"Sing Again"

It was not tricky to enjoy
A cigarette in hand was the key to understanding
To seek out and to destroy
The mindless oversights
A string of faithless nights

We sing again
Sing together with quiet eyes
I'd lower my chin to my chest
I thought that would be best

Another pattern of the bricks
Bundles of cells dividing
And South Dakota driving
The very darkest, dirty tricks
If we still cared at all we'd send a battle call

We sing again
Sing together with firey eyes
A rangle alive in our chests
No this is not a test

Let's sing again
Sing together without disguise
Let's raise up a song in unrest
I think that would be best

Here's to poison
You will hear the noises
You will feel the breaking
It's all yours for the taking

A life packed full of mindless joy
It is not easy to enjoy

Chris Walla, from Field Manuel

"Lullaby"

The sun shines and leaves blow
And my hope like autumn is turning brown
And I know it seems like I'm always falling down

But it does not matter to me
Although it seems like it should
It's because I know I'm understood when I hear Him say,
"Rest in me little David Jeffery
And dry all your tears
You can lay down your armor
And have no fear
Cause I'm always here
When you're tired of running
And I'm all the strength that you need"

It's uphill both ways
Tomorrow I swear I won't act this way
And I know it seems like that is what I always say

But it does not matter to me
Although it seems like it should
It's because I know I'm understood when I hear Him say,
"Rest in me little David Jeffery
And dry all your tears
You can lay down your armor
And have no fear
Cause I'm always here
When you're tired of running
And I'm all the strength that you need"

You know I want to be like Jesus
But it seems so very far away
When will I learn to obey

By Pedro The Lion, from Whole EP

"Kill"

Well, you're just across the street
Looks a mile to my feet
I want to go to you
Funny how I'm nervous still
I've always been the easy kill
I guess I always will

Could it be that everything goes 'round by chance? (chance?)
Or only one way that it was always meant to be (be)
You kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say (hey hey, hey hey)
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

I can picture your face well
From the bar in my hotel
I wish I'd go to you
I pick up put down the phone
Like your favorite Heatmeiser song goes
It's just like being alone

Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain (vain)
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means (means)
You kill me, you've got some nerve, but can't face your mistakes (hey hey, hey hey)
I know what I should do, but I just can't turn away

So go on love
Leave while there's still hope for escape
Got to take what you can these days
There's so much ahead
So much regret
I know what you want to say
(Know what you want to say)
I know it but can't help feeling differently
I loved you, and I should have said it
But tell me just what has it ever meant

I can't help it baby, this is who I am (am)
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel (feel)
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break (hey hey, hey hey)
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

by Jimmy Eat World, from Futures

Ticket To Ride

I think I'm gonna be sad,
I think it's today, yeah.
The girl that's driving me mad,
Is going away.

She's got a ticket to ride,
She's got a ticket to ride,
She's got a ticket to ride, but she don't care.

She said that living with me,
Is bringing her down, yeah.
For she would never be free when I was around.

She's got a ticket to ride,
She's got a ticket to ride,
She's got a ticket to ride, but she don't care.

I don't know why she's riding so high,
She ought to think twice,
She ought to do right by me.

I think I'm gonna be sad,
I think it's today, yeah.
The girl that's driving me mad,
Is going away.

She's got a ticket to ride,
She's got a ticket to ride,
She's got a ticket to ride, but she don't care.

I don't know why she's riding so high,
She ought to think twice,
She ought to do right by me.

Before she gets to saying goodbye,
She ought to think twice,
She ought to do right by me.

She said that living with me,
Is bringing her down, yeah.
For she would never be free when I was around.

The Beatles, from Help!

