Why?

Sometimes in this crazy little recreational event called life, I do things that upset me. I hurt myself. No one else. Me. Jeff. I do it. I do it all. In fact, I do so much that sometimes, sometimes, I just really wish bad things upon myself. Why cannot I not learn from past mistakes? Why do I choose to live in revelry? Why oh why am I so dumb. I am not smart. I am an ass. Thank you.

Precautions

Your friends tell you things to watch out for
Irony to indulge yourself in
Kiss and tell stories are a bore

The pain of honesty
Releasing too much info
Good night kisses aren't seen as courtesy anymore

Wishing for nothing to happen
So there is nothing to say
Talking to your friends is like seeing a film in a foreign language

About yourself, you worry about less
Help isn't on the way
Pressing time to come around to this mess

The Car [Thrice]

One more time.

I went to pick up my car on Wednesday. I paid $433 dollars even. I got excited about the prospect of driving my repaired car home. I start it up. I put the faceplate of my CD player on the deck. I get ready to leave. I realize that the car died! I tell the nice auto mechanic and he plays with something under the hood. I get ready to leave. I think, "Everything is fine." I start to drive home. I continue driving and it dies again. I pull off the side of the road. I start it back up. I start driving again. I think, "This is crazy." I am not crazy. It died again. I get it back to the shop. I wait.

I am exhausted.

UPDATE: I got my car back today. It seems to be working. I made it home.

RE: Altima

Okay, so I'm already tired of looking for cars. This is supposed to be more enjoyable than this. I have $3,000 bucks and I want to pay between 7K and 8K. I should be able to find something I like!

The situation with my car is a little better. Apparently, $750 is how much a new distributor costs. A rebuild one will only $400. That's still a lot of money, but it gives me some more time to shop around for a new car. Plus, it allows me a trade in a vehicle that RUNS.

Apparently, the only cars available for my price range are the cheapest ones available.

Okay, I'm going to bed. This is the earliest I've gone to bed in a while.

G'night...

Where's Boyd?

Even though the guy tried to make me put a new head-gasket on my car when I didn't need one, he sure fixed my car cheap all the other times.

Okay, so update on the Altima. It's not dead! However, it might as well be. It needs a new distributor, which with towing will be like $750 bucks. Kelly Blue Book says my car, at 195,000 miles, is worth $250. It really doesn't seem reasonable to pay that much money, for the little I'm going to get out of it.

I'm looking at getting a new-to-me used car. Any advice?

This Post Is Sponsored By The Letter "Q"

Some thoughts:

:: For all practical purposes, living well really is the best revenge.

:: I miss talking to Chase.

:: My car died today. Even when you have a little money, it still sucks to have to push it into your own driveway by yourself. Not knowing what the problem is sucks, too.

:: I still enjoy watching wrestling.

:: Some of the supposedly "rare" 7 inches I buy on eBay better we worth some money when I retire.

:: I don't much care for any animals.

:: Last night, I took my first stab at babysitting. Well, I suppose it wasn't my first time, nor was it technically "baby" sitting. I watched the guy I am a one-on-one with at work. Actually, I worked my normal seven-hour day. Then went to his house and watched him, fed him, and put him to bed (all in the span of six hours). I made $75 bucks for my troubles though. I need gigs like that more often.

:: This could really be the most interesting stuff I've written recently.

:: I hate being overweight.

:: I love eating whatever, whenever.

:: I hate double-talk.

:: Speaking of work, I am actually getting a job title change. It's a long story, but I will be making a dollar more an hour. I love being semi-formally educated.

:: I work at a high school, right? I see a lot of young folk. Well, why is that girls who act black and wish they were "black" or whatever, are the whitest girls around. For real. They are always pale! Shouldn't they be the ones trying to get a tan? I mean, I'm not even talking about white chicks who like black guys. No no no, I'm talking about Miss Whitey who thinks she is actually a sista. Why doesn't she try to actually LOOK black? Asian girls looker blacker than these white girls. Have you seen them? They're almost see-through (perhaps that's why you've missed them).

On Tuesday You Told Me How To Tell If I Were Too Nice

I'm sorry that my lack of input recently can be made up for by posting random, unpurposefully selected "OLD" poetry and stupid quips about transgender wishes. I've mostly been spending time with my job, although I have been out with some friends here recently. But, majority of my efforts have been put toward the item in this picture. My Mom won a 60 GB video Ipod from her employer and she gave it to me for Christmas (plus the digital camera I paid 100 bucks on). It's really cool, but a big hassle as well. I've been ripping the 200 - 300 CDs I have on to my laptop and this is taking forever. I'm on the letter "L" now. And I still only have a good 6 GB filled. This is a good problem, I know. Nevertheless, still a hassle. It is sweet. There doesn't seem to be any free software to convert video files to the proper Ipod file. The cheapest I've seen is $29.99. While watching a movie on an Ipod doesn't seem to be the greatest feat one could accomplish, it sure is cool carrying only an Ipod with several movies and all your CDs on it.

