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Jeff Watkins
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Previous Posts

Ch... Ch... Ch... Changes
This is my phone
I Did It
Take In Forgiveness; Everyone Deserves It
Hearts Once Nourished With Hope and Compassion
"How the girls can turn to ghosts before your eyes...
Many Ploys
carrie and her fanatical ideas
For You To Poop On
If Only Other Things Were This Reliable

© To Whom It May Concern 2002-2010, except for cited or source material.


Friday, July 07, 2006

I'll Catch You

Okay, this might be long or short. I've written it in my mind, but as of yet, have not typed out the thoughts. Thus the reason for the rambled yet-to-be-fully-developed thought process.

Pre-Script: I know the conclusion before I even start--God's timing!

My pal Neil wrote a post at DYL which deals with the same subject matter. It somewhat influenced this, but this is really stuff I've been dealing with for a few weeks now. Suffice to say, nobody has inspired this post. Just me. Me and my self-loathing. It's a hoot.

I want to be married, and I'm ready, I think.

I'm as ready as I can be, but I probably could be more prepared, as with anything in this life. I'm not altogether really sure what it takes or what it requires. There isn't a real checklist or anything. I know there is a process, perhaps, but that only seems to be part of the problem. I am sure that I am on my way to becoming a man after God's own heart (the process is just so painfully slow). I know, more than anything, that's what it takes to be a good husband to a wife. My slow spiritual status is not just the problem.

I would like to write about how I do the right thing when looking for a mate, but it's not true. In pursuing potential spouses, I delegate ladies into four categories:

A. Women that I am attracted to and would consider dating.
B. Women that are attractive, but have ruined that by doing something stupid.
C. Women that I am not attracted to at all and would just consider friends.
D. Women that were once not attractive in my eyes, but now are.

That's it. It's a simple process. Easier than calculus. I'm sure most guys do this too. (I've been told by women that most girls do this as well.) Factually, more men probably just have the two categories (attracted to and not). I'm at least branching out. The multiple choice series I have presented here is ridiculous. Why should I think that I can degrade women to a simple list? I don't know either. But, I guess the list isn't the worse thing ever. It's not the best either.

So, back to my point. I'm ready to get married. But I don't know what it takes. I mean, as far as being able to support myself, save money, pay off debt, pay my bills, be independent, etc, I've got it all down (not that I'm currently doing it). I am pretty mature. I go to work without ever really calling out. I've got this adulthood thing down! Yet, I'm still alone. Like Elton John said, "Sad songs say so much." Although, he was singing about a dude.

This may sound cliche or even a bit prideful, but I know some of you reading this [the opposite sex, mind you] who would want to possibly marry me, and that's flattering, really. I've probably even considered you, too. I actually bet I've thought about you (if I've met you; maybe even if I haven't). That's just who I am.

I have thought about marrying a ton of girls. I'm a bit slutty in the manner. I can't help that though. I always think about it. I don't really date women who I don't consider marriage material. I don't really date. I pursue relationships and when that fizzles out, I commence with the messing around. I am a plague.

So... where is this going? I told you, nowhere.

This post has nothing specifically about the Bible, but I have sought it, so don't think I'm not going there. I'm just trying to work through these thoughts. What is this marriage stuff about? Neil thinks it's about finding a helpmate and I agree. I just want my helpmate to attract me. Not just with her body; mind, soul, spirit, intellect, humor, wit, brashness, selflessness, sinful nature--all those things. Whoever I choose to be with, will have to be a sinner like me. I can't win with these high expectations. I'm kidding. Someone who is a sinner, how many times do you hear a guy say that? Let's be real. I'm worse than you. But, none our righteous. So here we are again.

It's really so simple. Seek God, and all these things will be given. I make jokes, but that's what I need to do. Does this include talking about dating to every girl I am good friends with? Probably not. Does it hurt? Maybe not. I don't know. I'm giving up on what I know to be true. I'm trying to redefine my definitions. But ask me tomorrow. Ask me if I've thought more about God doing this for me or me helping me. When I help myself, that is when I'm the most helpless.

posted by Jeff Watkins at 11:49 PM


Blogger joe kennedy said...

You know, I started reading, and as usual I picked out one word and started freaking out. Okay, not totally freaking out, but I just hate the word "mate" when used in these kinds of situations. Is that all she's there for? To have sex with and make the babies? A mate? Oy vey. Man there's so much more- a partner in life (crime... we can name plenty of stereotypes). But "mate" sounds so... sterile. We're not talking about lizard love or breedin' like rabbits. We're talking about so much more. Dang. Now I got on a kick about it, but you hit one of those "Joe buttons" that float randomly in space, that you never know you're hitting until one day I show up ranting and raving.

8:28 AM  
Blogger Jeff Watkins said...

Wow, Joe, thanks for being uber-critical of a sensative topic and neglecting to mention anything positive in what I wrote at all, except for over-analyzing one randomly chosen word.

Maybe your definition or impression of "mate" should be fixed. defines it as:

1. One of a matched pair: the mate to this glove.
2. A Spouse.

Only then does it mention animals as the third. I realize that animals mate, but it was not the context I used it in. Perhaps adding 'help' to it makes it better, but I'm still trying to find a mate nonetheless. Yeah, I'm fine with saying that.

9:43 AM  
Blogger notreallycreative said...

It's funny. I had gotten to a point in my life when I decided I had no desire to be married until all of the following:
a. I have my Master's
b. I Understand a little more about what I want and desire
c. I am 30 years old.

I decided all of that and yet the question of true love and a healthy marriage still plague my mind. I desperatly want to be married too. The biggest thing that scares me is not that I will not find a man to love, honor, and cherish me but rather that I will not be able to love, honor, and cherish someone more than myself and thus, find myself alone.

Sorry this is so long but I, too, have pondered all the things you wrote about. It's all so confusing to me and I wonder how God works in these situations. Any thoughts since you posted?

5:10 PM  
Anonymous ~*Mickie*~ said...

"I am a plague."

"When I help myself, that is when I'm the most helpless."

Dang. Since when do you sneak inside my mind???

All I can say is, I feel your pain. I'm pretty sure I am doing the opposite of the things that will bring to me to a happy marriage, even though that is the strongest urge and deepest desire of my heart right now... *sigh*... Marytrdom and self-sabotage are my specialties... "Order up!"

8:46 PM  
Anonymous Lauren said...

This is my preface: Okay. So I'm bored and randomly found this through your myspace profile. Thus.

Here's my thoughts on marriage. All right. It's never about just being ready to be married. If you want to look at it that way, I've been ready to be married since I got out of college two years ago. I was supporting myself, I was emotionally stable, I had a job, no loans, et cetera. However, those things did not come into play when I was dating around. I always took the "eh, let's see where this goes" approach. And why did I take that approach? Because I hadn't found the right person. So, really, I wasn't actually ready to be married. The idea of marriage is great. But it's not..something you can just be ready for. In my own humble opinion you must have the person you want to be married to in the picture before you can say you're ready for marriage. Because marriage is about two people. A 'helpmate' is definitely necessary.

10:59 AM  

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