At The Least, Say Something Funny

It’s late Monday night for me. It’s not later than usual, but working 8 hours a day now is about to wear me out. I guess that’s because I was a bum for so long. As I exhale a sigh of relief, I’m very thankful that I do not have to work tomorrow. Give me a few weeks; I’ll get back into the routine of responsibility. I worked 3 PM-11 PM last night. I got up and made it back there by 9:30 AM for the last part of my orientation. Around 10:15 AM, a man asked me to go watch the little boy on our unit who has Downs Syndrome because the other tech had to go take another patient to a doctor run. I watched him sleep for about an hour. When the other tech that was working first shift got back with the other children from school (they attend school here too) it was there time for group and my time to go back to training. So, training let out by 12:30 PM and I swung by my Aunt’s house for lunch. Made it back to work my shift at 3 PM and I got off around 11:30 PM. It’s getting better, but my six kids are hellions! It’s still a learning process. I’m supposed to be shadowing, but I’m down there getting spit at, cussed at, hit, kicked, and everything else they can do to be defiant! I’m still getting used to it and the kids are getting used to me. I know it’ll get better. It’s getting better all the time...

P.S. Does anyone realize Christmas is 9 days away?

NOT-So-Typical Sunday

Exciting world news: We Caught Saddam! via Foxnews.com

In other, not-so-internationally-binding news, today is my first day on the unit floor with the kids. All last week, I was in orientation, but today and for the next two days, I will be shadowing another employee to learn the system. Pray for me. I work 2nd shift, 3-11.

The Future Is Already A Destiny

I can remember it like it was yesterday. I was in 6th grade. We folded the paper up and picked people we wanted to marry, cars we wanted to drive, where we wanted to live, et cetera. We were embarking on a journey that only time would prove. We were seeing our future before it ever even took place directly in our lives. We were playing MASH! I know, I know. It was a cheesy set up. But, you can play it online now (no paper cuts this time). Play it here. This is my future:

I will marry Melissa Bearden of North Carolina. I will drive a black Honda Accord. We will live in Hawaii while I'm working as a Mental Health Technician II. While there, we will have 2 kids. Oh yeah, we will be living in a shack. My future seems fun!

I Really Shouldn't Be So Friendly

Last night, I was in Wal-Mart looking for milk. A gentlemen near me, also looking at milk, made a comment about the outrageous price of this specific dairy product. I made a crack about how it might just be cheaper to buy a cow. That guy must have grew up on a farm because he then proceeded to tell me the process of the who, what, when, where, and why of cow milking. I stood there for about 5-10 minutes listening to this guy's exposition. I just said, "neat" and "cool". Must make mental note, don't make conversation with strangers who grew up on farms.

The First Day of The Rest of My Life

Today was my first day at Laurel Oaks Behavioral Health Center (formerly Ramsay Youth Services). It was great! Actually, this first 40 hours (all this week) will be training and orientation. So, that's definitely the easiest stuff. However, my first official 3 days of work will be shadowing other Mental Health Technicians on my unit floor. Then, I will be let loose. I'm apprehensive, but excited, and most certainly ready for a change. I will be on the coed children floor (mostly older children and pre-adolescents). God is so gracious and is looking after me while I get my feet wet. Thank goodness he is faithful because I am severely faithfully-challenged. G'night!

(In A) Sometimes Roundabout Way

Many things seem misplaced
Memories and stories
One by one
They all seem gone
I’ve been waiting for so long to move on
Vanity of my life
All the things that seem
Being more important than life
Trying to catch more wind than I can glean
Last summer flew by
This time I’m just trying to stay alive
Avoiding things that I fear
Being cliché doesn’t seem so insincere
Humility is a great medium
So is sorrow
I talk about heartache
But I know nothing
I’m the one who needs to be emptied
Facing myself
Ready to bleed
Excusing empathy
For a chance to succeed
Acclamations of self
Right to complement
Where I’ve been correct
In words or actions
Erroneous to deny
Where I’ve been wrong this time
I go round and round
Just to let you down
I seem proud
What a chance to look
As frail as my words are
My actions remain also
Down to my last cent
Space that seemed to revere
More of a lesson to mean
A condition I have never seen

