Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting

Yeah, I know, it says Sunday. However, it's still Saturday to me. I've been writing pretty frequently lately. I'm not saying it's good; I'm just saying the frequency in which I have been writing is a speedy one. Also, I've been listening to a lot of new music. New to me at least. Hopefully, within the next week, I can have a list of the newest tunes I've been getting down to.

I got an interesting email the other day. Apparently, John Ladd, bass player and singer for the band 7-10 Split, read something I wrote about the band back in August (Nine Bands You Should Be Listening to). Somehow he stumbled upon us and in his words, read what I wrote "on some blog site." He said the next time they played my town, we could hang out. Haha, I'm honored. I went back through the archives and reread what I wrote. I was kind of embarrassed. I thought it sucked. Anyway, it was nice of him to write me. They have a new record out this coming June, so be sure to pick it up. Punk & metal mayhem guaranteed!

So, this weekend is my weekend off work. I spent it in pure recreation fashion with Chase and Donna. We headed over to Patricia Lanes in Dothan to bowl a couple of games and shoot some pool. I'm not bragging, but I had the highest score both games. A crappy 122 and 118 or something. We attempted a few games of pool after that because it was cheaper. I told Chase and Donna that I wasn't very good at pool. The first game, I practically ran the table. I only missed a few shots. They thought I was lying, but I proved my inconsistent suckiness because I scratched on the eight ball during the second game. Chase and I called it a tie on the third game. Then, we went to eat at Captain D's. I hadn't eaten there in a long time and that was good. After that, we stopped by Wal-Mart. All and all, it was quite a fun night with the future Mr and Mrs Livingston.

Tomorrow is going to be a day of nothingness I suppose. I'm going to try to get up and go to church, somewhere. I have to return some tapes and I'd like to stop by the flea market. We'll see what happens. I guess that's it for now. Check ya self before ya wreck ya self.

P.S. Those mailorder bride sites are real. A lot of Russian chicks, young and attractive mind you, apparently want to be married to young rich Americans. I think that's my dream too...

"I need the glow of your darling face. Accept this crown of love and live in grace. I need the colors painted in your mind. Your beauty and your brilliance--so hard to find. So don't walk away. Don't turn your back. If you leave today my whole world would turn black." MxPx, Don't Walk Away, Before Everything & After.

A New Game

Maybe I should thank you for breaking my heart
I quit speaking before I can even start

These playing fields for fights of war
Bombing spoiled grounds to unite us more

Nations separate because they’re scared to agree
Giving subtle hints that I am the enemy

But we’re talking about more than just you and me
I told you what it would be like to stop and see

The blazing splendor of stars and skies
Naïve to think you’d stop dreaming about other guys

Asking for more than just a committing word
A vow of love, nothing for you could be more absurd

Wishing for something more to feel
Wanting more than anything to know what is real

For your devotion, I would try to play the part
Because your face is already written on my heart

Calling All Pollocks!

Hey! I'm getting married. Last week I told the bride. This week I've told the best man, a groomsmen and a couple of the ushers just who they are and what they're responsibility entails.

And the winners are...

Bride: Donna Mullen

Best Man: Jeffrey Glen Watkins

Groomsmen (in alphabetical order):
Steve Aplin (brother-in-law)
Josh Livingston (brother)
Jared Allen Marczewski
Samuel Justin Mcleod

Ushers: Jamey & Todd Livingston (cousins)

We're planning the occassion for next January. That is not in stone, but with everything that we have going on, we could not possibly have this any sooner. I figure a year is fair amount of time for Donna to get used to this harsh reality.

So has anybody seen Jed? I wish I could tell him to his face, but he lives a few hours away. And I don't have a number to call. Occassionally, he is able to walk down to the Piggly Wiggly in town and call me by pay phone but I don't know when the next time that might happen is. I just figured I'd tell him via the blog. Oh...yeah...I can email. What an epiphany! Tis' true, that would be more personal. I don't have to worry about him finding out here first cause well, he gave up on this site a long time ago. Ha ha. He likes mine better.

In addition to all the excitement of being in love and engaged I am all set to gradiate in May. Me and my trusty advisor sat down and made sure I had everything taken care of. As if that weren't enough, I have a light semester too, which makes not graduating earlier (as I should have) worth it.

I know this isn't much but this is my life right now. I could tell you more, like about my new job as a disc jockey and how me and Jeff have our own screenplay in the works. Eat your heart out Justin. I could tell you more, but I won't, because I know you stopped reading back at the top of the post. You just couldn't wait to comment yourselves crazy. See, I know you all too well. And see even in this moment of my uncanny psychic ability I go unnoticed because you'll never finish reading this.

Anyway, catch you later.

