My Last Late Night Beach Trip

I'm going to be in big trouble for this. It's 4am and I have to be awake at 8. I guess it's kind of late for a school night. Then again it isn't really a school night. Tomorrow is my graduation. Neato. About being done with it, I'm excited, however, about all of the pomp and circumstance and whatnot, well not really that excited. Well, maybe excited but in the negative sense. Anxious. Why God why do I have to sit at the end of a row? It's too much responsibility. I already have too much to think about...like if my tassel is on the correct side or when I am to remove my cap or when I stand or walk or where I walk. Sometimes, if sometimes is possible, I have social anxiety disorder or something that feels like that is described. Part of me worries that I will sleep straight through the graduation ceremony. Another part hopes that I do. I suppose people would be disappointed if I didn't show.

By the time I log on again to check comments the anxiety will likely be a distant memory. Probably. But right now I am sweaty(even though the air is on), my eye is irritated,I can't stop sniffling and I just feel like a bad dude. I guess I just needed somebody to talk to. I could call Donna but the other day I broke my phone cord so calling anyone isn't really an option. (Besides then she'd know that I was still awake; I don't want to get into any trouble.) I was just feeling stressed out and she was totally great, but it was time to say goodnight...and no amount of talking at that point could get me to believe that everything is cool. Maybe I'm just stubborn. It was like she had totally expended all possible "cheer me up" speeches. nothing remained to be spoken. I felt some sort of sad and rushed to say goodnight. So I said it and morosely shut the door and walked as slow as I could into my apartment. I thought about just going over and knocking on her door and saying that I was sorry and that I love her and that yes, I know everything is going to be okay. Still, I just felt the conversation would get nowhere because I still felt stubborn.

So I saved her the aggravation, I guess. I came into my house, got ready for bed and put on So by Peter Gabriel. I made a trade with Jeff tonight and this was what I received. The music carries with it a sort of Simon and Garfunkel quality to it. Like, the innocence and the poetry and what not. Plus, its combined with 80s synthesizer which at least for me creates a sense of optimism. I wanted to listen to the second half but I'm too lazy to see about turning it over. I think I'm going to hit the hay now. Look for me tomorrow, I'll be wearing all black and a baby blue tassel...and some of Jeff's clothes. Well, I have a pair of socks and a tie of his. I have clothes of my own but they were hiding when I looked for them. I need at least three and a half hours of beauty rest...so I better get going. Later.