Famous Last Words

Friday afternoon I was sure, for a change, that I'd get a lot done during the weekend. It's Sunday and ,with barely anything to show for these three days, I'm mad at myself again. This seems to be the cycle every week and it is getting easier to hate myself. It's not that I get nothing done. It's not that I am totally irresponsible. Or it could be. Perspective is hard to come by right now. My goal here is to write an intensely honest post. I expect one of two things will happen as a result: If you care you may find yourself worried that I'm not going to pull through; If you are indifferent then maybe you can laugh at my folly. I have friends who can do both.

I'm not writing this to be assured. That's certainly not what I'm looking for. And if any of you have kept up with my writing understand this isn't the typical end of the semester blog of despair. I suppose it might seem so. I must insist that it isn't. Yes, we're down to the wire. Yes, I'm near despair. It'll take a hail mary touchdown and a sudden death victory to pull this one off. I'm not writing this to be slapped around or called an idiot. I call myself enough names. I've challenged myself to a playground duel afterschool on many occassion. Quite literally. I don't need your help to realize my state. It's not the worst ever. It certainly isn't the worst boat I've ever been in or the worst bed I never made. At the current time I just felt the need to take a lot of words to say something minor. And it took me a lot of words to say all of that.

This is blabber mostly. Of course, I'm not telling you anything new. Yawn. I find myself here at 1:14 after another unaccomplished weekend. The scenario is often similar to last week which played out something like this: I was proud of Donna for how relentlessly she had labored on a paper even sacrificing sleep. It was Friday and I thought she deserved some change of pace as an award. So I had this sweet idea of taking her to the matinee. We saw Envy and believe it or not, we liked it. Then, we realize some free rental coupon would expire the next day if we didn't use them. However, they were not in the car. So we then returned from Dothan, retrieved the coupon and went back. Between the drive and dinner and picking out the movies we got home after midnight.

So, at this point we felt we'd be disappointed if we didn't go ahead and watch one of the movies. Afterall, Friday was pretty much shot. At this point in time, I rationalize that Saturday will be the "big day". I think Jeff ended up coming over and we all hung out a little after the movie ended. I walk home between two and three. We had decided it would be better if we got plenty of sleep before getting started on everything. Upon waking up I call Donna and we then move to get lunch. After we finish eating we sit here in my house. Donna worked furiously like a little ant. I tried to give the appearance of work and mumbled despairingly painful remarks like "I hate myself" and "I hate my life." All the while I know I don't mean it. These are just the smartest expressions I can come up to express what I get to feeling is an unredeemable situation. I got another awful migraine and in my angst laid on my couch. Two hours later I awoke to find still none of my work had finished itself.

Then, as it usually goes, I get up and sit at the table. I'm quieter now than before. Now I realize my inability to say how I feel in constructive ways. Over the next few hours I manage to get merely a fraction of what I needed to get done. And then it's Sunday. Church takes half the day. The weekend is basically shot. I look forward in anticipation, aggravation and hope, longing for Monday to yield more product. I have a long to-do list, but it will all come together. We have to remember I've managed to pull bigger oxes out of bigger ditches. I know based on all of that that I got this one. I've made the joke that it would be unlike the true spirit of my college career if I didn't wait until the last week to get most everything in. It's a funny thought and it's even made me smile, but I wouldn't do this for the sake of humor.

For your bewilderment I present to you, My To-Do List:

TH302
2 Teaching Practicums
7 Doctrine and Prayer Projects(these take me about 30 minutes each)
1 Credo

LA450
Case Study/Case Study Analysis
2 Framework Interviews
Finish Extra Credit Book Review
Devotional

CE###
New Tolerance Book Review
Same-Sex Marriage Debate(over tomorrow)

LA320
Stewardship Lesson

PHI302
Love Your God...Book Review

These classes are in order of priority. Heck, I don't even have to have the last class. Not that that makes a huge difference. Anyway, I'll have most of this done by this upcoming Friday and all of it in by the following Monday, the first day of finals week. And if that weren't incredible enough I'll actually be proud of my work. Top that. Perhaps it seems I'm soon to eat my words or put my foot in my mouth...but who knows they might taste good.