Off on a Food Run.
It is 5:15pm. I have just returned from the kitchen where I constructed myself a cheese sandwich.

Now what is there for me to write about? While I'm thinking let me go back to the kitchen. It seems I was so excited about the sandwich that I forgot my drink.

Alright. Here we go. I sip my lemonade. The empty wrapper of Grilled Cheese flavored crackers lays like desolation on top of a book. The binding of that book melted in the back of the car. The pages are loose like an early manuscript.

The other day I lost twenty bucks. Believe you me, I didn't forget it was gone. I didn't forget how valuable it was to me. Today I found that twenty. Andrew Jackson smiled bigger than he did last time I saw him. I smiled bigger too.

To me, having your picture on money seems insulting. It's the ultimate low. It's not a thing of honor. Everyone in the world is saying, "just wait'l I get my hands on you...I'm gonna use you!"

Hold still, I'm going back to the kitchen now. This time the treat shall be a peanut butter sandwich. We have grape jelly, but that would be too much involvement.

You ever notice how when your hungry, food is the only thing that can tidy you over. Like, we are short on food supply here and so I've been trying to eat a little and then entertain myself by writing. My stomach ain't falling for it.

As you may know, I sell books online. When checking my email I am occassionally overcome by fear. It's the fear of the angry customer emailing me with complaints. Lucky me, today I only got spam.

Ah, Spam. That sounds good. Of course, human flesh sounds good after you live on the streets long enough. Not that I know anything about that.

All this talk about food is making me hungrier. So, I am summoned to the kitchen once more. Aha, I am back. Now I've the greatest snack of all...Bread and Barbecue Sauce. Two Slices Too!!!

One time I watched this movie about this kid who had to fend for himself during the great depression. He had no food or money and I guess shoplifting didn't occur to him. So to tease himself he cut pictures of food out of magazines. Then, he psyched himself up and dug in. That's always scared me. I mean, I can't stand the idea of a papercut in my throat.

Well, I can't figure out what to say. My gut is doing enough talking. The sandwiches weren't cutting it and now the bread is gone. So, I'm going to hussle on down to the Subway in town. Just like Jared!

Bye-Bye...

A Quote Worthy Thought

"Finding lost friends is like finding ten dollars behind your bed—you didn’t miss it, until you realized it was gone." -- Me

The Friday Five

1. Do you remember your first best friend? Who was it?

I do have a recollection of who it was. His name may have been Ben (that's funny). I have a picture from when I was in preschool. Ben, myself, and two other unknown boys are standing at the top of the fort on my church's playground. We are standing, looking "tough" and of course, I have my arms cross like I'm saying, "Uh jigga, what?"

2. Are you still in touch with this person?

Not at all and I can't even remember his last name. Oh, I just remembered, it's Huff.

3. Do you have a current close friend?

Yes, I've got a few. I always got annoyed at people who had twenty-seven best friends. I thought, even at a younger age, best indicated the greatest and you could only have one or two. I'm sure there are rules. But, for the sake of this site, I'll say that Justin is my closet friend. Justin is the closest because I've known him my whole adult life, plus a couple of years before my newfound responsibilities. I've just been a closer friend to him longer. Let's see, I have other close friends (not in any particular order): Nick, Bryan, Thomas, Tara, Wyatt, Annie, Ariel, Teresa, Bethany, Chase, Stephanie, Lori, Jeremy G., Jeremy C., Greg, etc.

4. How did you become friends with this person?

The story of our first encounter is funny. He was a pretty clean-cut guy, but he had a goatee, and at our school, facial hair is symbolic for rebellion (not really). He worked at a Christian music store and this place had the best selection of faith inspired punk and hardcore I had ever seen. One day, my good friend (at the time), Kevin and I had gone there. Kevin and I realized Justin went to our school, so we talked to him. It was a good conversation at first. But, then Kevin and him started sharing their undying affections for "The Force", George Lucas, and the whole Star Wars religion, which I didn't understand then and still don’t. Then, he started blatantly and outlandishly criticizing punk and hardcore music, citing it as "loud noise" (that may have been an overstatement). At first, the friendship looked as though it could have never existed. However, just both being on campus a lot and hanging out with some mutual friends, we eventually set our differences behind us and became friends. And to this day, Justin likes punk and hardcore more than he did before and as for Star Wars and me, well, he hasn't had any influence in that department.

