Another Year From Now, I Will Be Gone

This coming Friday, the kids from the Baptist College of Florida will be walking across the stage, and finishing their long haul that we identify as higher education. A year ago, I myself made that walk, only to be left with my intentions, ideologies, and ideas of how life was supposed work.

Out of college, money spent.
See no future, pay no rent.
All the money's gone, nowhere to go.
Any jobber got the sack,
Monday morning turning back.
Yellow lorry slow, nowhere to go.

The Beatles, You Never Give Me Your Money, from Abbey Road

Ironically, I can place myself into those lyrics and it serves as a reminder for me today. I went to college. I got an education. I paid for it (with the help of my parents, the government, and the nice loan people). I graduated with high expectations, only to be left with begging aspirations of finding any job that would hire me. I lived in government housing and didn't have to pay rent (woops, I still live here). And as the song would be sung, I had no where to go.

Now a year later, I find myself very tired, but very grateful for my path. It hit me last night that I was actually doing what I had intended 365 days ago. It took a little longer than I expected, but I praise God none the less for letting me get here. I've still got a long way to go, but I know that it's all worth it. Thank you God for helping me, even when I am unhelpable...

The Efficiency of A College-Level Education

Just the other day, I was watching kids week on Jeopardy. I must admit that I thought these children would be geniuses or something. However, I was shocked as to how well I was playing against them. There were a couple specific topics I didn't know much about. But, for the most part, I was doing good. Then it hit me. These kids are 10, 11, and 12. I am almost 24. They're not even in junior high/middle school. I am a college graduate. They are children playing on a game show. And I am watching this on my day off, playing at home, and this is my entertainment. My life knows no limits to despair...

No Taxation without Misrepresentation

all it takes is one word
or a train of thought misheard
for me to become suspect
for me to be under arrest
for me to be undressed
for all the world to see
that I got screws lose
and am a danger to society

little red flags go up in your mind
when someone tells you they were bullied in school
and are still miffed about it

what happened to the freedom
not to forgive
or the freedom to judge
I'm free to think what I want of you
you were born not to budge
I'm guilty, but not as charged
you drove my car off the barge
and said I couldn't drive
I never said I would take anyone's life
I can keep it between the lines
besides since when did they care
so much about it anyway?
this place is getting crowded
sacrifices should be made
shouldn't they?
will I be crucified for having a point
in a world where everything is pointless?

Cue Chariots of Fire Theme
I can't believe the news today: Blender magazine listed Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da as one of the 50 worst hits ever. This is so sad and disgusting that I'm not even giving the hyper-link. I don't want to make you cry and vomit.

They dissed Sounds of Silence too, but of course that makes more sense to me.

The title today is in reference to the fact that I am rounding the last lap of this college experience. Somebody pass me some Gatorade. On that note it has been really stinkin' hot today. Heat waves are a thing of the past, I'm having a heat stroke.

This afternoon I attended my last class session. Actually, I considered skipping but then decided to go for the sentiment of the occasion. I thought the conclusion of the day's class would feel more momentous, but alas I suppose I won't feel that til I waltz out of the last final.

And when I do that I've decided I want to have a discman and play loudly enough for everyone to hear, "School's Out!" by Alice Cooper. Jeff, can I borrow your copy of that? Please, big brother?

At Honor's Day Wednesday I showed up right on time dressed like I do every other day. I invited my dad and he said, "Well, yeah. I'd go if you're being honored." Of course I wasn't going to be. I think we all knew that. Still, sitting there in blue jeans, some random shirt and flip flops I worried "what if they call my name?" I didn't want them to and considered it nice when they didn't.

When Dr. Kinchen walked by at the end I could tell he didn't know I was up next week. I could just tell by the way he said "hi" in the exact same tone and manner as always. And that's fine you know, just that, He shoulda known better. Afterall, he is my president.

She may be a cheeseburger, but paradise she is not.
This may sound vain but I had to write the post when I thought of that title. Does anyone else ever find themselves doing that: Sitting here with the "Edit Your Blog" screen open, asking if you've anything worth writing and something that is, in your opinion, a cool title smacks you in the forehead and you insist the post must follow? Oh. So I guess it's just me.

Today for the first time I felt I was being pulled for and believed in by my professors. This afternoon I took some work by a professor whom I've never really known how to read. He seemed glad to me see me. He said with a smile, "You got something for me?" Why, of course I did. I'm too intimidated just to stop by and hang out. I'd told him I would soon return with more and he said, "great, great". I said confidently, "I'll be back" and left his office.

I felt, surely, his attitude was reflective of the others. It's like he was expecting, not merely hoping, that I'd be coming by. It's like I've been in this marathon (a popular analogy for college) and everyone knows that I have been lapped at least once by everyone else in the race. Actually, no one has seen or heard tale of me for awhile. It seems they might assume I pulled a "rabbit" and took a nap on the side of the road. It seems they'd think, "maybe next time." But the booming message seems to be, "we were expecting you." I am encouraged. And other prospective graduates, do not fret. If I am encouraged you should be also. You are being rooted for as well.

Since that last post I have only obliterated one item, the case study. However, I've been simultaneously working on four other assignments. Well, that is all for now dudes and dude-esses. I will see you when my to-do list is shorter.

Turn on the radio and get an earworm.

Vanity

So, I was in town yesterday. I was sitting at a stop light waiting to make a right turn on red. When to my unexpected surprise I noticed a guy enthusiastically singing in his car next to me. Even though the traffic was clear, I paused for a second to watch him rock his way through the song. The only thing I could help to think, and I actually said this out loud, "Is that what I look like when I sing in my car?"

