Collected Thoughts

I hate sitting here trying to write and getting distracted. So I'm just going to launch right into it. I made this sound serious, but it's not.

I hate certain posts that I sometimes write which possibly give the impression that I give two spitwads about people like Tom Cruise, and what happens with his life.

I hate how right now I'm tempted to come up with more things I hate when in fact I had other things I wanted to write.

It's undeniable, hatred sells. So...to appease your tormented soul I'll offer a few more notes of hate.

I hate how in a post like this that because I started with incosequential information you probably think there will be no substance from me tonight.

I hate that you'd be right.

I hate trying to explain myself in the confines of a weblog, always aware of how someone is bound to misunderstand and comment according to their misunderstanding. It rarely happens these days, but it used to be routine and I just can't shake the thought.

I hate that I feel the need to offer an example to further explain the previous paragraph. For example, I'm confident that I will have a job within two weeks. This is based on communications with several potential employers which lead me to believe that they think I stand a strong chance. This example makes sense, sure, but I imagine a skeptic saying "Geez, he doesn't have a job yet. Unbelievable."

I hate how these last two paragraphs are so much bigger than the others.

I hate when it takes a lot of words to say a whole lot of nothing.

What can I say? I'm a hater, but I've got a lot of love too.

Tonight I painted my first real painting. I spent three hours on it. It will take 2 days or longer to dry.

Tomorrow we're going to Jackson to stay at Donna's mom's house. I need to take some typing tests on her computer but we're mostly just going to go. This is a recent turn of events, and a surprising one at that. We, myself included, enjoy going to see Ms. Mary and the rest of the family. A strange turnaround indeed.

Saturday we three are going to see Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. This is the summer movie I'm most looking forward to seeing.

We'll return Sunday to try another church. To be honest, we haven't been every Sunday. Actually, it's been more like the exception. But we're sick of not going.

This past Wednesday we tried Cornerstone Church, just outside of Nashville in Madison. We had out and about in town that afternoon when it was time to head toward church. Our plan had been to go to 1st Baptist but I saw this billboard for Cornerstone and asked if we could change the plan. I thought I had seen it on the SBC website. I had never considered a church withouta middle word in its title. I kind of hoped it was a baptist church that identifies with the principles of the "emerging church". We walked in and immediately loved the look and feel of the place. However, it turned out to be an Assembly of God church. Of course, we didn't know this until it was too late. I don't think they're off doctrinally, it's just such a different church experience/environment that it felt pretty awkward.

That last paragraph serves as another example of lot of words saying lot of nothing. Blech.

I'm trying to train myself to not be so anxious and/or compulsive. Like, a bad habit of mine is checking through the peephole and through the door multiple times during the day. Mainly, I check because I'm paranoid one of the maintenance guys is going to need to come into my apartment. We keep it clean and the people here have given us no evidence that they'll be intrusive or invasive like the gang at Graceland Manor. So, I'm battling the compulsion to look over and over again.

Another example of this same thing is how I worry about money. I compulsively check our bank online and by phone. As the webpage loads I have imagined the balance being significantly lower than I had anticipated. Pretty much every time it's the same as when I last looked. I've been trying to tell myself that because we keep up with our money we won't be surprised by it. I have to keep fighting it.

One of my favorite movies is Nobody's Fool starring Paul Newman. I mention this because I re-watched it the other night and it inspired a fresh perspective. And that is, I want to live a simple life. It's a virtue. A person goes to college and they learn to speak this language of calling, long-term goals and degree programs. In reality that's all a bunch of malarkey. We flatter ourselves with our ambition and plans. I've always hated the quote but John Lennon was right, "life is what happens while you're busy making plans." Wedding days and graduations are fun, but it's all the other days that tell the story.

Next Thursday we're going to see Ben Folds and Weezer. Whoa yeah.

I've gotten into watching soap operas.

I've been thinking about doing stand-up.

Donna has figured out how to replicate the Zesty Ranch chicken sandwich that AppleBee's has. The secret is Lee's Buffalo sauce.

Besides the radio, I hardly listen to music these days. My record player is broken and there is no cd player in the car. It's frustrating.

I'm eating ice because I'm thirsty and too lazy to make more Kool-Aid.

I hate to cut this short but I must.

Goodnight from the third floor.