5. Is there a friend from your past that you wish you were still in contact with?

Yeah, there are a few. You know, just good friendships that faded out for whatever reason. I'll say this, because of the downfall of a lot of friendships (with girls especially), I've written some of my best poetry and songs, to the tune of our failed relationship(s). So, if those are worth it, than I'd say the loss of friendship was too. But, I'd still give back some of those songs for some of those good old friends.

One of The Cheapest Posts To Ever Grace The Pages of This Site. In Fact, This Is Lower Than The Time I Posted My Really Long Sociology Paper. Moreover, I Should Be Shot For This.

I went to bed and tomorrow I will get up...

One Week Tomorrow (So Impossibly Tired)

I have not done much with the days as of late. I stay up until 6 AM and then I do not get up until 2 or 3 PM. I know, but it's nice. I'm trusting that the Lord is taking care of my job situation. I had my interview last week at Sunland. They said it would take two weeks to hear something (they said that about the interview and it took two and a half weeks). Tomorrow marks one week after my interview. I'm really praying about this, but the bills just keep piling up. I try to have faith that God will provide. Because I've done something about my situation and not just sat around. I've filled out applications. I've gone to interviews. I'm sure I could have done more, but I know I did not do the least possible. I'm sure that is not the right way to look at it. That verse that talks about God taking care of the birds in the sky and if He takes care of them, how much more will he provide for us? That's reassurance right there. Anyway, I'm really stinkin' tired. I think I'm going to sleep. I need to get up, somewhat earlier tomorrow than every other day. I know I should be enjoying this no job stuff, but I cannot feel good about myself when I’m not employed. Of course, when I finally get a job it will be a relief. Then, after a week or so of working, I will surely be wining everyday about how much my job sucks. Haha, I'm a walking conundrum. G'night!

"When I wake up early in the morning. Lift my head, I'm still yawning. When I'm in the middle of a dream. Stay in bed. Float upstream. Please don't wake me, no don't shake me, leave me where I am. I'm only sleeping. Everybody seems to think I'm lazy. I don't mind, I think they're crazy." I'm Only Sleeping by The Beatles from the album, Revolver.

An Article

I took the night off from my usual activities (not really, this is my usual activites) and just sat at home and played on the computer. I came across an article by Dr. William Estep on Southern Baptist Heritage and the whole Calvinism debacle. Some pretty good information, mostly just historical things I did not know. Of course, I do not agree with everything he says regarding those who adhere those doctrines, but it is an interesting read nonetheless:

"This newfound fascination with Calvin and the system of theology that bears his name is both intriguing and puzzling, since most of the ardent advocates of this movement have only a slight knowledge of Calvin or his system as set forth in the Institutes of the Christian Religion. They simply borrow that which they assume to be both biblical and baptistic without adequate research."

Good news, if anyone who reads this and knows of a guy named Johnny Peace, question no more. He is very alive and back in town. I saw him with my own eyes. Good night Graceville!

Anti-Everything

A year ago today, I was a bit more patriotic, just as naive about some things, and maybe a tad bit lighter. However, I wrote this last 4th and I still believe most of it. Living in America and pursuing things such as justice, happiness, liberty, and freedom is a privilege. To live in a place where, at the cost of other's lives, I can live my own life, conform to the image that I desire, and live out my dreams is breathtaking. That's either suicide or something along the lines of complete and utter graciousness. Anyway, here are my thoughts:

