Brightest by Copeland from Beneath Medecine Tree

If you find yourself here
On my side of town
I pray that you'd come to my door

And talk to me
Like you don't know
What we ever fought about
Because I don't remember anymore

I just know that she warms my heart
And knows what all my imperfections are

And she said that I was the brightest
Little firefly in her jar

And I just know that she warms my heart
And knows what all my imperfections are

And she says that I am the brightest
Little firefly in her jar

I Am Sorry

Notice I didn't write I'm sorry. I'm sorry implies an apology will follow with the asking of forgiveness. And while I need to do that, too, I'm merely writing a post about how I am just a sorry person. Sorry being equated with wretched, horrible, rancid, et cetera (you pick a suitable synonym).

Tonight I wrote somewhere that bad things happen because human beings are selfish. But the truth of it is, I make bad things happen because I am selfish. I am. Yes, I am.

I'm sorry.

I Just Don't Know

I am me.

In my efforts to be a person of substance, I often try to be more than I really am. Which is, at best, so far from what I actually need to be. What am I Nothing more than some skin and bones. So, what do I want to be? I don't know. "Want" seems to be the question that would be the episode to end the season finale of my life. Answering that dilemma would be tantamount to finally kissing the girl and living happily ever after. All the concluding answers seem to resolve within that one key question. Yet, to find the answer to that quandary, my life has to be in some sort of order for a solution to be found. Solutions are like garden hoses; easy to unravel, but so hard to make them appear like they were when originally found. If I am incorrect in my question asking, no matter even if I get the beloved paramount response, my inquisitive nature has been damaged because I was not asking the right questions to begin with. The right question--though correct seems to be a relative term--would ease the tension caused in the first place. Then, when I ask the right question, I will get the right answer. There lies the solution. Whether the result I find meets with my approval or not is up to how I feel at the moment, which is to say that my attitude is the main pain causing me to experience strife. Changing my attitude will help me find comfort when I am feeling lost. The heart is deceitful and its subsequent desires are usually wicked. I need to want my heart to be right, then I will know what I need. Stop trying to be and just be me.

I don't know much... except that I am me.

Hello Mother, Hello Father

Strangely enough, it is that time once again for the first day of school. I've had many of these; some bad, some good. I'm hoping this first day, the start of my 17th year, will be like the memorable ones before. I'm anticipating greeting my professors and eager to show them that I am not just another kid. I've got my new school clothes, new school shoes, school supplies, and apples for my teachers all ready in tote. I can't wait for this day. It is finally here!

This is about all the fiction I can muster up.

Methodism: A Hymn

"As good a church, as can be found,
Their doctrine is so pure and sound,
One reason which I give for this,
The Devil hates the Methodist.
If Satan could them all destroy,
The troops of hell would shout for joy;
I'll pray that God would them increase
And fill the world with Methodists."

Written long ago, but found in this article

X X X

Not hardcore music or that other adult thing, but something significantly life savoring for me is symbolic in the placing of three x's in a sequential order. Last night some friends and I went bowling and I bowled my first turkey ever. And I'm not even really that good.

"You Are My Biggest Fan"

Despite all of the peer pressure I face from friends and family to get a cell phone, I have not given in just yet. But, cell phones are good for one thing: address books. I have a hard time keeping up with numbers and addresses, so I bought me a little grey address book (a chicktionary as Blaize refers to it). So if you would like to make sure you are in this book, comment or write me an email (jeffyjeff[at]gmail[dot]com) and give me your info. Thanks.

Waiting For Hardees To Open

Its nights like these
That make me be appreciative for the breath I have to breathe
Driving around streets that feel alone
A place you never wanted to call your home
Somehow, someway, it all makes sense today
Now, tomorrow comes, and I don't want to forget
I seem to be growing older every minute
But I catch the secondhand pausing--
Have you looked at a clock
Just to watch it stop
Have you ever stopped to watch your life
Passing moments are like a foray into the unknown
I wanted to write something meaningful
Like the greats before
I still can't find my edge
Not quite sure what I'm looking for
Pity, because potential is wasted
Like the youth that the young dismiss
I want to find this mystery
A loving romance, not just lustful imagery
I'm tired and I'm ready to sleep
Not for eternity, just until the afternoon
For now, I'm enjoying the sunrise
Like the day that starts each new eve
Something special is yours to perceive
Taking philosophies for more than they are meant
Living your life by someone else's screenplay
Too many days I have already let pass me
I need to catch up and enjoy them
Stop regretting what my heart won't forget
Life will only give you what you let it

and then there were three

I was jobless. Scared. And soon to be going for broke. I was on the verge of worries realized, being called a dead beat husband and a suffering slob, and having some sort of break down.

On Monday I was hired as a sales person at the Opryland Hotel. I am set to start next Monday. I was ecstatic that this meant we could stay. I was anxious that I could not handle or would not like this job. I got myself worked up and worried virtually over nothing. I couldn't help but hope one of the others would work out first.

I became more accustomed to the notion. I knew that I would adjust well to it. And then came the loop.

I was contacted by Bonnie at the Ryman about an opportunity there. I was called by Gini at Books-A-Million about starting there.

Before I panicked about not having a job. Now I panick about how to choose.