Baby's First Words
Apparently, you are all in awe of me and the brilliance and bravery conveyed in the last post. Sit still. Everything is taken care of. When I wrote that I felt sure your only hope was to be optimistic for me. Now, on this bright new day, I re-evaluate the scenario. I realize that you know I can pull that to-do list off based on past experience. That's right. Time and again, I pull through for you. Dilligence, persistence and organizational skills may be skills I am lacking in here and there but let's not forget the rest of my street creds. And potential employers, et cetera ought to recognize.

This is in the bag. I've gotten the maximum number of hours to complete all assignments worked out. That magic number is 27. It could take more because my estimations are frail and human but I don't expect. So, I came up with this idea to stay up for the next 27 hours and get as much of it as possible complete. More than likely I will pass out; I've been running on 2 hours sleep a night recently. Since that last post I got the devotional, the debate and something minor finished. Put your smoker's jacket on and prepare to be impressed.

goodbye grandpa.

Famous Last Words

Friday afternoon I was sure, for a change, that I'd get a lot done during the weekend. It's Sunday and ,with barely anything to show for these three days, I'm mad at myself again. This seems to be the cycle every week and it is getting easier to hate myself. It's not that I get nothing done. It's not that I am totally irresponsible. Or it could be. Perspective is hard to come by right now. My goal here is to write an intensely honest post. I expect one of two things will happen as a result: If you care you may find yourself worried that I'm not going to pull through; If you are indifferent then maybe you can laugh at my folly. I have friends who can do both.

I'm not writing this to be assured. That's certainly not what I'm looking for. And if any of you have kept up with my writing understand this isn't the typical end of the semester blog of despair. I suppose it might seem so. I must insist that it isn't. Yes, we're down to the wire. Yes, I'm near despair. It'll take a hail mary touchdown and a sudden death victory to pull this one off. I'm not writing this to be slapped around or called an idiot. I call myself enough names. I've challenged myself to a playground duel afterschool on many occassion. Quite literally. I don't need your help to realize my state. It's not the worst ever. It certainly isn't the worst boat I've ever been in or the worst bed I never made. At the current time I just felt the need to take a lot of words to say something minor. And it took me a lot of words to say all of that.

This is blabber mostly. Of course, I'm not telling you anything new. Yawn. I find myself here at 1:14 after another unaccomplished weekend. The scenario is often similar to last week which played out something like this: I was proud of Donna for how relentlessly she had labored on a paper even sacrificing sleep. It was Friday and I thought she deserved some change of pace as an award. So I had this sweet idea of taking her to the matinee. We saw Envy and believe it or not, we liked it. Then, we realize some free rental coupon would expire the next day if we didn't use them. However, they were not in the car. So we then returned from Dothan, retrieved the coupon and went back. Between the drive and dinner and picking out the movies we got home after midnight.

So, at this point we felt we'd be disappointed if we didn't go ahead and watch one of the movies. Afterall, Friday was pretty much shot. At this point in time, I rationalize that Saturday will be the "big day". I think Jeff ended up coming over and we all hung out a little after the movie ended. I walk home between two and three. We had decided it would be better if we got plenty of sleep before getting started on everything. Upon waking up I call Donna and we then move to get lunch. After we finish eating we sit here in my house. Donna worked furiously like a little ant. I tried to give the appearance of work and mumbled despairingly painful remarks like "I hate myself" and "I hate my life." All the while I know I don't mean it. These are just the smartest expressions I can come up to express what I get to feeling is an unredeemable situation. I got another awful migraine and in my angst laid on my couch. Two hours later I awoke to find still none of my work had finished itself.

Then, as it usually goes, I get up and sit at the table. I'm quieter now than before. Now I realize my inability to say how I feel in constructive ways. Over the next few hours I manage to get merely a fraction of what I needed to get done. And then it's Sunday. Church takes half the day. The weekend is basically shot. I look forward in anticipation, aggravation and hope, longing for Monday to yield more product. I have a long to-do list, but it will all come together. We have to remember I've managed to pull bigger oxes out of bigger ditches. I know based on all of that that I got this one. I've made the joke that it would be unlike the true spirit of my college career if I didn't wait until the last week to get most everything in. It's a funny thought and it's even made me smile, but I wouldn't do this for the sake of humor.

For your bewilderment I present to you, My To-Do List:

TH302
2 Teaching Practicums
7 Doctrine and Prayer Projects(these take me about 30 minutes each)
1 Credo

LA450
Case Study/Case Study Analysis
2 Framework Interviews
Finish Extra Credit Book Review
Devotional

CE###
New Tolerance Book Review
Same-Sex Marriage Debate(over tomorrow)

LA320
Stewardship Lesson

PHI302
Love Your God...Book Review

These classes are in order of priority. Heck, I don't even have to have the last class. Not that that makes a huge difference. Anyway, I'll have most of this done by this upcoming Friday and all of it in by the following Monday, the first day of finals week. And if that weren't incredible enough I'll actually be proud of my work. Top that. Perhaps it seems I'm soon to eat my words or put my foot in my mouth...but who knows they might taste good.

It Must Be A Full Moon

At work, we have this joke that all the employees participate in. If the patients are "acting a fool" and all the units are in an uproar, we say that it must be a full moon. I guess for us this explains why the kids are showing out in numerous amounts. Maybe it's just because we can't control them. But, I mean, if all of them are off task, it must be something. I chuckle with hesitancy whenever I see a full moon. I'm starting to become superstitious...