Back to Blogging Regularly

In The News:

The Pope's Speedy Sainthood Process @ Christian History

What Chris Carrabba Is Currently Listening To @ MTV

FCC = Necessary, But Does FCC = Power Hungry? @ Tech News

A Humorous Story About A Real Incident @ Dallas Observer

Finally, A Win For The Consumer @ Fox News

A Good Read On Challenging The Alternative Life Style @ BP

Prince Could Be The Next JW At Your Door @ AZ Central

CDs, Labels, & Bands- See If You're Helping The RIAA

"You have to question the originality of your life when it can be captured perfectly in the lyrics of a rock song." From The Book Of Joe by Jonathan Trooper.

[Lack of] The Art of Communication

My family is notorious for speaking before thinking. I too, as my friends with undoubtedly admit, am guilty of it as well. I think humans in general do it constantly. However, my family sure does seem to make a hobby of this not-so-eloquent approach to communicating how they feel about something or someone.

The linage of my life in the ill-communicable Watkins family has a long standing history. I constantly posses traits that help me remember where I come from. If my facial-features and mannerisms aren't enough to give proof of what family I am a descendent of, than my bad habits would also indicate where my heritage lies for sure. Lack of communication is just one of these.

I suppose I could start just by blaming my parents. After all, they were the models for which I learned the good and the bad things. I learned to be sensitive, civil, selfless, polite, respectful, and to care for other people rather than just having concern for myself. Yet, I also learned about things like hypocrisy and making bad decisions--we all did didn’t we? I mean after all, our parents, relatives, and guardians were our whole world for the longest time. But, we cannot hold them guilty for their mistakes because we certainly commit our own faults each day. This touches me and helps me think on what I need to do. Not only as a Christian, but also as a citizen in the free world, I ought to strive to be accountable for my own actions; whether rewards or consequences are imminent.

While at home for Thanksgiving, I have realized more about my family in just a few short days than in recent years of observation. Not only does my family speak before thinking, but they have a hard time conveying just what they feel. It’s not that we can’t say, “I love you” or “what is bothering you?”. We just all seem to want to backbite before confronting each other when we have problems with one another.

This disposition that I was seemingly predisposed to is quite annoying. I can recount the younger days of past and see where this infraction in our daily lives has come into play quite frequently. I look back and think just about myself. I try to remember why I didn’t just tell my Dad I was upset with a decision he made. Instead, I would go cry to my Mom. The same for when my Dad is mad at me for something I’ve done. He now basically does the same thing I would do (without the crying). Why do we do this? I guess it just takes practice and a little heredity.

The avenue I must now pursue is the one of intention, rather than passing the blame. I really need to stand up and admit to my family, friends, and myself when I am the one in error. However, it won’t be easy if I change and see that my family is not on the same path. Maybe I can be more helpful and just ask someone if they are mad at me when they appear to be. This morning, my Dad wasn’t saying much. So, I just asked him if he was mad at me. He said he just had a lot on his mind and he would tell me if he was upset with me. It made me feel better to know how he really felt, instead of just playing the usual game of assumption. Maybe our world would be a better place if we would all just speak our minds a little more about things other than film, music, trends, or politics. Maybe if we would just be honest with each other. Perhaps that would help us learn to love and trust one another.

Somebody Say Something, Anything
Right now, the library is the most depressing place in the world. I'm tired of working toward a future I'm not even sure I want. Something keeps me here. I believe this is the place for me to be at this point in time. That doesn't mean I'm enjoying it. My all encompassing thought these days is the desire to pick up and skip town. The words on these pages spell out defeat, outloud and in defeaning. New frontiers call out to me. I want to go there to my home far away and stab a flag in the ground. This land may be your land, but the land far beyond the horizon is mine. I don't know where, but I'll know it when I get there. But I can't go yet. The people I can relate best to here, in this library, are all dead. If life doesn't soon get started I fear I may die. I've glanced pages ahead and well, I want to get out of the preface and into the actual text.

Waiting to live...