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Future Tense Accomplishments
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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

I just got back a couple of days ago from a five day trip to pensacola. This trip was for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. It was also probably the last time I will see my uncle Dade alive. My mother had 6 siblings. My uncle Michael died before I was born, which is why my name is not Jared.
It was good seeing everyone all at once in one place. It was also good to share the celebration of my grandparents 50th together.
But there was this constant problem of the men in the family not talking about it, at all, and the women trying to talk about it alot.
My family, on my mother's side, is known for dangerous antics at least when they were younger. It's just all good fun, usually.
There is also a family tradition for the Molchanoff. This tradition is the youngest of the clan gets picked on by everyone in age above them. Michael picked on Dade, Michael and Dade picked on Tim. Michael, Dade, and Tim picked on Joe. ex cetera excetera .For example, my uncle matt, being the youngest of the bunch, got picked on alot. And also, by picked on I mean was made into a human kite with wood and a sail boat sail, in hurricane force winds. This was when Matt was at the ripe old age of 5.
I arguably had it the worst. That is because Matt didn't have anyone to antagonize. They had run out of brothers. Alas, Debbie has a son! Hence, the beginning of my tortured youth.
When I was 5, they forced me to watch Steven King's It. And then Matt dressed up in a full blown clown suit and chased me around the backyard with an axe. All the while my uncle Larry was video taping. My mother thought I had an overactice imagination and I made up the clown. She saw the video a year ago and was angry at them and heartily apologized.
I'm writing about this because I was finally accepted as a Molchanoff Man the trip before last and was treated like it by all this last trip. This miraculous event transpired as I told them a story about the first time I saw snow.
I was on a youth group ski trip. I skipped ski school, because skiing is just sliding, with funny shoes on. Or so I thought.
Anyone who has ever seen Bambi will better understand my plight. Picture the scene in Bambi when Bambi and Thumper are playing on the lake that is covered in ice. Remember when Thumper slides across the ice and POOFS right through a mound of snow?
As soon as I picked up some pretty good speed, I saw a HUGE mound of snow. I , being stupid, thought....POOF!
I skiied (did I type that right? I have no idea) straight at the mound.
Bambi is a LIAR.
It wasn't snow, it was ice. And it was only one inch thick.
That makes it sound better doesn't it? Well, its not. The ice was shielding the boulder which lay behind.
It really hurt.
It was this story that reminded Dade, Tim, Matt, Joe, Larry, of their lost youth and officially made me a Molchanoff Man.

posted by Mike at 2:34 PM

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