Never regret what you cannot change. Only learn from your past mistakes. To err is human, right? To regret over the unchangeable, deniable past is just unconsidered idiocy. Let the bitterness die—much like you nudge off a chill underneath your spine. Rest in thine. Have the peace that passes all of our finite, pathological, and depraved understanding…

Another Point Of View

So many times they tell me I’m growing up. I look back and retrace the footprints. Is this me? I see young friends pursuing and excavating feelings. I smile when I see their joy. A little jealous and envious just to be so happy. I pray and hope they find what they’re looking for. Common themes of heartache are no stranger to me. My snide remarks toward optimism only make me cynical. Arm in arm, hand in hand, they complete an almost perfect painting. Walking together and a little hug, makes me wish for my own story. I need books to read now, instead of filling my shelf up for show. As I sit on this curb, I want to be seen. I smile, but I really want to shed a tear or two. Don’t be petty and don’t be vengeful. Let loose those untold comments. Forget the phone calls. Remember your story and keep on the journey.

To Whom It May Concern Goes On Location

Saturdays are fun. Especially when you sit in a library for an hour with a blank stare on your face. Jonny Peace, Toby Roheim, and myself are here in the huge Strozier Library on the beautiful and old FSU campus. It's like an On Location post. Traffic was pretty bad today because it's the FAMU Homecoming Game. We considered stopping by there, but we figured it would be a lot more interesting to goto a place where we wouldn't be the minority and where we could find a parking place. I paralleled park for the first time in a long time today. Yeah, I suck... So, we're here trying to do research for our Psychology of Religion paper. What are the influences on the entertainment culture (both public and private)? Fun, Fun, Fun! Jonny and Toby are busy on the computers and I'm slacking trying to write a post. See, I care about you guys getting to indulge yourselves in some interesting (or not) Saturday afternoon reading. Anyway, I'm off to look for books, I think I'm at a pretty good spot. Aight, my homiez, I'll holla atcha' later on (FSU lingo)...

Go UM

More Fun With Being Alone On Friday



What obscure band are you?

Oh, What Friday Nights Are For

	You are Kermit! Though you're technically the star, you're pretty mellow and don't mind letting others share the spotlight. You are also something of a dreamer.
Take the What Muppet Are You? Quiz!

For Bethany Dunlap

This isn't because she has a bad haircut. It’s because she just didn’t really like it at first. I actually like it, because I can deal with change :) The song isn't really fitting, but it's a title of an email she sent me and it’s all kind of an inside joke. So please, no comments about how I'm insensitive, rude, mean, etc...

Bad Hair Day

I'm sorry I can't relate.
I refuse to associate
So don't go blaming me for your bad hair day.
Bad hair day.
I saw you yesterday
You told me to go away.
I guess you were having a bad hair day.
Bad hair day.
Would you like an aspirin for your bad hair day
Bad hair day.