An Unusual Day

Yesterday was a day of firsts for me, sort of. After having worked for a little bit now, I actually have some money. Well, after I paid this months bills, I went and got groceries. Yesterday was the first time I spent fifty dollars on groceries at one time. Really. Then, early this morning, around 6 AM, I woke up with terrible pain in my stomach and I threw up some of those groceries for about thirty minutes. I haven't thrown up in a long time and it sucked a lot. So, yesterday was kind of monumental, sort of.

Another Reason NOT To Vote For Howard Dean

If you've followed the campaign trail of the 2004 election remotely, you would have realized that Howard Dean cannot make up his mind about anything. On several occasions now, he has said one thing and at another time, said something completely opposite. In the south, it's conservative issues that take front. In the north, it's controversial issues that he cares about. I admit, he's true politician; he plays the crowds well. But, from this article in the Washington Post, you will see that Dean is just absurd. On the topic of same-sex marriages, Dean had this to say about God and gays:

"The overwhelming evidence is that there is very significant, substantial genetic component to it," Dean said in an interview Wednesday. "From a religious point of view, if God had thought homosexuality is a sin, he would not have created gay people."

Well, that solves my quandary. I'm voting for...

Read the whole debacle, I mean article here.

Enough With That Mushy Stuff

Now that Justin has quit To Whom and decided to move on with his life, maybe it's time for me to say goodbye as well...

Sike! Despite the lack of updates, I'm still keeping this ol' blog alive. Tomorrow is my 6th day in a row. I get Tuesday off, then I work Wednesday through Friday, and then I have the weekend off. I'm really looking forward to that. Not a lot has been going on. Listening to some new tunes, watching some newer movies, sleeping until 1:00 PM everyday. Ahh... this responsible adult stuff ain't so bad at all.

Some new poetry and significant writings later...

Wish You Were Here

The title of this post, incidentally, is the title of some great songs performed by some really great bands. Pink Floyd, Alice Cooper, and The Get Up Kids are just a few of them. Even some crappy bands will write a song and name it the same as the above title. In the vain of the talented and the not-so-good bands, I aim this post to be about a guy named Justin, who I wish could stay, if just for a little bit longer.

In case you wondering, Chase inspired this little diddy. For the record, as long as I've lived in Graceville, I have known of Justin McLeod. At first, this would be friendship was nothing more than a civil acquaintance; two guys who knew each other because we had mutual friends. At some point, Justin and I started talking and we haven't quit since. Now, I suppose, we will have to stop--that is until he can at least afford internet.

J-Mack (what I used to call him) and I had an interesting beginning. I don't remember the first time I ever met him, but I do remember the first time thinking, "This guy has an unhealthy obsession with Star Wars." Kevin Eaton (2nd semester roommate) and I were in Heartdance Music store in the Dothan Mall. We recognized this semi-clean shaven (pre-full-on beard) dude that went to our college. At the register, we struck up a conversation with him. We realized we all knew each other and proceeded to share opinions on our likes and dislikes in life. Kevin and Justin could find middle ground. Justin and Jeff could not. We both, I guess out of respect, wouldn't blast the other's loves or hates. Yet, it was that first day and certainly not that last that we would hear of his disdain for hardcore and my uneasiness with George Lucas. From that 'unbonding' conversation grew an almost five year friendship that will probably never be unboundable.

While we may have disagreed on movies and music, there was always one subject we could agree on; the ladies. We loved to hate girls. A very famous drive (no doubt skipping chapel) to Chipley later on that semester became the clincher of our tenure as friends. From that time on, we have always referred to each other as best friend. There's something nice about having someone recognize you by that title. So sweet in fact, that never having a best friend again means, you had the best friend you could ever have already.

Well, here's where I get lame folks. I said that heartstring-pulling, tear jerking bit above for effect. I know, I know, I'm gay. But still, it sounded good. I will probably have another best friend before the day I die. But, the truth be told, McLeod is one of the best guys I have ever known. I have been proud to unequivocally call him my best friend for the past year, even though, it's probably the least amount of time we've hung out. Justin is the kind of guy that will forgive you when you wrong him--like that minute even. Not always the quickest with a phone call, he usually was one of the quickest people I know to lend a hand. There is something reassuring about someone's faith when you see them strive to be more like Christ everyday. Justin McLeod said to me one time, "To no longer doubt means, you are no longer thinking." So true, as I am doubting why that guy is thinking of running off to Ocala. But, I am the fool because I am the one who had doubt to begin with.

Am I mad at Justin for leaving? Sure. Am I happier for Justin than anyone could ever know? Yeah. Just like Chase said, bittersweet man, bittersweet. Is losing someone you're not afraid to be yourself around scary? Certainly. Is saying goodbye to your best friend mean that you can no longer call him your best friend? Nah. There are certainly more petty things to worry about than the current status of a friend. So, I say it loud and I say it proud: Justin McLeod, he is a one of a kind guy who happens to also be my best bud.

