While You Were Busy Reading that Really Long Post

I'm going to bed early tonight because tomorrow is church. However, I have discovered that writing even the simplest post creates for me a sense of completion.

Another cool thing I've figured out is that if I space down at the right moment creates a dramatic effect and makes the post appear more substantial than it actually is.

And see that was only one sentence. Did you fall for it?

I get in a particular mood as I write and sometimes in as little as a few minutes that mood has changed. In this situation I review what I have written to that point and possibly lose interest.

Then I think about erasing the whole thing.

thinking

So this one gets to stay. Of course, you knew that. I hope.

What else can I write about besides whatever this is? Well, I've been thinking about quitting writing at this address.

y waning. Plus, I had intended to cut you a break tonight to make up for yesterday's post of great length.

And it's time for my nap anyway. Later friend.

While You Were Sleeping

It's that part of the day when the sky is lit but the timed flood lights are still on. Our routine lately has been to stay up until 4 or 5 and then sleep until after lunch. It's a nice routine, even though it may be a difficult one to get out of. The only trouble with this routine is many times I can stay awake so far passed the point of greatest exhaustion and then be unable to go to sleep. That and everyday this week we've had a crew chainsawing trees down. And that, necessarily, lasts from about 9-1. Donna turned in early tonight, around 3:00 am. In her absence I watched episodes 3-6 of Curb Your Enthusiasm's first season. The last couple episodes were a lot better than the first two, which Donna had watched with me. I considered that I would convince her to watch those two. Based on that I turned it off at the conclusion of the first disc. Now my television opportunities are limited to early morning news or an old preacher who gives sermons from his desk. So the news is on just for the noise. I'm drinking a cold, yet mysteriously flat tasting soda while trying to figure out the other things that I was going to write on. Oh yeah, that was one. I understand it's against the rules of grammar to end a sentence with a preposition. I can see how to comply with this rule, but do not understand the principle. I like to end on a preposition. It's what I'm all about. Ha ha. See. I did it again. Is this the best I can come up with? Probably. Thinking about this I've come to the conclusion that I'd never want to be an English teacher. I'd feel the need to enforce rules that I don't even enforce on myself and worse yet I'd have to suffer through a lifetime of crappy self-indulgent essays. Like this one. I've likely already mentioned this to you directly but I need to reiterate that Blockbuster's Movie Pass is wonderful. We've decided that we most like to rent t.v. shows. As mentioned previously, we got Curb Your Enthusiasm. We akso got the third disc of Scrubs. This rounded out the first season for us. Our Blockbuster does not carry any of the other seasons. We enjoy the show quite thoroughly and are now anxious to see the second season. This week, watching the show, I was reminded about how I had considered a career in modern medicine during the eight months that my uncle was in a coma. I didn't think about being a doctor, but more of a specialist instead. I thought it would be great to work with the comatosed and study possible ways of bringing them out of the coma. Now I can tell that idea was silly. Sweet but silly. I even thought that maybe this happened to my uncle so that I would come to understand my true calling. Sweet but silly, I flinch at the sight of a needle. One thing about Scrubs is that it makes me think about all the people who run the hospitals at all hours of the night while I spend the night watching DVDs. I won't share the profession with them, but nonetheless it gives me an increased sense of urgency. It's funny to be helped so much by fictional characters. It's like when you dream of an alternate reality that in its own way is cool. You awake to learn that this world did not exist. T.V. programs are written. And the comforting thing is that usually they are at least based on reality. It's tempting to let yourself think that the people who play your favorite characters are playing themselves. I'm sure there's a lot of truth to that, but it can't be entirely true. We want it to be true because even with their flaws we have enough information to let anything they do slide. We are without that privilege in the reality. We have our own separate feelings and are not a simple cheery bystander. There is a personal investment and it's much riskier than the possibility of not liking the movie you rent. I watch Curb Your Enthusiasn and I get a good laugh. However, if Larry David were to hang out in my neck of the woods I wouldn't laugh as much. I wouldn't say, "that guy is really funny." Instead, it would be more like, "that guy's a bastard." I relate...and that's the worst part. A couple nights ago I was thinking about how weird i is that my uncle and Mitch Hedberg have died. [Insert Overused Death Cliche Here] It just doesn't seem real. Death to most of us is like Foreign Missions, we've heard about some people who went and we may have given some money to that cause but as far as we can tell it's mythical and unnecessary. The money we gave must have just gone right back into the church. That funeral we went to was, in fact, a strange performance by the local nihilist theater troupe. But none of that is true. Not in the least. You know, how can comedians go on like nothing ever happened like everything is still a laugh riot? Funny has left the building, Mitch is no longer with us. Okay, that comes off a bit mellodramatic. It is sad, but the thing I'm trying to write about is that it's bizarre. I seriously was wondering late the other night if they had really died. I was really in need of a good night's rest that night. I wondered if it was also a dream. I didn't dream tonight because I didn't sleep. I may dream today and that could be cool. I just hope everyone survives it. I hope I can handle it when I remember that I'm not actually close personal freidns with whatever fictional character I dream about. I do that sometimes. Not all the time. It's mostly funny as opposed to pathetic. In any case, I guess it could be of help to think of Larry David. Some things are better kept at a distance. Then again, that's where we go wrong. We keep the "bastards" at a distance and break the world up into 6 billion tiny islands. Where is the life in that?

