First Day Jitters

I remember when I was too young for school. The first time I realized my sister was away at elementary school I was sad. I sat in front of a static-screened TV. I cried, I think because I missed her and felt left out. For the time being Mr. Rogers and a certain overgrown canary would have to be my friends and teachers. Sometimes it's easy to envy the little ones and to covet those days of little to no formal book learning.

Those days feel prehistoric to me. School has taken at least a third of every day I've lived since I was 5 years old. At the least. I've spent almost 6 solid years of my life sitting in classrooms. I'd like to calculate how much time I've spent procrastinating or making excuses for late work or pretending to be attentive or just struggling to remain conscious. I would like to know how much time I've given to homework, how many hours I've spent reading and how much of that was re-reading the same lines over. I'd like to figure up how many times I've thrown a book at the wall or damned school to hell. Wretched Minion.

But none of that math will put me anywhere else. This is where I am and to tell you the truth I like the place. Maybe its taken this long but I think for once I'm comfortable as a student, which is a good thing since today is the first day of the new semester.

Today is one of the most pretentious days of the year. People are never happier to see each other and their noses are never browner. In another sense it is probably the most hopeful day of the college year. The average student can sometimes convince himself that he is going to be above average for a change. So maybe that's all I'm doing. Yet, somehow I don't believe that.

I'm not expecting you to buy into this new proclamation of a better me. I especially don't expect my professors to. Don't believe me. That's fine. This is something that we will see or fail to see as time progresses.

I did better in the spring both by grade and by effort, but I expect to trump that double. This summer I took two classes, made two A's, and learned a lot. Of those 5 weeks of class I was never tardy and was only absent one day for a funeral. No longer is my absentee policy to miss the maximum allowable. No longer is anything short of academic excellence acceptable. I want students and faculty to perceive me as a serious student. I'm even willing to dress differently to get that point across.

I pay for past mistakes, in more ways than one: time and money. My school used to be paid for by a government agency. I lost that. Now it all comes out of my pocket. Something about that makes motivation easier. Also, my shenanigans have cost me a year. That's right, I should have graduated in May. But because I lollygagged so much I added a year to my sentence. That year is composed greatly of retakes.

Being a hot shot graduate and all, this is Jeff's first day not here. I miss him and feel left out. We were students together before we were ever friends, so after three years I've gotten used to that. I'll miss things like talking about what we were learning and keeping each other company in the computer lab. I don't expect to see him today. It's OK. I'll get over it. One day I'll be a hot shot too.