It's hard to end this. It might seem to be a overkill or seem trite to someone who doesn't know this guy, but it all comes from my heart. From our constant days of differing opinions, to the consistency in our friendship. From the long rides, long talks, trips to movies, malls, houses, restaurants, skipping chapel to eat at IHOP, arguing, backbiting, blogging, IMing, emailing, calling, visiting, writing, praying, hanging out, sharing tobacco or alcohol, and all the many hours pining over the opposite sex, thanks Justin--you were a good friend. And to all the future events that time holds for us to interact in, I count myself lucky. May God be your light as you shine his love on this world...

"So damn lucky, that you went on ahead. You say, you say 'I'll see you later.'" -Dave Matthews Band

Can't Top That

I think we've been afraid to post on top of Justin's final blog. Out of both fear and reverence, of course. Jeff and I discussed this the other night. I wondered, momentarily, if Justin was pulling that retirement joke again. I trusted that he would not be so lame. The first time was funny. The second, well, that would just be playing with my emotions.

I started to use the word "bittersweet". Then contemplated if it were appropriate. I find it is. But that may not mean what you may think. Follow me. I've been friends with Justin "Beardhat" Mcleod almost since we met in the fall of 2000. Very early on I noticed how warm and accepting he was. He was also open-minded in all the right ways, like music and movies and things where opinions reign. He made me feel like, well, like I was cool. And like I was someone worth being friends with.

Over the next three some-odd years we had a lot of fun, laughs, as well as, meaningful open-hearted conversations. In this way, Justin has always been a Swiss Army knife kind of guy, you know, all purpose. We could go catch a movie or absorb an album of songs together on a car ride to Dothan. Or we could just as well fry up some hamburger helper and talk about girl troubles. His. Mine. Ours. You know the bit.

There was more to it than that, I guess I should say. We also talked about things like foreign policy and our own mortality. Mostly, we talked about matters of faith. That's where we were most alike and connected. We both desired a very real and personal faith. We couldn't settle for other people feeding us truth. We wanted to own it. He made me feel like I was deep. And like I had important things to say. Even if it wasn't true most of the time.

These paragraphs began as another post altogether. When I almost typed "bittersweet" I got to thinking and this is the result. I feel the same way about Justin quitting To Whom as I do about him leaving town. I don't necessarily like it or enjoy the fact, but I understand its the route he must take. And I'm happy for him. He's been wanting to leave for a long time. I've grown to understand the feeling. I hear you can be lost anywhere, but I think when its time to go its time to go. On that note, buddy, get going.

I have this fear that with Justin's official resignment that the site will fall apart soon after. I realize that he hasn't written as much as Jeff, but then again who does? But, we three started this thing together. Well, it was Justin's and he let us in on it. He also let me pretend I was an editor. Ha ha. Whether it falls apart or not, time will tell. What bothers me more is that this era of my life is drawing to a close. Justin, Graceville will miss you. Even if you never miss it at all.

I moved in with Justin this past summer. That lasted about three months.
It could have worked out, but it didn't. At the time I thought it was mostly his fault. He could have just as well blamed me. But knowing him, he probably didn't. I suppose it's human inclination to delegate the blame. That doesn't make it right. It wasn't like we got mad and stopped being friends. We just didn't hang out as much. And I hate that. I sincerely regret it.

But that doesn't make him any less my friend, or any less important in my life. He's moving to Ocala and I swear I'm not secretly applauding. It's just really started to hit me today. He's really going to do it. I'm kinda proud, I guess. It's bittersweet, you know. So that was what I wanted to write to you all today.

Stay Gold Beardhat, Stay Gold.

The First Post of The Year

That's an old joke that gets worn out fast.

Ahh... I'm sick. Just a cold I think. The 'icky' feeling is gone, now my nose is stopped up and I have a pressure headache. I'm tired and easily annoyed. I guess that's not a good combo when I work with very needy children who tend to annoy me.

Works going good. Stressful, but still good. They jumped me up to full time, so that is also great news. Someone asked me if I would be making more money now. I said, yeah, I'll be making more money because I'll be working more hours. I get benefits and vacation days now, so it is definitely worth it. This is my weekend off. My schedule now, I'll work every day 3PM-11PM except Wednesdays and I have to work every other weekend. So, maybe I can get my debt paid off at a faster rate now.

Chase, Mike Sutton (hopefully), and I will going to the mall tomorrow. I don't know why, but it feels like a big deal. Maybe I'll eat some Chick-Fil-A.

I think I'm too tired to type anymore. I just need to sleep. I've been writing some poems lately. Maybe something new will brandish this page soon. We'll see...

"It is the evening of the day. I sit and watch the children play. Smiling faces I can see, but not for me. I sit and watch as tears go by." The Rolling Stones, As Tears Go By, from December's Children (And Everybody's).