I've philosophied all that I can think of. It's on full bright now. So, that's all for now.

Tonight, Tonight

My roommate, Blaize, and I are going to Waffle House later on this evening. It feels like a dream come true. It's been so long since I've been. I've missed you, old friend.

A Quarter Century Old and Two Days

It's no consolation to me that there will not be a constellation tonight.

I'm thinking about getting a cell phone and joining the club. Does anyone have any advice on the club or cell phones in general?

I pity myself more than anyone else because I despise what I despair and all that I despair is what I despise and all that seems to be is stupidity.

My birthday was good. Thanks to everyone who wrote about it or shared it with me.

Golden births are like golden calves-idols, idols, idols.

You Can't See Me

Tonight a girl told me that people who have a "different" sense of humor make her laugh. I didn't know whether to be honored or offended.

It's funny.

For so long, I wanted nothing more than to be different from everyone else. But now that I am, sometimes, I would trade anything, just to be like everyone else.

Oh yeah, today I'm 25.

Although, last year I worked, this is my first birthday without being near my parents. I am a grownup.

Not a member of the Tom-Tom Club.

In high school a friend of mine took his life. This jerk quarterback made a under-his-breath remark that David was in hell. What I wanted to do was pull Freddy off the railing he sat on with my arm around his neck and get a few good punches. But of course, I didn't.

This is not the point of the story.

I told friends about the incident. I had been the only one who'd heard him. When I told these friends they suggested it was better I didn't do anything because I would've gotten whooped up on. That was aggravating because well, even still I felt it was the thing to do.

And I still wish I had.

Still, this is not the point. Instead, the point is more to do with Tom Cruise. I'd like to physically assault that guy. It's funny that he got shot with a water pistol. Even though, this is wrong in all other regards. If I had a chance I'd have done it. Except I would have lived up to it.

I would have said, "I'm a jerk, but you're a poopy head."

Or maybe not, but I'm glad someone did. I don't get how he can be as rude as he is and never be without the defense of nearly everyone in the free world. It's not just women either, it's men too. Straight men, I might add. Even Dave Letterman is nice to him.

He's not charming, He's obnoxious. It's fact.

In the whole scheme of cosmic justice it would be of greater effect if I punched that quarterback. A guy has to know how to pick his battles. I probably should have confronted that guy but since I didn't these hotshot celebrities will always irritate me. This is actually a great way to deal with childhood cowardice.

I only have two more things to say.

Katie, all I can say is you should have stayed with Dawson.

And Tom, to use your words, put your manners back in.

Being Lazy is Only Fun When You're Living Off The Government

I haven't felt like blogging and I don't so much care to now. But I may as well.

I've been looking for employment. My mom asked how the search was going and I said, "still looking." She took a tone with me indicative of her suspicion that I haven't been looking.

Yeah, that would be pure genius. A married man who couldn't turn to his parents for any substantial financial help is just going to lay around like someone else is paying the bills. Or at least finding him a job.

My dad, on the other hand, asks if I'm just looking for church-related jobs. He says this as though he would smile favorably on that. Well, I've already answered this question. I've lost count how many times. I think it would be smarter to get a job and then get specific.

But what do I know?

At night we've been going through and compiling the best of my poetry for publication. We're almost done with this first step. I'll be submitting it in July. There are two publishers I am really interested in doing business with.

Tonight we're going to Centennial Park where the play movies for free. The main event this evening is Say Anything.

I've been laying around doing nothing for long enough. I need to get ready so I can go do more non-productive activity. Yeah, that's pure genius.

An Ideal Level of Self-Worth

Mistakes can be made
Plans can be changed
But the way you see yourself
Needs to be rearranged

I have my opinions
We study the presuppositions
Care for others doesn't go overlooked
This was not an observation

I say that guy doesn't like the things I do
Does that mean that I don't like you?

No, of course not
Because I'm still sitting here now
And I'm still writing

Please think of something more than yourself to doubt
You and I are simple, but you could have left me out

The way things go these days
I'm so sure of everything before it even happens
Maybe things could be different
I like life to work thriftily for me when God intends

You were more than a choice
Not just another flavor
Perceive yourself as someone who deemed what they wanted
Seeing your face as I do will help me to help you cherish our time with favor

About the Usage of the Phrase "Getting Krunk"

It seems like my breaks from day camp are filled with thoughts like this instead of the actual event of resting.