Sorry This is Not a Christmas Post
Tonight (or this morning I should say) I realized that I am a flithy sinner. I mean I have always been face to face with my human nature and the fact that I sinned, but I never truly saw my sin as God sees it until tonight. My viewpoint on sin has always remained the same, and that is that no sin is greater than the other. In other words, gossiping is just as bad as killing someone. But now I can see things somewhat as God may look at it, and then I get grossed out. There are countless things that I have done in my life, both in the past and as recently as today, that I would do anything to have erased from my memory. I just never realized how badly I struggled with sin. Maybe I put it out of my mind, and just went on with life at some point. Then out of nowhere here comes the realization that my sin is damning me to my own personal hell. So this post is thereputic and is enabling me to climb out of the pile of shit ( pardon the word usage) that I somehow fell into. God is so awesome, and so forgiving. He has sent the demons of Fear, Lust, Worry and Doubt back to hell where they came from, and I feel so much better now. My God transcends my problems and my sins, and I am somehow made a better man in the process, which blows my mind. I posted this on a message board tonight, and I wanted to share it with everyone here.
God is bigger than me. He can take an ungrateful, unfaithful man and somehow use him to impact others. I will never begin to understand how or why He has even bothored to use me. I am such a whore when it comes to serving God. I am constantly asking forgiveness for something stupid I have done, and I am always wondering how my life got so crazy at the same time. Yet God still comes through and brings me to a place I never thought I could be....back in His arms. So God is really big, and He is beyond our wildest dreams.
On a side note, the board changed the word "whore" to the word "sleeper", which in my eyes, totally changed the context of what I was trying to express. So now its here raw and uncensored! (Its my site, I can say whatever I want).
In all seriousness, this post was my pouring out my heart into my diary (which you guys get to read). I kept all the gory details of my screw ups in life out of the post since I felt there is no need for specifics. Just continue to pray for me that God will continue to grow me, and that I will be a better steward of His blessings. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, and that Christ is honored in this holiday season.
........in His hands.....
posted by Justin at 2:38 AM