In other exciting announcements, the great show, American Idol, premiers tonight. I started watching it last year at this time and I love it. While I still have many negative thoughts about it, it's quite the fabulous time had when I view it. Although, the show has got me missing New Orleans, because after all, that is the first place I watched it.

Which brings me to my next thought. I might not go back to the City. I still could. But, I've become enamored with the idea of going some place else or even starting a different graduate program all together. I don't know. Would anyone going back miss me? I think Katrina washed away more than just some of my property.

Everyday, Waking Up Next To Your Boyfriend's Crack Pipe

It's like,
I have the answers
To all of your questions
But I'm no help;
You're still in the same old routines.
I love you,
But right now
I hate the things you're doing.
You and I have had a past.
Me and You should have never lasted.
But here we are on the phone,
And you're waiting for me to condone
All the mistakes you've made these past three months-
Relationships that have gone bust.
And now, with your lines drawn white
You want,
You need,
Everything to be alright.
But life isn't that easy
And though I've had sleazier moments
This could top them all.
Yet I try so hard
To get you to see
That this kind of self-depreciating behavior
Isn't what anyone means
When they say,
Liberty is free.
Your choices are yours.
I'm not here to judge.
Character makes martyrs for those who indulge.
Get away,
Flee the scene
Apathy is a crime and you can plainly see.
Please fix this mess
Help yourself resist,
Don't confuse love for crime
Or when he says he'll make up the time.
Staying out with strippers and gangsters
Is fine for a bachelor
But not when your talking about settling down.
I don't know his angle
Maybe you don't have a scheme
But I don't want to read your obituary
In the state-news magazine.
Surviving life isn't hard
You just can't be so foolish.
Please, get help with your life
Before it's no longer worth living.

In case you were unaware

No, I have not died. I am actually getting a new job. What might this new venture be? The circus. Now I know you're all laughing, but you need to stop. The pay is so much better than teaching. I will have my own show. What is my talent? I'm the hairy woman! Of course I have to begin the slow and painfully long process of sex-change operational surgery. This is to, as you will surly affirm, very important to the gimmick. Plus, I just realized that in another life, I was probably a female.

Truthfully, I've just been busy and don't feel I have much to say.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

In Melbourne, Florida tonight, it's supposed to get 35 degrees, with a wind chill that makes it feel like 25 degrees. Now, I'm not one for complaining, (well, sometimes I do) but this is Florida for goodness sakes! I wish it had been colder during Christmas rather than now. It was around 75 degrees on Christmas day, which is nice. But, man... tonight it's going to be freezing.

On Transposing

Don't just not call or write
Because we had a stupid fight

It's the morning after
And I'm mourning...
Today there is no laughter

Hey, though I am lame
I wasn't trying to play a game

All my reservations
Were important and right
They were there to keep us in the line of sight

But I did something
I knew that it was devastating
The damage that has been done is beyond estimating

I need to say sorry
I owe you big
If there's any way, can you please forgive?

There are so many things I want to say
But I have so little time left in my day

I sincerely loved you
I really did care
Dumb stuff didn't matter (like the length of your hair)

But at the cost of the rubble that remains under my feet
I guess we were too uncertain of where our lives would meet

I considered you one of my best friends
I deeply enjoyed sharing my life with you
Are friends supposed to have this kind of view?

Vulnerability is only an estimation of where we were
Our lives transparent was where the problem occurred

As fun as talking about running away was
It was certainly improbable
Heck, you and me was probably impossible

We were much too different
This wasn't our intent

Respective lines were crossed
East and west
But if I had to say it,
You were one of the best

I was tired of the friends I had
And I enjoyed talking until two
I cherished getting to know you

Boundaries are good and flirting is bad
So many things were detrimental to the relationship we had

Genuine sincerity for a love so pure
As I now look up to this grey and hazy sky
I'm sorry I wasn't able to be that guy

To Get To Know Me

I did this for a friend last night on myspace. I typically hate these things, but I thought I put some unique responses, so now you can learn more about me.

Two Names You Go by:
1. Jeffery Glen Watkins
2. Crazy Face Johnson

Two Parts of Your Heritage:
1. Southern
2. Norwegian

Two Things That Scare You:
1. Monopolistic Corporate Conglomerate Capitalists
2. Leaning too far back on a swing

Two Everyday Essentials:
1. A toilet
2. Reef flip flops

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Black Further Seems Forever Shirt
2. Blue ("new wash") Levi Jeans

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (Right now...)
1. Pedro The Lion
2. Aimee Mann

Two Things You Want in a Relationship:
1. Non-typical routines
2. Someone who shares a fervent understanding of sacrificial love

Two Truths (about yourself):
1. I hate myself most days
2. I have never seen snow or been on an airplane

Two things you hate:
1. Phrases
2. Feeling awkward

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You
1. Boobs
2. A witty smile

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Excelling at mediocrity (hat tip, Hugh)
2. Being a musical elitist

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. A record player
2. A Wife (either order)

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. Hawaii
2. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame museum

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Have a work of mine published in media (print, song, etc)
2. Kiss a black woman

Two people I would like to see take this quiz
1. Nobody
2. Anybody