"When Sorrow Falls"

It's okay for me to say I love you
And it's okay for you to cry
The sorrow that you are feeling you should not deny
So why is it so trying to express the way I feel?
Just one moment you steal
Just one moment
Just one
Just one moment
Just one
Just one moment you steal
I still care and I still feel
Time and again
It's all too real
Separate and detache myself
I was running from all the pain I felt
I wasquestioning the way I am and the things with which I've dealt
Somewhere in the foothills of my mind
I know my ways just aren't right
They're not right
So I'll shrug it off and wear a grin
I'll carry on and just pretend
I still care
I still feel
Time and again it's all too real

by Stretch Arm Strong, from Rituals of Life

Just In Case You're Not Affected By The Economic Crisis

I never check the links I list on my blog. It has been so long since I've read any one's words. I did, however, recently realize that my own information was incorrect. I have been selling my stuff (and now mostly items I buy at reduced prices) on Amazon.com via the Marketplace for nearly six years. I sell books, DVDs, Cd's, etc. If you get a hankering for something and just want to spend some money, see if I have it. I'll even cut you a break if you're a friend. At some point, Amazon gave me my own store-personalized address. Perhaps everyone receives their own store now, but I know one used to be required to purchase a store. The link to my store was previously this long address convoluted with letters, numbers and a plethora of backslashes. Now, it is the very simple:

http://www.amazon.com/shops/punkboy11

Please stop by, I just may have what you always wanted. Or, just splurge and help me out.

P.S. I just lowered the price on nearly everything I'm selling.

These Are Not The Basketball Diaries

Oft I dream of grander times. I look at my accomplishments and realize I have not accomplished that much. I want to finish more than a pack of cigarettes. I want to be known... Not by the masses, but by the people who matter most to me. I want a lot. I probably want too much. Fame and fortune they are not. Time leaves me when I least expect it to. Rather, he isn't the one who stopped. I have quit. Given up. Finished. Something, sometimes, gets in my way. Memories are like obstacles. It's like a car trying to pass a parade. Even though city lights give way to country floods, I change the light bulbs anyway. Either way, I have another day. Another chance. A shot in the dark. Sparking. Restlessness is wrestled with by people who need help. I need it. Help. I need more than just a simple solution. No more restitution. Don't give me money because I took your place. Take what you want, but by legal means, please. Don't change your mind. Forget what you once thought was wise. I used to quote rappers as if they were Greek philosophers. I want to be Greek. But I got a D in the introductory course. Don't go to Greece. Don't play in the streets. Don't buy into this whole freedom scene. East goes east for the rest of the distance. Stars seem brighter when you are closer. Hollywood is just one place were movies are made. Virtuosity is far worse among those who practice a lot. Don't confuse this allotment for something more. A time or a spatial tenure, measured by means. Work. Live. Lye. Lay. Look. Don't back up. Tree trunks are in now. Forgive what you once thought. Lost little lessons. I don't know why. I just don't know. Why? Why what? Police truck. Don't get drunk. Don't sin. Be perfect. Never win. Exclaim the beauty. Repress the weak. Turn your last cheek. Deposit more money so you never run out. If money is worth having, don't waste it all. Collections rule. Depression, too. Laid down by the walls too heavy to hold above your head. Don't dread the dead. You know what? Dreamless nights are still a goodnight's sleep.

My Mind Says No, But My Body Says Yes

I don't want to come here ever again. It is such a mind numbing chore to blog. Who blogs anymore? I hear about these so-called bloggers who shape news and inform the public. If you have a web log that has been around for as long as To Whom, then you can say something. I read so much crap on the internet. So much pretentious fluff about God knows what. Who cares, really?

An update on my life:
I want to start blogging more frequently again.

Realization:
What did I just say?

Confession:
I sort of miss having a place to air grievances and share my life. I think I need to just stop being pretentious and treat this thing like what it ought to be, not what it could be. I am not a reporter. I am Jeff and this is my life.

Currently:
I graduated in December. I am still working for the Magnolia School in old Jefferson, Louisiana and living in New Orleans. This May will mark two years of employment.

Also, I am applying to Ph.D. programs now. Right now, working on stuff for Rice University and University of Louisville (in the areas of Religious Studies and Humanities, respectively). I also have been corresponding with the chair of the Religious Studies department at Brown University. I have missed the deadline to apply, but they have some unique things there that might be worth the investment of five more years in school. Why do I do this to myself?

Love and death,

Jeff

Enough with the 'Happy New Years' Already!

Okay, I know I'm too cynical at times. But it's the 8th of January. It has been the new year for like eight days now! I am tired of people wishing me a happy new year so far after the fact. If I wasn't fortunate enough to see you on the 31st, 1st, or 2nd, my apologies. If you want move beyond well-wishes and actually help me have a good 2009, just don't be a douche bag.

Thank you.