I'll Catch You

Okay, this might be long or short. I've written it in my mind, but as of yet, have not typed out the thoughts. Thus the reason for the rambled yet-to-be-fully-developed thought process.

Pre-Script: I know the conclusion before I even start--God's timing!

My pal Neil wrote a post at DYL which deals with the same subject matter. It somewhat influenced this, but this is really stuff I've been dealing with for a few weeks now. Suffice to say, nobody has inspired this post. Just me. Me and my self-loathing. It's a hoot.

I want to be married, and I'm ready, I think.

I'm as ready as I can be, but I probably could be more prepared, as with anything in this life. I'm not altogether really sure what it takes or what it requires. There isn't a real checklist or anything. I know there is a process, perhaps, but that only seems to be part of the problem. I am sure that I am on my way to becoming a man after God's own heart (the process is just so painfully slow). I know, more than anything, that's what it takes to be a good husband to a wife. My slow spiritual status is not just the problem.

I would like to write about how I do the right thing when looking for a mate, but it's not true. In pursuing potential spouses, I delegate ladies into four categories:

A. Women that I am attracted to and would consider dating.
B. Women that are attractive, but have ruined that by doing something stupid.
C. Women that I am not attracted to at all and would just consider friends.
D. Women that were once not attractive in my eyes, but now are.

That's it. It's a simple process. Easier than calculus. I'm sure most guys do this too. (I've been told by women that most girls do this as well.) Factually, more men probably just have the two categories (attracted to and not). I'm at least branching out. The multiple choice series I have presented here is ridiculous. Why should I think that I can degrade women to a simple list? I don't know either. But, I guess the list isn't the worse thing ever. It's not the best either.

So, back to my point. I'm ready to get married. But I don't know what it takes. I mean, as far as being able to support myself, save money, pay off debt, pay my bills, be independent, etc, I've got it all down (not that I'm currently doing it). I am pretty mature. I go to work without ever really calling out. I've got this adulthood thing down! Yet, I'm still alone. Like Elton John said, "Sad songs say so much." Although, he was singing about a dude.

This may sound cliche or even a bit prideful, but I know some of you reading this [the opposite sex, mind you] who would want to possibly marry me, and that's flattering, really. I've probably even considered you, too. I actually bet I've thought about you (if I've met you; maybe even if I haven't). That's just who I am.

I have thought about marrying a ton of girls. I'm a bit slutty in the manner. I can't help that though. I always think about it. I don't really date women who I don't consider marriage material. I don't really date. I pursue relationships and when that fizzles out, I commence with the messing around. I am a plague.

So... where is this going? I told you, nowhere.

This post has nothing specifically about the Bible, but I have sought it, so don't think I'm not going there. I'm just trying to work through these thoughts. What is this marriage stuff about? Neil thinks it's about finding a helpmate and I agree. I just want my helpmate to attract me. Not just with her body; mind, soul, spirit, intellect, humor, wit, brashness, selflessness, sinful nature--all those things. Whoever I choose to be with, will have to be a sinner like me. I can't win with these high expectations. I'm kidding. Someone who is a sinner, how many times do you hear a guy say that? Let's be real. I'm worse than you. But, none our righteous. So here we are again.

It's really so simple. Seek God, and all these things will be given. I make jokes, but that's what I need to do. Does this include talking about dating to every girl I am good friends with? Probably not. Does it hurt? Maybe not. I don't know. I'm giving up on what I know to be true. I'm trying to redefine my definitions. But ask me tomorrow. Ask me if I've thought more about God doing this for me or me helping me. When I help myself, that is when I'm the most helpless.