Independence Day is now upon us. It's July the 4th and we're celebrating America's Independence from England. In this day and age, it’s ironic the way we celebrate. I understand that with every celebration, there is going to be a party. The irony is that a lot of people just use this day off from work as a way to get drunk, do nothing but eat, and use their money on or watching pyrotechnics. Don't get me wrong, I love to do my share of eating and I even bought some fireworks, but I think there is also a level of reverence that comes or should come along with celebrating this day. I am certainly guilty of this myself, but along with my newfound adulthood, I have come to grips with the understanding that there were and still are a lot of sacrifices for me that I have never really thought about before. In this understanding, I believe that I and everyone else should exercise a certain amount of reflection when thinking about today. There is also a level of reverence that one must or should have when celebrating the 226 years of our nation’s freedom. I would challenge everyone that today would be the day that they think about all the sacrifices that were made on their behalf. Think about all the people that died for you and me that never met us, but selflessly sacrificed their own lives for our sake and the sake of this great land. Kind of like the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for us all by sacrificing his life for ours so that we may live eternally with Him and the Father in paradise. Don't take today for granted and live in vain, but live and reflect in memory for all the men and women that died for our freedoms, liberties, and for our great country.

Chatting It Up

Have you ever broken any bones?
No, do muscles count?
Broken hearts are countless.
Many more for people who are sincere

Long runs, long sighs, and even greater expectations

Left alone for you to see
Left alone to just, be
Why don’t you want to know me?

Walk by, rapidly to flee away
I’m used to girls leaving in time
To escape me before falling

We ask questions like, “What is love?”
Then surprised when the response has nothing to do with God

Desolate creatures mistaken for popular people
Healing—the renovation of mistaken feelings

Don’t you wish you could get back the talks?

Fake and plastic; a critique of your idols

The things you stand for
Why is what I like such a bore?

Another day drifts by
I have to struggle to not want to get high

Above all else, failure draws near
What is it that you fear?
Living meek; no expenses, clothes, or cars

Anything to hold back

Whatever you wish to hide

Drunken states, I don’t know how to hold on
Escapades that reveal the true meaning
Confusing me solely, please just let me go

What is the one thing you cannot live without?

Hope

The Bottom Head On A Very Large Totem Pole

Greetings! You know, for as much as I am not doing, I should really be writing more. And, I am actually. As far as poetry and songs go anyway. I’m doing a bit of reading too. I’m going to have a list of books to post by the end of the summer as my own recommendations for folks to read, so if you can hold your breath, please don’t, because it won’t be impressive at all.

Today has been another one of those fulfilled-adventure-without-employment days. As exciting as they sound, I’m really dragging the lake so to speak. And if possible, as unpromising as that would appear, I did have an actual interview at that place Sunland. Remember, I talked about it on or around the first of June. It took them ‘til two Thursdays ago to send a letter in the mail. It was actually pretty scary considering this is the first fulltime job where I wasn’t working for the same company that my Mom was. It would be a real fulltime job, which at this point, seems like catching a shooting star or love at first sight. Yes, that is how poor I am. I think I did good, I had to answer a bunch of "What would you do" and "What does this mean to you" type of questions. The interviewers were, what will be (if I get the job) my main supervisor, my shift supervisor, and another lady, whom I cannot remember what her job is. Overall, they were very cold and rather impersonal, which wrought fear at first. However, knowing that it is a state job, I know they do tons of interviews, and they cannot be biased either way—good or bad. So, now I wait. I will definitely let everyone know what comes about.

Also, I know I said the links would be back up and I thought they would. However, they are not. Therefore, I am taking matters into my own hands. If you would like to be added to the site again, please email me (incase I cannot find the old ones) at: rebelyouth4life [at] yahoo.com and give me the link. That’s it for me. I will return with another quick quandary quip tomorrow.

"Well, you wonder why I always dress in black. Why you never see bright colors on my back. And why does my appearance seem to have a somber tone. Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on. I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down, livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town. I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime, but is there because he's a victim of the times. I wear the black for those who never read, or listened to the words that Jesus said." Man In Black by Johnny Cash, from the album A Man In Black.