Can't Top That

I think we've been afraid to post on top of Justin's final blog. Out of both fear and reverence, of course. Jeff and I discussed this the other night. I wondered, momentarily, if Justin was pulling that retirement joke again. I trusted that he would not be so lame. The first time was funny. The second, well, that would just be playing with my emotions.

I started to use the word "bittersweet". Then contemplated if it were appropriate. I find it is. But that may not mean what you may think. Follow me. I've been friends with Justin "Beardhat" Mcleod almost since we met in the fall of 2000. Very early on I noticed how warm and accepting he was. He was also open-minded in all the right ways, like music and movies and things where opinions reign. He made me feel like, well, like I was cool. And like I was someone worth being friends with.

Over the next three some-odd years we had a lot of fun, laughs, as well as, meaningful open-hearted conversations. In this way, Justin has always been a Swiss Army knife kind of guy, you know, all purpose. We could go catch a movie or absorb an album of songs together on a car ride to Dothan. Or we could just as well fry up some hamburger helper and talk about girl troubles. His. Mine. Ours. You know the bit.

There was more to it than that, I guess I should say. We also talked about things like foreign policy and our own mortality. Mostly, we talked about matters of faith. That's where we were most alike and connected. We both desired a very real and personal faith. We couldn't settle for other people feeding us truth. We wanted to own it. He made me feel like I was deep. And like I had important things to say. Even if it wasn't true most of the time.

These paragraphs began as another post altogether. When I almost typed "bittersweet" I got to thinking and this is the result. I feel the same way about Justin quitting To Whom as I do about him leaving town. I don't necessarily like it or enjoy the fact, but I understand its the route he must take. And I'm happy for him. He's been wanting to leave for a long time. I've grown to understand the feeling. I hear you can be lost anywhere, but I think when its time to go its time to go. On that note, buddy, get going.

I have this fear that with Justin's official resignment that the site will fall apart soon after. I realize that he hasn't written as much as Jeff, but then again who does? But, we three started this thing together. Well, it was Justin's and he let us in on it. He also let me pretend I was an editor. Ha ha. Whether it falls apart or not, time will tell. What bothers me more is that this era of my life is drawing to a close. Justin, Graceville will miss you. Even if you never miss it at all.

I moved in with Justin this past summer. That lasted about three months.
It could have worked out, but it didn't. At the time I thought it was mostly his fault. He could have just as well blamed me. But knowing him, he probably didn't. I suppose it's human inclination to delegate the blame. That doesn't make it right. It wasn't like we got mad and stopped being friends. We just didn't hang out as much. And I hate that. I sincerely regret it.

But that doesn't make him any less my friend, or any less important in my life. He's moving to Ocala and I swear I'm not secretly applauding. It's just really started to hit me today. He's really going to do it. I'm kinda proud, I guess. It's bittersweet, you know. So that was what I wanted to write to you all today.

Stay Gold Beardhat, Stay Gold.